Dean downed the glass of alcohol in his hand. God, he was so tired of all of this. He was tired of feeling alone even when he was with Sam. It was like something was off and he didn't know how to fix it, then again, when did he ever?
Dean set the glass on the table and walked towards the bathroom. Man, did he feel like shit. He closed the bathroom door. He didn't know why, but he locked it. Maybe to keep out Sam-who wasn't even there at the moment- or maybe it was to keep himself inside. He didn't know.
He turned on the faucet and ducked his head. He cupped his hands and let water fill them up before splashing it on his face. He drew in a breath he didn't know he had been holding and then let it go. He braced his hands on either side of the sink and hung his head. He stayed like that for a moment before he sighed and decided to face the man in the mirror. What he didn't know was that he wasn't the only man in the mirror.
When he picked his head up, the immediate thing he noticed was Cas standing behind him. He jumped. "Dammit Cas, I hate it when you do that. Can't you make noise or somethin', jeeze," Dean growled as he turned to face the angel.
"My apologies, Dean." The angel looked as solemn as always. You would think an angel would be a little happier. But Dean knew why he wasn't. In a way, they had a lot of things in common.
Dean sighed, giving the angel a once over. "What do you want, Cas?" he moved past him to the room, drying his hands with a towel as he went.
"To talk," Cas deadpanned as he followed the human. In all reality he wanted to take Dean by the shirt and plant his lips on his and never stop. He had never experienced this in heaven like others had. But that was only allowed when you found love. And Castiel had not found love in all of the years he was alive.
"About what?" Dean asked, holding out his arms.
The angel sighed, looking into his eyes. They stayed that way for a moment, Dean squinting at him and waiting for him to just get on with it, and Cas; nervous as all heaven. He looked down and put his hands in the pockets of his trench coat.
"Cas… what is it?" Dean asked, this time more politely. Cas was his friend and he could see something was eating at him. But he couldn't help if the angel didn't say what was wrong.
Dean mentally took a step back for a minute. He couldn't actually believe he was thinking that. A couple years ago, he would have told an angel to stick it where the sun don't shine. But Cas was different. He could be a bastard sometimes but who wasn't in the world they were in of monsters and gods. In all reality he wasn't one for the heartfelt, chick flick feeling-slash-crying fest. But with Cas… he was up for anything because as he had said: they had a profound bond.
Cas turned away and sat at the foot of the bed that was Dean's. He rested his elbows on his legs and hung his head. Dean watched as he wrung his hands like there was something on them that needed to be rubbed in. Or something that needed to be rubbed out.
"I have… been having… feelings again…" he said gruffly.
Dean smiled to himself on the inside for a couple of reasons. One: he loved it when Cas spoke so low, it sounded like a bedroom voice. Now it's not exactly what you're thinking. That made Dean smile because: Cas had never actually been in the bedroom. The other reason was the fact that, he liked Cas a little better when he was starting to feel things again. Granted he had been awful as a human. Like… no surviving stepping outside awful. But an angel with feelings might not be such a bad thing.
Dean sighed and sat down on the right side of the bed so that Cas had his back to him. "I'm sorry, buddy. You're not going to be cast out are you?"
Castiel shook his head. "No. This time, it is different."
Deans brows furrowed and put his hand on his shoulder, making him turn to him. Cas wished he hadn't because it was going to be so much simpler to do this without looking. His one true mate, the one others have started mocking him for, would inevitably turn him down. And that would be it, and he would return to heaven mate-less.
"How is it different, Cas? What's going on?" Dean asked, confused by the angel. Though that was a regular thing.
Cas looked in his eyes and saw the concern that was there. He wished he could do this without feelings. If he could, he could be blunt and direct and not care about rejection. But where it stands, he feels and he feels what humans call heartbroken.
His face softened. "When I told you I had never had sex with another angel, I told you it was because I never got to it. But that is not the whole truth. The truth is that angels find soulmates and they mate for life. And it seems that I have found mine."
