Gahhhh! I'm so bamboozled and happy right now. PUBLIC VOTE FAVORITE ROCKS! This was going to be the last contest I entered, but now, who knows. I guess it will depend on what moves me.

A gigantic THANK YOU to everyone who voted for my little story.

I also need to send out a huge thank you to my team who supported me. Not only that, but they helped push me over the bump to get it posted. Kelly and Kim, I love you!

And to Ysar for making my words shine at the last minute...I couldn't have done it without you!

The Fruit's on the Vine TwiFic Contest

Title: A Little Surprise

Pen name: Deebelle1

Pairing: Bella and Edward

Rating: M (for language and a lemony reference)

Genre: Humor…but with some serious under undertones throughout

Summary: Vegas, a one-night stand, and ten positive pregnancy tests later it was official; I got knocked up on spring break.

Disclaimer: SM owns the saga; I just twisted it up a bit.

Word count: 9394


A Little Surprise

Oh my God!

I had just peed on my tenth pregnancy test in two hours. I was hoping and praying they were all wrong or defective, or that they printed the positive and negative directions backwards.

A girl could hope, right?

My life would never be the same. I never should have listened to my flighty mother when she said I was too young to stay in the hotel room on a Friday night, in Vegas no less. My soon-to-be former best friend was egging on my mother, and now I was paying the price.

I leaned heavily against the wall and slid down as my legs gave way, the pee stick dropping from my hand and clattering across the floor. Their words from that night were floating back into my mind.

"Have fun! What's the worst that can happen? You meet a hot guy, let him take you back to his hotel room and fuck you six ways from Sunday?"

"You only live once!"

I snorted at the memory.

I gave him head, then we fucked in bed.
What started in the hall, finished against the wall.
Before we got dirty in the shower, he worshiped my little flower.
I saw stars each time I came; I knew I would never be the same.
Who knew turning me into a pile of goo,
Would result in something other than the flu?

Great. The fucking bastard who gave me the greatest pleasure known to man had turned me into a dirty, Dr. Seuss rhyming, knocked-up whore.

Edward fucking Cullen.

Or at least that's the name he gave right before I did walk of shame through the Palms Casino the next morning. The cocky bastard didn't even have the decency to walk me any farther than his door.

The smell of alcohol and cigarettes still hung in the air of the casino, so much quieter and less crowded than it had been last night. I squinted under the glare of the bright neon lights as I made my way toward the exit and into the first cab I saw.

I looked like a washed up prostitute in yesterday's clothes, but that didn't stop my mother and Alice from hooting and hollering when I entered our room. Who spends her spring break in Vegas with her mother? Oh right, I apparently do.

I hopped in the shower—without the sex machine this time—and gently washed my pleasantly sore body. After I dried off and dressed, they stopped celebrating my night out and morphed into the Spanish Inquisition, but I held them off by reminding them we needed to get packed if we were going to make our flight back home.

They mercilessly teased me on the plane and tried desperately to get me to spill the beans, but I never caved. While my night of endless debauchery had been amazing, I also felt dirty. The truth was I didn't know anything about the man I'd been with, except for a few miniscule details.

He had the most beautiful green eyes, and I couldn't help but lose myself in them. Messy and completely uncontrollable light auburn hair covered his head, and I immensely enjoyed tugging on it when I came. His voice was pure sex, not to mention the reason I left my panties behind in his hotel room. The fucker knew exactly what that voice of his did to me.

He was in town for a conference, or so he'd said. A single, twenty-eight year old entrepreneur in need of a good, hard fuck without any complications. I gave him that...and then some. In return he gave me a life-changing complication. A baby.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried.

I never expected to find myself in this position, a single, twenty-two year old soon-to-be college graduate who was about to start her first real job...pregnant.

I couldn't let this stop me, though. I stood up, shoved all the little plastic life changers into the garbage, and called the doctor to confirm what I already knew.

I was pregnant.

~o~o~o~

I had no idea what to expect at the OB/GYN's office.

Would they perform another pelvic exam? Would they be able to tell me how far along I was? I knew it had been six weeks since the night in the hotel room, but according to Google there were other things that factored into calculating how far along I was. Something about the first day of my last period or some shit like that.

