Surprise? I've had this laying around for about a year now. It was published in a fandom charity comp. I figured it was about time I posted it!
"Fuck, Bro. We need to get you some pussy."
I looked up from my laptop to my younger brother, Emmett. He was sitting beside me on the couch, flipping through the channels.
"Laid, my man. We need to get you laid." He put the remote down on the coffee table after settling on SportsCenter.
"What is this 'we?'" I asked. "I don't need your help getting sex."
"Right. And when was the last time you actually got any?" he scoffed.
"Heidi," I replied.
"Shit. That was like, what...a year ago?" he asked. "She was the chick from Riley's, right?
I nodded. Heidi worked as a waitress at our favorite pub. After one too many pints, I had gone back to her place when her shift ended. It was fun, but just a one time thing.
"Hey, let me see your palms," Emmett demanded, breaking me out of my memory.
"Cause they must be hairy as fuck!" he said, then burst out laughing.
I rolled my eyes at my brother. Thirty-five years old and as immature as ever.
"I don't want to just get laid, Emmett." The words were out of my mouth before I realized what I said.
"No shit? You're looking to settle down again?"
"Yeah, I think so." Tanya had taken up years of my life. Almost all of my twenties and half of my thirties.
The past five years had been spent going on a date here and there. Nothing serious or close to it.
But now I was nearing forty.
I looked over at Emmett who was deep in thought, which was never a good sign.
"Give me your laptop," he said. He didn't wait for me though, instead just grabbing it.
"One of my buddies from work has been going out on tons of dates recently. He joined some dating site—"
"Hold up," I interrupted. "A dating site? No thank you."
I didn't want to join a dating site. Who knew what kind of women I'd meet that way?
Emmett ignored me, still typing away.
I got up and went to the kitchen, grabbing a beer and letting in my two Irish Wolfhounds, Chester and Lulu, who had been playing in the backyard.
I went back to the living room and sat back down.
"Here, all done." Emmett handed me back my laptop.
"What did you do?" I asked, eyeing him warily.
"I signed you up for Match Finder. It's the dating service my friend uses.
"Wait, you spent sixty dollars on this? I asked.
"No biggie. You can just pay me back by having an open bar at your wedding reception."
I rolled my eyes at him. "You're wasting your time."
"Uhh...no. I'm not. Cause if you don't fill it out, I will. I have your password." He stood up and checked his watch. "I gotta get going. Gotta go back home to the missus. I have explicit orders from Cait to be home by bedtime.
I walked him to the door. "Bye, Em. Say hi to Cait for me."
"I will. You better fill that out, Edward. I'm gonna check up on it. After Tanya, I guess things have been kinda crazy for you. But you do deserve to find your Rosie."
"No thanks. I definitely don't need to find a woman like Rosalie." I cringed. I loved Rose, but we found ourselves butting heads more often than not.
"Shut up. You know what I mean. Stop trying to ruin my serious moment," he joked.
"I know. And thanks, really. Maybe I can give it a shot."
"Awesome. Besides, Rosalie is too much woman for you to handle. Who knows? Maybe you'll even find someone to put up with your old man self."
Right. Well, there went Emmett's fleeting moment of maturity.
Over the next few days I found myself thinking about filling my profile out, but never actually getting around to doing it.
It wasn't until after I received a threatening text message from my brother that I did so.
The next day I checked my email to find that my inbox was filled with new emails alerting me to new messages.
Out of curiosity, I began to read through them.
The idea that a website could determine the percentage match that I was compatible with someone was absurd to me.
But, as I read through their messages and profiles I found that some of the women actually did seem intriguing.
But there was always something that held me back from replying to them.
I shut my laptop, rubbing my eyes. What was I even doing?
It wasn't under the following Friday night that I received a message that changed everything.
Every day I had received at least one message, but I had stopped bothering to look at their profile.
I opened up my new message from BSwan91, immediately noticing her handle. I assumed, like in mine, the digits were her year of birth.
I did the math and figured out she was twenty-one. By far the youngest I had been matched with.
She was also the highest percentage match I had received.
Intrigued, I read her message.
I just came across your profile and wanted to say hi. My name is Bella. I'm a college student and finishing up my third year at UW. I'm studying English. I also work part time. Well, that's pretty much the basics.
Looking at your profile I noticed that you didn't fill out any of the physical traits you were looking for in a woman. I guess I was interested in what they were.
Hope to hear back from you,
I smiled to myself and clicked on her profile picture. She was beautiful. Long, brown hair and rich brown eyes. Her lips looked soft and pouty.
Tearing myself away from her picture, I read through her interests, surprised to find that even with a couple of decades between us, we still shared similar interests.
I went back to her message again and decided to write back.
Drumming my fingers against the table, I thought about what to say.
I figured I'd just be precise and to the point.
I told her that she was beautiful, but that physical attributes weren't everything to me, which was true. I'd had my fair share of women who were all looks but no substance when I was younger.
After pressing send, I went to the kitchen to grab a beer and feed the dogs.
When I came back, I saw that I had a new message from Bella.
Reading through her message, I wanted to laugh. Average? She saw herself as being average? Sure, brown hair and eyes weren't uncommon, but there was just something about her.
I quickly composed a new message.
I have to disagree with you when you say you rate yourself as average. From your one picture alone, I would say you were far above average.
As for my preference in reading material, I'm pretty much open to anything, but I have to include Clancy and Vonnegut amongst my favorite authors. What about you? What do you enjoy reading?
I hit send and tried to busy myself catching up on the news online, but I was eagerly waiting to see if Bella would respond tonight.
It was quite late, but she did refer to herself as a night owl.
A few minutes later though, I refreshed the page to see that she had once again replied.
This continued on until the early hours of the morning. When I could barely keep my eyes open any longer, I begrudgingly sent her a message telling her I had to go to bed.
On impulse, I decided to ask her out.
I didn't think I would meet someone so fast that I clicked with so well. I wanted to see if our chemistry could transfer into real life, when we met face to face.
After sending the last message, I went through the house, making sure everything was locked up for the night, then got myself ready for bed.
When I came back to my computer, there were no new messages.
I sighed and decided to call it a night and go to bed.
It was late, Bella had probably fallen asleep.
Tomorrow, she would reply.
Are people interested in seeing this as a full length fic? That was my original intention. Let me know in a review!