Dean smiled and stood. "Hey! That's great! When is the wedding?"
Cas shook his head, frowning. "It is not that simple, Dean. This person is human."
Dean sat back down. Well… that was unfortunate. Cas would be cast out again if he started to love this person, be with this person. And that wasn't fair. "Oh…" was all he could think of saying. "Will you be cast out if you love her?"
Cas gave one gruff chortle, as if to say 'it figures.' "No. It has been made pretty clear that I will not be cast out for loving him. God is actually very pleased with me. One of his angels falling in love with a human."
Dean sort of just sat there gaping at the angel in front of him. He was in love with a man. He was in love with a man. That was… so not what he expected. "Wow. A gay angel."
"Angels do not have a gender, Dean. We love who we love and there is no question. Any angel can be considered any gender based on what vessel you've taken. But God enjoys that one if his older angels has taken to a human."
Dean nodded. "Makes more sense if you're God I guess." Cas nodded as well. "So where exactly is the bump in the road? You tell him, you be with him and that's that," he said as he picked up a beer and walked over to the table that was in the room. Half sitting and half leaning, he put his hand in his right hand in his pocket and sipped the beer from his left.
Cas shook his head, facing him but still sitting. "Once again it is not that simple. This man, has entered in many, many, many relationships with women. Most of them short, brief, and only lasting a night, as he travels a lot. But he is not interested in myself that way, I am afraid."
If Dean didn't know any better he would say the angel was talking about him. But he knew that couldn't be possible. There was no way the angel felt that way about him. Though it did make him wonder what other humans he hung around with. Dean could feel a stung of jealousy in his gut.
"Well how do you know?" Dean asked taking another sip from his beer.
"What?" Cas asked, surprised.
"How. Do. You. Know?"
"How do I know what?" He said, giving Dean the most adorable face. He was so confused. He loved it when the angel looked at him like that because he just wanted to pinch his cheeks. And if anyone ever found that out, he would off himself right there.
"How do you know he's not interested? You haven't told him gotta have confidence, man."
"I have confidence-"
"Then prove it. Walk right up to him and tell him. Don't be a coward-" Next thing he knew he was against the nearest wall, Cas pinning him there, fisting the shirt he was wearing. He looked into the angels eyes and didn't see the usual malice he saw whenever they would come to blows.
Cas stared into his eyes. He knew that he wouldn't hurt Dean. He couldn't, wouldn't.
"Maybe it's better if I show you."
"Cas what're you-" Dean was cut off by lips pressing to his. His eyes flew open in a sort of panic before he felt the searing pleasure that came from it. He closed his eyes and was about to reciprocate the kiss when he found that Cas was gone. He brought his hand down and slammed it against the wall behind him. "Dammit, Cas!"
ONE MONTH LATER
Dean sat on the bed of the motel they were staying in. All he could think about right now was Cas. Hell, that was all he ever thought about since that day. He hadn't flirted with any girls or guys either, for that matter. There were no random hookups and he was starting to become more and more useless on jobs, even Sam had said so. Truth was, he was hung up on his own personal angel.
Cas hadn't come around in a month. No matter how much he begged to the skies and pleaded with the angel, he refused to see him.
"Damn you, Cas. If only you'd let me tell you. It's important and we need your help..." he mumbled to himself.
"Tell me what?" Dean heard from behind him.
He looked up, looking out the window but didn't look at the angel. He scoffed. "Sonovabitch... Sam!" he yelled.
Castiel heard the flick of a lighter and before he knew it flames surrounded him. He sighed. "Holy oil," he said to himself. Cas looked into the younger Winchesters eyes. Sam gave him a look that said he was sorry and shrugged.
"Sam, I've got it from here," Dean said as he stood. He took the last sip of his beer and set the bottle on the nightstand just as Sam stepped out the door.
They were both quiet for a moment.
"How did you know it would work?" Cas asked.
