Title: Do I love thee the way thou lovest me? Part 2
Author: Sorceress Fantasia
Pairing: 1+2, implied 3+4
Warnings: Lime, Relena bashing, sap?, down-playing of the war in general, TWT, a little AU
Disclaimer: The GW boys do not belong to me in any form or shape. I'm just borrowing them for a little fun. *wink*Note: The following are excerpts from Duo's diary, so don't be surprised as to why the dates jump around so much. For the purpose of this fic, endless waltz did not happen. And this ficcy is dedicated to my country, which just celebrated its 37th birthday. Happy birthday!
31st May AC 195
Yeah, yeah. So I haven't written for the past 3 days. Sue me. Honestly Solo. If you had seen what's been going on these few days, you wouldn't bat an eye even if I didn't write for a month!
Happens that Relena didn't get the hint when Heero pushed her away for me after she slapped me. So after one day of absence, she continued to cling onto Heero once she saw him. Continued to wink, to smile coyly at him. All her advancement made Heero even more uncomfortable than before, and he got intimate with me every chance he got. In fact, he pulled me into a broom closet earlier to steal a couple of kisses. I've completely lost count of the number of times I had to tidy up my shirt. He's afraid that I'd take it the wrong way. I think he's paranoid, but somehow, I feel kinda cherished. But ya know me, Solo. I just couldn't resist the opportunity to taunt that woman. So I was around Heero all the time, and made sure that she saw that. I did all that she had done before without avail. But I was Duo Maxwell, the love of his life. I clung onto him; he hugged back. I winked at him; he winked back. I smiled at him; he smiled back more. In the privacy of our room, I would take the initiative. Well, not all that initiative. All I had to do was whisper in his ear, and he would do the rest. He made sure I never needed to do anything much to get his sole attention.
That, of course, didn't go well with Relena. After the first day, she dragged Heero somewhere out of my sight. But she didn't say I couldn't take a peek. It's in my thief nature, yeah? I hid in a nearby bush which are the trademarked locations for eavesdropping. And after I pried away some leaves, I could see them too. Anyway, Relena was just hopping mad and her face was beet red. She demanded to know why was he, I quote, 'ignoring me and lavishing all your precious attention on that gutter rat!' Che! She actually had the guts to say that outright in his face! Heero went from impatient civilian to extremely annoyed soldier in a sec, and gave her such a dressing-down that even I would have been on the brink of tears if I were in her shoes then. God! I've never seen him so angry before. Not even when I nearly broke his laptop, and that was before he discovered that he had a thing for me! So of course, Miss. 'Prim-and-proper' cried like a hailstorm. Thank goodness Heero didn't tell her that we are together. If he did, I'm sure she'd have cried until the Great Wall of China collapsed. Heh. Weird analogy, huh? Wufei told me this myth some time ago. Some woman called Meng Jiang Nu  cried to that extent when her husband died, which, he said, accounted for the disintegration of one section of the Wall. Anyway, Heero left her after that.
For the next 2 days, she tried all means and methods to try and separate us. Once, she made a teacher give me detention for some stupid reasons. She must have bribed the teacher, cuz even *I* couldn't believe the excuse. But Heero insisted on staying with me, so her plan didn't work. On another occasion, she ordered the principal to expel me for an even more stupid reason. She failed, of course. You don't expel a student just because he snores in his sleep, do you? Her plans made Heero even more disgruntled than usual, and he spent even more time with me. I think he likes to get physical in bed a lot. Especially these few days, he's been exceptionally horny. Maybe he's trying assert his love for me, or that he hates Relena and he's frustrated. Anyhow, he's made me so damn tired every morning I won't be surprised if Wufei takes me back to China, thinking I'm some runaway panda. Then Heero'd apologize for keeping me up so late at night, and he'd try to make up, which leads us right back to making out. Like he said, he won't ever get tired of me.
