Author's Note - So this is my first little foray into a crossover. It's a bit goofy, that's how I wanted it, just something lighter than what I've been writing recently, something fun. So what's more fun than "Irish Twins, Winchesters and a talkative mercenary walk into a bar..." so I did just that. I hope you all like what I created with a little twist at the end, cuz it wouldn't be me without something like that.
A huge chocolatey hug goes out to Siarh for one giving me the idea, two reading the first part, three helping with the editing and four hand holding. I love you dearly lady, thank you, thank you, thank you!
And a shout out to Valerie E. Mackin for all the Deadpool love she gives me! Love you!
Legal Stuff: I do not own any characters related to Marvel, Supernatural, Boondock Saints or DC.
So here's my goofy little one shot about an awkward situation that just gets worse.
*This is your Deadpool dialogue alert, the key is as follows: Deadpool, personality1, personality2, this has been your Deadpool dialogue alert*
Please enjoy, read and review, thank you!
The bar was dimly lit and empty, the smell of stale beer hung heavily in the muggy recycled air. The door swung open letting the bright sunlight in exposing the swirling dust particles. Five men walked in together all tense and edgy, all dressed similar in jeans and t-shirts. One however was covered from head to toe in a hat and trench coat; his eyes couldn't even be seen. The five of them separated once they funneled into the bar. The lone man in the coat took a seat in the back with the best vantage point; he could see everything and everyone.
Two men sat next to one another at the bar, obviously brothers, ordered a beer each. The other pair, also brothers sat a table. One pulled laptop out of his bag and the other bounced his leg nervously as he eyed the man in the hat almost annoyed and angry at the same time. The bar was still eerily quiet, even the sips of beer and the clacking of the keyboard were almost silent.
"How long do you think it'll be before anyone says anything?"
"Depending on who wants to admit what happened. My money's on Sam, he's the Admit-I'm-Wrong-First type."
The man in the hat chuckled as he took it off revealing a red and black face mask covering his whole head.
"What are you laughing at Chuckles?" Dean growled.
"Nothing sweet cheeks, just the voices in my head, they keep me company," he leaned forward.
"Don' star' tha' again," the lighter haired brother at the bar said as he spun around. "Ya aren' gonna convince us tha' ya'r insane," his accent flowed out of him like water.
"Oh but MacManus I am, and this just proves it. That cute brunette's been cooking this up for weeks and now we're all in a room together."
Dean and the darker haired twin looked around for the brunette but no girl was in sight. Both of them looked slightly disappointed when they couldn't find her, they turned to the masked man to point her out.
Deadpool sighed, "She's not here, she created this little scenario," he was met with blank stares and rolled his eyes, "never mind, I tired," he said to the ceiling raising his hands in defeat.
"Look, can we just get this over with? I'm really starting to freak out over here," Sam said looking at his laptop.
"Whatdda got Sammy," Dean asked, not looking away from Wade.
"What he's got Dean-O is my next target, the one that the Messengers from God over there screwed up for me," Wade leaned back in the booth and placed his feet up on the table, "Oh, but then again you two are Harbingers too, what's that like?"
"He's gonna launch into the freelance speech again isn't he?"
"Probably, the freedom, the money, the blah, blah, blah…I guess he doesn't remember how tied down he was as a hired assassin."
"You know it's a really good thing they can't hear you two, bickering with me like three old church ladies," Wade grumbled to himself. "The hired assassin thing was one time, one time!"
"Who ya talkin' ta ova there," Murphy questioned, taking a sip of his beer.
"For the love of Pete," Wade dropped his feet to the floor and sprang upright and took off his trench coat revealing his arsenal. Four guns were instantly drawn on him. "Wow, you kids don't mess around. Look, I don't want to step on any toes."
"Since when, that's like our thing, it's what we do, we talk and do a lot of toe stepping."
"But I gotta finish this job, I gotta get paid, the money's good, we could split it if you guys could help me. I mean I've seen your skills, you're good, could be a better shot, Connor and Dean I'm looking at you, but there's good raw talent to work with."
"This is ridiculous!" Dean glared at the masked man, "I can't believe that the five of us are still even standing in a room talking about this. And what do you mean I could be a better shot?"
"Aye, ya ten ta go a bi' ta tha' lef," Connor snickered into his glass.
"Shut it Ireland, this doesn't involve you any more than it involves Deadshot or whatever his name is," Dean fumed.
"Oh, no he did not just call you Deadshot! Are you gonna take that from him?"
"It's Deadpool," Wade said calmly spinning his gun around his finger, "But I'm not gonna take quips on names from a guy who's last name is Winchester, besides Deadshot is a two rate villain that shouldn't even get a mention yet he's in the video games and prime time."
"What," came the reaction from the four brothers in the bar.
The mercenary rolled his eyes, "Just ignore it, most people should." He moved to look at Sam's computer and there it was, his target all lit up bright and yellow on the screen, "Now that's what I like to see."
"It's a man in a banana suit," Sam said.
