Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners.

He Who Cannot Lie Does Not Know What the Truce Is

The desk clerk looked nervous as the short man with the helmet repeated his demand, even louder, "I wish to speak with the woman called Shego!"

Drakken remained safely hidden behind a potted palm. Was the Dr. Roberts that Shego had been with trying to hire her? Was Dementor trying to hire her? Had his mother been confused with the talk of Shego being engaged?

"What'll we do, KP?" Ron whispered to Kim in the dining room. "Is Shego here to meet Dementor? Why is he yelling at the desk clerk if he's supposed to meet her?"

"I'm not sure. We need to watch for a second before we do anything."

In the bar Joe glanced over at Shego, hoping she could tell him what was happening. Her mouth hung slightly open in disbelief. "You got a clue?" he whispered.

"I don't know," she admitted. "He's either pissed off that I stole something from him a couple months back, although I don't think he knows I did it, or he's trying to hire me."

"Hire you?"

"Long story."

"Should you go back to the room?"

She raised an eyebrow and chuckled, "You oughta know by now, I'm not much good at doing what I should do." Before he could stop her she walked out of the bar, "Here," she called.

Dementor turned from the desk, smiled, clicked his heels and bowed. "Fraulein Shego. So good to see you. I wish to make you an offer for employment."

"Sorry, got a job now. Thanks for the offer and all that yada, yada, yada, but I really appreciate the flex time Drakken gives me."

Behind his potted plant Drakken smiled.

"I am willing to offer a package which includes flex time, within reason," Dementor countered, "and a substantial raise."

"I said, I got a job now."

"I'm offering you a job with a winning team, not that loser."

"Do you have dental coverage?"


"Good. You see, there's something else you need to know about me. I hate high-pressure salesmen."

"High-pressure salesmen? I–"

Shego almost broke a knuckle as she hit the nearest henchman in the mouth. She swore under her breath and wished she had her protective gloves. The henchman sagged slightly and she kneed him.

The two closest henchmen on their feet grabbed for her. One got a foot in the mouth, but the other grabbed her from behind. He wasn't sure how long he could hold her, but figured his friends would be coming to his aid.

Kim Possible flipped into the lobby from the dining room and knocked one henchman out by going into his stomach with both feet.

Dementor's forces had to divide to face the two women, but one henchman took a huge swing at the green woman, who moved her head at the last moment and the man holding her went down with a bloody nose.

Shego thanked her rescuer by kicking him in the stomach, with a knee to the chin as he doubled over in pain.

Kim had taken out a second henchman and was holding her own against the two attacking her when a slender man no one could remember seeing before and that blond kid who hangs around with Kim Possible, but whose name seems to escape people, joined the fight.

"Got your back, KP!" Ron called.

"You always do."

"Can't I get any peace from you two?" Shego complained as she hit another man in the throat.

"Someone needs an attitude adjustment," Kim called back.

"I'll adjust your attitude, as soon as I'm done with these goons," Shego threatened.

Dementor watched for a couple minutes, then did a quick count of his men, and discovered there were more on the floor of the lobby than on their feet and decided it might be time for a strategic retreat. As he ran for the door, however, a middle-aged woman tripped him, then jumped on top of him and began beating him with her purse. "Not the face! Not the face!" Dementor screamed, keeping his arms crossed to protect himself.

Three minutes later all the henchmen were down for the count.

"You okay?" Ron called to Kim.

"Fine." She turned to Shego and offered, "Truce?"

Shego shrugged, "Okay... Where's Dementor?"

"There," Joe said, pointing to the short man, flanked on one side by the desk clerk and on the other a busboy from the dining room.

"Good work," Kim told them.

"We didn't capture him," the desk clerk told her. He looked around the lobby. "There was this middle-aged woman... I don't see her, but she captured him."

"I called the police," a bartender called

"Let us go!" Dementor demanded. "We've committed no crime! I arrive here to make a perfectly legitimate job offer and I'm assaulted! I'll sue! I'll sue!" He pointed to the four who had taken down his henchmen – "I want those four arrested for attacking me!"

"You came in here and threatened us," Ron argued.

"What threat? Name one? I'll sue this resort for false arrest!"

After a few minutes of tense negotiations Dementor and his battered crew limped out of the resort into the night.

The four victors stood nervously in the lobby.

"So... are you going to arrest Shego?" Ron asked the security agent. He really didn't want Kim and Shego to fight when Joe tried to arrest her.

Joe sighed, "Ron, what country to I work for?"


"Where are we?"


"I'm not here on business. I've got no authority to arrest anyone here. I'm here to ski."

"But Shego is–"

"Just here to ski," the green woman finished for him.

"But you're a villain!"

"What, a villain isn't allowed to ski?"

