"Metropolis Confidential"

by Viv

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From: Clark Kent ckent@metu.edu
To: Lana llang@metu.edu
Date: Mon, 8 Aug 2005 9:01 AM ET
Subject: Where are you?

Hey Lana,

How's it going?

I got this really weird email from Lex yesterday. I mean, getting emails from Lex is already a weird and unusual event in itself, but he just told me all this stuff and now I'm not sure if I can help him. Basically it's about Chloe.

I tried calling you at home, but Nell said you'd already left. When you check your mail, please give me a call okay?

Love,

Clark

PS. Are we still on for tonight?

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From: Clark Kent ckent@metu.edu
To: Lex baldlex@aol.com
Date: Tue, 9 Aug 2005 12:04 AM
Subject: Update on that thing

About Chloe - sorry Lex, I couldn't get a straight yes or no out of Lana . She's really a very generous person, but I don't think she feels right about telling me one way or the other. I mean, I guess I understand her position, if Chloe had confided in me and it was, well, private. And I didn't feel right about pushing it.

Sorry I couldn't help Lex. But if you want my opinion ... Lana wouldn't have been so closed off if there wasn't something to tell, you know what I mean? I mean, if Chloe had never even entertained the idea of you and her, well ... she wouldn't have said anything about it, you know?

Just something for you to think about!

Clark

PS. Do you want me to talk to Chloe about this?

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From: Lex BaldLex@aol.com
To: Clark ckent@metu.edu
Date: Tue, 9 Aug 2005 1:00AM ET
Subject: Re: Update on that thing

Thanks. As subtle as a sledgehammer Clark, but I get your point. At least there could be something to work with. It's better than nothing. Thanks for your help.

I hardly have to tell you that I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about this? And by 'anyone' I'm including Lana (I know how your mind works Clark). I'll work it out on my own.

- Lex

PS. Under no circumstances are you to approach Chloe with this! Do you hear me Clark? I want your blood oath on this!

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From: Clark Kent ckent@metu.edu
To: Chloe csullivan@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 9:00AM ET
Subject: Hi!

Hey Chloe,

How's it going? How's the Planet treating you? You must be having the time of your life as a real life reporter! Wish I was there to see you crack the big time!

Life's fine here on the farm. You know, you think you've pretty much discovered everything there is to know about it after having grown up here all your life, but just the other day when I was out walking with Lana I discovered this patch of wild lilies that I've never seen before. You may think lilies aren't really that much of scoop, but I thought it was pretty interesting. Lana thought so too! :-D

By the way, Lana says hi. Her computer broke down last night and she's waiting for it to be fixed. She says she'll call you tonight after she finishes up at the Talon about 'the thing', whatever that means.

You know, since that last dinner in Metropolis I've been keeping more in touch with Lex. He seems so lonely and I suspect that he's working too hard. He's such a sweet guy. He's always been there to help me out. You know, he's pretty cool that way. What do you think of him?

Anyway, I have to go help dad with some chores. See you and have fun at the Planet!

Clark

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From: Chloe Sullivan csullivan@metu.edu
To: Clark ckent@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 10:00 AM ET
Subject: Re: Hi!

Okay Clark, what the hell are you on?! Is this your not-so-subtle way of outing yourself?! Please reply ASAP, 'cause I'm getting seriously freaked out!! Not that you being gay is bad or anything, it's just - oh forget it. Too long a story and it's too freakin' early in the morning to concentrate on forming coherent sentences.

Why are you suddenly espousing Lex's many and diverse virtues? What the hell is going on? Answer me farm boy, on pain of an excruciating and long-drawn out death!

C

PS. If you like Lex so much, why don't you date him??

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From: Clark Kent ckent@metu.edu
To: Chloe csullivan@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 6:00 PM ET
Subject: Re: Hi!

Just so we're clear: I AM NOT GAY!

Lana will testify to the fact, although I think that's probably a little too much information for you to handle right now. Besides, Lex isn't really my type, even though we both know I've got an unholy fixation on people with the initials 'LL'. ;-D

Nothing is going on, I swear! I'm sorry if I offended/startled you into thinking so. You know I have a tendency to just say the stuff on my mind. It's not like this is the first day you've known me. I'm Clark Kent! Bumbling idiot extraordinaire!

It's nothing, honestly ... nothing.

Gotta fly,

Clark

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From: Chloe Sullivan csullivan@metu.edu
To: Clark ckent@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 10:31 PM ET
Subject: Re: Hi!

