Kida huddled into Izaya's coat as he trudged home unhappily. Despite the fact that it wasn't all that late, about six the blond thought, it was already starting to get dark. The streets were swamped with people retreating back home after a long day's work, and Kida was for some reason creating a path amidst the crowds. People everywhere moved aside for him. Usually, he was simply ignored, walked into, brushed past, disregarded, but not now. It took him a while, but he soon realized it was because of the infamous informants coat. So Izaya really was feared by everyone in this city now then.
It didn't occur to him until he shoved open the heavy door to he and Shizuo's apartment that his boyfriend would indefinitely recognize the coat. There was no time to think, as the second he entered the room, he was greeted with a cheery 'welcome home' call from the kitchen, where Shizuo obviously was. Tossing the coat idly into the bathroom, the closest room to the door, he strolled as casually as he could muster, into the kitchen. There was a brilliant aroma in the air.
"What's cookin', good lookin'?" he joked, with a smirk, as Shizuo approached him and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. It was a rare occurrence to see Shizuo cooking, which was probably because he wasn't all that much of a gourmet chef to say the very least. This meal however, did smell and from what Kida could spot, look absolutely delicious.
"Meh, just a stir fry. Figured I'd treat you to my fabulous cooking. How was work?" Though Kida knew his boyfriend was simply trying to make small talk, the question made him nervous.
"Just uh, the usual."
"Did you meet Mikado today? He called and said you didn't show up when you usually go see him..."
"Um, oh yeah. I was, err, busy, I guess." What the hell had happened to being a good liar?
"...Alright. What are you wearing by the way? That's not mine..."
"No. It's not..." he panicked, searching his head unsuccessfully for an appropriate answer. Silently, he cursed himself for not changing before he left Izaya's. "I went out today and bought it."
"Thought you said you were busy," his tone was still casual, but Kida could feel sweat forming on his forehead. The room suddenly grew ten times hotter. Why he was so afraid of Shizuo finding out was oblivious to him, it wasn't as if he was doing anything wrong with Izaya. Not yet anyway, he thought and mentally punched himself straight afterwards. He was in love with Shizuo, not Izaya. That's what he had to keep repeating in his head until it was once again set straight.
"Yeah. I was. I'm gonna go change," he said evasively, and darted off straight to the bedroom before the older man could respond. Shrugging it off, Shizuo finished up his cooking and dished it up onto two plates, just before there was a loud, demanding knock at the door. He tutted, but went to answer it anyway. What he was not at all expecting was to see the headless rider standing right on his doorstep. The two of them had not spoken in a very long time, so it was a surprise to see Celty once again. A pleasant one, nonetheless. He regarded her with a half-smile and opened the door wide, an inviting gesture.
"Celty. Good to see ya'. Do you need something?"
She typed with alarmed speed, Shizuo noticed, and his expression turned from calm to stern. Preparing himself for bad news, he leant against the door frame and crossed his arms, staring down at Celty so that his sunglasses fell to the bottom of his nose.
'I need to talk to you. It's about Kida.' The words on the screen read, and Shizuo regarded them with a suddenly panicked look about him.
"What about him?"
'Is he here?'
'Then we need to go somewhere private.'
"What's this about Celty? I'm not-" Her loud and persistent typing cut him off and he sighed in exasperation before the words on her screen snapped him straight back to attention.
'It's about Izaya. It's Izaya and Kida.'
Sharply, Shizuo turned his head to look back at the vacant living room. Kida, looking tired and confused, staggered out of the bedroom in nothing but some old sweatpants. The older man's expression did not waver as he pushed his sunglasses back up to the bridge of his nose and let out a breath he did not know he was holding.
"Kida," the boy looked at him, a longing and adorable gaze that Shizuo could hold forever. "I'm gonna head out for a while. Food's in the kitchen."
"...Alright. Come home soon...Please."
"...Yeah." With that, he left.
Izaya sat idly at his desk, fiddling a piece of yellow fabric between his fingers. It upset him to lose Masaomi so quickly. He had the little blond right where he wanted him. Of course, the brute would call him then, just when everything was falling into place. Desperately waiting for a new day to spend with his little Kida, he attempted to work to pass the time. Unfortunately, it just wasn't enough to occupy the informants mind. He was considering heading out to play in his city for a while when there was a quiet, gentle knock on his office door. Baffled, he crossed the room and opened it, and was for once, surprised by what he saw.