Back behind his potted palm Drakken sighed. Shego was there to ski. She must have simply run into the Canadian and skied with him, after all the idea of a criminal and a hero dating each other was absurd. With a sense of relief he headed back to Ron's room.

"I've got an idea," Kim announced. "Since Shego is dangerous, and Joe is a security agent, why doesn't Joe watch her so she doesn't commit any crimes?"

"You can't impose on him like that, KP."

Joe smiled, "Well, I suppose I could watch her."

"What?" Shego protested, "you'd turn me over to this Canuck?"

"Kim," Ron whispered loudly, "Joe had some woman he was seeing, remember?"

"Duty first," Joe said cheerfully. "I mean, if I have to eat dinner with this... this... I mean, I will."

"Did she dump you last night?" Kim asked.


Shego smirked, "So, this woman who shot you down... Was she as hot as me?"

Joe stepped back and slowly looked Shego over, from head to toe, and back to her chest. "Nope."

"Good answer," Shego laughed. "Who knows, you might even get lucky. I've always wanted to seduce a secret agent."

He stood up proudly, "Employees of her majesty's government are incorruptible," Joe assured her.

"Oh, I don't want to break you, just bend you a little."

"We can't leave them alone," Ron insisted to Kim, "Shego's dangerous."

"Have you had dinner yet?" Joe asked Shego.

"No, I've been waiting for some handsome guy to ask me to eat with him, but I guess you'll do."

"Kim and I haven't eaten either," Ron told them, "we'll join you."

"Ron!" Kim protested.

"We got to keep Joe safe!" Ron argued.

The older couple seemed amused by Ron's efforts to insure Joe's safety. Kim wanted to tell him she had something much better in mind for the two of them to do back in her room, but she feared Ron might be too preoccupied with worries about Joe's safety, and she didn't want to compromise Joe's job by saying he had been seeing Shego for a few months already.

The four ended up on a couple couches in front of the fireplace later in the evening. A waitress brought Joe and Shego two mugs of hot chocolate with generous shots of Kahlua.

"That looks good," Kim commented.

"Want one?" Ron asked.

"Please and thank you."

Ron departed for the bar, wondering if Kim knew what Kahlua was, and Shego took off her shoes and put her feet on Joe's lap.

"I've only got one hand free," he reminded her.

"That's fine, until you're done with the cocoa." She sighed with pleasure as Joe massaged her feet. The green woman looked over at Kim. "A guy who'll rub your feet is definitely a keeper."

Ron returned from the far with two hot mugs and saw the action on the other couch. "Want me to rub your feet, KP?"

Kim smiled and slipped off her shoes while Joe and Shego chuckled.

Kim realized after a sip that the Kahlua stuff contained alcohol, but decided not to worry. It tasted good, and Ron was too preoccupied to consider anything else that night.

The drink relaxed her enough that at the end of the foot massage she changed position on the couch and she gave him a kiss of thanks. It was a long kiss, followed by others, and in the warmth of the kisses, the Kahlua, and the fireplace they fell asleep.

A member of the cleaning crew woke the teens at one in the morning.

"Wha...?" a groggy Kim mumbled.

"You need to return to your room. We're cleaning."

"What time..." Ron asked and looked at his watch. He sat up quickly, knocking Kim to the floor, and looked over at the other couch.

"They probably went back to their rooms," Kim told him. "If there'd been a fight we would have heard it."

"Yeah," Ron said, giving Kim a hand off the floor. "Sorry about that."

They walked hand-in-hand until the place where they had to head in opposite directions. Kim hesitated, but she wanted to have no alcohol in her system and be wide awake – and not have Ron preoccupied – when they made love. "I love you," she told him.

"You're the greatest," he assured her and they kissed before going to their rooms.

Drakken had apparently left. The blue man had given Rufus a large chunk of cheese from the buffet as a going away present. On a mirror, written in lipstick, was the message, "Thanks for everything." Ron wanted to go to bed, but decided to clean the mirror first. He did not want Kim to see it.

Shego and Joe finished packing. She was slightly nervous as she asked the question on her mind, but she tried to make it sound off-hand. "So... After a weekend on the slopes will the next time we see each other be on a beach where I can show off in a swimsuit?"

He hesitated a second before answering, and the second of hesitation brought fear to her heart. Maybe he didn't want to see her again. Maybe he'd figured out it was too dangerous for a government agent to be seen with a criminal. "Uh... I was, uh, hoping maybe you'd want to see Saskatchewan."


"Saskatchewan... Please?"

"If you don't mind my asking, what in the hell does Saskatchewan have? You got a mission out there or something and you want me to tag along?"

"Well, uh, there's this little ranch... Been in the family three generations... Anyway... I told my folks I've met someone really special and, uh, they want to meet you."

"You're asking me to meet your parents?"

