Love On A Leash
Disclaimers: I own them… NOT!
Paring: Ran/Ken, Yoji/Omi
Warnings: AU, Yaoi, Lemon, OCC, Angst, Slavery and some other stuff.
Notes: Stuff written in Italic are thoughts.
N/A: Yeah um so it's been like forever since I updated anything here. But if there's still anyone reading this is the final chapter of this fic. Believe it or not I actually started writing this chapter in November 2006! - Now that's what I call a writer's block! Anyway, enjoy!
Chapter 26. Feel
"You teach me how to feel
It feels all right
There's nothing left to fear
The further I go
-Feel, Darren Hayes-
Ken watched silently as Aya went through his work out. The redhead's arm was giving him a hard time and frustration was starting to take over. During the past six months Ken had tried to adapt to the new rules and he had worked so hard to not show his submissiveness.
It was difficult though, even more so than he had anticipated. He knew Aya wouldn't punish him, he had managed to stop cowering all the time, but he just couldn't make his body and brain understand nor could he uncover the forgotten knowledge of how to act like a human being.
Ken sighed and played with his collar. What was going to happen to their relationship if he couldn't change? The brunet swallowed down the fear and dryly reminded himself that so far nothing had happened anyway. Sure they slept in the same bed, tangled up together, but Aya hadn't touched him in any way that Ken would describe as sexual.
One part of him was really disappointed, another relieved because he wasn't sure how he would react. So many years of abuse had scarred his soul and even though he loved the quiet man more than he sometimes could comprehend, he was afraid of sex. He was terrified that it would still hurt, or what if his body betrayed him the same way his brain had in the past when it couldn't respond to Aya's actions?
"I can hear your thoughts all the way over here," the redhead's deep voice interrupted and Ken startled. Aya took a seat next to him on the couch and lovingly stroke away a couple of strands of brown hair. "What thoughts give you such a sad expression?" Ken blushed and stared at the floor.
"Nothing really," he mumbled. The redhead snorted softly and cupped the slave's chin.
"If you want to talk about it you know I'll listen, right?" Ken nodded and carefully met the taller man's eyes. He could see love, care and something else he had to admit looked a lot like desire. Slightly hesitant he leaned closer and brushed his lips over Aya's. The kiss that followed was soft and chaste.
Ken frowned when they broke apart. Not even the kisses were sexual, but rather comforting in the same way a hug was. Not that he didn't want that of course, it was just that he wanted sexual too. A soft finger wiped away the frown and he found Aya watching him with concern.
"I…" Ken shut his mouth and sighed deeply. He just didn't know how to approach the subject; it just seemed so embarrassing and awkward. "I'll start dinner," he finally muttered and more or less fled to the kitchen.
All those times he had been subjected to sex, even the few times when it had been done without the sole intention of hurting and humiliating him, Ken had never really responded to it. And wouldn't it just be perfect if Aya got nothing back? If Aya understood that not only didn't Ken participate but that he didn't even enjoy it.
Well he did know how to satisfy someone sexually, didn't he? Ken's lips twisted into an ugly smile. Previous owners had made sure he was more than skilled in that department so at least Aya wouldn't suffer due to Ken's ineptitude. Maybe that was it? If he just could show the redhead that he was more than willing to satisfy the redhead then Aya wouldn't be so focused on returning the favor?
Ran didn't know what to do and even with the best of intentions in his head his body had other ideas. The hands that touched him, the mouth that was determined to descend on his involuntary erection felt so good. But none of that mattered because the redhead's heart ached at what he saw in Ken's eyes; or rather what wasn't there to see. This had nothing to do with love; this was just a slave pleasing his master.
A flicker of apprehension and distaste on the brunet's face made Ran's heart twist so painfully that he had to push Ken away. Caught by surprise Ken lost his balance and landed on the floor with a yip. The room was still for several moments before the slave hesitantly climbed on to the bed again. He scooted closer and Ran reacted instinctively.
"Don't touch me!" he snapped coldly and practically felt how his glare iced over. Ken's actions had hurt him too deeply and Ran's mind took it upon itself to protect him. Stiffly he left the bed, pulled on some clothes and all but ran from the apartment. Two blocks passed by as he ran, pumping his legs in time with his heartbeats.
