A/N (SPNxBookworm) : Hey guys! :D This little piece originated after I saw a post on tumblr that said that Sam had laid dead for days before Dean made the decision to sell his soul for Sam. We never got to know what happened during those days. I immediately ran over to sweetkiwi604 who is a fellow writer and an amazing friend and we knew a fanfiction had to be done. ;) It was amazing co-writing this with her. She is truly an awesome writer. Please do go check out her fanfictions. :)
A/N (sweetkiwi604) : So there's this little thing called tumblr and after SPNxBookworm told me about a post she saw we started chatting. Not even a half hour later we were typing this up. She is one of the most creative people and I am always grateful when we can put our heads together to come up with something.
Jake was down, unconscious for all I knew, and I had to use this time to escape. I kept a firm hold on my arm trying to elevate some of the pain from when Jake had dislocated it a few minutes ago.
There was only one road out of town, though the demons seemed to be blocking us before I could only hope they were being controlled by Ava and now that she was dead I would have a chance. Ava. The guilt had been building inside of me since the day I found her engagement ring among the bloody mess that was left behind in her apartment. I wish I could have done something different. I needed to save her. Could I even save myself?
The rain fell from the heavens. It was poetic really, like it was washing away the sins of the dead; the sins that had filled this horrid place. I just had to keep walking. Dean would find me; he had always been there to look out for me even when I was too young to remember.
Mom. Mom had known the yellow eyed demon. Dad had told Dean he might have to kill me. This was spinning out of control and I could barely find the strength to stay standing. I had always been the freak, the outcast, but now it was almost as if it was my destiny. There were so many thoughts flowing through my head I felt like I would explode.
"Sam!" That's all it took, hearing my name from Dean's mouth, to unclear the fog in my head and a smile broke out across my face as I saw him and Bobby walking towards me.
"Dean," I sighed in relief. Things were going to be ok.
"Sam! Look out!"
I barely had time to register what he had said before there was a burning, white hot pain in my back.
"Dean," I whispered wanting him to be able to take the excruciating pain away.
I fell to my knees unable to stand any longer. I would have gone face first into the mud if Dean hadn't run up to me to hold me up. I could hear him trying to talk to me, trying to keep me conscious. But honestly, I could barely hear what he was saying. As darkness started to cloud my vision I realized that maybe I wasn't going to make it out of this one.
If this was life after death it didn't seem too bad. All I felt was a dull, easy to ignore, throb at the small of my back. I felt like I was underwater but it wasn't hard to breathe. I just felt a little cut off, a little detached. I tried to focus through the fog, to figure out where I was, when I heard a muffled creak next to me like someone had shifted their footing on an old floor board. Where ever I was, I wasn't alone.
"Hiya, Sam, figured it would be a lot longer until we got to chat."
I blinked my eyes a couple time trying to get them to focus the darkness around me. The sound of the stranger was the only thing that made me fight through the fuzziness in my head. Raised a hunter, I immediately stumbled to my feet and faced the voice. I could vaguely make out the shape of a man leaning against the wall.
"Who…who are you?" I questioned ready to fight if I had to. My voice came out more fearful and unsure than I would have liked.
He chuckled a little but the laugh was anything but friendly as it sent chills down my spine and made the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up. "Let's just say I'm that little guardian angel on your shoulder."
"You're an angel?"
"I am," he nodded illuminating the small dark room we had been standing in. "Name's Lucifer."
The sudden light shinning around us was blinding. It was almost as if I had walked right into the sun. I blinked trying to get my eyes to adjust. The light died down to a dim glow a second later and as my eyes adjusted I could finally see my companion.
There was a man with sandy brown hair, a little longer than Dean's, wearing a simple shirt and a pair of jeans. He looked harmless enough but I knew looks could be deceiving. I could only hope my slight height advantage and years of training would be enough if it came down to a fight. But a fight for what was the unsettling question in my mind.
I frowned a bit as I sized up Lucifer. Why would an angel come for me? As far as the 'Guide to Supernatural Fuglies' went a reaper would be the one to take me to the other side. Lucifer; the name in itself left me with an unsettling feeling in my gut. One I had learned to trust over the years. I just couldn't pin point why I felt this way.
