Here's the O/S I wrote for The Fruit's on the Vine contest. Just so you know, they deemed it as Best Heart Shredder. Hope you enjoy!
I'm spending my night as I always do: with her. Bella. She's been my best friend since high school, the object of my affection. The only girl I've ever loved sits inches away from me, but it seems as if there's an ocean between us.
It really is too bad the feeling isn't mutual.
I'm her second choice. She'd rather be with him, but he's away in Portland at school. It's where they met; she graduated last year with her associate degree and came back to work in Forks as a physical therapy technician. He stayed there and continued with his degree. Jake plays football. Or basketball. It's one of the two. Either way, he's there. And she's here. With me. While he's god knows where, doing god knows what.
But tonight is different because he stood her up. She isn't supposed to be with me. I'm second best, but it's what I have, so I take it. I know I shouldn't complain.
I don't like him, and it's not just because he has the guts to say the things I don't. He's a douche. A total dick. And I don't trust him.
Or his dick.
She's in shorts and a t-shirt, but she still looks great. I never knew heather gray fruit of the loom could turn me on so much, but it does. It helps that she's wearing my shirt. She stole it from me while we were in high school. It seems so long ago now. Things were so much simpler back then.
We watch a movie at her apartment. It's dark, and that's a good thing. She can't see that I'm hard. I'm not even paying attention to this stupid fucking romantic comedy piece of trash. The movie on the screen is tame compared to the one in my head. She's all I see: under me, on top, in the shower, sucking my dick.
Some of the things that go through my mind are downright sick.
We're sipping cheap wine. My brother bought it for us because we're still underage. I'll be 21 soon. Her birthday is a few months after mine in September. I know these things. I've celebrated her birthday with her every year since she came to live with her dad. She was sixteen then. I doubt Jake even knows what day it is.
It's just like any other night, but it's not. Because she's sad, and I'm pissed. But at the same time I'm not. Because we're here, together, and maybe after tonight she'll see that she can have it so much better.
I'm not totally innocent. The entire night I've been texting someone else. And why not? It's not like I'm attached. Bella knows there's something going on between me and Tanya. She knows everything about me; well, almost everything. It's not like I'm lying, except I sort of am. To Tanya. To Bella.
And to myself.
"Ask her to make it official yet?"
"I'm working on it," I say.
Bella knows we went out last weekend. I had to do something while she was off visiting Jake in Portland. I couldn't sit around and dwell on her or what she was doing. It would have driven me crazy. I went out, and she found out about it. When she confronted me on Monday, I omitted the details of what actually happened, though I'm pretty sure she assumes. She doesn't like Tanya, I know this. It's what makes it so fun. I want her to be jealous, but if she is, she hides it well.
"What's the hold up?" Bella asks.
"I'm not sure if she wants something serious."
But the truth is, nor do I.
"You're too fucking nice," she sighs.
"Whatever." I don't want to have this discussion. Again.
"It's true. You let girls walk all over you, Edward. Is it really so hard for you to tell them what you want?"
She should speak for herself. Maybe Bella needs to spend less time worrying about me, and more time telling Jake what she wants. Or she could kick him to the curb instead.
I prefer Plan B.
"I'll ask her when the time is right."
"Bullshit." I know she's angry at Jacob, but I don't appreciate the way she takes it out on me. "You wouldn't know how to take an opportunity if it bit you in the ass."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I could be lying here, stark naked with my legs spread, and you wouldn't even sneak a glimpse."
This is why our friendship works. We recognize the other's weaknesses. And there's nothing we can't talk about.
We're also very competitive.
"I'll bet I would." I did when I walked in on her changing a few weeks back.
"Fine," she agrees. "You might check me out, but I'll bet I could tell you to come hither and you still wouldn't try to fuck me."
I'm not sure what she's even saying, or the point she's trying to make. "Would too," I argue.
"Prove it," she dares.
"You're not naked," I joke.