He couldn't do this, he wouldn't do this. If all he wanted was someone to fuck he most certainly wouldn't have picked Ken, who he loved so much. Running away, pushing Ken away was wrong on so many levels but it had seemed like the only option at the time. And now the vulnerable slave was sitting at home in God only knew what shape.
Taking a deep breath Ran made a 180 and hurried back to the apartment. He had to fix this immediately and he had to make Ken understand. But when he returned to their bedroom and saw his lover, no this wasn't his lover... this was his slave, kneeling in submission on the drafty floor anger and despair exploded in the redhead's chest.
All the progress he had made lately was ruined and Ken had done what he had been fighting against for months. Cowering in horror and confusion he had kneeled on the carpet. He wanted to cry, to scream in despair from the way Aya had sounded and looked.
"He doesn't want me," Ken whimpered to himself, "he really doesn't want me." Somewhere along the way he must have misunderstood Aya and his intentions and feelings. 'Don't touch me!' The words felt like they cut straight through his skin. Ken shivered at the memory and from the draft. There was no way he was moving until ordered; he would never do anything again unless Aya ordered it. Because being an obedient little slave was all he knew how to do and Ken had been a fool to ever think otherwise.
"We really are quite the pair, aren't we?" a sharp voice suddenly said and Ken flinched before he bowed lower. "I do want YOU Ken, but that before wasn't you, was it?" Anger had crept into the words and the brunet hoped that whatever Aya decided to do to him would mean he was forgiven. "How dare you think that THAT was what I want?" He was snarling now.
"I'm sorry Master," Ken whispered tightly, almost snappishly, because suddenly, somehow, he felt affronted. All he had done was the best he knew how to and what about what Aya had done to him? This wasn't fair!
"If you're waiting for an order you can just forget it Ken! I will NOT regress to being your owner, and until you get that I'd appreciate if you would refrain from touching me!" With those cutting statements Aya stalked away and to his surprise Ken was up and following him before he could consider it.
"I'm sorry if my emotional trauma is upsetting you," he groused venomously, ordering himself not to flinch at his insubordinate behavior. "You sure seemed to want it! How about you just tell me next time, huh? I have excellent hearing you know!" He actually felt a hint of satisfaction when Aya flinched. "So yeah, excuse me for breathing! I was only trying to satisfy you so you wouldn't notice if... if..." Ken ran out of steam and the flash of anger turned to misery.
"So I wouldn't notice what?" The brunet willed himself to not kneel again and forced his eyes to meet Aya's.
"That I can't... That... I won't like it even if it is you," Ken managed to whisper. He wanted Aya to touch him, to show him that he still wanted him. But Aya's back had stiffened and his amethyst gaze was like cold steel.
"And you thought that I wouldn't care as long as you got me off?" The redhead's voice should have mimicked his posture but instead it was soft and sad. Ken squirmed slightly because when put like that it sounded utterly ridicules.
"I... Um... I..." A sigh escaped him when arms suddenly gathered him close to a warm firm chest. Aya buried his nose in his hair and they just stood there.
"Ken," the redhead murmured into his ear, "I'm sorry I pushed you away and snapped at you. But it hurt Ken; it hurt so much to see that look on your face. If you don't like it we won't do it but I hope you'll let me try. It can be amazing without hurting."
It took time to repair the damage they had done to each other Ken thought as his eyes followed a sliver of light along Aya's naked body. The redhead had hurt him by pushing him away but he wasn't the only one who had been hurt. Aya's eyes had showed him the extent of the pain Ken had inflicted with his attempt to skirt around the issue of sex.
Sighing quietly he contemplated the scars on Aya's pale back. There were long ones with jagged edges, round ones, thin straight ones. What kind of life had his lover been leading to get so many scars? The brunet had his fair share of scars too. Kase's flogging would forever be branding his skin.
Content to just be lying next to this mysterious man Ken drew in the scent he knew was Aya's. Spicy, warm and safe, that was what Aya smelled like. He pressed his nose against the pale skin and a satisfied sound escaped the sleeping redhead. Could Aya have been telling the truth before? Was it really possible for sex to be pleasurable for both parties? Ken wasn't sure but he was willing to let Aya try.