"Something bothering you, Sammy?" He asked curiously like we had been long lost friends.
I felt anger boil up inside me. After years of hearing Dean call me that, I suddenly understood the importance it held for me. Dean thought he hid it pretty well but he was my brother and I had been looking up to him, studying his every move as long as I could remember. He only used the childhood nickname when he was worried about me or scared for me. And I'd be damned if anyone but Dean called me that. Ever.
"It's Sam," I retorted, still wary of the stranger.
Lucifer smirked at me. "Oh, okay then. Sam," he drew my name out sarcastically with a slight eye roll. "Do you know where we are?"
I stiffened when I realized I had no idea. As far as I could tell we were in a small cottage or even maybe a shack. A simple wall with an opening split the large room in two. There was an old dirty mattress lying on the floor in our side of the room. The other side had the entrance on one end and a small dining room table on the other with a few wooden chairs; both sides had its own window.
"No," I replied with a sigh, not sure if I really wanted to know or not.
I felt another unfamiliar chill run down my spine as Lucifer chuckled. "Well then, let me show you."
A blinding light filled the room causing me to shield my eyes that I had snapped close. As the light died down, I cautiously lowered my arm from my eyes and staggered back at the sight in front of me. No. I didn't want it to end like this. Why would Dean still…?
I fell to my knees as I stared at the scene in front of me. Dean had his head in his hands and I could clearly see the tears streaking his face as he stared at my…my body on the mattress in front of us. I knew that I'd have to die sooner or later, given my fate thanks to Azazel, but I didn't expect Dean to…to hold on to me; literally. It felt like a hole had been carved into my chest as I heard Dean let out a broken, ragged sob. I was responsible for the pain he was in. I should have tried more. I should have done something. I knew that if the tables were, I would never be able to see Dean die.
I barely felt the tears lining my own cheeks as they silently fell to the floor. "Why are you showing me this?" I croaked out, as I glared at Lucifer with all the hate I could muster.
He chuckled yet again and I felt the same chill. There was something off putting about how carefree and laid back he was. "You're a smart cookie, Sam Winchester. You tell me."
"I don't know. Now stop playing games with me. What the hell is going on? Am I even dead?" I almost yelled out. I knew I was close to becoming hysterical but I couldn't help it. I was watching my brother cry over my dead body and I wanted answers.
Lucifer smiled as he fogged up one of the windows with his breath and began drawing a stick figure. "You're part of a big plan Sam." He put emphasis on my name again.
I snorted in spite of myself. "You think I don't know that? You think I don't know what Azazel did to me when I was six months old? Tell me something I don't know," I scoffed getting a little sick and tired of hearing about it.
He looked at me with a sincere expression on his face for the first time since we had been chatting. "How about I show you?" And before I could respond I felt his fingers touching my forehead and I slipped into darkness once again.
I was almost nervous to open my eyes but curiosity got the best of me when I heard the laughter of children. I opened my eyes and it took me a minute to place the pea green hallway and cracked tile floor but it hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw a much younger, shorter me walk around the corner.
"What is this?" I questioned looking to Lucifer for answers; my first mistake.
He leaned against a set of lockers as he tossed a ball up in the air and effortlessly caught it without looking as a group of cheerleaders passed him by. "It's middle school, Sam," he scrunched his face up for a minute like he was trying to figure something out. "Indiana, I think."
I stared at him with a raised eyebrow. "Why?" I questioned slowly. I had heard of your life flashing before your eyes before you died but I never expected anything like this.
"It's the first time you accepted your destiny," he motioned over to where a younger version of me was in the midst of tackling another boy.
"He was picking on my friend, I had to stand up to him," I quickly defended my actions.
Lucifer rolled his eyes as we moved closer to the fight. "Look at all that anger coming out," he mockingly flinched as a young me punched the boy in the face. "Nice right hook, Sammy…I mean Sam. Really though we're going to be bunk buddies you need to get past this whole nickname thing. You weren't standing up for your friend you were becoming who you were meant to be."
"Bunk buddies?" I questioned only half listening as I watched a younger me as I smiled to my friend. The one boy who didn't care that I was the new kid, I wasn't a freak to him; to him I was a hero.
