Chapter 17: What The?
Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: Italics mean thought communication. Like what Galadriel uses in the films.

Xana's black eyes looked around. Finally, that idiot, Mikeala, had taken all the girls out of the room.

Now, she could hatch her plan for revenge... the puny part of her mind that had remained its original owner had laughed and made a joke about needing a box with the infinity symbol on it. That was shut down quickly like always. This body was hers!
No one, not even the elves, would be wiser.

She woke up, cold and shivering on a street...
Darling Street...
In Dubbo,
WHAT THE?! She thought as she hailed a taxi to make her way home. When she arrived, she wasn't surprised to find the lights still on, letting herself in she called
"Hey mum! How the hell am I back in Valinor?"she asked pulling her brown hair out of her grey eyes
"Oh Shit!" Was Celebrain's reply as three other elves stood up
"Xana?" Erestor asked, brown hair pulled back in traditional braids as he moved to great her
"Hey, 'Dan and 'Ro, said that they miss you." She said hugging him. Even though he wasn't her father, he still raised her as his own
"Xa? Sis?" Finn asked looking stunned. He still had his hair pulled back in a ponytail at the nape of his neck
"Yep, good old me!" she exclaimed as she hugged him
"What happened Xana? How come you're back?" Asked Finn as he held her at arm's length to make sure that it was his 'sister'
"Well, the Valor decided to be real arseholes and realise that I still had human blood, so they changed it. And then while that was happening, I had glimpses of a guy dressed head to toe in black, I nicknamed him the Grim Reaper." Xana said holding her head in her hands, even the thought of what had happened was enough to make her head hurt
"Sweetie, take my seat," Celebrain said standing "I need to make a call."
"So, you're the elleth that captured my son's heart?" Another blonde elf said, looking at Xana, "Celebrain, I didn't know she was yours!" she added, soft hazel eyes filled with laughter and love, just like Legolas' when he was with her
"Xana, this is Luthien. She's Legolas' mother." Erestor said, taking a sip of his coffee
"Well Met, Your Highness." Xana said making the usual gesture
"I have never been called 'Queen' except on extremely important occasions." Luthien said smiling, "So tell us all about Arda." she added, it had been many years, her son would be getting towards 1000 soon, he would be 911 in the spring
"Well, when my friends and I were quite literally thrown into Arda, we were at the boarders of Lorién..." Xana recounted, leaving out the parts where she had wielded fire and saved Haldir from death
"I can see why my son loves you so deeply. You are a people's warrior lady. If he ever asks you to marry him, I would be very pleased to be able to call you daughter-in-law." Luthien said as Celebraín got back from placing the very important phone calls. There were cars already coming up the drive
"Who did you call, mum?" Xana asked as multiple cars started to pull up
"Family and people we need to help us understand the situation." Celebraín said, looking nervous
"Well, I can tell you that we're up shit creek without a paddle." Xana said smiling, pulling some of her hair back behind her ears. "Well, bugger me!" she exclaimed feeling for the tips
"What?" asked Finn, as he arrived back with some food so the visitors could eat
"I've got my human ears!" Xana exclaimed, looking up at Finn, "Great. I'm human again!" she huffed, trying to look at the green curtains in the living room, they were invisible
"Is that bad?" Luthien asked, confused
"Yes, I can't see anything green, and I ran out of correctional contacts before we left for Arda." Xana replied as she grabbed her glasses from a pile of stuff that she had left in her school bag
"Which is ironic really, because green is her favourite colour." Erestor added as he went to greet those who had arrived
"MUM, DAD, MITHRINDIR!" Celebraín yelled, greeting each one as they walked up the stairs to the front door. All of them looked somewhat normal in the clothes they had in Valinor
"Peace, Celebraín. Where is Xana?" Galadriel asked as she walked in the door
"At the kitchen table..." Celebraín started as Xana ran around a corner to greet them, "No, she's here."
"MUM! I'm in my human body!" Xana yelled, waving her hands in front of her glasses, before continuing on to her room to retrieve some very important books
"Which means whoever did this is powerful enough to throw people out of their true forms." Gandalf said
"One of the Valor?" Celebron asked
"I wouldn't think so..." Finn said, trying to think who would be powerful enough to do that
"OH, FUCK ME!" Came Xana's shout from the other end of the house, as she started to stomp back to where the adults were "I refuse to let Melkor throw me out of my body!" she stated throwing her illustrated guide to Tolkien's world on the table, open on Melkor. And it matched exactly what she had said before, dressed head to toe in black
"It is as I feared..." Gandalf said sadly, looking up at the rest of the people at the table
"So, you're saying that my son is being led on about who he's loving?" Luthien demanded
"Yes-" Gandalf started before he was cut off
"And the person he thinks is Xana is actually a-"
"If we have been deceived all this time, who knows what else he has been able to do?" Asked Celebron, over most of the noise calming everyone instantly
"Granddad, the fear if a name only increases the fear itself." Xana said quietly, feeling that the fate of the world was being decided without her
"I agree with Xanabell. He has a name and we shall use it." Galadriel said, placing a knowing hand on Xana's shoulder. Do not be afraid, Xana. We will fix this, and you will help us. Go get the Miner and Oak family, that live on the next property. Then place an event on Facebook, write it in Quenya. Her grandmother said in her head, looking directly in her eyes,
Okay, Nan! Xana replied leaving the table
Where are you sending her Galadriel? Gandalf asked, receiving a smile in response
To gather the company and everyone else. She is the reincarnation of Túrin. She must return, if he is to be defeated. And if I'm not mistaken, fulfil her promises to a young half-dwarf, half-elf child. Galadriel thought, before severing the connection
"So, how are we going to get back?" Luthien asked
"Well, we got to Middle Earth by playing Fellowship of the Ring on a blank screen..." Xana started, looking up at the faces looking back at her "But Peter Jackson never even filmed anything to do with the Silmarils. We can't get back." She finished sadly
"Wrong, There and Back again came out while you were away, and we took the liberty to buy it, just to keep up appearances. The post credit's scene lets the audience glimpse at two of those blasted jewels." Erestor said, smiling
"I'm watching that before we go back!" Xana yelled, determined to see the series finished
"And you will. We will watch the movie and then rewind to the scene, while the TV's off." Celebraín replied, motioning for Finn to get the dvd
"Great, we'll watch the movie now, get the others and then get the hell back to Middle Earth!" Xana said firing up the I-pad, loading facebook and throwing it to Finn, "Write an invite to the world in Quenya, tell them we're going home, then maybe we should repeat it in Khazdul." She continued running off with some car keys, most likely the keys to the mini-van, which was only used to get large groups from A to B, mostly rugby teams. Perfect for a company of 12 dwarfs.

