Author's note: - Hi readers, I am new to fan fiction so please bear with me. I intend to finish the story, but I have a newborn so I am not sure when I can update. I know, there is a lot of Christian cheating stories but I wanted to write my own. This will be mainly from Ana's point of view. Please review, your opinions are valuable.A Woman's Instinct
I stretch out on our vast bed. It is Monday morning again. I am glad that I can go work for another week. I have come to love working at Grey Publishing. Not that I hated working before. I was apprehensive and rather angry when Christian bought the company and thrust the thorn crown of CEO on me. But now, the fact that I am not a mere employee but its owner instills motivation and inspiration into my system like never before. I never feel tired no matter how much work I have pending or how harder I have to work.
Hmm… I think I finally understand Christian and his workaholic nature. It is also possible that I may have become more addicted to work than he is. He has so much energy that it simply spills into me. Every time a book climbs up the best seller list, I feel awesome. There is no denying the fact that finding new authors and reading and analyzing manuscripts gives me great joy. I don't consider my job as a responsibility, it actually is a hobby. And a well-paid one too!
I will be forever grateful to Christian for gifting me Grey Publishing, formerly SIP. Oh, the name invokes so many memories in my mind. The terrible things that Christian and I went through before getting married. It was such a short courtship but it was nonetheless filled with so much drama. A former sub chasing me, a dominatrix/sub trying to pull us apart and yes of course Jack Hyde... I shudder at the memory of our dating period, if you can call it that. But I managed to keep my fifty to myself. He has been a lovely husband and a wonderful father. Who would have thought that Christian would make an excellent father? Even he himself was surprised at his ability to love Teddy and Phoebe.
I turn to my side and see Christian sleeping on his back. He has one hand resting on his chest and the other on the pillow thrown around his head. He looks peaceful and gorgeous as ever. His chest moves rhythmically with his soft, slow breathing. Even after five years of marriage Christian never ceases to invoke feelings in the deep, dark places of my libido. His body is perfect. His love is abundant. And he provides us with everything. The children are spoilt to the core and I own the best of everything; Car, jewelry, and clothing.
But, I sigh… I wish he would spend more time with me. I wish for an end to his freaky controlling ways. I wish for an end to his obsession with security. Basically I still wish for more lately. More time, more love and yes more sex. Oh, sex with fifty, especially the kinky one. How long has it been?
Our life has fallen into a routine lately. No, I must not dwell on this. Fifty loves me. He works hard for me and the children. I must not judge him by the meager amount of time he finds for me. I am his wife. I am always in his life. He does not have to prove his love anymore for he has already done it in so many ways in the past years.
I see Christian stirring slightly. Oh, he is going to wake up. I see a bulge through fine cotton material of his pajama. Desire pools at the sweetest, moist place in my body at lightning fast. My heart beats faster. My whole body awakens in sweet anticipation. I want him. Hell, I want him now. Please wake up, Christian, I plead inwardly.
Oh, my, he opens his eyes and stretches out beside me. He looks unbelievably handsome in the morning light peeking through the windows. A warm smile blooms on his face.
"Good morning, Mrs. Grey"
I smile at him lovingly. "Good morning, Mr. Grey"
I move towards him, inching closer. I am sure my intentions are clearly represented on my face for his expression changes. What is it? Apprehension? Surprise? Fear? I fail to recognize. It certainly is not lust or passion. Why am I not surprised?
I continue my way up towards him putting the fears to the back of my mind. My hand stretches out to his most cherished and my favorite part of his body while fixating my eyes on his. He remains still with the unrecognizable expression planted on his face. Suddenly he stops me and burst out laughing. But somehow I feel that the laugh does not reach his eyes.
He holds my hand and sweeps me in to his arms.
"Hmm… Someone's in the mood today."
Christian kisses my forehead, my cheeks, eyes, nose and chin. He plants a soft kiss on my heated lips and stays back to assess me. He caresses my face with one hand. I stare at him, saying nothing. He just rejected me! It has never happened before. What the hell is going on?
I lay there in his arms trying desperately to figure out what Christian is thinking right now. His face has changed again. His eyes rest on mine. His lips twitched in a slight smile. He looks like as though he feels for me. Wait. I know this look. I have seen this many times. But, where? I remember with a thud. This is how Christian looks at Teddy and Phoebe when they fall ill or when they get hurt. He feels sorry for me? But, why?
I confront him. "What's wrong, Christian?"
He opens his mouth and whispers. "Ana, I am sorry" He stops abruptly before mouthing something that I cannot comprehend.
"Sorry for what Christian?" Now I am amused. I can't think of anything that Christian did that pissed me off lately. In fact, we have been behaving very well with each other for the past couple of years.
Christian runs his hands through his already tousled hair. He sits up cross legged, face supported on his hands.
"It's nothing Ana."
"Don't believe him. There is certainly something. Ask him, Ana" My subconscious shows up her anxious face. I obey her like a good child.
I crawl towards him and sit back on my knees. I take his sweet handsome face in my hands.
"Christian, please communicate with me. Why are you sorry and why are you so aloof? I have been noticing for some time now. You have changed. Whatever it is please tell me." I am nearly and panting and finish it all in one breath. This is the moment I was dreading for five long years- Christian turning away from me.
Christian closes his eyes for a moment as though he is contemplating something. When he opens, his eyes have softened a bit. Oh, please don't tell me that you are leaving me. Please god, don't let me loose him.
"Ana, that's what I am about to say. I am sorry that I don't spend much time with you. I… I have so much work to do and so less time…" He falls off…
Oh, poor Christian. I sigh. Relief overtakes me and I kiss him softly on the lips.
"I know how hard you work Christian. You don't have to apologize. Have I ever complained about it? I understand your need to work and the reason behind it. You are a great human being, a loving husband and a wonderful father. I feel so proud when someone refers to you as a great philanthropist. Thousands of children have three meals a day just because of you. It would be totally selfish and inappropriate for me to be complaining about you not spending much time with me. I am sure the women in this country are envious of me and I understand that the life I have with you is precious. I wouldn't trade it for the world."
I know, that was a long speech. But I hadn't had a conversation with Christian in a long time. Meal times are always occupied by Teddy's mischiefs and Phoebe's tantrums. Weekends are dedicated to family times at Bellevue. But Christian rarely attends them. I need to tell Christian that I love him like dear life. He is my sun, he is my pillar of strength and I only live for him.
Okay, I admit there is one more reason why I needed to tell him how I feel. It is Christian's behavior recently. He comes home late on weekdays and completely stays away on weekends with important pending projects.
At first I took it for granted but lately I feel that something's amiss. I have been insecure about our relationship from the beginning. I worry constantly about Elena and his previous subs making a comeback. I am afraid I might lose him to a supermodel or a high flying actress attending his numerous parties. I am always worried that I am not enough despite frequent reassurances from Christian. Oh Christian, please say something.
"I love you too Ana. You are a wonderful mother to my children and my one and only friend."
He looks away and makes a face like he is annoyed. With who? me?
"I have a meeting at 9" He murmurs and disappears into the bathroom. Okay. That confirms something. Our marriage needs saving. Or perhaps he had already moved on to someone else? Suddenly I am terrified. I feel and I know somehow that Christian has found someone else. But how do you know? My subconscious plays blind.
Wonderful mother and friend? He did not refer wife or lover.
'A woman's instinct is always correct', the famous words from Princess Diana echoes in my ears. I fall back to my bed and remain there. Christian gets ready in record time. He said good bye and kissed me softly. I am in a daze. My thinking is cloudy. I cannot process anything anymore. I need to speak with someone.
I call Kate.