Work half-inspired (mostly inspired) by Mumford and Sons songs, what can I say, I love them ~
Do not ask the price I pay
I must live with my quiet rage
Can you tame the ghosts in my head?
They run wild and wish me dead
Or let me die where I lie
Beneath the curse of my lovers' eyes
I walk slow
Take my hand
Help me on my way
I will hold on as long as you like
But promise we will be alright
Hold me tight and bury my heart next to yours
I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise we will be alright
This is ~kind of~ an AU to Fix You, but you don't need to read that to read this.
I know I haven't finished Fix You, but I haven't been able to write it lately due to mental block because of family stuff, but the family stuff half-inspired this (the other half was inspired by Mumford and Sons :D).
I'm really excited for this and I hope you all like it, so enjoy :D
"It wasn't his fault. You have to understand that, simply because he didn't. He still doesn't, the superidiot.
"It was an accident, and if I can accept that and get over it, so can you.
"You don't-I just-I just need you to understand.
"I need you to know it was an accident. I need you to know it wasn't his fault. I need you to listen to me, because he doesn't. Not like he ever did anyway.
"I won't lie, it is hard, but you know I love a challenge. I don't believe in no-win scenarios because I've been in them and there's always a way out.
"But... Not this time. I think this, this might be it. This is the end.
"It happened-You know when it happened. You saw the report after...
"I am sorry. You've been through this once, and I know that hurt you. I laughed it off when you told me how much it affected you. I'm sorry for that. Only later did I realise how much it meant to me. That sounds selfish doesn't it? Another ego-swelling comment.
"But you should know, that you, you helped me, more than anyone else. You've lost everything, just like me, and we found each other. You're my best friend. And I know I annoy you, I annoy everyone, but you...
"I always know where I stand with you, so I trust you. If you were going to leave me, like everybody else does, you'd tell me first. I'd know it was coming.
"I'm sorry I've put you through this again. I love you. And please, please don't go back to that place. You've come so far since then, please don't go back to that.
"Anyway. Tuesday. On our mission.
"Yeah, everything was fine. I was collecting data while Khan was monitoring the levels of the planet. Then...
"James!" Khan shouted suddenly, turning round to face Jim. Jim looked at him in response, a question on his face. "Something's going to-"
Khan looked up at the cave they were in. The stalactites above them began shaking, and Khan saw where they were going to fall. He pushed Jim away from him as hard as he could, causing Jim to stumble back several feet before he fell over, his head rebounding on the floor with a loud thud.
As Khan pushed Jim, he himself took several steps back. They were just in time; the stalactites fell where they'd been stood seconds before, causing a small mound to build up between them.
"James, are you okay?" Khan asked, the panic echoing in his voice.
There was no reply. Khan could feel the panic build up inside him, but he squashed it. Panicking wouldn't help.
"James?" Khan asked again as he walked closer to the mound, craning his neck for a sight of his lover.
"Khan?" Jim muttered, his voice laced with pain and confusion.
"Are you okay?" Khan asked as he found a spot where he could see Jim. He was half curled up, his hand raised to his head.
"Head hurts." Jim said weakly.
"James, look at me." Khan ordered.
"Where are you?" Jim asked his eyes fluttering constantly as he searched for Khan. "Where are we?"
"I need you to look at me." The panic was becoming too hard to contain.
"Can't. Everything's funny."
Khan watched Jim' eyes fluttering, failing to focus on anything and noticed his voice become quieter.
"'M bleeding, Khan."
Khan froze as Jim moved his hand. It had barely touched the back of his head and it was covered in blood.
"Shit." Khan said before he kicked into action and began shifting the rock in front of him. "James I need you to keep talking to me, tell me a story."
"What story?" Jim's voice sounded sleepy.
"Any story." Khan grunted as he lifted up a large rock and threw it behind him.
"There's a song in my head."
"Sing me a song James. I love your voice." Khan said with a smile as he recalled Jim singing in the shower.