And despite the wounds they had both received during their spat it hadn't escaped the brunet that he had actually participated in a quarrel and that he had, eventually, snapped back. That was progress! Smiling softly the slave kissed one smooth shoulder and heard the change in Aya's breathing, indicating that he was waking up.
"Good morning," he said softly and smiled when Aya blinked owlishly at him.
"Mm morning." The redhead pulled him close and wrapped his arms around him. Long slender fingers traced Ken's side and came to rest on his hip.
"I um... I really want to... to try," Ken stammered with a blush. "I'm just... scared." Aya observed him with tenderness in his eyes.
"I love you, I would never hurt you."
Ran had firmly pushed away any hesitations about what they were about to do and made himself calm. The brunet was staring at him with wide eyes but even though they held fear, there was also a fair amount of expectation. He smiled and sought out Ken's lips, happy that the latter responded eagerly. While their mouths moved Ran's hand began to travel, touching and mapping out the smaller man's trembling body.
Ken really was beautiful, his skin so soft even though it was marred by scars. When the kiss broke he moved his mouth to the brunet's throat and lavished it with kisses, licks and nips. A moan escaped Ken and Ran smiled before he continued. Ken smelled like sunshine and grass and tasted so good. His lips brushed against a nipple and another moan, louder that time, was his reward.
"Aya, that's... that feels... so good." Ran flickered his tongue over the hardened nub and Ken shuddered with pleasure. He spent a long, long time worshipping every inch of flesh he could reach, except the one place where he knew Ken wanted it the most. This was not about getting off; this was about feeling good and trusting. One slender finger traced the inside of the brunet's thigh and his legs fell apart, invitingly, unconsciously.
Ran had drawn up rules in his head, determined to avoid anything that could bring back bad memories. He would not pin Ken down or hover over him. And under no circumstances would he have Ken on his hands and knees or even face down. Sliding himself in between the brunet's legs he settled down on his belly and buried his face in Ken's groin.
The musky smell wrecked havoc on his tightly held libido. Ken let out a startled meep, clearly not used to that kind of stimuli. Ran thought it was absolutely atrocious that people had demanded the brunet to pleasure them and never once offered to return the favor. Rough sex was one thing and at times even damn enjoyable. But to use sex as a way to physically hurt someone and degrade them, Ran would never understand how anyone could do that.
Pushing the angering thoughts away the redhead placed a kiss on the tip of Ken's erection before he allowed the entire length to slide into his mouth. A strangled moan escaped Ken and Ran couldn't help but think that even though he had been subjected to so much sexually the brunet was still a virgin.
"Aya," the smaller man whimpered and grappled helplessly at the sheets. Without stopping Ran reached for Ken's hands and firmly placed them on his head, encouraging fingers to bury themselves in his hair. Little by little he could feel the shift as Ken stopped just receiving and started taking.
His hands were gentle but they were guiding the redhead's movements, setting the pace he wanted. When he was sure the brunet couldn't take much more Ran stopped, maneuvered a pillow underneath Ken's hips and dipped two fingers into an already opened jar standing precariously on the mattress.
"All you have to do is say stop," he murmured and placed a soft kiss on Ken's inner thigh. "If you don't like it or if it's uncomfortable, just tell me and I will stop." Ken nodded, his breaths coming fast and Ran knew that it wasn't just from excitement.
Kneeling between the brunet's legs he once again put his mouth on Ken's erection and sucked lightly. He was in no hurry and he knew Ken needed a few moments to calm down. His eyes never left the heavy lidded brown orbs that watched him and it wasn't until he saw the slight shift as the brunet relaxed that he moved forward.
Carefully, gently he traced a path between Ken's buttocks making sure to not react at the small flinch when he reached the creased entrance he was looking for. He touched it, caressed it and didn't apply any pressure until Ken's muscles gave in and went limp. Humming softly he worked one finger inside with care, mindful of the smaller man's responses. There was no sign of pain so he felt comfortable to continue.