"Then take off my clothes."
I pick my jaw up off the floor. I'm incapable of providing her with a response, unable to think straight. She can't possibly be serious. What is she thinking? What is she trying to prove? Has she had too much to drink?
I glance at the coffee table. There's a lot of wine left in that bottle.
It's not that I don't want to, but she's being irrational. Bella has a boyfriend. And as much as I want her, as much as I hate him, I don't want to be that guy. It doesn't matter that I've fantasized about slamming her into my mattress thousands of times. It's wrong. We can't do this. It would ruin everything, and I won't jeopardize our friendship.
I think I won't, anyway.
I proved her point, but she hardly looks satisfied. "Told you so."
I let out an exasperated sigh. Women are impossible. I should start spending more time with Jasper. At least I don't want to sleep with him.
"It's not like you want to fuck me anyway," I mutter, only slightly bitter.
Bella shifts away from the armrest she's lounging against. She climbs onto my lap, throwing her arms around my neck and pressing her soft lips to mine for a brief moment. She tastes like wine, and I'm sad when she pulls away.
"But what if I do?"
I swallow and kiss her again, unable to stop myself. It's possible I've slipped into some sort of alternate reality, or maybe I've just fallen asleep. Either way, I intend on making the most of it. My hands have nowhere to go. They rest on her hips, and I grip them tightly, grinding her against me. I'm hard as a rock, and I'm sure she notices. I wonder how she didn't earlier.
Her hands slip under my shirt to graze bare skin. If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up.
I know almost everything about my best friend. Most of the time we can finish each other's sentences. I've seen her at her best and her worst. There's only one side of her I am yet to explore, and to say I am eager is a bit of an understatement. I can't think straight. We're entering foreign territory. I have no idea what's going on, and I can't hold myself back from finding out.
"This doesn't have to mean anything," she whispers. "No one needs to know."
I nod. The words sting. There is turmoil behind her eyes. I wonder if she sees it in mine, too.
I start to object. "Bella—"
"I love you, Edward. You're my best friend, but tonight I need you to be more."
She begins to take off my shirt. I don't stop her. My heart races. I can hear it in my ears, and I assume it's probably overcompensating for the amount of blood flow going to my dick. For the same reason, I can't concentrate on anything but what I want, and how I want it.
I want her. If she wants me to be assertive, I will be. She'll be screaming my name before the end of the night. My name, and not his. I want to fuck her hard and fast. I want to dominate her body as she dominates my mind. It's her fault for doing this to me. She's the one who has made me wait so long. She is the one to blame for stealing a moment between us that is not supposed to exist.
We leave most of our clothes in the living room: her shirt, mine, and my belt. Bella isn't wearing a bra. She never does when it's just the two of us. This entire time, she has probably done it to tease me. It only makes things easier—I hate undoing the goddamn hooks anyway.
I carry us into her bedroom with her long, sexy legs wrapped around my waist. Our lips never part as we crash onto the bed, and I'm anything but gentle. Next time she tries to tell me I'm too soft, maybe she'll think again.
The lamp on her nightstand provides just enough light for me to see what I'm doing. I take off her shorts, stripping her down to the black thong she put on for Jacob. She's freshly shaven, too. I know it's not for me. I should be bothered, but I'm not. If I'm being honest, it only turns me on more.
I begin to do the things I've fantasized about since high school.
I fucking love giving a girl oral. Bella is more responsive than all of the other girls I've been with. My tongue and fingers work together as she writhes, and I know from the way she grips my scalp that I'm doing something right. It doesn't take long, which is unfortunate. I could spend hours eating her out and never get bored.
She sounds beautiful when she comes, and I make her kiss me on the lips long and hard after. We're still kissing as I unzip my jeans and pull out my dick. I know we need to use protection, but I can't resist the opportunity to tease her entrance and find out what she feels like bare back, even if it's only for a second. It's what I want, and that's what this is about, isn't it? I'm going after what I want.