"You gave me hope in the darkness that I would find the light..." Jim crooned softly.
Khan paused minutely before he continued his work. "Why are you singing that?"
"It's in my head, getting louder."
"Where did you hear it?"
"My mum used to sing it to me." Jim whispered, half-asleep.
Khan threw another rock so it made a loud noise, checking Jim to make sure it woke him up. "I didn't know your mum sung to you."
"T'was before she left. She used to sing songs to me when I was ill."
"What other songs did she sing to you?" Khan asked with a smile as he had almost cleared a pathway.
"There was this one song, called 'The Cave'," Jim said. Khan could hear the smile on Jim's face at the irony, smiling as he lifted up another rock.
A rock he shouldn't have touched. A rock that if he'd have been fully concentrating on which rocks to move instead of which ones would get him to Jim fastest, it wouldn't have happened.
It was a stupid mistake.
And Khan would never forget it.
Khan realised too late what he'd done. He'd already began lifting the rock when he realised what was about to happen, and froze instantaneously, but it was too late.
The rock had moved enough to let slip a rock that had been leaning on it. Not enough to notice straight away, but enough to move when it moved.
Enough to cause a rockslide when it moved.
A rockslide that would crush Jim.
Khan shouted at Jim, every emotion fighting to be the most dominant in his voice.
Jim could hardly hear Khan's voice screaming his name over the sound of all the rocks falling.
Khan began moving before the rocks had settled, already making his way across to Jim. So much rock had fallen, he couldn't even see Jim anymore, but he knew where Jim laid, and aimed for that part.
Khan didn't know how long it took him to reach Jim. Time can't be measured accurately when you're panicking. Every second stretched by as he imagined Jim slowly dying, waiting for Khan to rescue him like he always did.
But not this time.
And never again.
Khan shouted with every rock he shifted, until he saw Jim's hand between two rocks. Then he shifted them slowly, uncovering Jim's face first.
Jim's face was cut everywhere, absolutely filthy, and bloody from his broken nose as well as all the cuts.
Khan quickly looked away, moving to uncover Jim's chest. No point trying to wake Jim up if he couldn't breathe.
Khan took away the stone gently but firmly, then analysed Jim's body, taking in every injury he could see.
Jim's body looked completely and utterly compressed. Every bone was broken from the weight that had fallen on him.
Jim was dead.
Khan couldn't look.
He couldn't look at what he'd done.
It was all his fault.
If he hadn't of moved that rock. If he hadn't of pushed Jim so hard. If he had pulled Jim with him. If he hadn't of done this mission with Jim. If-
Jim's chest moved ever-so-slightly, and Khan's brain stopped. He raised a hand, not quite touching Jim's cheek before pulling his hand away.
Jim gasped before he whispered "Khan."
Tears fell down Khan's face as he heard Jim's voice. "I'm so sorry, Jim, I can't," Khan gulped as he looked over Jim's body, "I can't save you." He whispered.
"Khan, all hurts. Listen." Jim's eyes focused on Khan, brighter than they'd ever been. "Keep earth below my feet." His words gurgled as blood began to trail from his mouth.
"James, I don't-"
"Don't blame self. Please."
"No!" Jim raised his voice before gasping, tears rolling from his eyes as the pain increased horrifically. "Khan. Need to listen."
"I love you." Jim tried to smile, but Khan looked away. He refused to see Jim's smile disfigured, he refused to see Jim's smile broken.
"I love you, James." Khan replied as he edged closer to Jim, still not daring to touch him.
"Khan?" Jim whispered as his eyes drifted away from Khan's face. He suddenly looked at Khan again as he said "Always." before closing his eyes.
"Always." Khan repeated with a smile. "Always, James, always."
Jim didn't reply.
"James." Khan said louder. "JAMES." He roared as tears fell fast from him.