A girl, with light brown hair in two pigtails with gentle curls. Her face was pale and she had very empty brown eyes. Eyes that flooded back memories of Kida into the confused informant's mind, who stared blankly at the girl in front of him. She wore a complimentary black, low cut dress, which just about reached her knees.
"Can I help you sweetheart?" he questioned patronizingly, a smirk growing on his face which the girl seemed to flinch away from.
"So it is you..." she replied, staring up at him with seemingly no emotion in her eyes. Just like his little Kida. "You don't remember me?"
"Can't say you're all that familiar. Though you do remind me of someone I'm rather fond of, so I'd love for you to come in for a little while. We can have a little chat over coffee if you'd like." He smiled, a sultry smile. His tone invited confidence in a way that the girl could not ignore. She entered the room without another word shared between the two and sat down on one of the couches that stood opposite each other in the very center of the room. The informant sat facing her, the same smirk plastered onto his face.
"I can't stay for long," she muttered under her breath, seemingly avoiding the man's eyes at all costs. He raised an eyebrow, but decided to dismiss it.
"That's fine dear. Now, would you like to tell me who you are? Or at least why you're here."
The brunette girl paused for a moment, as if considering her next words. Her eyes, previously fixated on the ground, rose slowly to study Izaya's face. To her delight, he still looked just as puzzled as he had when he had opened the door. All the things she wanted to say to this man danced around in her head, and she could only bring herself to form one of these things into a coherent sentence.
"Stay away from Kida. Leave him alone...He's only just started getting better."
Now this was interesting. For a very brief moment, Izaya was partially shocked. What connection did this girl have to Kida? But once the shock faded, he was nothing if not extremely pleased. Here she was, an instant link to Kida sitting right in front of him. She'd dragged herself in far too deep to get out just by coming here.
"Why would I listen to you? I don't even know your name," he responded with a teasing smirk as she glared harshly at him.
"I'm Rio Kamichika. About two years ago, you taught me an awful lot. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think about you, Izaya Orihara. And when Kida told me who you were, I knew that you must have taught him an awful lot too. Probably some lessons he did not want to learn. So I'm asking you to leave him alone. He's happy where he is now. With Shizuo." but even Rio herself was uncertain.
"Are you sure of that? Because I think I can make him much happier than he can ever be with that...monster."
Smoke hung loosely in the air around the two, from the lit cigarette in the blond man's hand. In silence, they sat together, one typing vigorously, the other waiting with a calm patience. Shizuo Heiwajima took a long drag from his cigarette and blew it out in a slow, long breath. Throwing his head back, he sighed loudly, just as the woman, all dressed in black beside him, completed her essay. She forced the screen into the man's face and he pushed her back very gently so that he could comprehend the words before him.
'Shinra was expecting a delivery from Izaya today, but it wasn't Izaya who was at our door. It was Kida. I didn't see him, but Shinra told me, he was there, delivering for Izaya. He was even wearing his coat! I didn't believe him at first, but then again, why would he bother lying about something like that? I was going to try and catch up with him, make sure he was okay, but Shinra told me not too. He said that Kida looked happy. Not at all uncomfortable or upset or hurt. Then I went to get coffee where Kida works and he sure as hell wasn't there. It was only Rio, so I asked her where he was. She told me he quit yesterday. She also mentioned that he left with a man who he called 'Izaya Orihara' yesterday too. I think you should definitely talk to Kida. As soon as possible.'
Though Shizuo did not know what to expect, it definitely was not this. So last night. The night of their anniversary. Kida had spent that night with Izaya, doing God knows what. The possibilities of this seemed so unlikely; he just couldn't fathom how Kida could do something like that to him. Clearly, Shizuo was wrong to think his boyfriend was happy. He would never have done something like this if he were content with where he was. Every part of him felt somewhat broken, and almost, even if just for one second, he thought he might even cry.
Then, in a matter of moments, Shizuo wasn't upset anymore. Not at all upset. He was angry. He was very, very angry. In the rage of the moment, Celty no longer existed, and her hand clamping on his wrist was nothing but a bug that he swatted away with ease as he stormed off to nowhere in particular. Well, that's what he was hoping for until he found himself outside of the flea's office. With no reluctance, he barged straight in and up to the office he knew too well. Shizuo did not knock, simply destroyed the door that stood between him and his prey. It was then that he realized his feet had not taken him to Izaya's like he had suspected they had. The office was simply his imagination, he noticed, as he found himself within the confines of his own apartment. His apartment that he shared with Kida.