Slowly the finger moved in and out, ghosting over Ken's prostrate as soon as he found it. Moans, gasps and unintelligent words were pouring from the brunet's lips, his eyes closed in pleasure. A second finger gently joined the first and for a moment Ken tensed. But the assault on his erection quickly overrode any hesitation and Ken was soon spreading his legs further apart, begging for more.
Ran carefully freed his fingers and allowed the brunet to slip out of his mouth. He was not about to instigate any more penetration and he knew that that would be to take it too far. Instead he coated his hand with lubrication and worked it all over Ken's erection.
"Aya?" the brunet questions with confusion when Ran slowly straddled his hips.
"It's okay," the redhead smiled softly and moaned when he slipped his fingers inside of himself. "I need you." Ken blinked and he was about to protest when Ran gently but firmly guided the brunet's slick hardness inside of him.
The tightness was unbelievable. Ken moaned loudly and his back arched up from the mattress. Aya was... He was... Panting he stared, not quite able to grasp what was happening. He was inside Aya, his erection completely buried in a hot tightness that he had never experienced before. And Aya seemed to enjoy it. The taller man had thrown back his head with a groan, his mouth hanging open in pleasure. Wide brown eyes stared.
Ken had never seen anything so beautiful. Aya's pale skin flushed, a thin sheen of sweat making it glisten, strands of crimson hair glued to his face. His legs tightened around Ken's hips and then the redhead moved. He rose and fell; allowing Ken's hardness to slide in and out and never once did his face show anything but bliss and lust.
"You feel so good," the redhead purred and his hand sought the other man's. "Thrust." Ken managed to comply and was rewarded with a deep moan. The sight and the feel were magnificent. They were having sex and Ken liked it! Almost overwhelmed with emotions the brunet felt tears escaping his eyes. Blindly freeing one hand he moved it to explore Aya's erection before he was too far gone.
His movements were beginning to become erratic, his brain not quite able to handle anything else beside the pleasure that was stirring faster and faster in his belly. Aya was not fairing much better, his hips jerking frantically and his thighs quivering from the strain. He was becoming tighter and impossibly hot. And then he stopped. Ken let out a strangled objection and tried to thrust, desperate for completion.
"Aya, please... I..." he begged as the redhead prevented his movements. Aya didn't answer; instead he gripped Ken harder with his thighs and in one swift roll reversed their positions. He found himself staring down into hooded amethyst eyes, swimming with love and lust. They were telling him to move, to take control. The brunet carefully pulled back a little and moved forward. It was frightening because Ken knew it could hurt, knew exactly how much pain could be inflicted on someone while they were being penetrated.
"You won't hurt me Ken," Aya said a little breathlessly. "Do it again. Harder, faster, deeper." The brunet looked at him uncertainly. "Please!" The desperation in that one little word urged Ken to at least try. If he saw anything even resembling pain in Aya's eyes he'd stop! It only took a couple of well aimed powerful thrusts to envelope the brunet in a thick blanket of giving and getting pleasure.
His entire being was reduced to him sliding in and out of Aya's tight and willing body. They were actually moving together he noticed hazily, their bodies matching as they copulated. He never wanted it to end, not the pleasure, not the feeling of being connected, not the look of raw sexual want in Aya's eyes. In the end it wasn't his choice. Aya suddenly tightened even more around him and then there was no turning back.
Ken was as fascinated as he was angry. This was one of the loudest fights they had had so far. Scowling at the familiar icy look in Aya's eyes he decided to emphasize his opinion a little by smacking his hand against the counter.
"Would you stop being so damn pigheaded and just deal with the situation instead? I'm not happy about it either but I really want to go! And you're too fucking proud to be seen in public with your little slave on a leash, is that it?" Ken growled even though he knew that that wasn't the case at all.
"I love you," the redhead snarled, obviously affronted, "and I will not dirty our relationship by parading around with my lover on a fucking leash. It's a soccer match that you can watch at home!" Ken had gotten used to the fights they had every now and then once he understood that it was a normal thing. He had asked Omi if he ever fought with Yoji and the little blonde had just stared at him in disbelief.
A fight between lovers was nothing strange and it did not automatically mean bad things were going to happen. Since Aya was about as stubborn as Ken fights were unavoidable. But they never lasted long and they almost always ended in the same way; with one of them losing their angry frustration rather suddenly. This time it was Ken's turn.
