A MrPresident Original – Actual Value 0.000001p

Setting: This story is set in the setting in which it is set. That setting is so set so that a person who knows what setting it is is set to understand the setting in which it is set. Understand? Good, so I will begin.

Background: A white screen.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Buffy The Vampire Slayer. In fact I own nothing at all. Absolutely nothing. I am possession less. It is not like I am one of those extremist anti-property people, far from it, I just happen to own nothing at the moment. But that can change. All I am asking for is a donation of 50 pounds a month or as much as you can steal. There are millions of money-grabbers like me and we all need your cash. Please put the cash in an envelope and simply chuck it out of the window. Thank you for your time and hopefully for your money. This is not a registered charity. It is nothing to do with good causes. In fact if I receive any money I will probably just blow it all at the races.

Public Warning: This story was written by me and as such cannot be replicated without my approval. If you violate this I will sue you ass (and other parts of your body). That being said I can't afford a lawyer and probably wouldn't know if you replicated it or not. In fact I don't even know why I wrote this or why you are reading it. I suggest you ignore it. Although the only way you would know to ignore it would be to read it and so not ignore it. It truly is a paradox. It is up there with time-travel and the whole grandfather clause. I don't know where up there is but it is certainly there. 

Final Annoying Title Before The Story

Chapter One – This Chapter Was Rated Alpha By The MrPresident Board Of Censors.

Buffy: You know after all these years I think I could have done that with my eyes closed.

Willow: That would be something to see.

Xander: Yeah, we could sell tickets. Come see the amazing blindfolded Slayer.

Buffy: Well, this amazing Slayer just had a great idea. Ice creams my treat.

Willow: Your treat? I thought you were economising.

Buffy: I was but with my new job I think I can splash out of a couple of ice creams for my friends.

Xander: Yeah Willow. If Buffy wants to give us free ice cream, then so be it. It is     obvious that she can't be talked out of it and so we shouldn't even try.

Willow: Okay. Ooohh, can I have Rocky Robin?

Xander: What is it with you and Rocky Robin?

Willow: What is wrong with Rocky Robin.

Xander: The name, the flavour, the texture, do I need to go on?

Buffy: You needn't.  We all have weird passions, remember the panties?

Xander: You said you would never bring that up again.

Willow: What about panties?

Buffy: Well, one day Xander…

Xander: Buffy!

Buffy: found a pair of Anya's panties…

Xander: Stop right now!

Buffy: and he decided to try them out, as you do…

Xander: It's not even an interesting story.

Buffy: Well he had to go to work before he could take them off.

Xander: Can anyone actually hear me?

Buffy: He spent the whole day with them on.

Xander: Hello!

Buffy: Turns out he rather liked how they felt.

Xander: It is like that movie, the invisible man.

Willow: How do you know all of this?

Xander: Although I don't have a white gloves or a walking stick.

Buffy: Anya told me.

Xander: What a minute, Anya didn't know that I wore them the whole day.

Buffy: Didn't she? She must have.

Xander: No. You don't forget incidents like that. So, how did you know?

Buffy: All right I saw you changing at the Magic Shop.

Willow: You saw him changing? Did you, you know, see everything?

Buffy: No, but I saw the panties. Then Anya told me the rest of the story.

Xander: What were you doing sneaking a peek?

Buffy: I wasn't sneaking. There was no sneaking involved. I just happened to wander into the room that you were changing in.

Xander: How come I don't ever happen to do that with you two?

Buffy: Coz we usually lock the door.

Xander: Well, since you saw me I think I should get a quick free-view of you.

Willow: Xander!

Xander: What?

Buffy: You aren't getting any free-views.

Xander: What about…

Buffy: And you can't pay for it either.

Willow: Xander! That is so rude.

Xander: What? I didn't say anything.

Willow: You were going to.

Xander: How do you know that?

Buffy: Okay, what were you going to say?

Xander: That's not the point.

Buffy: What is the point then?

Xander: You assumed that was going to ask you that.

Buffy: But you were going to ask me that.

Xander: I might not have.

Buffy: But you just said you were.

Xander: Yes, but you didn't know that.

Buffy: But you…

[Four vampires walk round the corner of a mausoleum and bump into Buffy]

Buffy: Hey, watch where you are going. You vampires never have any manners.

[Buffy and the lead vampire start to fight. She knocks him to the ground and the second vampire charges forward. She stakes him and takes on the third and first vampire at the same time. Meanwhile the fourth vampire is attacking Xander and Willow. Buffy kills the third vampire and is just left with the first one. She quickly stakes him and turns round to see how Xander and Willow are doing. They are not doing well. Willow was knocked to the ground. The vampire goes to bite her but Xander throws himself at the vampire and knocks him down. The vampire gets up and throws Xander across the graveyard. Buffy charges forward and does some acrobatics in the air finishing when a stake to the vampire's heart.]

Buffy: [turns to Willow] you okay?

Willow: Just the usual concussion.

Buffy: Where's Xander.

[The two of them look around the graveyard]

Willow: [She sees Xander impaled on an iron railing] Xander!

[They both run over to him]

Buffy: Xander! Can you hear me?

Xander [groggily] Buffy?

[Blood is pouring out of Xander. Buffy rips part of his shirt and holds it against the wound.]

Buffy: Willow, go get help.

[Willow doesn't move]

Buffy: Willow!

[Willow turns to Buffy]

Buffy: Go call an ambulance.

[Willow runs off]

Buffy: You're going to okay?

Xander: Buffy?

Buffy: Yes.

Xander: I want to tell you something, you know, in case I don't make it.

Buffy: You are going to make it.

Xander: Just in case I…

[Xander loses consciousness]

Buffy: Xander! Xander!

[End of this chapter]

Author's note: Well as you can tell from this chapter I don't quite know what is going to happen with this story. I would gladly welcome any suggestions that you might have concerning the story if, for the fact, that I don't really welcome them. So basically your job is to review what I write. Not a glamorous job but someone has to do it. You are the waste technicians (dustbin men) of the FanFiction world. I only ask one things of my reviewers (two if you count spelling correctly), please don't use the word 'melon'. Thank you for your time. I hope I passed the audition.