The younger blond poked his head out of the bedroom, a look of fear on his face, soon replaced by relief when he saw his lover.
"Shizuo, what's the matter? You broke the door again, idiot, we only just got that fixed last week-"
"Masaomi," Shizuo interrupted. This brought the boy to attention. Kida couldn't recall the last time the older man had called him 'Masaomi'. It seemed so wrong. Foreign on his boyfriend's lips.
"Is something wrong?"
"Yes. Something is very wrong."
"What is it Shizuo?" he questioned, in a tone full of concern as he scuttled over to stand in front of his boyfriend. Shizuo regarded the young blond with a look of disgust, which Kida noticed, and took straight to the heart.
"I'll tell you what's wrong. You're lying to me. Are you unhappy with me Masaomi? Is that it? Am I not good enough for you? Not exciting enough? Maybe it's that I'm too safe for you. Is it not as thrilling being with me as it is being with him? Or maybe you think it's fun. The exhilaration of it. The thought that you could get caught with him at any moment. Is that it? Does he make you feel so good, so much better than I ever can? Does he show you love like me? Oh no, that can't be it. He can't love. He's a demon. He can't love he can only want. Hey maybe you're just like him, in that sense then!-"
"Shizuo!" The pained cry from Kida made him stop his rant to stare down at the boy. "Stop it. Please! You're hurting me!" He didn't know when he'd grabbed the boy's wrists, or when he'd started gripping so tightly. Instantly, he released the young blond, and took a step back, staring bewildered at the sight before him. Kida was crying, like Shizuo had never seen him cry before; not since Izaya had caused it. But it wasn't Izaya's fault. It was him. He'd made Kida cry, for the first time that he knew of in two whole years. "Shizuo..." he whimpered, very quietly as the tears poured.
"Don't. It's my fault...Shizuo, I'm so sorry!" Impulsively, he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, burying his face in the man's chest and sobbing loudly. To his surprise and comfort, the man responded by gently returning the hug, placing countless kisses on the boy's head and whispering muffled apologies. "It was none of those things...It was just...The money...We need the money Shizuo...He isn't. Touching me. He isn't, I swear it, and if he ever does, I'd tell you. But he's not. He's letting me work and he's paying me so much and we need that so much Shizuo. We could buy a house; like we talked about Shizuo. A big house for both of us. And we can finally be happy."
But Shizuo knew better. A fairy tale ending for Kida and himself was not what Izaya was planning to get out of this. "Do you trust Izaya, Kida?"
"Then say it."
"...I trust him."
"You can't even say his name out loud Kida. From what I know, you haven't said it since the last time we saw him."
"I trust Izaya."
Kida stared up at his lover with glassy eyes and sniffled quietly. Shizuo did not have to speak another word; the young blond knew what he had to do. Quietly, he pulled away from the hug they shared and started unwillingly for the door.
"For you..." he mumbled, still sobbing quietly. "I'll do this for you Shizuo."
"Thank you, Kida. Be careful."
Rio trekked home alone in the pitch black darkness. The streets, though still busy, were about as empty as they ever got by now. Yanking her dress down, she thought of Kida. Izaya had promised her that his intentions were not to hurt him, and for some reason, she had believed him. There was a somewhat genuine look about him when he mentioned helping the boy.
She stopped dead in her tracks as a boy with bottle blond hair passed her. Heading for Izaya's office, she noticed. With hesitation, she glanced back at him, to see he too had stopped and was gazing back at her with eyes that carried so much discarded emotion. Just like her own. He nodded to her, a silent gesture that everything was okay, and she nodded back, before turning and continuing on home. And she prayed very briefly, thought she did not know if anyone was listening, or if anyone was even there to listen. Rio prayed for Kida; that he really was okay. And that he would get to stay that way.