Dean chuckled. "I, uh, I didn't. But I talked to an angel not that long ago. He said that killing me would be a pleasure so that you could finally do your job. Whatever that is, I really don't care. He said you are constantly listening in on me. So I thought if maybe I said something that peaked your interest enough, you would be curious enough to come. And as for knowing where you were going to land, I had no Idea I just drew them everywhere."
Cas looked down and noticed all the circle spots on the hardwood floor. This much holy oil, he really should have noticed.
When he looked back up at Dean he saw that the man had turned around and was now facing him. They looked at each other. They used to go months without seeing each other. They would only call on each other when they needed one another. But now, it felt like an eternity since they had seen each other.
"Do you know how long you've been ignoring me?"
"A month, Cas, a whole fucking month," he said as he moved closer."Do you know how many times I've begged you to just come and talk to me?! Then again," he said, getting quieter. "I'm sure you know pretty well."
As Dean walked closer to him, Castiel could see the face of the man he loved. Cuts littered his face. He wasn't sure how he should feel. But he felt… Sorrow. And … worried. He just wanted Dean to be okay. He had seen him beaten before. In fact, a couple of times, he was doing the beating. But it was different.
"Why do you look like that?"
Dean chuckled he moved to the chair that had his bag on it and stuck his hand in for a package of icebreakers and popped one in his mouth. "Yeah I look like shit, don't I? You can thank one of your angel buddies for that. He did a number on me."
"Why were you picking fights with angels?"
Dean turned to the angel, giving him a dumbfounded look. Cas didn't understand it. "Looking for you, you dumbass!" He walked even closer to the circle. "Over the past month Sam and I have been racing back and forth across the states looking for you! I needed to talk to you. I needed you to hear something-"
Suddenly Castiel got frustrated. "Why, so you could reject me and leave me to rot in heaven knowing that I let my soulmate slip through my fingers? So you could rub it in my face that I fell in love with a human that would never love me back? So you-"
"I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU I LIKE YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!" Dean yelled over the angel.
Castiel's eyes widened. That wasn't what he had been expecting at all. A rejection, yes. The feeling of self loathing, another yes. But he hadn't expected this. "What…?" was all the angel could utter.
"I know you have been listening but you sure haven't been watching have you?" Cas looked back at him, unknowing of what to say. "I haven't even thought about anyone else since you left and holy fuck I sound like a chick flick." He stopped a moment. He sighed and then continued. "My point is Cas, is that I have been trying to tell you I have feelings for you since you kissed me. But you were being too much of a prick to talk to me."
Cas felt his vessels mouth going dry because he had his mouth open in shock. Dean felt the same way. "Dean, let me out." he said in a deep, authoritative voice.
Dean smiled and turned away. He couldn't help but love that voice. He wanted to hear his name coming from that mouth. He sat on the bed. "I have some conditions. You are no longer allowed to leave whenever pleases you and however long you feel like. You want this? You stay here like a normal guy. You go to heaven whenever you have to, and then you come back."
Castiel looked at the Winchester. Normally, he hated the thought of being bossed around and taken control of by a human. But this was his soul mate. And to him, it was exhilarating. Cas nodded. He had to admit, he liked the plan. He enjoyed thinking that they would be together on earth.
"And none of this 'I am the angel, I am the boss shit.' If we are going to be together, we treat each other like equals, got it?"
Cas nodded. As of right now, all he really wanted was to be let out of the seal.
Dean smiled and picked something out of the cooler next to him. Cas watched him pull out a bottle of water. He tossed it to the angel, Cas catching it without much effort. The angel caught the bottle and started to douse the flames and break the circle. He tossed the bottle and moved to look up and moved towards Dean but the hunter was already coming at him. Suddenly he was pinned against the wall, fists full of his suit jacket.
The hunter smiled at him. "I am still pissed at you for not listening to me.."
Cas smiled back at him, something awakening inside of him. "Let me make it up to you," the angel whispered.
