"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever."
I kind of just watched them in awe. They were just so happy and bubbly. They were so cute with their chubby cheeks as they ate their pancakes. They poured so much syrup over them that it was hard to actually see the pancake. Edward cut it up for them as I simply sat on the chair with a cup of coffee in my hands….what made this whole thing even funnier was the fact that it was three o'clock in the afternoon. We had all over slept but I guess we really had nothing else to do.
"What mommy?" Xavier paused looking back at me. His smile slowly broke down and I could see the worry creeping in his tiny brown eyes. Was he worried about me? Did I make him nervous?…
I reached over wiping the syrup from his lips before smiling.
"I was just thinking I have the cutest little boy in the whole wide world and I love him so much."
He grinned wildly his face brightening; "I love you too mommy."
"Me too mommy. You love me too?." Sasha said too siting up early. They were like flowers both reaching for the sun after being in the dark for so long. It was wrong that she had to question if her own mother loved her.
"I love both equally to the moon and back no matter what." I said to her.
She nodded going back to her food. Xavier and her whispered to themselves laughing quietly. I jumped slightly when Edward sat next to me, placing his hand on my thigh. Looking to me his eyes were glazed over and I couldn't read all the emotion in them. I saw sadness, confession and hope.
"Can we watch tv now?" Sasha asked us forcing us to look away from each other.
"Sure." I said before he could.
They grinned, sliding out of their chairs quickly when Edward coughed; "Aren't you forgetting something."
They turned back and he was pointing at their plates. I rolled my eyes at him before smiling.
"I got it this time, go." I told them and they ran off before we could stop them again.
"Really? You got it?" Edward smirked looking down at the stupid cast on my leg, "And how do you plan on doing that?"
"Challenged accepted." I stuck my tongue out at him rising from the chair and standing on one leg I grabbed the plates, forks, and spoons, before turning back around. Edward, resting his face in his hand as he watched, amused, he even backed up some to allow me on my way.
I jumped forward and he broke out laughing.
"You're going to hop? Really?"
"I could just walk on my foot—"
"Don't you dare." He got up coming in front me with my crutches. "We will just trade." Sighing I nodded not wanting to brake them or be on my leg for even longer.
"But I want to help wash them, I'm starting to feel like a freeloader." I said when he took the plates.
His eyebrows crushed together as he looked back at me; "Why in the world would you feel like a freeloader in your own home?"
I didn't say anything I just continued on my way to the kitchen. But he followed and I just knew he wasn't going to let it go.
"Bella why do you feel like a freeloader?" See not letting it go.
Sighing I turned to him; "What was she—I what was I like before?"
He frowned placing the plates in the sink and shook his head; "It doesn't—"
"Please don't say that." I snapped. "Please don't say that because it does matter. It matters a lot."
"Why you don't remember!"
"But you do!" I hissed right back. "You remember. Sasha and Xavier remember. Everyone does. It's like everyone is in on some terrible secret that I'm not. I want to know and I don't want you sugarcoating it for me. Sasha just questioned me if I loved her….she actually questioned that. A four year old shouldn't ever have to wonder that."
He gripped on to the sink looking out at them before snickering bitterly; "You know I said that same thing to you once."
"She had an ear infection and kept crying for you but you didn't want to be around her. You pushed them away. It's what you do, Bella. The moment things get hard you push them away. I don't remember you ever being around them when they truly needed you. When they were happy sure you would watch but God forbid they weren't happy for a second and you would lose it. You would run. That's what you were doing when you almost got yourself killed on that bloody bus! You ran away because you couldn't deal with "us". You had to "get better" you had "feel something other then misery." That's what we were to you; misery…a chain, barely even keeping you here. You yelled at them for the stupidest things. You were a horrible, selfish and mean mother. And if I wasn't so worried about what would happen to Xavier and Sasha I would have left you. I wanted to leave you. I almost did dozen times."
When he finished I took a step back. He hadn't once looked to me. But it felt like he had slapped me across the face. Everything in me shook and I didn't know why. I didn't do any of those things.
