Michael Ishkavik, 18, D6M

It's been five days since I won. And every single one of those days I found myself suffering from nightmares; nightmares about the arena, nightmares about the tributes, nightmares about my sister. And I can't seem to stop them no matter what I do. The Capitol have me a fake ear that looks surprisingly real, I can hear better from that side now. They trimmed my hair a bit, it's still long (up to my neck) but just more... presentable. I'm going to be having my victor's interview along with watching the recap video afterwards; I am so not prepared for it. I'm going to have to watch all of them die all over again, how could someone possibly ask me to sit through that? And on top of that I have to actually look happy and like a victor should be or I'm sure President Tom Snow would have my head on a silver platter so I have to be absolutely perfect today. My stylist dressed me up good, blue suit, white shirt, blue tie. It's show time...

I'm lifted up and I find myself blinded by the many lights shining on me, I'm the centre of attention in the entire world. Me, Michael Ishkavik, the murderer. Julius sits opposite me, he's wearing his gold sparkling suit that instantly grabs the attention of everyone in Panem, and it grabs my attention. Now he has to interview me, ask me some of the most painful questions imaginable. "So Michael my boy, how does it feel so have beaten the odds and fought your way to victory?" He asks me with a cheerful grin. I put on a fake smile and answer, making it seem like I'm happy with this whole stupid situation. "It feels pretty damn good Julius. All the money, I can go home, live in victors village with my family again and maybe open a little shop or something." I say jokingly, the whole crowd laughs.

"Well it's good to know you have gratitude about your victory, but tell me, surely some part of you is missing your sister right?" He asks. I tried all night to prepare myself for a question like that, and still there's a lump in my throat when he asks it. I guess nothing can prepare you when someone asks about the death of your twin sister, the twin sister I killed. I take a deep breath, the whole crowd is silent in anticipation, I'm trying my best not to crack and crumble underneath all the pressure. "Well I do miss her, I really loved, I did. She was my twin after all, without her I would be dead, we've been the same our entire lives and the fact that she's gone it just... unbelievable." I answer, pushing down the lump in my throat that forms. The whole crowd is silent at my words, stunned into silence, even Julius hesitates to ask the next question.

"Well I am very sorry about that. But at least her death was not in vain right? One of you did survive and I'm sure that's better than none." He says, it's taking all my strength not to attack him right then and there. She died, how can anything be good about that? She deserved to go home and not me, she was the tough one, she was the strong one and not me. She killed protecting me, why did I kill? I was delusional, that's all I was, delusional and stupid. "Well, I-I guess you have a point there." I say in agreement. We then go through some more bearable questions, and I answer them enough so I sound victor worthy, and then he finally stops the questions.

"So without further ado allow us to show you all the recap video!" He announces.

Here it is.

On the big screen it starts, in big silver writing it says 'The one hundred and twenty fourth Hunger Games.' It starts with the reapings, all many different reactions, Ryan, the kid who me and Ayakon originally teamed up with went into the justice building kicking and screaming, he was so weak, he didn't deserve this. And then it's the tribute parade in which is shows all of us in our chariots, me and Ayakon in those stupid costumes. And then it cuts to the interviews, me and Ayakon played the big sympathy card, our mentor said it would be the best angle to play and I guess he was write, after all one of us is alive. And then it shoots to the morning of the bloodbath, it has very suspenseful music playing in the background and it has my face in the corner in the box, here I am watching intently despite me dreading this moment.

And then it shows us running, it flips between what I'm doing and all the deaths, this time it's much more slower pace than it was in real life and the deaths are in much more detail. That girl getting her throat slit and Shine flaunting the moment, Ryan getting pounded into the ground then slashed by the axe. That boy from three, Ben Franks (I finally remembered all of the tribute's names) getting decapitated by Alexis. The careers are like a well oiled machine, not a single one of them getting a scratch on them, each of them backing each other up. I then see Percy throw a spear and it lands in Britan's stomach as she tries to run away, I see myself, finding my glaive but then getting attacked by Demi and I try to fight back but I get ganged up on, losing an ear and I take that opportunity to escape. It shows Pandora Woolkins getting shot in the neck and her district partner losing a leg. And finally the cornucopia is riddled with nothing but corpses, supplies and careers.