After they had me pee in a cup, they weighed me and took my blood pressure. It wasn't until they said they were going to take blood that I really started to panic. I had never handled blood very well, and though I tried to remain unaffected, I began to hyperventilate. The nurse had me put my head between my legs until I calmed down and began breathing normally.

"Sorry. It's just blood and me," I explained. "We don't exactly see eye to eye. It would probably be best if I'm lying down when you do it, just to be safe. I passed out the last time I got a paper cut." That should have been enough, but my nerves took over, and I proceeded to word vomit all over her. "Hell, I've even passed out when I changed my tampon a couple of times. Nothing says freak more than a girl who collapses with her pants down in a ladies room." Cue the cherry tomato face. I couldn't believe I had said that out loud, and to someone who might possibly be seeing me naked in a few minutes!

Thankfully, the nurse laughed, even though I was mortified by my lack of filter. I bet that was the baby's fault, too.

She led me into the stark white exam room. The mauve table was covered in the usual paper, the kind that sticks to your ass when you're naked from the waist down. Any woman who tells you she doesn't sweat before a virtual stranger sticks things up her hoo-ha, without at least buying dinner first or plying her with a bunch of alcohol, is a big fat liar. It's not fun, and it's definitely not comfortable.

I tried to distract myself by counting the holes in the ceiling tiles as my blood was drawn. It didn't really help, but at least I didn't make an even bigger ass out of myself while I lay there. She finished quickly and told me the doctor would be in soon, so I stared at the poster on the wall, the one that depicted the changes my uterus and body would be going through soon.

It did nothing to quell the unease that had settled in my stomach. I so wasn't ready to be a mother. Even though I was only wearing a paper gown, my nerves were getting the best of me, so I decided to amuse myself with a model of a uterus I saw sitting on the counter.

A knock at the door alerted me to the doctor's arrival, and the plastic uterus slipped through my fingers, hitting the floor with a loud bang.

"Hello, Isabella. I'm—"

"Bella, just Bella," I interrupted the beautiful doctor. I scurried to pick up the piece of anatomy, completely forgetting my state of undress and flashing the good doctor. A feminine giggle erupted behind me, and I quickly righted myself.

"Okay, Bella, I'm Dr. Platt," she said. "You can call me Esme, though, if it makes you more comfortable. How about handing me the uterus, and we can get you a little more relaxed before we begin?"

My face was hot and most likely the color of a fire engine as I sheepishly handed her the troublesome hunk of plastic. I climbed back up on the table and waited for her to let me know what was next.

"Well, according to the notes in your chart, you think you might be pregnant. Is that correct?" she asked in her sweet, motherly tone.

"Um, yeah. I think… Well, I know I am, assuming ten at-home tests are correct," I whispered while I tugged at the edge of my gown.

"Okay," she acknowledged. "While we're waiting for the blood work to confirm that, how about we take a look? Please put your feet up in the stirrups, and let's have a look-see, shall we?"

I did what she asked and then turned to see her holding an alien-like dildo in her hand. "What the hell is that?" I practically shouted.

"This is an intrauterine wand," she said calmly. "It allows us to get a better look at the baby in the early stages of pregnancy."

I wasn't exactly reassured, but I kept my mouth shut, still in a state of shock as I watched her lube it up. I should have been expecting it, but without any preamble, she just shoved the cold wand inside me, and I my filter immediately switched off.

"Holy shit!" I shouted at the intrusion. "That's cold!"

"I'm sorry, dear," she apologized.

Sorry my ass, I thought.

I stared at the blurry image on a nearby screen, watching as the fuzziness gave way to a strange black blob. Esme pushed a couple of buttons, and little plus signs and dotted lines appeared throughout the picture.

I had no idea what the hell she was doing. To me, it looked like she was playing with an old school Paint program, the same kind I used to play with before technology advanced. I was about to ask her what was going on when I noticed a flicker of movement on the screen.

"What the hell was that?" I asked again but for a different reason than before. The strange little thing continued to move on the screen. It looked like an alien, giant head and all!

"That's your baby."

"Oh fuck!" I exclaimed… and then everything went black.