She stops me like I knew she would. "We have to use a condom," she whispers. "Jacob can't ever find out."
"I know." I become someone else. I'm arrogant, an asshole. How dare she say his name? It only reminds me of the truth: she isn't mine. "Don't worry, baby. He doesn't ever need to find out what a little whore you are."
After fumbling through her nightstand, I slide my jeans all the way off and the condom on. I detach myself from my emotions because I know that's what she wants. She doesn't want me. Bella just wants to be fucked. She wants to feel numb, and I'm the lucky bastard that gets to grant her wishes.
I'm not sure what satisfies me more—being with her or helping her cheat on him. I've never fucked someone else's girl before. I know I should feel bad for him, but I don't. I leave marks on her collar bone. I want her to remember this. I want her to get caught.
I want her.
I fuck Bella in every position imaginable. The condom helps. I'm able to last much longer than even I expected, and she comes two more times before it's all over: once while I'm taking her from behind, and again when she's on top of me. I learn things about my best friend that I never could've imagined. She likes to be controlled. And she loves it when I play with her nipples.
I grip her hips as I spill into her. She continues to ride me, drawing out my orgasm for longer than I thought possible. I'm torn as she collapses on top of me. Deep down I know this is wrong.
I want to do it again.
We lie in bed afterward, completely spent. She doesn't say much, and neither do I. There's a lot on my mind, and I assume the same is true for her. Our relationship has reached its turning point. What we've done will either make it or break it. I don't know what to do or what to say, but as the night wears on she starts to cry.
It's only as I return to my own apartment that I realize the true extent of what I've done.
His nights at my apartment are few and far between.
He's always with her. They're dating now, and it makes me sick. After the night we hooked up, everything went to shit. The next day Edward and I got into the biggest fight we'd ever been in. It was worse than any fight I've ever had with Jake, but at least Edward didn't get physical.
I never told him that. He doesn't know the real reason I feel so safe around him or the things I've been through. I feel trapped, or at least I did. It'll all be over soon. It has to be.
As it turns out, there are a lot of things Edward never bothered to tell me either. I've always had my suspicions. I'm not thick. I knew about his little crush. But I never realized how deep it ran, or that he actually planned to ask me out when I moved home from school. By then it was too late. I was with Jake.
I didn't know what to say.
I realize now that I'm in love with him. He's my best friend, and the best lover I've ever had. But none of that matters because it's too late. He's with someone else.
And technically, so am I.
It gets worse. I'm pregnant. It's his; I have no doubts. Jake and I rarely see each other, and when we do, we fight. We haven't been intimate in almost three months. It's Edward's baby. I know for sure. I don't know how it happened or how to tell him.
I wonder if I even should.
I feel helpless. I'm an idiot. My dad is going to kill me. He'll probably kill Edward too. I do what I know has to be done, and I break up with Jake. I should've done it a long time ago. He doesn't take it well. Jake threatens me, but by now I've learned that most of his threats are empty. It doesn't matter. There's nothing he can say that will scare me more than I already am. I don't tell him the truth. He never has to know.
It's for the best.
I stop by Edward's apartment unannounced on the way home from the clinic. It's confirmed, as if the seven sticks I peed on weren't enough. I'm six weeks. It's still too early to hear the heartbeat, but my doctor said that's normal. She dated the pregnancy with an ultrasound, and it perfectly coincided to the day. My last period ended two weeks before I slept with Edward. We had sex a little over a month ago. Everything adds up. Everything looks good.
I knock and wait for him to let me in.
He's alone. Thank fucking god. I can't stand his girlfriend. She's a cunt. She hates me, and I don't blame her. I realize she could be my child's stepmom someday. The thought makes me very upset, and not just because she's a bitch. I don't want my baby to grow up divided between two families. My parents divorced when I was very young, and I hate them for it. But if Edward doesn't marry Tanya, he'll marry someone else. And so will I.