Khan's world span. "No, no, no. James don't, don't you dare do this. James Tiberius Kirk I am ordering you, do not leave me. DON'T. LEAVE. ME." Khan swayed as he brought his hands to his face, unable to contain the feelings that were swallowing him. "You're all I have." He juttered out between breaths.
He suddenly stood up and began moving the stone that covered Jim's legs. "JAMES. WAKE UP. YOU ARE MINE AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE ME.
"I. FORBID. YOU." Each word that matched with a rock being moved before Khan collapsed next to Jim's clear body. Khan shifted so he was hovering over Jim's face.
"James, Jim... Jim. Please, do not leave me. Please please please please please." Khan, the king who never begged, was reduced to nothing but pleads. "Take me with you. Please Jim, take me with you."
Khan gasped as a wave of emotion overcame him, lowering his head and curling up as his feelings overpowered him. Through teary eyes, he made out Jim's hand and took it in his own, grasping it tight as he began rocking.
"I have always saved you, always. And I couldn't save you now. I tried, James, I tried.
"I need you to save me. I need you to help me, please James, do anything, move, talk, for fuck sake James." Khan widened his eyes as he waited for Jim to react. "Help me. Save me. Take me.
"Take me, James. Take me with you." Khan repeated 'Take me' as his face screwed up and he began rocking again, howling and pushing out the words he wanted, needed Jim to hear. "Take me, take me, take me."
The talking and the crying became too much for Khan's throat, and he stood up quickly to move away from Jim's body as he threw up the contents of his stomach.
When he'd done, he turned back around to face Jim's body, wobbling sideways as he took a few steps forward. Then he collapsed onto the floor, a concoction of limbs and tears.
"No, no." Khan shook his head, unable to tear his eyes away from Jim's body. He crawled over to Jim, and rested his head on Jim's chest.
"Don't leave me." Khan whispered against Jim's heart as fresh tears fell onto his body.
"I heard it all. I heard everything he said. Every other sense was gone, I couldn't see, I couldn't feel, I couldn't smell and I couldn't taste... But I could hear. I heard the words that haunt me everyday."
Jim sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. "The last thing I heard was the great Khan Noonien Singh begging to die beside me." Jim snarled. He sighed again, taking a moment before continuing.
"Then, then I woke up. In my apartment. Wearing the clothes I was wearing when I was last there. Completely fine and dandy.
"First thing I did was try to leave. All I wanted to do was find someone, you, Khan, find out what was going on.
"But I couldn't. When I tried to go through the door, it was like I bounced off of something. I was there for hours, trying to get through but nothing worked. I was a prisoner in my own apartment. Not even in my home. Not even on the Enterprise.
"It didn't take me long to try to walk through the wall-"
"Did it work?"
"Yep." Jim grinned, but even his grin was shadowed with sadness. "I went straight through.
"Being stuck in your own apartment, that's alright if someone's with you. I could have been anywhere, and as long as one of you guys were with me, I'd be happy. It's not about where you are, but who you're with.
"However, I was alone. I hated that place anyway, so imagine how much I hate it now. I can't stand it." Jim snarled his last words.
"I want to run tests-"
"Not now." Jim frowned at his best friend. "Seriously? Trying to open my heart to you here."
"Then, Khan came home. Seeing him again, Jesus Christ, I'm not afraid to admit I cried. I welled up as soon as I saw him. I just missed him so much, hearing him speak, feeling him-
"Anyway, I missed him. I waited for him to move, because I wasn't sure what he was thinking. I just kind of stood there, crying, watching him. Waiting.
"Then he grinned. The best expression I have ever seen on his face, and I've seen him come." Jim smiled at the groan he received. "I was just saying. So, he was grinning and I was crying and then we started laughing and it was great.
"Until he..." Jim swallowed, looking down. "Until he ran towards me. He looked beautiful, his face lit up and his eyes bright and the smile on his face-" Jim's voice caught at the memory.
"Then what happened?" Bones asked, his voice a whisper, still in shock over the story his best friend was telling him.
"Then he ran straight through me."