When I came to, I wondered how long it would take me to find another doctor. Guess I didn't need to be concerned about fainting over a little blood, when clearly all it took was seeing foreign matter moving within me to send me straight into unconsciousness. Then again, Esme had already seen my hoo-ha, and I wasn't about to let anyone else near it. Bad things happened when cocks and wands got shoved up there.

Besides, the nurse did laugh at my word vom, so I could deal... Maybe they were just used to crazy people like me, though I was pretty sure it was all due to the pregnancy.

Once I was cleared to leave, I ended up wandering around the city in a daze. It wasn't long before I ended up at a park, where I sat on a bench and watched other people's children run and play, laugh and scream, just enjoy being kids. I didn't even realize I was crying until a baby wipe appeared in front of my face.

"Sorry, I don't have any tissues," the bearer said. "They're pretty useless when it comes to the messes kids make."

I sniffled and turned to see a real life Barbie sitting next to me. "It's okay," I said as I wiped at my tears. "Thanks for this," I added, waving the used wipe in the air.

"You want to talk about it?" she asked. Before I could respond, she yelled at a dimpled, dark haired little boy. He at least had the nerve to look a sheepish.

"What's there to talk about?" I asked when I had her attention again. "I'm a walking…well…sitting, talking cliché. I got knocked up from a one night stand in Vegas, I'm completely clueless when it comes to kids, and I haven't even graduated college yet. Sure, it's only a couple of weeks away, but I still haven't finished yet. Life is fabulous!" I snarked out. "So besides knowing nothing about my baby daddy, I haven't even told my mother, who will most likely tell me to get rid of it."

"Wow." That was all Barbie said.

"Yep," I agreed, "Wow is right."

It was only a couple of minutes before she spoke again. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm so utterly clueless about everything," I told her, "and even though I passed out when I saw my little alien invader, I can't have an abortion. I guess I'm going to head over to the bookstore and see if they have any pregnancy books on clearance. If not, maybe I can do some research on campus while I still have wi-fi."

Blondie patted me on the back. "Don't worry too much. It'll all work out. Now—" She stopped and yelled out to her kid, "Emmett Jasper, I told you to stop trying to look up the little girls' skirts! If you don't cut it out, I'm going to throw away your Transformers when we get home!"

I watched as the evil little monster's head went down, and the other little hooligans laughed at their friend's expense. Was this what I had to look forward to if I had a little boy?

I was fucked!

"Now, where was I?" She thought for a moment, and then like a light bulb went off, she continued. "I have a few books you can borrow, so you don't have to worry about money yet. Trust me when I say that will come later. How about you follow me home, and I'll lend them to you?"

I was astonished that a virtual stranger was being so nice to me, so I asked the obvious question. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Oh, honey, I've been where you are, struggling to figure it all out. I was lucky that I had my husband by my side, but you see EJ over there..." I nodded. "Well, he's number four. I have three older children; they're all in school right now, but he was an accident. God knows I love him, but he tries my patience every single day, and if it wasn't for the fact that he's the spitting image of his father, I'd have already killed myself and him to boot!

"Kids are a miracle and a blessing, but it's still a lot of hard work. Yours is just beginning, and I can see the fear in your eyes. I just figure if I can help ease the burden a bit, you might be able to relax and see that your baby won't be the end of your life. He or she will enhance it in ways you've never imagined."

I stared at Barbie in awe. I guess she wasn't a dumb blonde after all.

"Thanks. I'm Bella, by the way."

"Rosalie, but you can call me Rose."

I thought this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

"EJ, let's go! Mommy's got to help the pregnant lady figure out what's going to happen when she's as big as a house."

Or maybe not.

~o~o~o~

Rose did turn out to be a very close confidant. Since Alice lived out of state with her boyfriend, I needed someone nearby, someone who understood what I was going through. Alice probably wouldn't have been any help anyway, except for maybe decorating a nursery and clothing my demon spawn.

I was now five months along, finally looking pregnant instead of like I'd had a twelve pack too many, and despite the situation, things were going rather smoothly – until I nearly pissed myself the first time I felt the baby move.

I called Rose in a panic, convinced that something was terribly wrong, like maybe the baby was somehow clawing its way out of my uterus. She responded in typical Rose fashion, laughing her ass off. I, on the other hand, was not amused. It was scary!

Now though, I spent nights talking to my belly and watching the ripples of movement. It was straight out of a sci-fi movie, but it was neat.

