"Drunk Ric Flair Goes To KFC"

Rated M

Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the WWE or "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. Nor do I own anything associated with the likeliness of KFC. Anyway, on with the fic.

It was another summer day in the world of KFC. The chicken was frying, the potatoes were mashing, and some poor sucker passed out from farting way too much after eating an entire ass-load of a 12-piece bucket.

Inside the eating establishment, the workers saw a limousine riding up to the parking lot. The limousine had that funky smell of strawberry margaritas and vomit. The KFC employees could even smell it from inside here. So rank and so foul like someone's maple-syrup coated underwear.

"Oh, great... Ric Flair's here..." The employee said with a depressed sigh.

"I shudder to think what he wants..." Another employee said with a sigh as well.

The limousine pulled up to the KFC drive thru. The mysterious figure rolled down the window and approached the speaker. One of the poor suckers, mainly one of the employees from this little chicken shack, managed to service the crazy old fart.

"Hello, welcome to KFC. Can I get your order, dear god?" The announcer spoke to the figure.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is the Nat-cha Boy Ric Flair! I'm a 16-time World Heavyweight Champion! I'm also a wheelin-dealin', jet-flyin', kiss-stealin' son of a gun! Lock up ya doors and protect ya daughters, because Ric's Flair comin' to town! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The figure hollered on the speaker.

"Sir, I don't have to listen to your little memo just because I got a life. What will you like to order, sir?" The speaker spoke back.

"Ric Flair will like one of your chicks! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Flair hollered again.

"Um, okay... by 'chicks', do you mean our original 12-piece recipe? They're the best chicken on the face of this planet."

"I'll take the black one! So curvy and so luscious like a booty! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ric laughed like a hooligan.

"So, you'll actually take the dark meat right...?" The employee said, feeling a bit awkward by Flair's sex puns.

"Yeah, and I'll take the white one. The one with the nice breasts and all! Flair loves the breasts! WOOOOOOOOOOO!" Flair hollered out once more.

His little sex talk seemed to be disturbing the employee more.

"I'm certain you do mean our chicken breasts, right? I mean... they are plump and juicy after all."

"You got that right, daddy-o!" Ric exclaimed while leaping up and down like a 4-year old kid, "Flair wants a chick's breasts! So that they can move like water balloons! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Yeah, right..." The employee said while rolling his eyes, "Anything you like to drink, sir?"

"I know what I like to think! Got any lubricant?" Flair replied.

"Sir, it's 'drink', not 'think'! Besides, lubricant's bad for you..."

"No, it's not! It's really good to drink it! Looks a little bit like baby-oil mixed with chick grease! You mix it with vodka and it's quite tasty! You want some?" Flair laughed. But unfortunately, the employee serving Ric at the drive-thru, wasn't.

"Sir, I know I may be new here, and I'm very familiar with your work and all, but..." The employee sighed while he took a brief pause.

After his little pause was over and done with, the employee yelled his guts out.


Ric tried to think about the little situation himself. Unfortunately, he had no brain to begin with.

"Is that a trick question?" Flair stupidly nodded.

This gave the drive-thru employee a devilish idea.

"On second thought, we do have some 'chicks' for you. Come pull up to the register window here."

Ric looked very ecstatic. He can't believe he was really getting chicks at a KFC nonetheless. But was it really gonna happen? He finally found the answer out when he limousine finally pulled up to the register window. With a drunken glare, Ric stared at the employee face first.

"That will be $12, sir." The employee said to Ric, who gave him a $20 dollar bill.

In exchange, the snarky employee gave the Nature Boy a rubber ducky. However, in Ric's mind, he thought he was looking at a gold brick!

"Ahh, a gold brick! I'm rolling in gold right now!" Flair squealed before he squeezed on that so-called 'Gold Brick', "It also squeaks too!"

"Okay, sir. We'll have your meal in a second!" The employee winked.

While the sneaky employee went to go get the rest of Ric Flair's 'chicks', the Nature Boy thought to himself with such dirty thoughts!

"Mmmmmmm... Flair's feeling hungry for some black and white chicks! I like them finger lickin' good!" Flair thought.

His thoughts stopped when he realized the sneaky employee was at the register once again.

"Okay, valued customer... you want your 'chicks'?" The employee smiled.

"Lay it on me, baby! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" hollered Flair.

"Okay, then..."

As Ric Flair was holding out his hands...

...the customer grabbed a pissed-off chicken and flung it right to Flair's face!

"OOF!" Flair yelped when he felt the force of the thrown chicken.

"Enjoy your hot slut, you drunk Carolina fuck!" The employee snapped before he shut the door in Flair's face.

When Flair recovered, he looked at the enraged chicken like it was a hot luscious woman with red-hair. No wonder how drunk Flair looked to see this from his blurred standpoint!

"Hey baby, how you doing? You wanna ride my jet? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Flair said to the 'chick'.

Not amused by a 16-time world champion hitting on him, the chicken pecked at Ric Flair's face repeatedly, yet painfully. The chicken gave Flair a whole new meaning to the term: 'being hit on'.

"OW! OW! OWWWWWW! Hey, you bite! I like that! OW OW!" Flair yelped in pain as the limousine he was riding in drove away from the parking lot. That was gonna be a painful meal Flair would endear for a long time. Heck, maybe for a month if his vision was restored 100%!

"Showed him what for..." The employee said with a smirk on his face, enjoying the way Flair was getting his ass beat by a chicken.

Unfortunately, his short-lived happiness came to a close when the carhorn version of "La Cucaracha" sounded through a KFC parking lot.

"Oh, crap... what's going on now?" The employee said to the manager, who was busy looking out the next customer with his binoculars.

"It's Alberto Del Rio with an escalade. And he's got a bottle of tequila in hand." Informed the manager.

"I'll get the pinata sticks then..." The employee with glasses smiled while rubbing his hands deviously.

It just goes to show you how stupid drunk wrestlers are in this day and age.

A drunk Ric Flair trolling through a KFC. Sounds interesting... yet random. Anyway, give me your feedback! (;D)