Lucifer placed his hand on my shoulder ignoring my question, "There is more to see."
My eyes adjusted to the light better the second time around but I was almost scared to know what he would be showing me next. When I heard Dean's voice I was relieved thinking it had been some horrible nightmare. Then I heard the one voice that would always send a nail through my heart.
"Your brother Dean?" Jessica asked looking as beautiful and innocent as ever.
I didn't need to listen to the conversation, every word had been seared into my brain, I kept my eyes on Jessica wanting to reach out and touch her. Apologize for the demise I had brought her.
"Got to remember to send Dean a fruit basket," Lucifer commented sitting on my old kitchen counter as he peeled a banana and stuck half in his mouth. "If it wasn't for him dragging you out the door, Jessica would have never been killed."
"I don't blame him," I cut him off harshly, though who I was trying to convince was left up for debate.
"Still," he held up a finger. "I need to thank him for getting you back hunting. You needed to sharpen those skills."
"Sharpen my skills? For what?" I asked, still feeling nervous. I mean, I'd heard Azazel rant on about my fate for quite a long time now, but the way Lucifer said it, it seemed like there was more to his words than he let on. That I was missing out on some bigger picture.
Lucifer smiled as he looked at me with interest, like I was an article on display at an auction or something. "Forget already Sammy? The plan, bunk buddy, the plan. Come on, there's a little more I need to show you." And without warning, he laid a hand on my shoulder again.
I took a deep breath before opening my eyes for the third time. I was honestly scared of what I would see next. We were in an alleyway, which I recognized too easily. Anger started boiling up inside me as I knew what would happen here.
"Why are you showing me this?" I asked, trying to sound angry rather than a little frightened. I didn't understand. What was Lucifer trying to make me see by showing me all this? Was he trying to remind me of all the things I had to fight for in life?
"Patience, Sam. You'll see soon enough," he said in a kind voice. A little too kind for my liking.
I felt a slice of pain run through my heart as I saw Jess hurry down the alleyway. She had sat a little too late in the library, researching for her assignment. She stopped mere inches from me and all I wished was to touch her, to talk to her one more time. To tell her I never meant her to die like she did that night and most importantly that she still had every bit of my heart. She stopped as she heard someone behind her. That someone sent waves of hatred through me. Colin Bedford; the son of the principal of Stanford. He thought he could get away with anything and he'd started laying eyes on Jess ever since she'd started going out with me.
"Hey Jessie," Colin chanted.
I could see the annoyance and anger in Jess's face as she faced Colin. "Stop following me Bedford. I need to get back to my dorm. It's late."
I started forward and tried to shove Colin back as he stopped Jess from going further and I snarled in rage as my hands slipped right through. This was a memory…kind of. Only, I'd never seen this part as I'd arrived just a few minutes later.
"Don't worry Sam. You come just in time to save the damsel in distress," Lucifer teased as he dramatically put one hand over his chest and the other over his eyes. I glared at him as I watched the scene in front of me. Anytime now.
Jessica landed a punch to Colin's jaw that made me smirk. I'd forgotten how tough she could be sometimes. Colin tackled her and pinned her to the wall.
"You'll pay for that," he snarled. I faltered as for the first time I saw real fear in Jess's eyes.
"Get. Away. From. Her," I heard myself snarl at Colin. I turned around to see myself, a little younger of course, look at Colin with murder in my eyes. I didn't need to see what happened next. Long story short, I beat the crap out of Colin and later heard that he'd suffered cracked ribs, a severe concussion and a fractured right leg. Okay, so I got carried away. But he deserved it.
Lucifer stayed silent throughout this whole ordeal and once again laid a hand on my shoulder. This time we materialized in a motel room.
I remembered this scene all too well. Dad and I were having a shouting match, probably the fourth one that week.
"He was a human being Sam!" Dad hollered. I guess I was maybe fifteen or sixteen years old.
"I don't care Dad! Did you even see what he did to Dean?!" the younger me yelled as he pointed to Dean on the bed, lying under the covers sleeping. "You didn't even make it to the hospital! I was the one that brought him back here."