As I rubbed the stretch mark prevention cream on my tummy, I told the baby about our appointment tomorrow. "Esme said we might be able to tell if you're a boy or girl alien tomorrow. I'm just hoping you look more like a little person and less like E.T."

The responding little nudge made me wonder if my kid knew I was talking to him…or her. I probably should have looked it up, but unless I had to pee for the millionth time, I was not moving from my cave of pillows.

Shit! I jinxed myself...got to pee again!

Once I relieved myself, I climbed back into my sea of fluff and passed out...until I had to pee again. A few hours later, I was awake for the day and ready for the ultrasound. I had just finished my mid-morning snack and was working on my third glass of water when Rose knocked on my door.

"Come on, preggo! Let's get the show on the road!"

She strolled in like she owned the place, and I had to wonder what I was thinking when I decided to give her a key. "Let me just finish chugging this, and we can go. I really hope I don't pee myself before Esme can see the baby."

"It's bound to happen sooner or later," Rose informed me.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, completely appalled by the idea.

"I haven't met a single pregnant woman who hasn't tinkled at least a little bit once during her pregnancy, regardless of how tight her Kegel muscles were."

Well shit...At least I'm wearing a dress.

The ride over wasn't too bad, and waiting in the office wasn't either, but once I was flat on the table, I was ready to burst. I was almost in tears when Dr. Esme came in and started the exam.

"I'm sorry, dear. I know how hard this is right now, but it will help us get a better look at the baby."

As soon as she squirted the blue gel on my belly and pressed down with the wand, I let go of the tears. I would have sold my soul to the devil or the makers of Twinkies right about then just to be able to pee. It just wasn't fair, but the sound of my baby's heartbeat made me forget about peeing, even if only for a few seconds, and I turned to watch it on the screen.

Its head was still pretty big but thankfully not as large as it appeared the first time. Esme took measurements and pointed out fingers and toes, even my baby's little butt.

"Do you want to know what you're having?" she asked, and I nodded. "It's a boy."

Holy shit! I have a tiny penis growing inside of me! I wonder if this makes me a hermaphrodite?

I knew I wasn't, but these are the things that ran through my pregnant mind. I never claimed it was all sunshine and daisies in there. The rest of the exam was little more than a blur, and the second it was over, I booked it to the restroom.

I thanked every spiritual deity the second my ass made contact with the toilet, and the yellow shower started. I think I even set some kind of world record for longest tinkle. The smile on my face once I was finished was one of pure joy, and I exited the bathroom feeling more relaxed than I had been in months. I was so relaxed that I wasn't even paying attention to where I was walking, and I crashed into someone's chest.

When I looked up, I froze. "Oh fuck," I said without thinking. They were the last words I uttered before passing out for the second time in Esme's office.

As I was coming to, I heard Rose shouting at someone.

"Watch where you're going! Tackling a pregnant woman like you did could hurt the baby!"

"Hey, she ran into me," a man argued. "She looked at me and fainted. I didn't do anything to her!" His tone was strong and forceful, and couldn't help but snort.

"Just knocked me up in the first place," I replied as I opened my eyes.

The dead silence I was met with made it clear I didn't just say that in my head... Oops!

"Congrats, Edward," I said. "It's a boy!"

His eyes widened before rolling back in his head, and he dropped to the floor. With parents like us, our baby was definitely going to be a fainter.

"Oh my." Esme looked stunned. "I'm going to be a grandma."

"Holy shit."

Eloquent as ever Rose, but I couldn't have said it better myself.

Once Esme was able to "wake" Edward up, she invited us to use her office to talk. It gave us some privacy, but I was pretty sure she'd attack him with questions once I left. Rose said she would wait out in the reception area for me.

When we entered the office, I sat in one of the chairs while Edward paced the tiny room, pulling at his sexy hair. I remembered running my fingers through it and was immediately taken back to the night we spent together.

One hand scratched down Edward's back while the other yanked his hair. I was desperate to feel his lips on mine again, the way he nibbled ever so gently on my bottom lip, causing it to swell.