I'm contented, in some ways. Physical contentment is one sure thing. But mentally, I'm not so sure. Heero loves me so much I'd be blind to not see it, and I'm honoured to be his lover. I'm worried, though, that I'm not good enough for him. What if I'm doing this for revenge against Relena? I know I've been through this before, but I can't get it out of my head. Solo… I'm so vexed I don't know what to do.
10th June AC 195
Heero and I went our separate ways this afternoon. No, we didn't break up or anything, Solo. We just went to opposite directions of the globe for our respective solo missions. Ha, I made a pun. Anyway, Heero was kinda upset he had to leave me, so he gave me this necklace with a crystal cross before he left. Told me to grab that in my fist whenever I thought of him, and that he'd miss me. Even though I've been his lover for couple weeks already, I'm still trying to get used to Heero being so sensitive towards me. So my jaws had dropped a little, and he took that opportunity to kiss me silly. Like he was kissing a lifestream and couldn't stop. After the kiss, he took the black elastic band from my braid as a memento too. I felt horrible. He gave me such a wonderful necklace, and all I gave him was a hair band. He said he didn't mind though, cuz he'd still be reminded of me, and that was all that mattered to him. I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled. He smiled back, and we left the place.
I think I'll miss him. In fact, I'm missing him already.
17th June AC 195
It's only been a week, and I find that I've been grabbing the crystal cross so frequently it hardly leaves my hand. I miss Heero so much that I dream of him every night. He's always that thoughtful, sensitive man who loves me more than life in my dreams. But I know it's for real. His feelings for me aren't a figment of my imagination. He loves me.
It's hard to imagine him being so vocal about it. I mean, he's made it a point to tell me he loves me at least once a day when we're together. And when he says it, he doesn't just say it. His words come from his heart, and I can feel it with mine. His eyes get this bright light, and sears onto my mind. They look so warm. And even if he doesn't say it, his love can be seen and felt from the things he does for me. Nearly everything he does touches me. Ah… I miss him. So what if I'm a sap, Solo? Give me some credit for it!
Anyway, I met Hirde on L2 today. She hasn't changed much. A little thinner though. One thing about her that'll never change is her tendency to pick up my groceries for me. Somehow, I think it's her hobby. Not that I'm complaining here, since I'm too busy to get them myself, but I'm starting to notice a pattern here. Is it just me, or does she really like to do it? And as usual, she tried to flirt with me. If I were still Duo Maxwell the bachelor, I would've flirted right back. But somehow, I couldn't do it today. Luckily, Hirde flirts for fun. She knows that I don't like her more than I like my sister, so she didn't take it badly. I felt like I was betraying Heero when I tried, though. Hm. I can't stop thinking about him. Everything I do, even watching TV, I'd think 'Would Heero like this?' I seem to be changing unconsciously to accommodate him in my life.
I think I'm falling in love with him.
1st July AC 195
It's been three weeks since I last saw Heero, and I just can't stand it. I miss him a lot. After spending so much time with him, it feels weird to be without him. But he hasn't forgotten me. I just received an email from him in my private account. He's on a fairly dangerous mission with Quatre and Trowa, but they're alright. Just a couple of bruises and cuts and a little concussion for Quatre, cuz his safety harness nearly snapped and he was flung around in Sandrock's cockpit. I hope he's okay, although I'm pretty sure he'd be extremely fine with Trowa taking care of him. Aww, we don't have to spell that out, now do we, Solo?
About Heero's email… well, I can't stop thinking about the last sentence he wrote, though. He wrote, 'Aishiteru, Duo.' I felt kinda warm when I read that, and according to Wufei, I've been smiling goofily for the past few hours. It's amazing how a simple gesture like that can warm me to the core.
Heero, I miss you.
2nd June AC 195
Missing someone is missing someone. Loving someone is a completely different thing. Like, I miss Hirde sometimes. But that doesn't mean that I love or anything. So no, you can't use how much you miss someone as a gauge for your feelings towards that someone. Get my drift?
Yeah, it's that same o' problem that's been plaguing me for the past few weeks. Heero and me. That one.