Maybe my doctor is right. Maybe I should consider my options. Adoption seems messy, but abortion could work. There's a clinic in Tacoma, and I get paid next week. No one would ever have to know. I wouldn't even have to tell Edward. It makes the most sense. The idea of doing this alone terrifies me. I feel paralyzed by the fear. I'm only twenty years old. I can barely take care of myself, and without Edward, I know I'm totally fucked.
He opens the door before I make up my mind.
"Bella." I can tell he doesn't want to see me. "What are you doing here?"
My heart beats fast. Too fast. I worry it might be bad for the baby. It seems all my thoughts lately are centered around him. Or her. And Edward. He looks like shit. I have hope that maybe this past month hasn't been easy for him either. "Do you have time to talk?" I ask.
He lets me inside. "I guess."
It takes everything I have for me to keep it together, but I am too weak. I start to cry and must grab a tissue from my bag. I'm too scared to speak. Every time I open my mouth, more sobs find their way out.
He leads me to the sofa, and we sit. I'm hysterical. "Bella, what's going on?"
I can't stop shaking. His strong arms wrap around me, and I try to pull myself together. It's nice to know he doesn't completely hate me.
Not yet, at least.
His voice is soothing. He assures me I can tell him anything, and I wonder if he has any idea of what I'm about to say. It's hard to calm down when I'm about to ruin his life.
There's no turning back now.
"I'm pregnant." I keep it simple to get the words out. Edward's body goes rigid.
He doesn't respond. I expect it to happen any second. He's going to deny it. I speak as clearly as I can while still crying. "Look, Edward. You have the right to call me every name in the book. I deserve it. And I understand if you don't want anything to do with me. I'm keeping my options open—"
"Bella," he interrupts me. "Can you please just stop talking?"
He lets go of me to bury his head into his hands, and I feel very alone. It's as if he is the only thing holding me together, and without him I fall apart. We're silent for the longest thirty seconds of my life. I continue to cry.
"Hold on a second," he says, lifting his head. His voice is scratchy. "How pregnant are you?"
I pull the dating ultrasound from my bag and hand it to him. "Six weeks. In case you were wondering, I haven't slept with Jake in the past three months."
Edward looks at the sonogram photo, and then back at me. He's dumbfounded. The revelation hits him like a ton of bricks. "It's mine?"
I nod. His arms find their way around me again. He lets out a nervous laugh and kisses my tearstained cheek. It's weird. I know we slept together, but the fact that he's kissing me now causes butterflies in my stomach.
"It has to be," I say.
What he says next surprises me. He leans his forehead against mine and sighs. "I'm so fucking relieved."
"The weekend I went to Portland was the first time I saw Jake since the semester started," I explain. "But we spent the entire time fighting. And when I went to see him last week, it was to break up."
"This is so messed up." His eyes are glazed over with moisture. Very slowly he releases me from his embrace and stands. I know as he paces the living room floor that he's trying to process it all. The shock has worn off, and reality is setting in. "But we used a condom."
"It must've been defective," I reason.
"No shit," he snaps. Edward lied. He isn't relieved; he's angry.
"It's going to be okay." I say the words, but I don't believe them myself.
"It's not okay!" he practically seethes. "You told me I needed to stop letting girls walk all over me. That I should tell them what I want. But did you ever stop to consider that it was you? This entire time, I've been in love with you! And the entire time you've been pregnant with my child, I've been fucking someone else!"
I suspected as much, but hearing him say it hurts. I'm sobbing again. I've never seen Edward like this before, and I can't help myself. "I love you too," I say.
He pulls at his hair. "I was trying to make you jealous, but the only thing I've managed to do is destroy any chance I might have at being with you someday. What kind of relationship can we have now? Breaking up with Tanya is no fucking problem, but the damage has already been done. It's too late, isn't it?"
"No," I insist. I'm not sure what else to say.
