Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.
I wrote this the morning I've posted it because of motivation from everyone's wonderful reviews and Izzy & Frab from the yahoo group of taito_ml (I hope you guys find some peace out of this ^^).
I hope this is okay. I had trouble thinking of suiting epilogue, for this is a very conflicting fanfiction -_- Also, thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews through this. I hope it's been worth everyone's expectations.
Epilogue: A Mourning Morning
Lips that were soft probed into my mouth, yet the lower region of our bodies was so much more interesting that he stopped trying and instead pushed himself into me again. It left me breathless, wanting it to be over quickly. Yet, I pretended to enjoy it, and kissed his neck endlessly until he came.
That was good, Yamato. You always know how I like it.
I said nothing, snuggling down onto his chest and pretending to fall asleep.
How come you don't enjoy it as much as me?
I do, I whispered, trying my best to sound sleepy.
You don't sound very convincing, he said, nudging his shoulder up.
What do you expect? A fucking parade every time we fuck? I retorted. Standing, I walked to the window sill and looked down below to the ground. It was raining out, which brought a sudden feeling of deja vu.
It's been a year, Yamato. He's not coming back.
You must assume I'm stupid because it's obvious I already knew that, I snapped. Sorry it's just that I want to visit his grave tomorrow.
I don't really want to. It's such a long drive.
Geez, I should have assumed that I'm not worth it. You're so fucking inconsiderate, Shun.
His intense features glowered before he replied, Fine, we'll drive to Odaiba tomorrow to see your brother's grave. End of discussion. Let's sleep.
After crawling to bed and waiting for Shun's rhythmic breathing did I allow any tears to escape. It was a year since the death of him. A year since I was overlooking the railing of the balcony trying to see any signs of my brother. A scream from below confirmed his appearance there, which awoke me from the haze that I had been in. It was then that I ran to see him; him and his mangled body.
He didn't survive, though there hadn't been any hope within me to believe that. It was ironic that we were just about to settle things down between us and work things out for the best that he had to slip on the balcony when climbing over and fall to his death.
God I missed him. I missed his love, his body, his sex. His wood carvings. His selfishness.
I missed every bloody thing about him.
And he won't ever come back, and I know better than to pester those hopes.
My adopted parents were devastated. Blamed me for a while until Hikari told them everything that occurred that day. Hikari wouldn't have even told them what she saw, which makes me more upset knowing that he would still be alive if it weren't for the fact of being caught by her. They looked at me with much disgust, as I knew they would. They asked when it started between us. How many times. If anyone else knew besides them. I answered each question as honestly as possible, leaving them with even more shame of their two sons.
My biological mother didn't help any. She looked at me with the same disgust and blamed the Yagamis for the raising of me way. I haven't seen her, Takeru, or Shou since. Shou wasn't surprised at all, of course. He blamed Taichi of everything, and this made me so angry that I told him that I wanted it more than Taichi ever did and that the sex was fucking awesome.
Both of us were hurt, which lead to the ignoring of each other since.
Then Shun came along. Comforting, loving Shun. Nursed me into a whole being who cracked when the lover of my life died. I shouldn't have fallen back into him, though. For now, I'm as miserable as can be. Our simple fuck buddy system failed from when Taichi was alive and we were left with a harsh truth of me falling love with my brother.
The relation of Taichi and mine's love may be considered somewhat because of not actually being blood related. However, we fell in love with each other as brothers, knew it was forbidden and led it on from there. It would have never worked out between us; as Taichi said before the last few minutes of his life, there were too many obstacles that stood in the way.
Sighing, I snuggled deeper into the bed and Shun's embrace. He's all that I have left, and I don't have the guts to take my own life away, for I would not be here in this bed if I did.
The morning chilled the flesh covering the bones of my body, leaving me with a numb feeling in the silent graveyard. Shun and I kept our distance and conversation at a minimum as Taichi's tombstone came into view.
Unable to hold myself back, I slightly jogged towards it and flung my arms around it, holding back a sob. I miss you
Shun stopped behind me; I could hear an agitated sigh escape him.
I held back the weeping that wanted to escape my body and continued to stare at his tomb. An entire year slipped through my hands without Taichi If we hadn't run away, he would still be here and I would hold at least a touch of happiness, yet nothing is left inside of me. It's as if this numbness had taken over, and there's no more pleasure and merriment left in the world. Or, at least in my world.
Can we go now? Shun asked, letting out an exasperated sigh.
You're so fucking impatient! Just like Taichi always was He could pull it off because I know he gave a shit about me.
Shun didn't say anything, and I went back to mourning my dead lover and brother.
It's ironic; after everything I've found out about my past, my family––I still consider Hikari and Taichi my siblings, regardless of the amount of times Taichi and I slept together. It cannot be helped; I grew up with them as siblings and as Taichi pointed out over a year ago, it doesn't really matter that Nasuko is my birth mother because the Yagami's were the ones who really loved me.
Of course, this is an exception now considering they haven't looked at me since the truth came out.
Sighing, I hugged the tombstone one last time and let a few tears spill onto it, whispering, I love you and always will. One day, I will join you at wherever you are, as soon as I retain the guts to leave my worthless life away
The voice was soft, definitely not belonging to Shun. I turned around and stood to see someone I hadn't thought I would never see again.
Hikari. She smiled softly and walked forward, throwing her arms around my neck. I was surprised by the act, remained frozen for a few moments, and then wrapped them around her slender body.
I miss you, she said as we parted.
I do too I looked past her to see my adopted parents standing a little behind Shun, looking both apprehensive and sad. They didn't look disgusted, and weren't glaring at me like the day the truth came out last year. Then again, how could I have expected anything less considering I slept with their only biological son and he died, as well.
Suddenly, my mother––Mrs. Yagami––pushed past Shun and wrapped her arms around me. Are you okay? Have you been eating right? Do you have a job? Where are you living?
I was stunned at the request of answers and a small smile formed at the corners of my mouth. Yet, I was able to form some sort of reply, fine, I guess. I'm living with Shun in his apartment and I don't have a job momentarily since I didn't graduate
Oh honey She wrapped her arms around me again and said, Come back home and live with us. We'll make sure you go to night school to get your high school diploma and see what happens from there.
I felt a hand upon my shoulder and unraveled myself from my mother's grip to see an encouraging smile from the man who I considered my father for seventeen––no, even this year I considered him a father, so eighteen––years of my life.
The event of this was almost too overwhelming, for Shun was glaring at me steadily, as if saying No, don't go. I've given my life to you. I stayed with you even though you're disgusting and slept with your brother'.
Turning from this horrible look and man, I turned back to my family. Do you really mean it?
Of course we do! We miss you, Yamato, Hikari beamed.
I guess yesI want to. I turned to Shun, I don't want to see you anymore I'm going to live with my family, people who care for me regardless of the sins I have committed in the past few years.
Shun glowered. You were a worthless prize in bed anyway. He left immediately after that.
The Yagami's began mourning for Taichi, and we spent an hour or so there, together. We hugged, we cried, and we did everything of the sort. And not once did anyone make me feel uncomfortable of my past It was as if I was given a fresh new start. It upsets me to think that Taichi cannot have this fresh new start with me, to not both be considered a son once more. Yet, I was happy enough to be given this beginning and cherish Taichi for always.
Perhaps this life won't be so worthless anymore Not with a loving family. And no more lies or secrets that are considered unspeakable.
It feels weird to be finishing this =\ I hope this was a worthy ending. And thanks for the support entirely through ^^ Please pass any feedback that feels necessary, thank you =)