I figured that keeping it all cooped up in myself isn't good for my health, and since you can't give me much constructive advice, Solo, I talked to someone else. And since Wufei is the only one around the safehouse, I talked to him.
Of course I didn't tell him exactly what the problem was. I had pretty much cornered him in the living room, and confessed. I told him, 'Wufei, I think I might be falling in love.' He nearly doubled over when I said that. From his facial expression, I think what went through his mind was, 'You don't have to tell me what happened to you in a nightclub.' So I said, 'No Wufei, he's not from a nightclub.' My suspicion was confirmed when I saw relief seep from his face. He asked me then, who was it I love? I didn't exactly lie to him about this one. Just told him it was someone from the Sweepers. Heero had once stayed there with my invitation, yeah?
Anyway, Wufei just gave me this little sigh and told me to be careful of love. It's fickle, he said. I ended up telling him all that Heero had been doing for me the past few weeks. He was pretty amazed when I finished, and told me to hold tight to my crush. In a period of war and unrest, it's highly unlikely to find someone you can spend the rest of your life with, much less that someone loving you so deeply. I had to tell him that I wasn't sure what my feelings were.
And he shared a little piece of information with me, about his life on L5. He had once been married, to someone called Meiran. I was kinda shocked when he told me his marriage, cuz he is like, only 15! I think he knew I was taken aback, cuz he told me that they were betrothed since birth. His explanation didn't do much for me though. Anyway, he and Meiran didn't get along well in the year they were wedded. Both of them held different views about many things, had different attitudes towards life and justice. Before her, he had always believed that justice was merely an excuse for fighting. She changed him, only after her death. She had died protecting her home colony, slipped into Death's grip while in Wufei's embrace. It was when she lay in his arms, badly injured, that he discovered that he loved her. But it was all too late. She would never know that now.
After he finished, he looked at me seriously in the eye. I understood. He was telling me to hold onto Heero, because my admiration for him would grow into love.
No, I still can't say it out loud now. My love is young, and I must understand myself.
By the way, can you do Wufei a favour and pass the message to Meiran?
15th July AC 195
This is the first in a few months that all five of us pilots have a combined mission. The guys didn't know my relationship with Heero before today. Yep, Solo. We told them. It was kinda scary at first, since we weren't exactly sure how they'd take it. We weren't worried about them getting revolted by two guys together, since we know for a fact that Quatre and Trowa are already together. But I felt like a son-in-law meeting his in-laws. Ha! I could just imagine Wufei looking at me with a critical eye, and find something of great injustice with me. Like, 'Her chest is flat!' Then he'd have to get a screwdriver to screw back his eyes. I know for a fact that he's straight. But no, that didn't happen. What happened was him falling off his chair. Yeah, he really did. Heero had wrapped one arm around my waist, and told them (they were seated in the living room, by the way) that, I quote, 'Duo and I are in love.' And Wufei fell off with a loud resounding 'thud'! Quatre and Trowa took it much better. The blonde boy just nudged his lover with a smug look and said, "I told you so." Trowa just shrugged, but I'm pretty sure he was smiling.
I'm glad that they took it in stride, even Wufei, after he had picked himself up from the ground. Luckily, he didn't need that screwdriver, although he did drag me into the kitchen and asked me if Heero had been the one I was talking about the other day. But why did Quatre say that? Does my body language or anything I've done gave away any implication of me loving Heero? I'm still baffled about my feelings.
26th August AC 195
Heero and I celebrated our 3-month anniversary tonight. Who would have thought that the Perfect Soldier was such a romantic? Of course, he has changed a lot since we got together. More caring, more warm, more loving. He wouldn't care if the world were looking at us. Sometimes, I feel that I'm the only one in his existence. And that was what he wanted tonight. He'd taken me out for a picnic under the stars earlier, telling me that for tonight, only the two of us existed. Apparently, he had everything planned out a long time ago. The mat was all spread out by the time he took me there, and there were two baskets and a bottle of champagne. Turns out that there was a lot of food in the baskets, and all of them are my favourites. I'm surprised to find that Heero has been observing me so well that he even knows my eating habits. There was absolutely nothing I dislike there. Not even a morsel. But I was even more surprised when he told me that he had prepared everything by himself. He had learned how to cook all my favourite food! I was so touched I nearly cried. My eyes were already watery. He got so flustered when he saw me like that, and he quickly gathered me into his arms, apologizing. In a moment, I was laughing again at his confusion. But I was really… happy and grateful for everything. So I kissed him. Our kiss didn't progress too far though; he stopped himself soon after that.