Dean smiled and crashed their lips together. They moaned simultaneously at the feel of being like this with each other. Both had wanted it for so long. The fact that they could do this, made chills run up even the angels spine. Dean let his right hand drop and slip under the trenchcoat and around his waist. He let his left hand move up to cup the angels cheek.
Dean licked at Cas' bottom lip and expected entrance. Instead, he felt the angel do it back. Dean smiled on the inside at the lack of experience Cas had. Dean slipped his tongue between his lips and the angel gasped giving Dean full access to deepen the kiss and that made Cas melt against him. Cas's hands were on his chest and he felt both of them clench onto his shirt for dear life. As Dean moved his tongue against the others, Cas' knees buckled and Dean had to tighten his arm to keep him from falling to the floor.
The hunter broke the kiss and looked at his angel. Cas' eyes were still closed and lips still parted like he was waiting for Dean to continue, but instead he spoke. "So that is what it feels like to be intimate with your intended…"
Dean chuckled. "It's about to get better."
The angel gave him a confused look before Dean pressed him further into the wall. They kept eye contact as the hunter grabbed his hips and rolled them so that both their groins were grinding against each other. He felt Castiel grab his upper arms and squeeze so hard that it hurt, but he didn't mind. It just meant he was getting so caught up in the pleasure, he was forgetting to dull down his strength.
Dean moaned as Cas copied the motion and he suddenly had a feeling that this was how Cas was learning.
Cas kept the motion going, looking for friction.
Dean brought his hands behind Cas' knees and picked him up, wrapping the angels legs around his waist. The hunter watched his angel pant and keen forward, looking for friction.
"Dean…" he muttered as he continued to grind into the hunter.
"Mm, Cas, you are so hot," he sighed against his neck.
Dean kissed and sucked against Castiel's neck, the angel trying to get Dean's shirt off, only to find his mind too far gone. Dean's not surprised when Cas ripped the shirt off, the sound of buttons hitting hardwood all over the room. The shirt carded onto the floor and Dean's realized how savage this was. They love each other, he knows that but that's not what this was about. This is about fulfilling years of want and sexual frustration.
Dean felt his angels long slender fingers moving up and down his sculpted chest, running over his nipples. He shivered at the feeling.
They slammed their lips together once again as Dean ripped Cas' shirt open and once again buttons go everywhere.
"Fuck, Cas. Bed. Now," he growled out.
Cas detached his legs from around Dean's waist to stand on the floor, their eyes locked onto each others. Cas took off his shirt, tie,and trench coat, his eyes darkened with lust. The usual ocean blue now a sapphire color.
Once they stripped from the waist up, Dean dipped his fingers into the waistband of Cas' pants and pulls him flush against him, their lips crashing together once again.
Dean fumbled with Cas' belt. When he finally managed to get it undone and his pants unzipped, he threw the angel on the bed. Once again their eyes are locked as they both kick off their shoes and socks.
Dean dropped his pants and his boxers to the floor. He stepped out of them with ease and Cas is able to take in his entire naked body.
The mans body is well sculpted from years of running, shooting, and just hunting in general. But what is most impressive is what hangs between his legs. The angel groans at the thought of Dean filling him.
Both of them can't believe this is happening. Both have been waiting for so long that this is so surreal.
Dean smirked as he climbed halfway up to the angel. He ripped his pants and boxers down with such force that Cas actually moves down and the mattress a bit and Dean threw them somewhere neither of them care about right now.
"I'm gonna wreck you," he said as Cas scurried up to the head of the bed, Dean following him. The hunter chased him under the comforter before slamming their erections together.
Cas whimpered and wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders only to dig his fingers into the mans back and scrape down his back.
Dean hissed at the raw feeling. "Fuck cas! Hurts so good..." He growled to the angel as he bit down on the angels neck. He said nothing as he felt the familiar taste of blood.
Cas moaned. That plus the feeling of their members rubbing against each other made him dig his nails into Dean just a little more.
"Dean! Need you," Cas mostly whispered.
