Kyou or Shou? Which one was my first love?

I love the Kyou now, but with my memories muddled I'm not sure. Who was the one who reached a hand out to me and said "Come to my side?" Despite all of Shou's plots to hurt me and separate Kyou and me, I still feel an attachment to him. It doesn't help with the fact that the two brothers look exactly alike either.

Kyou is bad-tempered and is constantly teasing me, but he's always there to embrace me warmly. He endures pain by himself for my sake and tries to prevent me from suffering physically and emotionally.

Shou, on the other hand, always sugarcoated his true opinion of me in order to win me over in the past. He was set to be the head and tried to gain my love. Eventually he gained true feelings of love towards me and grew possessive since Kyou took the position of head from him and I love Kyou unconditionally. Shou revealed his true nature and tried to break me multiple times, but, despite all those unforgivable acts, I don't want the two brothers to fight over me.

Kyou is out on the battlefield, battling against Shou's selfish reason to live. A world of chaos? It's a world without love. Watching the two brothers fight is too much! their mother committed suicide and their father left without a word. I'm left alone in the village of Tengu with noone to love me in this despairing moment in the Youkai world. I love Kyou, but he's too far away for me to love. Does he love me? He's proven many times he does, but I want him to me. Holding me.

Tears well up and I blink a few of them back. I mustn't cry. If Kyou saw me crying, he would only worry. Nevertheless, my tears fall and I wish for only one thing. Kyou's big, warm hand wiping away my tears. I want him to plant a tender, loving kiss on my lips. I want him to reassure me that he loves me

"Don't worry Misao-chan!" I feminine voice calls out to me from behind. I turn around to see who it is. My face falls at the sight that meets me. "Sorry it's only me Misao-chan. Kyou-sama isn't back yet." Ayame is behind me with a gentle smile on her face. I hadn't realized my face clearly showed a disappointed look to see it wasn't my Tengu husband who had called me.

"Oh sorry Ayame-san. I'm not disappointed..I just miss him." I tried to smile, but it just wouldn't form on my lips. I sighed and Ayame looked at me sympathetically.

"It's okay Misao-chan. I know that feeling well." she sat down next to me and wrapped a reassuring arm around my shoulders. Oh how I wish it was Kyou who was here to hold me. "I feel the same way every time I'm away from Sagami and he's out serving Kyou. But we promised each other that Kyou-sama's and Misao's happiness comes before ours." she stated and I looked at her with surprised eyes.

"I'm sorry Ayame-san. Because of me, I've torn you and Sagami-kun apart..." I bit my lip and she laughed lightly and squeezed my arm, pulling me closer to her.

"It's okay Misao-chan. I love Sagami, but you must be happy before I treat my own happiness. Your safety will always come first." she smiled and released me.

"I love Kyou...I wish I could do something to help him." I felt tears slide down my face again. "I feel as if I'm living in a world without love. For you, Sagami-san is so far away, and for myself Kyou is so far away." Ayame interrupted me.

"You want his touch right?" I nodded. "It's the same with Sagami and I. I want to remain by his side at all times, but there are times when he's not beside me and I feel lonely. However, I know that wherever he is out there, he's thinking about me deep in his heart. I know he loves me back." Ayame's words touched me and my tears were flowing freely now. She hugged me and allowed me to cry on her shoulder. "No matter how lonely and helpless you feel, Kyou keeps you in his heart and loves you Misao-chan. Never forget that."

I continued sobbing onto her shoulder and she hugged me warmly the same way Kyou might have done. I know Kyou loves me, but in those times when I'm alone, I feel so lonely...Almost like I'm not loved. I thought as I cried and hugged Ayame back as comfort.

"Ayame-san is correct Hime-sama. Kyou-sama loves Hime-sama dearly." Tarou came up to me with a cup of hot tea. I smiled at the little boy and sipped at the tea.

"Never doubt Kyou-sama's love you, Misao-chan. His unconditional love for you is immeasurable to a point where nobody, but you can understand." Ayame rubbed circles on my back in a comforting manner. I nod and my tears eventually stop smiling. I'm drifting off to sleep, but I feel Ayame carry me to a futon and Tarou drapes a blanket over me. Seconds later, I'm immersed into unconsciousness and dreaming.

Where am I? I in a void of darkness. Nothing to see. Only darkness.

"Misao." I hear Kyou's gentle voice calling to me. I turn around and see nothing, but darkness again. "Misao." he calls again, but wherever I turn, there's only darkness. "Misao...Misao!" his voice echoes all around me, but I can never see him.

"Kyou!" I scream out for him, but his voice only continues to echo in the darkness that surrounds me.

"Misao...Come to my side." I freeze as Shou's voice rings out and I see a hand reach out to me. I back away from the reaching hand, whose face is unknown.

"You're under a spell...Misao!" Raikou? He's here too?

"Kyou! Kyou!" I call out for the one I love as loudly as I can, but all I get is darkness. Finally Kyou's voice calls for me again from the side. I run to the direction as fast as I can, reaching a hand out. A black feather. My amulet. The necklace Kyou gave me. My eyes widen and I run faster.

"Misao." his voice grows softer as I near the feather.

"Kyou!" I scream and reach out to the feather. Just as I'm about to close my fingers around the feather, it disappears from my grasp. "Wha? NO! Kyou!" I scream in horror and turn around to see the same hand from before reach out to me again.

"Come to my side Misao." Shou's voice goes through my head and I back away in fear.

"No... NEVER!" I scream and run away from the hand only to see Raikou blocking my way.

"Misao. You're under a spell. You must stay with me!" Raikou reaches his own hands out for me to run into. Of course, I shudder in horror and run away from both Shou and Raikou. But when I turn to the side, I scream in horror at what I see. There he is. The one I most wanted to see.

"KYOU!" I shriek and run to him. He's lying on the ground with a sword next to him, stained with his blood. His clothes are soaked and he's in his demon form.

"" he groabs weakly and I watch him do a failed attempt to smile.

"No no no no no no no. NO! Kyou! It's okay! I'm here now! Here just-" I panick and pick up the sword, ready to slit my wrist open, but Kyous reaches a hand up to stop me.

"Don't...Do you...really yourself...op...en eve...ry time?" he wheazes painfully and his face distorts in pain. I throw the sword away and hear the voices behind me.

"Come to my side Misao." Shou beckons me and I feel one hand on my right shoulder. An icy cold hand full of mischievous intent.

"You're under a spell! Stay with me instead! Misao!" Raikou screams forcibly at me and another hand, this time it's warm, is set on my left shoulder. But no matter how warm Raikou's hand is, it's full of jealousy. The two hands pull me backwards and away from Kyou.

"Kyou!" I scream and grab his hand. Scrambling and resisting, I try to break free from the two sinister feelings behind me. I rush forward with as much strength as I can and plant a kiss on Kyou's lips. But I'm pulled away all too quickly. Kyou smiled weakly before I watch as his eyes close and all warmth and color from his face fades away. "IYA!" I scream at the top of my lungs as the darkness envelopes Kyou and I'm pulled away from him for all eternity.

I bolt up from my laying position on the futon and find the room empty. Tears start falling once again from the memory of my nightmare and I curl my knees to my chest.

"Kyou..." I mutter softly. "Kyou." I cry into my knees and all the tenders kisses he's ever given me flashes through my mind. Shou's and Raikou's voices echo through my mind and I can't stop sobbing.

Kyou! Where are you? I don't want to stay in this despairing world! In this world without love!