"Aya, I don't care what they think about us. I know you love me and I know I love you, fuck them." The redhead's shoulders slumped. "You don't have to fight so hard to make me feel like an equal to you." Slender arms pulled him close.
"I just…" Aya trailed off and rested his face against Ken's shoulder. "This isn't about them." And suddenly it dawned on Ken what it was about.
"It's all in your head Aya. You have never treated me like they did and I would die of shock if you ever do," he murmured softly. Insecurities were nothing new but he was still kind of stunned every time he was made aware that Aya had them too.
"But I feel like I am when I have to…" Ken tipped Aya's face towards him and kissed him softly.
"I love you and I trust you. A leash won't ever change that." Aya sighed and the brunette knew he was going to give in, he always did.
Fujimiya Ran shifted in his seat, eyes lazily watching the seven people in front of him. Days like these were his favorites. The park was surprisingly quiet for such a beautiful autumn day, the birds singing in the distance and the laughter of children ringing like bells from the playground. Contented and a little sleepy he caught his lover's eyes and smiled warmly.
He could still remember that morning when he had found Ken kneeling on his floor. It was a blessing that he had decided to keep the man close to him because Ken was the best thing that had ever happened to the redhead.
So much had happened to them, so many things that had almost destroyed everything, but they had made it. Together they had fought for happiness and even with all the struggles, the pain and the scars Ran wouldn't change a thing. Because it was all that that had led them here, to a place he wanted to stay in forever.
"Uncle Ran!" a voice called, pulling him from his memories. Ran looked up and smiled at the woman in her mid-twenties.
"Miyako-chan," he said in greeting and struggled to his feet, reaching for his cane. The woman came closer and hugged him tightly. Her husband waved from where he was standing next to Yoji and Omi.
"How have you been Uncle Ran?" Miyako asked and fondly linked their arms together offering her support even though his left arm was pretty much useless these days.
"Can't complain," he answered playfully as she led him towards the group of people, "especially not when my favorite people are all here."
"Uncle Yoji is not your favorite anything," she grinned up at him. "I can't believe he still pinches my cheek!" Ran snickered and gratefully sat down next to Ken. His lover smiled at him and a slightly shaky hand took his. Across the table Hiko grinned widely at him as he tried to steal prawns from one of the dishes his wife and Miyako was setting out.
"You look tired," Ken said quietly, concern flickering in his eyes.
"Not more than usual," Ran soothed and pressed their joined hands against his cheek. They started eating and the redhead's thoughts drifted again. They often did when there was a lot of talking around him since his hearing wasn't as good as it used to be.
Ken had been with him for a little more than 10 years when slavery was finally made illegal again. It had freed Ken, Omi and Hiko on paper, the only freedom Yoji and Ran hadn't been able to give them. But for Ran and Ken it hadn't really changed anything, no law could ever change what and who Ken was to Ran.
Even now Ken still wore the thin collar with the name tag on. They had had a fight about that but in the end Ran had understood that while that collar was a connection to slavery for him it had a different meaning to Ken. To the former slave it held so many happy memories from their relationship.
He had after all worn in the first time he made love to Ran. It had hung around his neck the first time Ran made love to Ken. The brunette refused to part with it and Ran had, as always, given in when he understood the reason. A chilly wind disturbed his thoughts and he shuddered.
"Are you cold, love?" Brown eyes surrounded by wrinkles watched him and Ran smiled, gently freed his hand and ran them through gray hair.
"A little." Ken immediately covered his legs with a blanket and moved closer.
Ran had never minded that the years passed by, not when Ken was beside him. Now at the ripe age of 78 he was old and content with his life even if his body was stiff and achy with age. He really didn't have anything to complain about. Ken was with him, healthy and as normal as anyone with his past could be. Yoji and Omi were still together and Hiko had a wife and a daughter.
As he rubbed his thumb over his lover's wrinkly hand, clutched in his own, he watch all the people he loved so dearly, who meant so much to him. No, Fujimiya Ran had nothing to complain about at all.
A/N Um, eh, so it's over… It took me 9 years but it is over. If anyone has stuck by this story until the end, thank you. Love/Atsureki