Celebraín and the others were quickly packing their bags. Glorfindel already had 5 hits on facebook, the message only being put up 3 minutes ago. Everyone here had always thought that this day would come, but not this soon
"From what Xana told me about my husband, he was a real arsehole to her when they first met..." Luthien said, handing her friend some blankets
"Did she tell you the reason?" Celebraín asked, wondering if Xana had told Luthien that she could wield fire
"No, she didn't. But I'm sure that was due to the fact that she was from Valinor." Luthien replied
"It wasn't" Celebraín stated
"What made him act like that then?"
"The fire. Xana can wield fire. She couldn't here, but there, she became very powerful." Celebraín started
"She can wield fire?" Luthien asked astounded
"She couldn't when she was here, I don't think she can at the moment, either. But according to mother, she could wield it very easily." Celebraín said, packing a bag of food
"Did you always know?" Luthien asked. Powers amongst the Eldar were incredibly rare, even more so than children.

"Do you remember when I took Legolas to Rivendell as a babe? And how excited he was to see that he wouldn't be the youngest amongst the elves anymore?" Luthien said, remembering
"Yes, and you knew that they were eventually going to end up together." Celebraín added, laughing. Legolas' little face had lit up when he had seen her slightly rounded stomach. It was almost like he knew that the one inside was his other half
"Well, I couldn't help it! He was so young, and innocent!" Luthien responded, throwing a bag at her friend. That had been the reason she had visited Rivendell. And she had taken Legolas so that he could meet other elves around his age. At that point in time, it had been Arwen.

Celebraín grabbed her side. Where the orc had hit her;
"Your wound still ails you every now and again, doesn't it?" Luthien asked, knowing what her friend had gone through
"Yes, it is healed, but it does hurt occasionally. You do know where the orcs slashed me?" Celebraín asked
"No, Elrond never said... not even when I was brought in with my own wounds..."
"Across my womb. Xana should have died, but she kept on living. When I woke up in Rivendell, the first thing I asked Elrond was 'Is my child alive?' I cared for my own safety or health. The horse must have pulled back at the last minute, saving my child." Celebraín said, lifting the hem of her top, just enough to reveal a faint scar
"The horse, what happened to it?" Luthien asked
"It lived. She was also carrying her own child. That horse is the reason why my child is still alive. And I thanked her by raising her own child, Beauty." Celebraín smiled. And Beauty had saved Xana's life on more than one occasion
"I never would have thought that Xana's horse was the daughter of the one that saved you!"
"She did, and I am forever in her debt."
"Well, when we get back, I'm going to give my royal husband a royal tanning for treating your daughter like he did!" Luthien decreed. Just like old times.