There was a lot of unresolved tension between the two. Izaya and Kida stared at each other, standing at barely centimeters apart behind his desk, where they had been before in a rather heated moment. A moment that Kida knew he could never experience again. Gently, Izaya held the young blonde's hand, moving his other hand up to push up the sleeve of his own coat that the boy was wearing. When he saw the red skin in the shape of a hand, he knew exactly what had happened. Internally laughing, he stared at Kida with a look of resentment. Resentment that Kida knew, was not for him, but for the man he loved; Shizuo. The man who had hurt him, but still the man he loved.
"You can stay with me," Izaya blurted out, mentally cursing. Where did that come from?
"No. I can't."
Words began pouring out of the informant's mouth. Words that he did not like the sound of.
"But you can. Just tell me if you need someone there, to hold you and help you fall asleep tonight. Just tell me and I'll do it. Tell me anything. I'll do it. Anything, Kida."
"Izaya, you can't. I know what I want from you and you cannot give it to me."
"What. What Kida? What do you want from me?"
"I want you to love me. And that's something you can't do."
"Then tell me Kida! Tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to!"
Kida stared with wide eyes at the informant, who finally caught hold of his tongue and took control of his words once again.
"No. You don't have to say anything Izaya. In fact, please don't. I understand now." With a smile, he reached up, grabbed the informant by the shirt and pulled him into a passionate kiss. A kiss full of emotions that Kida couldn't communicate through words, but knew that Izaya would understand him this way. A heated kiss.
A kiss that was wrong.
A kiss that destroyed everything he once knew.
Kida was on top of Izaya, on the informant's desk, kissing him and ripping at his clothing. The raven haired man, who had never in all his years seen the young blond like this, was amazed, glad and most of all, turned on. Finally, he'd gotten his little Kida back, and all it took was spouting some bullshit about how he wanted to love him. Though he wasn't entirely sure that it was all as much as a lie as he desperately wanted to believe it was, he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. He'd think about it later. Right now, all he wanted to focus on was Kida. The man wanted to touch every inch of the boys body, to breathe in what he probably never would get again. He ran his hands down the boy's bare chest. Quickly and gently, he grasped Kida's bruising wrists and kissed them almost apologetically, as if he were the one who had left the marks there. He stared at the forming bruises for a moment, before looking back at the fading ones that were dotted all over the young blonde's naked body. The boy squirmed on top of him and sighed.
"I know it's bad. Please don't stare like that..."
"I'm sorry...I just can't believe he can't see what he's doing to you," Izaya whispered, before placing gentle kisses along Kida's collar bone. Then he sucked gently, deciding he would leave a mark of his own. Then, he stared up into the glassy eyes of his little blond, and read every single word that the boy could not bring himself to say out loud. I'm disgusted. Every time I even so much as catch a glimpse of my body in the mirror, it makes me physically sick. I'm ashamed and embarrassed by it. But he never does seem to notice. The same way he never notices anything. Nothing. I was so scared that when you saw me, you wouldn't want me anymore. I thought you'd cringe away from the sight of me, the way that I do when I see myself. And I wouldn't have blamed you if that's what you did. Yet, you didn't. How? How can you still want something so grotesque? How could you love me, even like this?
Seeing these unspoken words in the boy's eyes made Izaya think. Really, the answer was rather simple. But he'd never say it out loud. Never would he ruin such a perfect moment between the two of them. So he lied instead, "You're still beautiful to me Kida," he spoke huskily, "these little marks are only a part of you for now. They'll fade over time. They will go away." Almost too harshly, he pulled Kida's head down so he could whisper in his ear. "But the memories won't. Leave him while you can still bare to live with yourself." Upon his last words, he felt the boy tremble beneath his hold, and loosened his grip significantly.
"I can't make that sort of decision. Not right now, Izaya. Right now, I just want you...Just once more..."
Kida really did make it hard to refuse him. Not in any circumstance would Izaya turn down the offer to have Kida moaning and screaming beneath him again, just once more. The informant got rid of the clothing Kida couldn't quite get, until he was completely naked and pulled his blond in for a passionate kiss. He let his hand travel down to grasp Kida's member and was proud of the little squeal he got for a reaction. This was his night. No Shizuo to interrupt. Tonight was all about Izaya. Quickly, the older man switched their positions, without much protest from Kida, so he was looming over the younger blond with a predatory smirk playing on his lips. As he began kissing and gently running his tongue along Kida's neck, he figured if Shizuo was allowed to leave his beastly marks all over his play things, Izaya himself should be entitled to do so too. He sucked the boy's neck until a small hickey formed, then he was pleased. Kida's breathing was irregular as he stared up with lustful eyes at Izaya. Clearly Shizuo just wasn't pleasing his little blond enough recently, and Izaya nearly had to laugh at that. Composing himself enough not to chuckle, he quickly reached over Kida to retrieve the yellow scarf from the desk that he had been playing with earlier. He twirled it between his fingers until the younger boy had noticed the yellow fabric and froze completely.
