S.H.I.E.L.D. DOCUMENT 4588242387 LO4752
MISSION FILE: 42OPERATIONS DOCUMENTSAUDIO TRANSCRIPT
NICK FURY: What happened?
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: We're not sure.
NICK FURY: I don't pay you to be not sure. I got half a building that's now sitting in the street. Someone needs to tell me why, and they need to tell me right now.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: We're almost a hundred percent certain magic did that.
footsteps and the sound of dogs barking in the background
NICK FURY: Yeah; already knew it was magic when our observation drone got turned into a potted plant. That doesn't tell me why someone was using magic to drop a piece of a building on top of the Avengers.
sound of dogs barking increasing in volume
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: Knocking the building over may not have been the purpose of the spell.
NICK FURY: Gonna enlighten me as to how you reached that conclusion?
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: Because we're pretty sure those are the Avengers over there, sir.
NICK FURY: Shit.
dogs continue to bark
NICK FURY: (under his breath) I really hate Thursdays.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: We think the Jack Russell Terrier there is Stark.
NICK FURY: Ya think? How many other dogs do we think are out there with Arc Reactors stuck in their chests, Sitwell?
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: Uh- none, sir?
NICK FURY: Exactly; I'd say it's a safe bet that that one's Stark.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: We've been able to determine the breeds of each one but we can't be sure outside of Stark who is who.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: We have one Saluki, one Border Collie, one Golden Retriever, one Basenji, one Norwegian Elkhound, and the Terrier.
dogs are still barking
NICK FURY: We're missing one.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: We may be missing two.
NICK FURY: And what makes you think that?
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: The Border Collie has been completely focused on Stark ever since he started barking at the Retriever and is ignoring us completely. We think that maybe the spell backfired and that the Collie might be Loki.
NICK FURY: No; that'll be Coulson; he's probably pissed off at Stark for yappin at Cap and thinking about cutting him from the herd.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: You think Cap's-
NICK FURY: Who the hell else is going to be a Golden Retriever. And I don't see Loki going for the 'working dog' look.
more dogs start barking
NICK FURY: Someone go track down Banner. Last thing I need is a big green hellhound roaming through Times Square.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: How can you be sure he's the one miss-
NICK FURY: SIT!
the dogs stop barking
NICK FURY: Right. The ones sitting are ours; that means the Terrier's Stark and the Elkhound is Thor.
NICK FURY: There ya go.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: I'll go find Banner.
NICK FURY: You do that. And get Strange on the phone. See if he's got any suggestions on how to deal with this.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: Yes, sir.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: What should we do with them in the meantime?
NICK FURY: Pack 'em up and get them down to Central. We'll sort it out there.
TONY STARK: (starts barking)
NICK FURY: Hey. You give me any lip about this, Stark, and I'll have someone fix ya to calm ya down; got it?
the sounds of several dogs whining
TONY STARK: (growls)
NICK FURY: It's been a shitty day, Stark. Really wanna see if I won't follow through with that threat right now?
NICK FURY: Good boy. Now get your asses moving.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: Uh; follow me please.
the sound of footsteps then 23 seconds of silence
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT PHIL COULSON: Woof.
NICK FURY: Feel free to sit on Stark whenever he starts mouthing off again, Cheese.
S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT PHIL COULSON: Woof.
the sound of footsteps then 8 seconds of silence
NICK FURY: Right. (under his breath) If someone wants to put a bypass through the planet today, think I'll just let 'em do it.
END OF TAPE
Author's note- Written for my avengers_table: Crack prompt- turned into animals.
Disclaimer- All characters are the property of Marvel- I'm just borrowing them for a bit.