"Did I ever hit them?" I found the will to ask.
"If you did I would have killed you myself." He muttered seriously and I nodded holding onto my crutches.
"Good. I'm going to lay down my legs hurt." I whispered moving to the room. I wasn't sure how fast I was going but the door barely closed before threw myself on to the bed. The fact that she…I…she was once verbally abusive made me sick. The tears poured from my eyes and I didn't bother to wipe them away. I could still remember every foster home I had been in. The smells, the yelling, the hate. I was in and out of them all my life. It was cliché to say that the foster system was horrible and full of abuse…and maybe it wasn't that way for other kids but for me. I was scared every night. I ran away as often as I could. The foster mothers called me anything from a whore to another stupid mouth to feed.
I looked back at the door to find Esme standing there. She looked like a hippy version of Mary Poppins with her over sized bag and colorful clothing.
"Now I'm seeing things." I muttered to myself.
"No it's me and why is it so dark in here?" She snapped her fingers and the curtains flew open wider. "Edward called me to come take the children for the afternoon so the two of you could talk. But it seems you both already did that. He went for a walk by the lake with the kids."
"He talked and I listened now can you please shut those—"I waved my hands and curtains flew back together.
I sat up looking at my hands then at curtains. Waving my hand over them again I watched as they opened slowly.
"Great, just great, more freaky things to add to this sediment of I stole my sisters life staring Isadora and Isabella."
"Are you done feeling pitiful?" Esme asked moving to the edge of the bed and pulling things out her bag.
"No I am not." I frowned siting up. "I'm pissed at you too. You should have done something. You should have helped us! Told us! You just threw us away!"
"Yes I did." She snapped back at me. She shook her head at me; "Yes, I abandoned you both and yes I should have done more but I was scared."
That came out of left field; "Scared?"
She sighed taking a seat beside me; "There are about 100 hundred witches in Washington…there used to be a lot more of us. Do you know what the suicide rate is for a witch?"
Why in the hell would witches kill themselves?
"It sounds fun. We can have powers everyone human secretly hopes to have. We can do such amazing things but everyday of our lives we live in hiding. We can't tell anyone who or what we are, that is the rule. After what happened in Salem every witch swore by it. I had just found the love of my life. I had two kids of my own…one of them coming into her own powers. It was too much for me and I was scared. I was scared that I would drop one of the balls I was trying so hard to juggle. I told myself what I needed to forget about you both."
"And then Isabella met Edward."
She nodded; "Why I am not sure? But by that time there was barely anything I could do, she was broken. She hid it well but she was broken and it was her own magic breaking her."
"Why not me? Why am I not broken?"
"Who says you're not? You just aren't broken in the same way." She handed me a small vile of some bright blue liquid. "I never claimed to be your fairy godmother. I've never claimed that I was great. I'm flawed. I have issues. I fear things as well. But I will also not make the same mistake twice. I want to help you."
"You want to help me erase my sister….just take over her life like nothing is wrong and move on."
From her bag this time, she pulled two candles. Handing me one and taking the other she looked me in the eye.
"Why don't you ask Isabella?"
"Darukms. Asvatica. Melliousmos." She said and candle lit itself before going out just as quickly.
In orbs of light there she was standing right in front of the door. She looked the same; she was still dressed in the clothes she died in, however now they were clean.
"Hi." She smiled.
"I've hit bat shit level crazy." I whispered standing up.
"I know right? Witches? I knew I was special." She laughed walking about the room. She glazed her hands over everything; "I always hated this cabin it feels so old."
I couldn't speak. What did one say to the ghost of their sister?
"You should say something I don't have much time." She told me still looking around. "I'm sorry for hitting on your husband."
"He's not my husband he's yours." She said simply stopping when she reached in front of me; "Or at least I asked you to take him."
"You were dying—"
"And now I'm dead."
"You still have to feel something. I don't want to replace you."
She smiled reaching up to touch my face; "Your kind. Much kinder than me or who I was at least. Edward is a good guy but I was never in love with him."