"Relax Kida. Just for old times sake?" he smirked.
Masaomi paused for a brief moment, hesitation clear in his features. "I suppose," he finally said, "if that's what you want."
With a sense of victory, Izaya carefully tied the scarf around Kida's eyes and fastened the knot tightly enough that it would definitely not come off without an awful lot of tugging. Pleased, he entered the boy in one swift movement, without any form of warning whatsoever. The two moaned in unison, Kida significantly louder than Izaya, which seemed to satisfy the other. With all the moans and even some screams of absolute pleasure escaping Kida's lips, neither of the two noticed Kida's cell phone ringing in the pocket of his discarded jeans. For a moment, Izaya seemed to slow down in stages until he came to a complete stop in his thrusts. Kida whimpered in response.
"Tell me something Kida. Something that will make me want you," he whispered huskily, before continuing his thrusts incomparably slow to their previous session. Desperately, Kida wanted, no needed,more from Izaya, just a little more if that's all he could get. There was only one possible thing he could conjure up that might make the man content, or maybe just humour him enough to want to continue.
"I think of you..." he breathed heavily between his words, "When I'm with him, all I can think about is you...I can't kiss him without tasting you...You're always on my mind when he should be."
As Kida had predicted, this fulfilled the informant's needs enough to make him go on how they were, until both of them came, Kida all over Izaya's chest and Izaya inside Kida. For Kida though, the pleasure was heightened, since the blindfold blocked his sight all of his other senses were on alert, especially his sense of touch. And, God, Izaya definitely knew how to touch him in all the right places. Assuming this would all he'd be lucky enough to get, the informant climbed off of the young blond, who stayed panting on the desk. Speedily, he jogged into his room, cleaned himself up and got changed. When he returned to his main office room, the raven was very content with the sight before him. His little blond was still full-frontal naked, sitting up on his desk and struggling with the tightly tied blindfold. Noiselessly, Izaya approached him and aided him with gentle hands, which made the boy jolt in surprise.
"Zaya?" he questioned in a short breath. The man chuckled gravelly before replying.
"Yeah. It's me." Easily, he got the knot in the scarf unfastened and when Kida craned his neck to look at the man, he placed a meaningful kiss on the young boy's lips. He sat down as Kida gathered up his clothes and got dressed again, pulling his phone out of his pocket and staring at the screen in pure horror. "Is it him?" Izaya asked, sounding concerned.
"Yeah. I'll just tell him you were being persistent," Kida said, not sounding at all ashamed of what he had done. It probably hadn't sunken in yet, Izaya thought, as the boy headed for the door with a smile plastered on his face. He guaranteed that Kida had not smiled like that in a long time, and that thought itself gave him a huge sense of pride. "Izaya?" Kida stopped as he reached the door, his hand clasping the handle as he turned to look at the raven, who glanced up at him in simple acknowledgment. "I can come back tomorrow can't I?" the blond questioned in a timid, innocent voice. Strange for someone who just completely gave themselves up to another man whilst in a relationship.
"Of course you can," Izaya replied very simply, opening his laptop. The light from the screen licked his face, lighting up his best features. Kida saw many more of these great features than what were actually there.
"And Izaya," he said again, forcing the man's eyes away from his screen and back to fixating on the boy, "thanks. If I saw me the way I am now, I wouldn't want me. I wouldn't be able to love me. I don't know how you do it." With a smile, the young blond finally left the office and started his trek home, back to his boyfriend to pretend that everything was back to normal.
Izaya sat alone in his office once again, and gave himself some valuable reflection time.
"Masaomi..." he said to himself, as if the boy were right there in front of him, "You want to know how I do it? How I still love you when you look so awful? The answer is simple. It's staring you right in the face." He started spinning around in his chair giddily, chuckling at his own personal joke. A sick, sick joke. "I don't."