We had dinner in the field, looking at the stars. Dinner was relatively quiet, but I didn't think too much of it cuz I was too busy admiring the night sky. It's really beautiful, to see the stars twinkling. The stars look so different in the colony. I wished you'd seen them too, Solo. You'd have loved it.
Anyway, turns out that Heero was too nervous to talk to me then. After we put away all the plates and utensils back into the baskets, he gave me this soulful look. Then he did the unexpectedly unexpected. He took out a plain silver band, and a single red rose from somewhere I don't know. And he said, "Marry me, Duo." I was having such a hard time registering the band I nearly missed his words. I almost wanted to refuse him in the beginning since I was still thinking over our relationship, but when I remembered all the things he'd done for me and the all the time we'd spent together, Wufei's words, plus his puppy eyes as he looked at me, like he was willing me to accept, I just couldn't say it. I couldn't refuse him. Somehow, our relationship had evolved to the point where I can't refuse him anything. I still don't know if that's love, or if it is, how deep it is, but I said 'yes' then. He immediately slid the band on my finger shakily, like he couldn't believe it. I couldn't. And he launched himself at him, pushing me to the ground, body pressing against mine. He gave me that smile I like so much, and softly asked me if he could make love to me. Who was I to stop him at that point? I nodded, and we made love under the stars. Come to think about it, it was really romantic.
I'm still kinda tired from our love making, so I think I'll go back to sleep now. Jaa!
28th August AC 195
Well, my marriage is well underway now. We told the rest of the gang yesterday, and Quatre was soo excited you'd have thought he was the one getting married! Anyway, he's gonna oversee the whole thing for us. He's arranged for the wedding to be held in one of his grand estates.
I'm soooo freaked out, Solo. Is this what they call pre-marital nervousness? It's like I'm gonna lose my freedom tomorrow. Last I heard from Wufei, Heero's getting cold feet too, but he's still determined to marry me. In fact, they're holding a bachelor party in some club now. I wanted to go too, but the guys said that it was bad luck for a would-be married couple to see each other before the wedding. I seriously doubt it; I think they just wanna prevent me from getting a huge hangover since the wedding's tomorrow.
By the way, Heero chose Trowa to be his best man. Somehow along the way, the two had forged a close friendship. Must have sprung from that one time T-man had to take care of Heero after that self-destruct stunt. You remember that, don't you? Well, they asked me to choose one too. So I was thinking that you'd do it, right? You havta, Solo! I don't mind having to pick up my ring for Heero from a floating platter… even if I'm gonna get majorly freaked out… So yeah… erm, I think I'll ask Wufei. Thanx for the offer, Solo.
I'm tired, so I think I'll go to sleep now. Good night, Solo!
29th August AC 195
Congratulate me, Solo! Heero and I got married today! Not legally, just a small affair with the rest of the guys. I did say that Quatre oversaw the whole thing for us, right? Extravagant was always his strong suit; he had decorated the whole place and flowers and our honeymoon suite with red silk. Luckily, we didn't find any handcuffs. Gee… and I thought he was supposed to be innocent. Apparently I'd completely misread him. Either that, or Trowa had a hand in changing him. Literally. ……I don't even want to think about it…
Quatre also arranged for a cuisine for all five of us, and I must say that he's got great taste. The food was delicious. I don't think I've ever eaten anything better than that. Hmm… I wonder if he'd mind if I stay at his estate for all of my vacations…
Anyway, Heero and I exchanged our vows in the garden and the guys are our witnesses. Even now, I still can't believe that I'm married. To Heero, no less! But I think Heero will make sure that I'll never regret my decision to marry him. And he assured me in his distinctive way, after we retreated to our suite for the night. Let's just say I've never had such a mind-blowing experience. Even our first time didn't come close to this! Heero was extra gentle with me, but his kisses packed more bite. I'm sure I'm all covered with his love bites. Guess I'll have to borrow a couple of Trowa's turtlenecks for the next few days or give Wufei a huge nosebleed. For all I know, maybe Quatre had put him in the room next to ours and he's already half-dead from blood loss. I guess not.