"Yeah, a banana," Deadpool rubbed his hands together as a smiled worked it's was across his mask, "worth $2.5 million give or take a few bullet holes."
"The banana suit or the man inside it?" Sam asked.
"Does it matter Sammy?" Wade turned to him, "Hey did you know your puppy dog eyes are the sweetest I've seen in awhile, maybe even sweeter than Murphy's baby blues over there." Deadpool stood up, hands at his holsters, "I do believe I'm in a room filled with some of the finest looking killers I've ever had the pleasure to be tangled up with. You've got good taste, girl," he looked toward the door and winked.
"Who is this girl?" Connor asked confused glancing around the empty bar.
"You're good, I like you Connor," he placed an arm around the lighter hair twin, "Once I get Bananaman we should go to the club pick up a girl or two, I know one that will blow your mind. Her name's Inez, but don't call her that she'll knock you out."
"Hey…Scarface, you're getting distracted, Bananaman, money, mercenary duties, any of this ringing a bell?"
"Did someone mention Crazy Inez?"
"Ma'be I spoke too soo'," Connor said, looking at the masked man inches away from his face, "Ya migh' be a tad insane." He pulled away from the mercenary.
"I'm more than a tad or a touch there Conn, but we don't have time for whichever backstory I feel like telling today. Just know I'm the best at what I do or better. Depends on who you're asking." He pulled a .45, spun it around, and cocked it, "Bananaman here I come. Now are you boys sure you don't wanna split the money with me?"
"I'm afraid we can' let ya go after him," Murphy said, putting down his glass.
"Oh, come on, I thought we were having a moment and after that kitten thing, Murphy, I thought we were connected!"
"You said you weren't ever going to bring that up again!"
"I need a shot or fifty and then some bleach to wash out your eyes."
Sam, Dean and Connor started laughing hysterically and Murphy tried in vain to land a punch on Wade, "Murph, come on, I didn't think you'd still be sensitive about it." He ducked and danced out of the way of every punch and elbow thrown, "If you're worried, the kitty's ok, safe and sound." he caught the darker haired twin's fist, "Enough, you aren't the first person to be caught with a cat down your pants! Just calm down there is nothing to be ashamed of."
"It wa' tha way it go' ther'," Murphy screamed.
"Oh, right, well that was my bad. Look Murph…" he placed a hand behind his head, "I'm not good with apologies, so I'll let you take a free hit." Murphy wound up and punched Wade straight in the gut, Wilson doubled over feigning a moan for a few seconds before looking up at the darker haired twin with an enormous grin, "There feel better, kitten?"
"Ya motherfucker," Murphy yelled and charged but Connor held him back.
"Ya had ya'r chance, kitten," Connor teased as he and the Winchesters laughed.
Murphy dropped down on his stool lit another cigarette puffing away as he muttered angrily and took a shot or two, casting daggers at Wade.
"They're gonna kill you."
"Like it matters, healing factor that puts Wolverine to shame remember?"
"So tell me, wiser and older MacManus, why is it exactly I can't go killing Bananaman?"
Connor looked at the merc, lit a cigarette, "He's an innocen' man, shouldna be killed jus' for money."
"How do you know this Bananaman is innocent?" Dean asked.
"We've seen stranger things Connor, clowns, even angels that aren't so innocent. Who's to say that this Bananaman isn't an evil thing," Sam said.
"See the Winchesters got it! Bananaman is nothing to mess around with. Now I'm still willing to split my fee with you, but you gotta let me go and get him. Come on, Connor," he whined bouncing from foot to foot.
"Are you seriously whining?"
"What are you twelve?"
"Le'me take a loo' at dis Bananaman," Connor conceded as he came around to Sam's laptop. It was a picture of a large man in a bright yellow banana costume. Nothing really out of the ordinary other than the banana costume, then the picture morphed slightly and the man's face appeared sinister. Connor made a face as he recoiled, "Alrigh' ya have me blessin'."
"Well it's about time kids." The door swung open and the Bananaman strolled in. Wade opened fire with a string of 'Bangs' unloading both his guns into the bright yellow costume. The Bananaman lay on the floor in ruined poly foam mess. Wade stowed his pistols turning to a stunned set of MacManus boys and Winchesters. He was about to say something when laughter was heard from behind him.
"You gotta be fuckin' kidding me."
"Yeah, something like that," the Bananaman said pulling off his costume, revealing the brown haired and eyed Trickster. "I just wanted to play a joke on those two," he pointed to the slack jawed Winchesters giving them a wink. "Didn't think I'd get the rest of you. But hey bonus points," he laughed. "Who's your new friend Sammy? I am digging him. I mean the guy's a riot, the voices alone are worth keeping him around!"
"Whoa, he can hear us?"
"I guess, that's a first…"
The demi-god strolled up to Deadpool, "You bet your bottom dollar. Wanna go create some havoc?"
"Am I gonna get paid?"
"Most assuredly." They walked out together leaving four very confused men in a bar.
"Wha' tha' fuck jus' happened," Murphy asked.
"I couldn't tell you if I wanted to," Dean shook his head in disbelief.