We continued to gaze into each other's eyes as he grunts through his thrusts, and I moan like a wanton hussy with each one. He was hitting a spot so deep within me that I felt like I'm going to split in two; it's deliciously painful in all the right ways. I begged for more as I hiked my leg up over the sweet curve of his ass. Sweat was dripping off us both, and while it normally wouldn't be something I find sexy, the scent of our combined perspiration, body wash, and cologne clung to me, and I found it heightening the pleasure between us.

"Damn, Bella. You feel so fucking good." He's so earnest as he spoke, and I find myself believing everything he says. If I lived in Antarctica, he could probably convince me to buy ice.

"Please," I pleaded. "More. Harder. Faster."

I was brought out of the memory by Edward waving his hand in my face.

"Yeah?" I asked in a dazed voice.

"Is it really mine, or are you just trying to latch onto a rich man to play daddy to your bastard?"

Whoa...WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK?!

"First of all, jackass, I hadn't been with another man in over two years before you fucked me six ways from Sunday! I would have never even followed you back to your room if I hadn't been drunk. Do you make a habit out of luring young women back to your den of sex then proceed to fuck them without protection?" I challenged. "Should I be worried about you having more baby mamas out there, since you obviously aren't well versed in how to use a condom? Maybe Esme can teach what Daddy dearest obviously didn't, since you can be trusted to do it correctly!" I was beyond fuming at that point.

"I don't need you," I told him. "Hell, I didn't even know we live in the same city, let alone that your mother would end up as my doctor!" I poked him in the chest with each word as I finished. "But. Don't. You. Ever. Call. My. Baby. A. Bastard. Again."

My hand was closer to his man junk than my knee, so I suckerpunched him in the balls. I turned and marched out of Esme's office, shrugging past both her and her nurse as I hurried out of there.

Rose stood up quickly and guided me out of the building. I knew she wanted to ask what happened, but the look on my face kept her from actually doing so. I was also pretty sure that everyone in the waiting area overheard all the insults Edward and I hurled at each other.

I didn't ask for all this baby daddy drama, and I could really use a drink after that fiasco, but I won't do it. I may be lost in all the pending parenting realities but I'm not stupid. My little E.T. and I will figure it all out.

"Oh, Rose," I sighed. "What am I going to do?" I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes. "I swear I'm the only person capable of getting knocked up by some stranger in Vegas and then ends up with her baby's grandmother for a doctor. Days of Our Lives couldn't spin this any better."

Before Rose could respond, my phone rang.

Pussy Galore...I'll give you one guess as to who that was.

I ignored the call but couldn't avoid the beep alerting me to a new voicemail.

"You're going to listen to it anyway," Rose said. "Might as well do it with me. It's not like I'm not going to find out. Hell, you'll probably tell me twice because of your pregnancy brain."

I snorted through my tears and put the message on speaker.

"Hello Bella, it's Esme..." There was a long pause, and then her voice crackled through the speaker again. "I understand you probably don't want to talk to me right now, but when you feel up to it, please call me back. I'd like to take you out to lunch so we can talk about what happened …what my son has done. Believe me when I say I'm not mad at you. I'd be more upset if I thought it would hinder me having grandchildren, but you're already carrying one of them so, yeah...please call me, sweetheart."

Rose and I broke out in to unladylike laughter. My tears of sadness and confusion turned into tears of laughter at the thought of little Esme ripping her son a new asshole. I almost wished I hadn't left after assaulting my baby daddy.

Rose said I should hear the good doctor out. She said Esme had just gotten the shock of a lifetime, too, and I could see her point. I called the Esme back and made plans with her for lunch the next day.

~o~o~o~

I slept like crap, tossing and turning from left to right, all because my belly was too big for me to sleep on anymore. I really missed be able to nose dive onto my bed.

After a lukewarm shower, I threw on a floral sundress and a pair of ballet flats. I was happy that my feet hadn't started swelling. The summer heat was enough to make me miserable, what with my expanding waistline and new waddle. I pulled my long, curly hair up into a ponytail and dabbed on some concealer to hide the purple under my eyes before I headed out to meet Esme.

I parked along the street, just a few storefronts away from the restaurant. I slid my Jackie-O sunglasses up on my head as I walked into the air conditioned eatery where Esme was waiting for me.