"Wait." He recalls my words from earlier. "What did you mean when you said you're keeping your options open?"
"I can't do this without you." I hate to admit it. I'm weak.
"You won't." He seems so sure. "No matter what happens, we're in this together."
"But you didn't ask for this," I say. "And you can't possibly want it."
"I do." His voice doesn't waiver, and I realize he's actually okay with being a father. It's possible he might even be a little bit excited about it. "Not just the baby. I want all of it. I want to be with you."
I'm lucky. He's going to be a good dad. Suddenly the idea of taking that away from him seems unfathomable, and I can't help but get a little excited. "Me too," I admit.
"I hope it's a boy," he says. "I mean, either is fine, but can girls play tee ball? They can, right? Fuck it. I'll be coaching, so it's really my decision on who gets to play and who doesn't."
I laugh. "I'm sure there are co-ed teams, but we have a while before we need to worry about that."
"Right." He looks at the ultrasound again. "First things first. I'm keeping this. And next time you have an appointment, don't even think about going without me."
I feel bad. "Of course."
"And if we're going to make this work, I obviously need to break up with Tanya. The sooner the better. I can't stand that bitch."
"Edward…" I hate to have to bring him back to reality. "I cheated on my boyfriend. How will you ever be able to trust me when the basis of our relationship is built on infidelity?"
"It's not." He sounds angry again. "You were mine first."
I smile softly. "I know."
"Bella, who did you go to when you had a problem? Or when you just needed someone to talk to?"
"You," I say.
"And who did you spend every night with?"
"And aside from never letting you out of my bed, what's going to change if we're together?"
He's right. "Nothing."
"Exactly." He stops pacing and sits down next to me, pressing his lips to mine. We kiss for longer than necessary, and I remember how perfectly we fit together. I've missed him, and not only because he's my best friend. I love the way he makes me feel like nothing else matters in the world aside from us. Everyone wants to feel wanted. And knowing I'm wanted by him makes it that much better.
"Aren't you always going to wonder, though?" I ask. "I mean, why I'm with you."
His hand slides to my abdomen. There's nothing there yet. I feel normal, except for the fact that I'm crying and I want ice cream. Again. "Bella, I couldn't give a fuck at this point. I'm just happy we finally have a shot at happiness. This is what I've always wanted."
I look at him like he's crazy. "We're too young for this."
"I mean, sure. The circumstances could be different. I always thought we'd be older. I imagined us married, with a house of our own. And I thought for sure we'd be having sex on a regular basis."
He makes me laugh. "We can work on all of that," I say.
"The only thing that matters is that I finally have you. All of you. And the best part is, no matter what happens, you're stuck with me. Forever."
"Forever," I agree.
We spend our nights together, but it's different now. Edward no longer goes home to his own apartment to sleep. He doesn't crash on my couch, either. We buy a house together when I'm seven months pregnant, shortly before he proposes. It's a bungalow, and there's room in the backyard for a swingset. The house is exactly what I wanted, and we were lucky to get such a great bargain.
We spend our nights together, but we're not sleeping. Not anymore. And we're not having regular sex either. We were. After we started dating, Edward and I spent countless nights exploring each other's bodies and acquainting ourselves with the part of our friendship that only recently came into existence. That all ended the night my son was born.
He looks exactly like his father. Like Edward. It's a relief, in case anyone still had their doubts. I know Edward didn't, and Jacob can go fuck himself. He's an idiot.
We spend our night together. It's the first night we've had alone since Masen was born six weeks ago. Edward's parents watch the baby. They only live on the other side of Forks, but it's hard to be so far away. Edward insists, though, and since it's our wedding night, I oblige.
I still feel like a cow. I still have stretchmarks that rival the stripes of a zebra, but Edward assures me that he doesn't care. He tells me that I am beautiful and just as desirable as I was the nights we spent watching movies in my apartment. It's even better now, because it's the way it was always supposed to be.
I am his, and he is mine.