"You married him! You guys have kids." How could she just say that.
"He was never supposed to find me, he wasn't meant for me. He was meant for you. Do you know that you and I have almost met over thousand times?" She laughed.
She nodded shaking her head with a grin; "Fate had been trying to bring us together forever but we always just missed each other. I've seen it. The night I met Edward it was a college party and you were there."
"The only college party I've been to was at—"
"Delta Phi." She finished for me and my eyes widened.
"You were there? No wonder people kept asking me how I changed so quickly!" I was so drunk that night I just hadn't thought about it.
"Edward was there and he saw you. He fell in love with the way you laughed and your good awful jokes. When he went searching for you he found me. Edward has been searching for you in me for years and now here you are. Fate has finally corrected itself."
That didn't make it better; "By what killing you off?"
"Giving me peace. I've done a lot of bad things…I've hurt a lot of people. If I was alive I would do it all over again. It's in my nature to hurt because that is all I ever feel is hurt. Now my kids get to know I did care, I just wasn't able to. That makes me so happy. They are finally happy." Her brown eyes looked to the side of her as though she was reading something? Maybe listening to someone. "My time is up."
"No." I sad quickly grabbing on to her. "There is still so much I want to say to you. I never had a sister."
"You lose a sister and gain a family. I'm sorry Bella but I truly can't stay here any longer."
She started to fade when I let go.
"It's not right."
"What's not right is your split ends sis. You are me I want you to look the part even if you are different on the outside! Check my computer." She grinned, waving to me until she was gone.
For a couple seconds I just stared at the door not at all sure what had just happened.
"Well?" Esme asked coming in view.
I looked to her confused; "Didn't you see her?"
"No. It would have taken too much for us both to see her. Did it help?" She asked me siting up.
"I'm not sure. It's all very fast."
Esme took my hand and lifted up the drink for me to see.
"Just live Bella. That is what everyone is telling you…just live."
So I just drank from the bottle.
I had never done drugs but I was sure it must have felt like it, drinking whatever it was Esme had given me. My whole body, even my own mind, felt relaxed. For the first time since everything had happened, I simply rested. I sat up on the balcony deck of the master bedroom watching as the sun slowly set over the horizon. Everything looked magical, the reds, and oranges of the treetops all danced in the wind…It kind of made me feel like I was Pocahontas and wanted to run with all the colors of the wind.
Reaching beside me I flipped through the "Grimoire" as Esme had called it. She had explained that it was only for witches…anyone else that tried to read it would mistake it for some kind of cookbook.
"You haven't eaten anything." Edward whispered coming up beside me. He walked all the way to the balcony edge and rested. We hadn't spoken since he vented out his anger…I truthfully hadn't thought about it with everything else that had happened.
He turned to me, waiting for me to say something, so I shrugged.
"I wasn't hungry."
He nodded; "Yea neither was I…"
"What time did Esme say she was bringing the kids back?"
"I'm not sure. She just said she will come back later." He whispered looking over at the trees.
I hated silence. When I was by myself, I didn't mind it but when I was with other people it made me anxious.
"Edward can you just say whatever it is on your mind?"
"That's just it. I'm trying to figure out what's on your mind?" He smirked sadly. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just—"
"Angry and confused and doing what I asked you to do."
"So you aren't angry?" He said slowly, bringing himself to sit in the second chair.
"No. I'm sad, disappointed but that isn't me. The person you were describing isn't me and I've already decided to prove that to everyone. Until then, all I can do is move forward."
He stared at me for a moment; "So the reason you haven't come out of the room is—"
"Your mother drugged me." I laughed lifting the vile for him to see. "I told her I had a headache and she pulled this out of her Mary Poppins bag."
"Mom…." He groaned reaching for the vile. "Dad and I have told her a million times stop with the homemade medicine."
He sniffed and jerked back in digest.
"It tasted just as bad as it smelt but on the bright side my headache is gone and I feel really good."
"She always had us drink these things when we were young."
"Did it work?"