"Sam, I get that he hurt Dean –"
"He tortured Dean! For days! Dean nearly died Dad! I don't care what you think. That guy deserved what he got from me," younger me stated as he glared daggers at him.
"Shall we leave?" Lucifer asked softly. I jumped as I'd forgotten he'd even been there. He touched my forehead and I slipped into darkness yet again.
This time when I opened my eyes I was lying on the floor again. I hurried to my feet and realized we were back at that shack. Only, Dean wasn't here. I shivered slightly as I glanced at myself lying still on the mattress. Lucifer was leaning against the window giving me a curious look.
"I didn't quite understand what happened with your Dad there. Care to explain?" he asked.
I don't know why, but I felt that if I didn't answer things would turn bad quickly. Seeing no harm in doing so, I cleared my throat. "Um, a guy had been stalking Dean for a while. Turned out he was a hunter who Dean had run into once on his first solo case without dad. In that hunt, the hunter lost someone close and he blamed it on Dean. I was in school and when I came back, Dean wasn't there and Dad wouldn't pick up the phone. I somehow managed to find out what happened and, um, I went and got him back. He...he was nearly dead by the time I got there and, well, uh, we're not supposed to kill humans but I shot the hunter and made sure he was dead before getting Dean to the hospital."
Lucifer nodded thoughtfully. "Okay, so your dad disagreed with you on killing the man?"
I nodded not sure where this was going.
"Well, that settles it. Your fate is definitely sealed," he said as he smiled and clapped his hands together cheerfully while rocking back and forth on his feet.
I frowned. I still didn't get it.
Lucifer sighed in frustration. "Come on Sam. You're smart! You were meant to be the boy with the demon blood. The leader for Azazel's army."
I stiffened as I took a few steps back from him. I didn't like where this was going. "What do you mean?"
Lucifer rolled his eyes like it was obvious and let out a deep sigh. "You beating the bully in the playground, going off with Dean, beating the crap out of that Colin kid and shooting down a human. If you ask me, that doesn't sound like the type of guy who would save people. In fact, it sounds like you hurt them for the sheer pleasure of it. You wanted revenge. You wanted them to suffer. That's the value that almost every dark creature on this planet possesses. Pleasure in suffering Sam. You were meant to be part of this. This is your destiny."
I blinked my eyes a few times trying to process what he had just said. "But, I mean, are you saying I'm destined to be evil?"
I didn't want to believe it, every fiber of my being told me it couldn't be true, I even heard Dean's voice replaying in my head, He said I'd only have to kill you if I couldn't save you, Sammy, and I'm going to save you. I wanted to believe the words Dean had said so many times over the past couple of months I had never known my brother to break a promise but why then did I feel an ounce of understanding.
Lucifer started looking around the room like he felt someone, or something, coming. "Oh, crap," he exclaimed.
"Wha…" I was cut off from my question as an uneasy feeling washed over me and I slipped into darkness.
I opened my eyes and it felt like I had been asleep for a month. I got out of bed and stretched my sore muscles. I didn't get too far before the memory of being stabbed in the back came rushing to the front of my mind. I walked over to the floor length mirror and lifted my shirt. Where I was expecting there to be a large gash with some stitches was just a mere scar. How was that possible? There's no way that it would have healed that quickly.
I heard the front door open and before I could even move to see who it was Dean was through the bedroom door with a look of relief on his face.
"Sammy," he smiled pulling me into a tight embrace.
I tried not to wince when it sent a pain through my back. It wasn't often Dean let go and showed his true emotions. If he needed to hug me for that moment I was going to let him.
He stepped back but kept his hands on my shoulders, "How are you feeling? You must be starving. Let's get you something to eat."
I thought for a minute, "Yeah, food sounds good."
I followed him out to the small kitchen table where there was an old box of pizza. I felt like I was having déjà vu. Why did this all seem so familiar? Had I been here before?
"Dean," I started unsure if I wanted the truth about what had really happened. "You can't patch up a wound that bad."
"Bobby did," he brushed the topic off and went back to chatting about the smokin' waitress at the pizza joint.
I wanted answers but I pushed the feeling of uneasiness away. I was with my brother and that is all that mattered.
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