Xana pulled the mini-bus outside the Miner's house. It had been a long time since she had been here last. Better get this over with quickly. Steeling herself, she crossed the dirt path to the front door
"Hello? Mr Miner? Mr Oak? You home?" Xana called knocking on the front door. She knew that someone was home. There were lights on at the back of the house
"Mr Miner! It's me! Xanabell Daniels. Ah stuff it! It's Lady Xanabell Glaurur of Rivendell. Open up!" She yelled, banging her fists on the door again
"Rivendell? Lass have you been reading Lord of the Rings again?" Mr Miner asked, opening the door
"NO! I've been there, I live there!" she exclaimed
"Xanabell Daniels, Tolkien made up that world, h-" Mr Miner started to explain, running a hand through his chest-length white beard, as Xana cut him off
"Far over the Misty mountains cold.
To dungeons deep and caverns old.
We must away, 'ere break of day,
To seek the pale enchanted gold.

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,
While hammers fell like ringing bells.
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hollow halls beneath the fells.

For ancient King and Elvish lord,
There many a gleaming, golden hoard.
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.

On silver necklaces they strung
The flowering stars, on crowns they hung
The dragon-fire, in twisted wire
They meshed the light of moon and sun.

Far over the Misty mountains cold,
To dungeons deep and caverns old,
We must away, 'ere break of day,
to find our long-forgotten gold.

Goblets they carved there for themselves
And harps of gold; where no man delves.
There lay they long, and many a song
Was sung unheard by men or elves.

The pines were roaring on the height,
The winds were moaning in the night.
The fire was read, it flaming spread;
The trees like torches blazed with light.

The bells were ringing in the dale
And men looked up with faces pale;
The dragon's ire more fierce than fire
Laid low their towers and houses frail.

The mountain smoked beneath the moon;
The dwarves, they heard the tramp of doom.
They fled their hall to dying fall
Beneath his feet, beneath the moon.

Far over the Misty mountains grim,
To dungeons deep and caverns dim,
We must away, 'ere break of day,
To win out harps and gold from him!" Xana sang, perfectly in tune with the melody that she had heard from Gloin, hoping he would remember
"Lassie, you just recited the song from The Hobbit from memory!" Miner retorted, but his eyes were clearer, like he remembered who he was
"I can go on." She added before launching into the prophecy of Durín's folk.

"The lord of silver fountains,
The king of carven stone,
King beneath the mountain
Shall come unto his own

And the bells shall ring in gladness,
At the mountain kings return
But all shall fail in sadness,
And the lake will shine and burn.

Mr Miner, please I have to tell you something." She said, jamming her foot in the door, so he couldn't shut it
"Balin! Is the kettle boiled yet!" came a heavily accented voice from the house
"Aye, Bofur! Pour everyone a cup! And get a glass of water for Xanabell, too will you!" he yelled back, motioning for Xana to follow him
"Thanks," she started taking the glass. Here she was, pretty much the entire company of Thorin Oakenshield
"You said you had to tell us something?" Balin asked
"Yes. I was thrown out of my True form, by Melkor-Morgoth. We need to get back to Arda to stop him from-" She started as she was cut off by two others walking into the room
"Kíli! Keep quiet!" Thorin hissed, but still held his hand out for the I-phone, open to the event
"Taking over..." Xana said, finally finishing her sentence
"Reply to that invite with a definite yes. But say there is no way back."
"BUT THERE IS!" Xana yelled, standing up
"We would give anything to get back, but the maker hasn't seen fit to reincarnate us yet." Nori said
"Listen, there's a young half-elleth, half-dwarf, born after the Battle of Five Armies. She aged quicker than the rest of the elves, and she's never met her father and she looks just like him. Please, I gave her my word that I'd help her with her Quenya. It would destroy all the faith and trust my friends have in me." Xana pleaded. It was Ori who answered
"What's her mother's name?"
"Tauriel. And her name is Elenna. It's Quenya for Starwards. Her mother's said to have walked there sometimes. Beyond the forest and into the night. At least that's what she told me." Xana said, directly quoting Desolation of Smaug. And hoping that she got it right. It had been over a year since she had last seen the film
"Those where exactly the word Tauriel told me, about the starlight." Kíli mumbled, before being elbowed in the gut by his brother
"And that's what she told me. Word for word. Please..." Xana begged
"My daughter has been alive and doesn't know who she really is? I'm in!" Kíli yelled running back to his room
"I'm a bloody uncle! Kíli! Why didn't you ever tell me!?" Fíli shouted running after his brother
"I usually never bow down to the requests of an elf, but you're different from the others, and I've known you for a long time." Thorin said as he motioned for the company to move out to the mini-bus.

As they all ran out of the house, Xana could only do one thing.

Whoop and punch the air in excitement.