He pouted; "Sometimes."
I laughed; "Then no wonder why she never stopped."
Before he could open his mouth his stomach growled. A grin spread across my face before I finally just laughed.
"And you were worried about me?" No sooner did the words leave my mouth before my stomach growled as well.
He smirked. "Chinese?"
"Oh God yes!" I sat up placing the Grimoire on the chair. He helped me sit up before finally lifting me up.
"Edward no! I'm too heavy."
"You're kidding me right?" He laughed as he carried me to the kitchen. I couldn't help but wrap my hands around his neck. I didn't want to let go. I wasn't sure what to say.
He placed me on the stool before reaching for his cellphone.
"What do you want?"
"Everything." I joked.
"Everything it is then."
"You are a monster." I laughed as she took the last egg roll.
"There you go commenting on my eating habits again." She shook her head at me before taking a bite.
"I've just never seen you eat so much before."
She groaned placing her hand over her mouth; "Are you telling me I hated food too? Edward, I urge you…you need to start giving me some good qualities about myself or I will just lose hope."
I thought for a moment, then opened my mouth before shutting it again.
"You had great qualities…you have great qualities." I told her before drinking my beer, "You write the most amazing poetry, you're the only person I've ever met that can actually sing in the shower, and you looked at me, well…like you are now."
She looked away biting her lip as she blushed.
"I have no idea what you are talking about." She said reaching for my beer. She downed it quickly before handing it back to me.
Looking at the bottle, then at her, I shook my head. It was like she was a totally different person? My Bella, the old Bella, didn't sit on the floor drinking beer and eating Chinese…But I didn't mind this Bella either. No, in fact, I think I wanted her more.
"I remembered something." She said softly.
Just like that my heart stopped. "Really what?"
Was she getting her memory back?
"Delta Phi." She looked at me. "I don't remember talking to you but I remember being there and dancing…drinking."
This time I bit my lip fighting back a smile; "Delta Phi? Wow! That feels like forever ago but I remember you were the life of the party."
"Oh God. Hey…but what were you doing there? You're like 28. You were way too old to be at a frat party."
"Ouch! Jeez, I'm not that old."
"Oh you're one of those guys." She winked once again taking my beer.
"I think you just called me a creep. I was a member of Delta Phi and was being given an award, it's not my fault some of the younger guys decided to have a party one house over."
"Sure." She smiled drinking.
"What's your excuse?"
"Youth!" She said. "I was young…hell I'm still young."
Rolling my eyes: "Where was all that youth after we met?"
The moment I said it I wanted to slap myself. Urgh. There I went with my digs again.
"Bella I'm so sorry—"
"It's fine, Edward."
"No its not. Let me apologize. You don't remember and for me to keep attacking you is wrong. I'm sorry."
Reaching over she took my hand; "You've spent years one way and now everything has changed. I get it. I'm still a little confused but I think I'm getting the hang of it. But if you want to walk away—"
"No!" I said a little too quickly. "I mean. I'm happy. I'm really happy…"
"Okay I believe you." She laughed. A second later she froze as a song came on the radio. "Urg no!"
She pouted. "This is my song and I want to dance but this stupid anchor on my leg is killing me."
Standing up, I reached for her.
"Oh no, your wish is my command and we are doing this." I told her, pulling her up.
"Edward how is this going to work." She asked me, as I held onto her. I lifted her up onto my feet.
"Just don't make any sudden movements on that leg."
"Whatever you say doc." She smirked, staring right at me. She was so close. I could feel every curve of her.
Reaching up, I brushed her hair back as we swayed.
"We should do this more often!"
"Dance?" She asked.
"Yeah and talk and—" She kissed me and I was just getting used to the taste of her when she pulled away.
"We should do that too." She said.
"And more?" I whispered kissing her back.
We were going to be okay. I felt it in my heart. We were going to be okay.
Before I get ten dozen comments asking about reign let me say I'm working on it. I can only do one chapter at a time unfortunately….
Lastly Thanks littlebella13 for helping me edit this!
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