IDENTITY CRISIS

*Heather Martin*

Disclaimer- I do NOT own Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is a story with characters created by Joss Whedon. I am only borrowing them.

Spoilers- This will have many spoilers. It occurs after Wrecked, and will refer to everything before that also. But mostly, Fool for Love.

Summary- A spell has a far greater impact than Willow or Spike counted on. The vampire is split into two separate embodiments: the demon and William. But there's still Spike, who has to decide who he really is, the demon or the man. And time is running out.

"Poor Spikey! Can't be a human, can't be a vampire." ~Wrecked

But what if he had a choice?

Chapter 10- You Make Me Who I Am

Willow arrived home to find it empty. Normally it would be natural, but where could William and Spike have gone? Buffy might have taken William out. Spike, however, was not doing so well the last time she saw him. He was in no condition to leave.

The phone rang. Willow quickly answered it. "Summers residence," she said.

"Willow?"

Surprise came over her. "Angel, is that you?"

"Yeah. Is Buffy there?"

"Sorry, no. Everybody is gone."

"Fabulous. Spike must have went after her." There was a pause. "Unless he was lying and still wants to kill her. He might have. . ."

"He was telling the truth," Willow defended her sort-of-friend. "He has a chip now, can't hurt anybody."

"I would ask more questions, but time is at stake here."

"Ok. How do you know Buffy is in danger?"

"Cordelia saw Buffy in a vision. She was in a warehouse with some vampire. I called to tell you guys, but Spike was the only one there. He went off to be the hero. But that was hours ago," he told her.

"This doesn't sound good. I better get the others and search for them. William is missing too."

"What is it with this William? He picked up before. I was sure it was Spike."

"Um, that's a long story."

"You don't have time to tell it."

"Where is the location of this warehouse?"

He sighed. "I don't know."

"I guess we'll start with all the ones we know of."

"Sounds like the best plan. Keep me posted."

"Bye, Angel."

Willow hung up. Then she raised the phone again to dial Xander's number.

+++++++++

Spike moaned. He groggily sat up. A pounding headache split through his temple. He felt like hell.

"Spike!"

His head tilted to Buffy. "Are you okay?" he choked.

"Yeah, peachy." She laughed. Then she became serious. "I didn't lose much."

He stumbled to his feet, and came near. He examined the wound. It was already healing slightly, to his relief. He reached up, fumbling with the chains. Being released, she fell into his arms. He held her to him. The feel of her was pure ecstasy at that moment.

She cried. Stroking her hair, he murmured, "There, pet, everythings all right."

Her hand ran up and down his chest. Water still stung her vision. Her hand suddenly stilled.

Buffy met his eyes. Hers were filled with wonderment. "Spike, your heart is beating."

For a long time he couldn't react. His brain wouldn't process the information.

Buffy touched his face. "You're warm," she observed.

Spike drew away. He shook his head. "This shouldn't be bloody happening!"

She seemed confused.

"I . . . I can feel the demon in me, it's there. I should be a blood-sucking fiend." He sat down on the floor. His head settled in his hands. "It should have gone away."

Buffy knelt, wrapping her arms around him. He was trembling.

"I don't know how to be a human, Buffy," he confessed.

She took a long breath. "We can learn. . . Together."

++++++++

The gang found Spike's motorcycle outside. They barged in, finding the couple in an embrace.

"What the hell happened here?" Xander asked. He glared at Spike.

Willow showed great concern. "Buffy, are you all right?"

The questions bombarded her. She never moved. "I just want to go home," she expressed.

Buffy helped Spike to stand. They began to walk toward the door.

"Let's let them go home and boink. We can do the same, Xander," Anya commented. She grinned at her fiancé.

"An! I don't think they're. . ." He frowned. "I hope they aren't."

Spike shielded his eyes from the glare. Then he cautiously looked upward. The sky was partly-sunny overhead. He stared in awe.

Their friends arrived behind them. They gaped at the scene.

"Why isn't dead-boy burning up?" Xander wanted to know.

Buffy's fingers interlocked with Spike's. "We're not sure exactly."

"What happened in there?" Willow inquired.

"We'll tell you at my house."

++++++++

It took a while for the scoobies to absorb what happened. Willow took the position of finding out why Spike was a human, but with a demon. She felt like it was her responsibility to do so, considering it was her fault that he had gotten into this mess.

And as she read through Theories of the Udead, it all made sense.

"I think I know what happened," she said.

Buffy and Spike raised their heads. They were at the magic shop, one day after the ordeal.

"Explain away," Buffy told her.

Spike nodded in agreement.

Willow became excited. "Vampires are humans controlled by a demon. The demon takes over, dominating the actions."

Spike was skeptical. "Are you saying us vamps have souls?"

The red-head bit her lip. "Yeah. But it is hidden, unable to effect the personality."

"How do you know this is right, Red?"

She shrugged, and then laughed. I don't."

"Got to say, it sound reasonable," Buffy commented.

Spike raised an eye-brow. "What about Angel?"

"Think about it. The curse brought his soul to the surface," Willow replied.

A smirk came to Spike's lips. "This is actually beginning to convince me."

"Listen, Spike, you were different. The chip evened out your halfs, human and demon. Your human side, William, played as much a role as your demon."

"What about now?"

Willow smiled. "Your human dominates."

He had been afraid of that. "So, am I a big poofter afterall?"

Buffy touched his knee. "You're still bad, the demons there. You are just not the 'Big' bad, cuz you are 'mostly' good."

Spike groaned. "That's bloody great, slayer."

"But it is. Think of how much more time we can spend together now. We have a twenty-four hours schedule."

He couldn't help but chuckle at that.

+++++++

Spike had finished it. And he was scared. What if she laughed right in his face? What if she lied and said it was good, when it was rot?

Okay, he had to go through with this. Something inside him said he had to. Damn it, if it was his soul talking. . .

Spike led Buffy to the couch. She sat next to him, looking expectantly at him.

His hand shook and he drew out the piece of paper from his duster. "I uh. . . I um, wrote you something."

Her eyes widened in surprise. Then they were normal again, but with extra sparkle. She took the paper.

"They're only words pet, if they aren't good. . ."

She shushed him, and read his poem.

I was lost in the shadows

Whole, but knew not what I am

I searched, but the path was unclear

But then you came

Your sunshine lit my way

You make me who I am

Buffy met his gaze. He was waiting nervously for her reaction.

The work wasn't a masterpiece. But it squeezed her heart just the same. The words expressed his feelings for her.

Her voice was soft. "I feel the same way."

He let out a sigh of relief. A smile crept to his mouth.

"Are you sure you aren't becoming a poofter?" she teased.

He grinned. He growled, swooping her into his arms. "I still have the demon in me."

She giggled. "Really?"

"Yeh. Need proof?"

"Most definitely," she stated.

Spike carried his slayer upstairs, to show her just how evil he could be.

The End

__________________________________________________________

Well, there you have it. Except for that epilogue. If you would like to read that go to my website (http://giftedshadows.cjb.net). Beware that it does have some sexual context.

I meant for the poem to be better. Sorry about that, but when I actually went to type it, nothing came out right. *sigh* I hope it isn't too bad. But William was the bloody 'awful' poet, afterall.

Hope my whole explanation on Spike being human and having a demon made sense. And I hope it wasn't that abrupt.