Nice try, Clark. Actually, it was a pretty lame try. It will go down forever into the pantheons of lame. Did you honestly think that I would fall for that famous Kent charm? Or the less-than-subtly-crafted diversion of sledgehammer proportions? I wasn't born yesterday you know! And not even the day before that, or the day before that, or the day before - well, you get my point.

Spill it - now! Or by the time you come back on campus, a vicious rumour will be firmly entrenched regarding a certain Smallville farm boy who has a penchant for women's underwear.

Now Clark! Not tomorrow, not next week, now!

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From: Clark Kent ckent@metu.edu
To: Chloe csullivan@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 10:35 PM ET
Subject: Re: Hi!

Spill it - now! Or by the time you come back on campus, a vicious rumour will have been circulated regarding a certain Smallville farm boy who has a secret fetish for women's underwear.

You wouldn't!!! Oh god ... you would. Don't do it Chloe!

Well, you don't have to play such hard ball with me. Me, Clark, one third of your triangle of friendship? Lesson for the next time you decide to blackmail someone: there's something to be said for being nice to the people you want something from you know!

Look, I promised I wouldn't say anything, so I won't. It's my word Chloe, I can't break my word. I'm sorry. Go ahead and spread your rumour.

No one will believe you anyway!

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From: Chloe Sullivan csullivan@metu.edu
To: Clark ckent@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 10:40 PM ET
Subject: Re: Hi!

You and your pesky morals Clark! Do we really have to play 20/20 with this?

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From: Clark Kent ckent@metu.edu
To: Chloe csullivan@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 10:42 PM ET
Subject: Re: Hi!

Yes.

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From: Chloe Sullivan csullivan@metu.edu
To: Clark ckent@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 10:44 PM ET
Subject: Re: Hi!

Fine. What or who is this about? Lex? Is it something to do with me?

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From: Clark Kent ckent@metu.edu
To: Chloe csullivan@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 10:46 PM ET
Subject: Re: Hi!

Um, yes and yes.

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From: Chloe Sullivan csullivan@metu.edu
To: Clark ckent@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 10:47 PM ET
Subject: Re: Hi!

Does Lana know anything about this?

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From: Clark Kent ckent@metu.edu
To: Chloe csullivan@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 10:48 PM ET
Subject: Re: Hi!

Yes.

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From: Clark Kent ckent@metu.edu
To: Chloe csullivan@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 11:01 PM ET
Subject: Re: Hi!

Chloe? Are you still there? What are you doing? I tried calling you but your phone's engaged.

Oh no, you're on the phone with Lana aren't you? Aren't you?!

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From: Clark Kent ckent@metu.edu
To: Lana llang@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 11:05 PM ET
Subject: What are you doing?

Lana? This may sound like a crazy thing to ask, but did Chloe just call you about the Lex thing? I kind of promised that I wouldn't tell anyone about his thing with Chloe, but since I'd already told you, I figured it was safe to promise. But if Lex finds out that Chloe's on his tail, I don't know what will happen!

Um, call me when you get this okay?

Love,

Clark

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From: Lana Lang llang@metu.edu
To: Clark ckent@metu.edu
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 11:07 PM ET
Subject: Re: What are you doing?

Clark,

I'm actually on the phone with Chloe right now. And yeah - she's pretty much got the whole thing figured out. What did you say to her? I didn't think it was going to be any use denying anything, since from what you've told me there really isn't anything to worry about, is there? I mean, Chloe likes Lex and Lex likes Chloe. Case closed, mystery solved.

Oh, Chloe says hi, and sorry about the underwear thing (she heard me typing).

What underwear thing?? Don't go to sleep because I'm going to call you right after this!

Love,

Lana

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From: Lex Luthor lex.luthor@luthorcorp.com
To: Clark ckent@metu.edu
Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2005 10:00 AM ET
Subject: Consider yourself quite dead

Clark,

I feel like I should have you killed for betraying my secret about Chloe, but I think I can find it in my heart to forgive you. Of course, your case was greatly aided by the fact that Chloe actually reciprocates my feelings for her. If she didn't ... well, I guess it wouldn't have been all that bad, but you should do well to remember that Luthors as a rule detest being humiliated or rejected - especially by a woman.

Count it your lucky day Clark. Seriously, go buy yourself a lottery ticket.

I am of course in an obscenely good mood today. Even one of my father's former drones has remarked upon it, and he isn't exactly the sharpest pencil in the box. I'm taking Chloe out tonight. Not that you really needed (or deserved) to know that, but I have a sneaking suspicion you will eventually hear about it anyway, curtesy of the Chloe-Lana line of communication.

- Lex

Author's note: Thanks for all the wonderful feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed this story, I always like to make people smile! ;-D

(c) September 2002