I'm happy now, Solo. With Heero, I'm sure I'll never be alone again.
3rd October AC 195
The war's over now. Wing suffered serious damages, but Heero managed to save the day. Now, he can't glare at me when I say that he's a hero. Hee hee. He's in hospital now, for his injuries. Luckily, there was nothing life threatening, and the doctor says that he can be discharged soon. I'm with him now, and he's sleeping after all that drugs they gave him.
The rest of the guys are all fine too. I think Trowa or Wufei has a minor concussion. I'm not too sure; my mind had pretty much blanked out after hearing about Heero's injuries. Me? I think I'm the only one who doesn't have to stay in hospital. Only some cuts and bruises. Sally says I'm lucky. Extremely lucky. Perks of being your buddy, Solo?
It feels strange that war's over now, after living in it for my whole life up until this point. But we've worked hard for the peace, so I want to enjoy it. With Heero, of course. Quatre offered us to stay with him and Trowa until we get a place of our own, and we agreed. The food. Oh joy…
I can finally start my life afresh with Heero, and I look forward to that.
4th October AC 195
Heero was awake for most of today, so we were just talking and talking and talking. I think I haven't talked so much for a long time… My jaws are too tired to even yawn.
He was telling me that during the final battle, he honestly thought that he was gonna die. Then… okay, the next part is really sappy and sweet, so I suggest you go make an appointment with a dentist first before I continue. It's really incredible, ya know, Solo? I mean, he's changed sooooo much I can't believe it. It's like there's a flood one day, and then the next day, you find that it's become a drought. Yeah, it's that big a change. Anyway, he told me that he really thought he was gonna die in the final battle, until my face popped up in his vid-screen. I quote, 'When I saw you, I knew I couldn't die and leave you behind and make you cry.' It's like saying he doesn't want me to be upset because of his death. So I guess that means that he'd rather I die before him, so he'll be the one to suffer the grief of losing a loved one instead of me? I don't know whether to feel extremely cherished or extremely angry.
I think he knew that that issue disturbed me, so he quickly changed the topic. He said that he wanted to find a really quiet place and settle down with me. We could focus on each other, and just live peacefully. Get a job with a salary enough to support us, and just lead a normal husband and wife life together. Then maybe we could adopt a child or two when we're older, and love them all we could.
Ya know, I think I like the sound of it. And when we move into our cozy little place, I can be polite and go greet our neighbours like Sister Helen always told me to be, and I'd say to them, "Hi! I'm Duo Maxwell-Yuy, and I'm gonna be your neighbour." Maybe I can wave my silver band at them too. Yeah, so I'm happy to be married. Sue me.
And if we ever have a child, I'm gonna name the girl 'Helen' after Sister Helen and the boy 'Solo' after you. Cool, huh? But honestly, I don't wanna adopt a child. I wanna have a child of our own. As in, one of us gets pregnant. Too bad we're both missing that vital organ, ne? Maybe we could go look for Professor J and ask him for help about this. He owes us one big favour for winning the war, yeah? I don't mind being the one getting pregnant, if that's what it takes. I want a child with our genes. Imagine a child with my hair and Heero's eyes. It'll look lovely. And I'll have so much fun bringing the child up in the proper environment and with a formal education. In fact, I think we can save up on tuition fees with us around. Our child will grow up to be a professional. I just know it. Anything but a soldier, though. I want my child to grow up without ever having to know what's it like to kill.