She looked quite stylish outside of her scrubs, like an updated Mary Tyler Moore. The smile on her face could have lit up the ball in Time Square on New Year's Eve. I wanted to hate her on principle, but she spent her days with fingers in vaginas—mine included—and bringing little miracles into the world.

"Bella!" she gushed. "I'm so happy you agreed to meet with us. I can't wait to get to know the mother of my future grandson."

"No problem." I couldn't help but smile at her. "I figured you had questions and I—wait, did you say us? Tell me you're not making me eat with your son, too. There are knives here, and I can't be held responsible for my actions if he pisses me off again."

"Oh no, dear," she assured me. "It's just me and my husband Carlisle." I sighed in relief. "Edward is currently sulking at home. I had nothing to say to him after he told me about how you two met."

My sigh was met with a groan. "I'm not a whore!"

The restaurant went quiet at my outburst, and I turned tomato red, wishing the ground would swallow me whole.

She patted me on the hand and said, "I know," before she led me over to a bonafide DILF.

I kid you not; the man was sex personified, and the only words coming from the horny bitch in my head were hommina, hommina, hommina.

She had already shed her clothes and was laid out on the bed in my head, just like I had been only months before for Esme. I tried to tell her that this was our baby's grandfather, but the shameless hussy apparently needed to get laid more than she needed to be my conscience.

"Holy crap, Esme. No wonder your douche of a son is so pretty. You get to shag him?" I asked, pointing at the daddy I'd like to fuck. "I'd never leave the bedroom if I was married to you."

Oh, yeah, I had pregnancy mouth; I said whatever thoughts randomly popped into my head. It wasn't a good thing most of the time, especially after I told one of the moms at the park that she needed to spank her kid because he was being a little brat. She launched into a lecture on abuse, and I told her she was raising the next Hannibal Lecter.

Seriously, instead of chianti and fava beans, the kids was salivating over goldfish and a juice box as he watched all the other little girls play. It gave me the hebejebes.

Esme's laughter pulled me back to the present. "I'm a lucky woman," she said.

I snorted. Lucky, indeed.

"Bella, this is Carlisle, my husband and Edward's father."

He kissed the back of my hand, and I swooned. No, really. I almost passed the fuck out when I looked into his baby blues. Those eyes made me want to do bad, bad things. Like sing Nelly's It's Getting Hot in Here and take off all my clothes bad type of things.

He had to repeat himself because I was stunned stupid by his beauty. Men may not like to be called beautiful, but that's what he was, BEAUTIFUL. And because of the fact that he rendered my mind into mush, I responded with, "Hi, I'm the girl your son knocked up."

Even his laugh was sexy. I was going to burn in hell.

The rest of lunch went by without drama. Well, as much as it could, since I had to fill them in about how Edward and I met. I can honestly say that was a back story I never wanted to share with my baby's grandparents. At least I didn't need to tell my child the events that led to his conception...not yet at least, and hopefully never. I'd keep my legs crossed to avoid that conversation in the future.

I left lunch feeling lighter than I had in a long time. My little E.T. now had a set of normal grandparents to go along with the kooky ones with whom I was providing him. I also had a hot man to add to my spank bank material. Fanfiction and the internet could only get me so far; sometimes having the face made it that much easier to reach completion.

I went back home and was met with a frightening sight…Edward.

He was slumped in front of my apartment door, seemingly asleep. He didn't look too comfortable there, and I didn't have it in me to care. I was too alarmed to find out he knew where I lived. I grabbed the pepper spray out of my bag and kicked him in the leg.

That's twice I've been able to hit him. I snickered at immense joy I found in causing him physical pain.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, rubbing his leg. "What the fuck?! Why'd you kick me?"

I shrugged. I knew why, but I didn't have to tell the fucktard that. "How do you know where I live?" I ranted. "Your mother promised she wouldn't give you any information, so tell me how you found out where I live!"

With a blush on his ears he responded, "I may have peaked at your file after you left her office yesterday."

"Oh, my God! You're a stalker!" I kicked him in the shin and sprayed him with my pepper spray – only it didn't at all go as I'd planned. "My eyes!"I cried, clenching them closed; the burning was overwhelming, and the pain almost unbearable.

"Where are your keys, Bella? We need to get your eyes flushed out," Edward stated.