"Sorry. I know it's corny, but it would really mean a lot to them and–"

"What does it mean to you?" Shego demanded.


"What does it mean to you?" she repeated. "They want to meet me. What do you think about that?"

"Make me the happiest man on earth if you would. Anything you want to make you happy, anything, I'll do it."

Shego put her arms around him. The kiss lasted a long time. "And how special did you tell them I am?"

"No pressure. I told them you were the most wonderful woman in the world. Just be yourself."

"Gonna have to kiss you or kill you for that one," Shego grumbled. "And I suppose you want to meet my mother?" she asked when their lips parted again.

"I'd love a preview of what you'll look like in twenty years," he said softly.

"Oh, that's a good answer. You just talked me into Saskatchewan."

They kissed again. "You'll look so sexy," he predicted, "sitting out on the front porch after dinner... Flannel shirt and blue jeans as we watch the sun go–"

"Whoa, Partner. Flannel shirt? Blue jeans?"

"You'd look sexy in anything. Out on the ranch you'll want to–"

"Compliment accepted. But we are so going to discuss wardrobe before that trip."

In another room at the resort Kim asked Ron, "All packed?"

"Yeah... I feel a little weird, you carrying my suitcase and yours."

"I'm fine, you're the one with sore muscles – remember?"

"I'm better! And I feel kinda silly. We're walking down the hall and I'll have two dinky carry-ons and you'll be lugging the real stuff."

"Don't feel silly. You're wonderful. This trip was so great, I really..." She just realized, the cameras were packed. "This trip meant a lot to me." She backed him into the wall and kissed him, hard. It was a kiss that was an invitation for him to hold her tight, and perhaps explore a little with his hands. The kiss was getting deeper when she remembered the time. "We got to get to the lobby for the shuttle," she panted.

"Oh, yeah... I... Wow..."

She smiled at him, "Just a preview," she promised. "I'll show you how much this trip meant to me later."


As they reached the lobby Ron exclaimed, "Hey, looks like Shego and Joe are waiting for the shuttle too!"

Shego noticed the other couple approaching and nudged Joe, who was whispering something in her ear.

"So, how was your date last night?" Kim smirked.

"Stop playing matchmaker," Ron hissed, "remember who you're talking to."

Shego looked thoughtful, "Well, when you suggested I spend the evening with this Canuck I thought you were crazy, but if he'd get down off his high horse I think he might be okay."

Joe nodded, "Yeah, sounded crazy to me too. But I think under the evil veneer she might be okay too."

"Veneer?" Shego snarled. "Hey, I'm evil to the core."

"Don't believe her," Kim told Joe. "She's a beautiful, sensitive woman, and she's good enough for any man."

"You left off intelligent and caring," Shego corrected her, and both women started laughing.

"Got any idea what that's about?" Ron asked Joe.

"Some things are beyond the understanding of mankind," the agent assured him.

"Sit by me on the shuttle bus," Shego told Kim. "I want to hear about... you know."

Kim blushed, "There is no, 'you know'... at least not yet."

"Well sit by me on the bus anyway, I'll give you my news."

Ron and Joe sat together in the front of the shuttle. In the rear Shego and Kim whispered and giggled.

"Honorary sisters," Ron explained. "When they aren't trying to kill each other."




"I'd do anything to make Kim happy. Any advice?"

"Be Sir Gawain."


"Let the lady have what she wants, and you not only make her happy but she will make you happy."

Ron nodded, "That sounds like Kim."

"Yeah. She strikes me as an alpha female."

"I, uh, might agree with you... If I had any idea what you just said." Ron glanced back. "Don't think a guy could try that with Shego – too dangerous."

"Be more dangerous to attempt a Petruchio."

"Do they speak English in Canada?"

"Yeah, we speak English. But you speak American. Grow up on a ranch with no television reception and you read books. If that woman back there finds a man who'll make her happy she'll make him one very happy fella."

"What makes her happy is evil."

Joe smiled, "Maybe. Greatest mistake a man can make is to think he knows what's going on in a woman's mind. Like I told you, some things are beyond the understanding of mankind."

-The End-

Author's Note

For readers who may be more like Ron than the well-read Canadian. Sir Gawain and the Green Knight is an old tale of chivalry which exists in various forms. A knight of King Arthur's court, Sir Gawain, is charged with finding out what women really want. An ugly woman promises to tell him, if he will marry her. He agrees, and is told what women want is the power to decide for themselves. She reveals she is under an enchantment. She can be beautiful - but will cheat on him, or remain ugly and be faithful. She asks what he wants. He wisely says, "You decide," and because he let her decide for herself she will be beautiful and faithful.
Petruchio comes from Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew. The strong-willed Kate is psychologically beaten down by Petruchio, and she becomes an obedient little wife, happily doing whatever her lord and master instructs her.