7th October AC 195
We barely missed that Relena chick in the hospital. She's been all caught up with her work the last couple of days to visit, and it seems that she cleared her schedule for Heero today. Luckily, for us that is, we managed to leave before her pink limo even came to a complete stop at the front porch. We left via the back door, by the way. It's all in the stealth lessons you gave me, Solo. Glad that I put it to use here, huh?
We're staying with Quatre now, but Heero told me just now that we'd get our own place soon. I think I'll like that, to have somewhere I can call my own. I've never had that before, and Heero knows it. So he had went online earlier to check out potential apartments, after asking me what would I like in a house. We'd be able to pay for it easily with all the funds we had scrapped off OZ during the war. I'm thinking of going into college and get a proper education. Heero just said that he'd go wherever I want to go. It comes as no surprise now, but I'm still secretly glad for that.
Heero has become an important part in my life, and I'd like to be around him for as long as I can. I guess I'll have to put off my plans of meeting you, eh?
25th October AC 195
Heero and I finally moved into our own apartment. It's nothing to brag about, but I like it. It's pretty big and spacey, and painfully obvious that we've got a lot to do if we wanna fill it up. There're 3 rooms, so one of them will become our bedroom, another to become the study room, and the last one to be a guestroom. We chose the biggest one for ourselves since it has a bathroom. The kitchen has the cupboards and cabinets all ready, and has room for a giant refrigerator to house all the food that I need. The living room is rather spacey too, so we can get a big TV screen. It'd be so cool to watch all my favourite programmes on a big screen!
But the best thing I like about the entire house is the floor. It's mostly carpeted, and I like the warm, fuzzy feeling it gives me. It'd be hell to clean up if I spill anything on it, though, so I had better be careful. Wouldn't want to ruin my own apartment.
Heh. I never thought I'd have my own place. It makes me feel more secure, and normal. In a few weeks time, I'll be studying in some nearby college with Heero, just like any normal kid. It'll be different from normal school days like in the past, though. This time it's for real. Every result I get will be recorded duly, and not cuz of Heero's infamous hacking skills. I'm not gonna run off after a week or two. I can have real friends and classmates, and I won't need to feel guilty about leaving my 'clique'. On the other hand, I can't flirt with the girls anymore. It's okay, since I have Heero. He's more than enough for me.
I like him so much.
11th November AC 195
Heero read my diary earlier. I had stuffed it under my pillow last night after I wrote it, cuz Heero was looking for me then. He found it this morning, while he was changing the bed sheets.
I was so afraid that he'd be angry with me, for lying to him that I love him when I didn't just to spite Relena. I nearly broke down before him in horror when he held my diary in my face and said that we needed to talk. To my surprise, however, he told me that he knew it back then. He knew that I didn't love him, that I had only wanted to provoke Relena. But he had been willing to take a chance with me, because he knew that it might be the only opportunity to be with me. His plan had been to love me as much as he could, and try to make me fall in love with him as well. Marriage was something done on the spur of moment, but he truly wanted to make the commitment. He had been ecstatic when I agreed.
For him, our kisses ignited a flame in him that he couldn't stop. My touch reached his soul, and he lived for them. He said that he had never had sex with me; he had only made love to me. Every time we made love, he'd feel like he was in heaven. And every morning when we woke up together, and our eyes met, he fell in love with me all over again. Loving me, had somehow, became his reason for his existence. His life revolved around me.
Hearing him say all that, I cried. Really cried. He just gathered me in his arms and carried me to the sofa, whispering soothing words in my ears, telling me with his heart that he loves me.
At that moment, I knew. I knew how I felt about him. Completely sure. Extremely certain.
I love him too.
I told him that. He just smiled, and said, "I know."
Our lives had just begun, and I can't wait for to live it. As long as Heero is by my side, I'll never be alone again.
I love him.
Truly love him.
Sorceress Fantasia @ 9th August 2002
Last revised 13th August 2002
 This is a real myth. Just telling you so you won't think that I made this up.