**Notes**

This is a little story I came up with and will have 3 chapters on 'Who is Anthony Stark?'. I wanted to express myself, turned out writing about Tony. I wrote this drabble when I was facing a troubled time myself.

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or its franchises.

Try to think of the format as a diary entry or an autobiography.


Who am I? ~Anthony Edward Stark


I am Anthony Edward Stark. And this is one of my rarest moments when I start writing down on real paper. The reason I'm doing this is because someone told me this will help me calm down. I have built a fair amount of suits and stuff. Ok so I'm gonna take a deep breath and start penning down about thoughts about myself. I need to know who I am.


What I have told others about me


Genius.

I am a genius! Yes I'm a Stark but that's not the only reason why I'm a genius. I thirst for knowledge. Thirst you know. Maybe to the point of starve for knowledge. You all have heard how I have lost countless hours meant for sleep and meals to invent and repair and superhero around. Man, did superhero just become a verb?

Billionaire.

I inherited Howard's fortune and earned a lot from SI, that makes me a billionaire. I spend a lot of money to make people feel comfortable too, like the Avengers tower.

Playboy.

I hate this part of me. That's a Stark gene. Pure Stark gene. But now I have a great girl called Pepper Potts. I left this 'playboy'ness in Afghanistan.

Philanthropist.

I always wanted the world to be a better place. I wanted everyone to feel safe. In one part of my life, I thought I was making weapons to help defend people. That day when I was taken captive, I saw them dying. I saw a bomb thrown at me with literally my name on it. I was done making weapons. Now I help people. Though I wear a massive suit of weapons capable of thousands... of damages, I try to use it to save the world. No one's a perfect person anyway, doesn't mean I shouldn't try to amend my mistakes.


What others have said about me


Narcissistic and self-obsessed.

Natashalie said that when she was spying. It's not true because I created a mask around me. At that time I was working solo so I had only myself to blame.

Pretending to be a hero.

Seriously Capsicle? Yeah, I meant it when I said you came out of bottle. You just got lucky and risked your life by being a lab rat. You're lucky that the experiment worked Rogers. You know how hard I suffered while trying to save lives? Not even superheroing around you know? That time in Gulmira, I was almost shot by the people while trying to save one of their own. I was panicking for that pilot's life! What if his chute never worked? What if when I punched that jammed button, Whiplash 2 fired at both me and the pilot. I thought I had to shield him with my suit and get hurt!

Not the guy to make the sacrifice play

Capsicle again! I know you never read my whole file, because I erased them promptly, but there are still people who know bits and pieces of my past. They were even siding with you in the conversation. Sorry to burst your moment of truth but I have literally thrown myself in the line of fire. You remember Obadiah and the arc reactor in my factory? Yeah I ordered it to be blown up while my life could be taken away. And when I was hurt during the blast right in front me during the race, I dared to suit up. Not to mention the usage of my suit sped up the poisoning in my body faster!

Everything is a joke to me

I try to calm people down, distract them, buy time and help them for better alright? If you've got a problem with my snarkiness kick me out of the team already. You don't need to see my face or hear my so-called jokes ever again.

No plan guy.

I have plans. I know what I'm doing. It's just that I don't want anyone else knowing what I'm doing. No one can crack open the genius shell of mine and I think by now you know I have many plans of attacks that never follow rules or patterns.
By the way, the above paragraph made me feel like the team leader. Don't know why. I only wish I was. In the first place, how did Rogers get to be the leader?


What I have yet to tell others about me


I'm suicidal

I know I'm selfish but I put my life at risk on a regular basis. I kind of face death's door every time I feel only I have the power to end the madness during battle times. For example: The nuke, Stane [again] and many more. I know this may cause the others to feel like I'm a risk to the team and kick me out. I can't help the feeling. Also many times I try and work myself to 'death' which is a habit I can't control.

I have PTSD

No this should never be penned down on this paper. I won't tell anyone anything about this.

I can't write anymore. It hurts to remember my past. No one knows how I feel like.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end of chapter 1