"Need to prepare-"
"N-no, Dean! Ugh, just fucking take me!"
Dean groaned at the forcefulness and the fact that Cas was actually swearing at him.
Cas flipped them quickly and with force before he snaked down Dean's body.
Now Dean would have thought that this being the angels first time and all, he would be shy and clueless and Dean would have to guide him the entire way through sex. But by the way Cas' mouth is wrapping around his throbbing cock like a professional porn star, he thinks he's good.
"Fuck, Cas," he groaned as the angel hollowed out his cheeks and sucked him so hard that Cas might just milk him right then and there.
Dean fisted the sheets when he felt his tongue covering every inch of his cock.
"Cas.." He moaned
He's close. He's so damn close. So fucking close.
And then the wetness is gone. He whimpered a bit at the loss after being so close. Though he doesn't have time to complain.
Cas moved up his body before straddling the hunter. He positioned Dean right outside his hole and slammed down in one go.
"Oh god, fuck..." Dean moaned. "Mmm Cas you are so fucking tight."
Dean felt Cas' nails digging into his chest slightly. It hurt a little to be stretched so suddenly but he was an angel and the pain wasn't the same. He had a higher threshold.
They are both panting wildly, hair sticking to their foreheads as sweat begins to pour off of them.
Cas raised himself up slowly making Dean think he can't take it and he's telling Dean he can't do it. That is until he slammed back down on Dean, making the hunter throw his head back.
He grabbed the angel by the back of the head and smashed their lips together, their tongues colliding harsher than earlier. Because everything right now is just about carnal pleasure.
He felt Cas' hips moving slightly. They separate when neither can breathe.
"Please Dean! Fuck me," Cas pleaded.
Dean smirked and flipped their positions quickly, Cas' legs wrapping around Dean's stomach. Dean pounded into Cas so hard he thinks for a moment that he actually might break him.
Castiel's mouth opened in a silent scream as he fisted the sheets. He brought Dean down to kiss him and the hunter doesn't falter, his speed stays the same. They both moaned into the kiss, Cas scratching the hell out of Dean's back.
Suddenly when Cas thought that this can't get any better, Dean struck a chord inside of him and he can't help but bite his lip.
"Don't do that, baby. I wanna hear you scream."
And Cas can't hold it in any longer. "Dean!" The angel screeched at the top of his lungs. "Fuck! Dean, feels so good! Ah, Dean!"
"That's it, baby- shit- say my name," Dean says, loving the feeling of himself inside his angel.
"Dean... So close..." He breathed.
Dean nodded. "Me too, baby. Come for me," he muttered.
With a few more thrusts, they came together, shouting each others names.
Dean let himself fall to the side of the angel, pulling out with such force, that Cas made a small noise of discomfort.
Both panted and stared at the ceiling, not knowing just what to say right now.
Dean swallowed and shook his head in disbelief. He looked over at his counterpart and saw the look on his face. The angel was completely blissed out, looking like Dean has never seen him before. The hunter can't help but reminisce about what just happened, thinking about how Cas reacted to all of it.
"Cas, I thought you were a virgin?" Dean asked as he put an arm around his angel and pulled him close to his side.
The angel nodded against his side. "I was. You took my virginity."
"Where did you learn how to do all of that?"
Cas cocked his head the side. "Where I learn everything else about pop culture: Sam's laptop."
There was a silence before Dean started cracking up laughing. "That explains why Sam came to me and told me to not watch gay porn on his laptop. I thought he was just crazy." He looked down just in time to see Cas blushing.
"I thought I was more discreet. I apologize."
Dean chuckled. "It's okay, baby."
"Dean why do you keep calling me that? Surely you do not think I am an infant, do you?"
"No Cas I don't. It's a term of endearment. Like sweetheart or sweetie or just names that you make up so that your partner knows you are talking specifically to them and it makes them feel special."
"I think I understand."
There was a silence.
"I love you."
Dean smiled. "Yeah. I love you too, baby."