And somehow whoever edited this is cramming almost three weeks into three hours, all of the deaths I never witnessed are horrible and gory and I feel sorry for them. Kim being ruthlessly tortured to death, Xavier being bisected, Griffin disembowelled. But I know I need to keep my poker face on, I need to make it look like I am proud of myself. However when I see myself decapitating Ayakon I just can't look. And then the finale, me fighting Shine and Demi killing Cyrus, we both turn on Demi and kill her. Me and Shine vie for the crown and somehow my glaive finds itself in her neck and that's the end, I'm left victorious.

And then President Tom Snow crowns me victor, he looks me right in the eye with a smile. He approves of me, I don't know why but he approved of me. I don't know what it is about me but I guess I was the kind of tribute he wants to see, despite not being a career, and he's happy. I just wish I could take my glaive and stab it in his neck, he deserves it, not Shine, not Ayakon.

I was taken home in a train and taken back to district six, they paraded me, they paraded me and congratulated me like a trophy. However my parents were nowhere to be seen for some reason, I have no idea why. I went home and found all my bags already packed. "Hey mom, hey dad!" I call out and I find them standing at the doorway. I try to hug my mother but she pushes me away and then I look at her, clearly confused. "Wh-what's wrong?" I ask. My dad looks angry, upset even. And he grows at me, his fists clenched. "Get out of our house." He looks me right in the eye.

"Wh-why?" I stutter.

"You killed your own twin sister you monster!" My mother screams at me. No, no, no, why are they doing this to me? I didn't do anything to them, I wasn't even me.

"But you know that wasn't me. It was the mushrooms, please mom, I'm so sorry, p-please come and live with me, I-I can't handle this without you two!" I beg, on the verge of breaking down into tears. My father's face is still twisted with rage. "No! You didn't even care that she was dead, you just cared about your own skin you! You're not our son! Our son was not a murderer!" He screams at me and shoves me against the door. "Now get out and go live in your own little rich house!" He demands. My bottom lip quivers and I feel tears coming out of my eyes, I-I can't believe this, they're actually doing this to me, they're actually disowning me. "I-I a-am your son dad. I-I am, I wanted to come home to you two!" I cry, almost breaking down into sobs but they just won't have it, they won't listen to me. "Then you should've thought about that before you are those mushroom Michael. Goodbye and I hope you have a fantastic life with all your money."

And then I find myself on the road, cold and alone.

They disowned me, my former parents. Now here I am, living in the victors village, my victors tour just finished and now I'm back in my house, living next about three other victors. They tried their best to help me but I guess I just kind of started shutting them out, I started shutting all of them out. I burned any and all pictures of my old parents I had, I threw them in the fire place and watched them burn slowly. I managed to stop taking morphling because I promised Ayakon I'd stop, I only have on picture of my family left and that's a picture of me and Ayakon, before the reaping when we both turned eighteen, back when I was poor and life was simpler.

Now I sit at a table, a bottle of alcohol sitting on the table in front of me. The weight of the twenty-three dead tributes was just really hard I guess. After my victors tour I started drinking, I hired a maid to keep the house tidy so I didn't have to but when she leaves I'm all alone again. It's just me and the alcohol, it helps, it just numbs the pain you know. Next year I'll be mentoring and I know that's definitely going to be hard, seeing kids who used to be like me go and die. But I guess I'll try my best when I'm not drunk on alcohol.

My victor's house is pretty big and decent. I'm sitting in the lounge know as the fire place slowly burns, the wooden floorboards are covered with a golden carpet that one of the other district six victors brought for me. I have about three bathrooms in there and three bedrooms but if I had any kids I was told I could get more. I'm never having kids. All they'll do is go into the games and I'll be lonely again. I'll never find love. I feel like my existence is a bit meaningless, any girls I have over are just empty flings, I never see them again nor do they visit me, what's the point in getting married and finding love? What's the whole point of even having children? It's just a stupid empty cycle that will never end. And that's the truth.

I guess you could call me what you like; womanizer, man whore, sleep around, I don't care, right now I don't care what anyone thinks because apparently I'm a monster anyway. I simply drink some more alcohol form my alcohol bottle and sit there on the seat, staring into space. The pain never ever ends. I don't know how some victors can get on with their normal lives while I'm stuck this hole.

Now here I am, alone in a big house and so much money I don't know what to do with it. I guess you could say I'm living the good life right?

No because I have the weight of twenty-three other kids lives on my shoulders.

And now I'm a nothing but a victor pawn of the Capitol.

And now it's finally finished! Thank you to anyone who reviewed this story, read it or even viewed it. It really meant a lot to me and it inspired me to keep on writing. I'll probably write more fanfictions! Thank you all!