I was doubled over, coughing and gagging on the fumes from the spray. I swear only I was capable of something like this. I blindly reached into my bag and pulled out the keys. I heard the locks release and my door open before Edward led me into the kitchen. He had me stick my head under the faucet while he began slowing washing my face off with my dish soap. Apparently, it worked best for removing the oils that made up the pepper spray.

"Why must you cause so much strife in my life, Edward?" I asked. "What did I ever do to you?"

"Oh, Bella." His voice was weary and full of frustration. "In one night, you turned my world upside down."

"What the hell are you talking about? You didn't even get out of bed and walk me to the door the next morning."

The burning was slowly fading and my mind was whirling with his next sentence.

"I didn't know how to tell you what that night actually meant to me. You had such a look of horror on your face."

The emotion in his voice was crippling, but since I couldn't actually see his face to know if he was telling the truth, I just said the first thing that came to my mind.

"You're a fucking liar!" I said angrily. "You said my baby was a bastard, and I was trying to trap you. Those aren't the words of a man who actually cares. They're from a thoughtless man who cares about nothing but himself."

The pain in my eyes was lessening, and I attempted to open them under the water. Even with the radiating ache, I could tell they were getting better. Edward was a bit blurry, but I could see he was crushed that I threw his words back at him. He had hurt me not once, but twice. I wouldn't let him make a fool out of me. I grabbed a clean towel out of the drawer by the sink, held it under the running water, and then wrung it out before wiping at my eyes.

We stood there, completely silent in my kitchen, staring at each other. Actually, he was looking at my round belly. I instinctively wrapped my arms around it, protecting it from his gaze. He wasn't going to hurt my baby again either.

"Look, whatever you think you thought doesn't matter. All that matters to me is my son. I'm not asking you for anything. I'll even get a lawyer and have him draw up the paperwork for you to sign over your rights. You won't have to be responsible for anything. I don't want your money, nor do I need it." I took a deep breath and finished my speech. "It will be like you never existed."

"Bella," he groaned out as he collapsed to his knees. "I don't want that. I know I fucked up, royally even, but please... Give me a chance to show you that we both have made mistakes. I was shocked and stupidly attacked you after I had a bad day."

I shook my head. "I can't risk you hurting my son the way you've already hurt me." With a heavy heart, I walked to my door and held it open. "Please leave."

I think he was stunned that his puppy dog face didn't work and that his usual charm didn't win me over. He did respect my wish, though, and stepped over to the door, but before he crossed the threshold, he said, "I'll give you time, but this won't be the last you hear from me. I'll prove myself to you."

He kissed the top of my wet head and left me, just like I'd asked. I closed my door and cried my already swollen red eyes out.

Baby daddy drama sucked as bad as heartburn at two in the morning.

~o~o~o~

The next two weeks passed with an abundance of gifts arriving at my apartment. First, it was flowers, tulips. My favorite, and how he knew that was beyond me, but they brought a smile to my face. But it was the baby items that began to break down the wall I had built around my belly.

Little onesies with sayings on them completely did me in. Daddy's Little Slugger. Mommy's Little Milk Machine. I Got My Good Looks From Mom. But it was the last one that prompted me to finally call Esme and ask for Edward's number… Daddy Loves Me. This pregnancy had turned me into a giant ball of sappiness.

The phone rang twice before he picked up with a gruff, "Cullen."

"Hey...uh...its' me. Bella." I wrapped my blanket around my finger. My nerves were shot, and I hadn't even started to really talk to him yet.

"Bella." The relief in his voice was obvious. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to call and say thank you. And well, I just wanted to see if maybe you'd like to get breakfast with me today."

I could hear a bit of rustling on his end. "Sure. When? Where? What time?"

"Um…" I glanced at the clock by my bed and saw it was only half past four in the morning. "I didn't realize what time it was. Sorry for waking you."

"It's fine. So when and where?"

"Uh, how about seven? Does Jake's Place sound okay? Do you know where it's at?" I questioned.

"Sure, that sounds fine. I do know where it's at. And thanks for calling me."

I didn't know how to respond, so I just said okay and then goodbye.

Later, I took my time getting ready, primping even more than I had for my senior prom. I curled my hair and did my makeup. I dressed in a v-cut, empire waist, midnight blue dress and even braved a pair of kitten heels. I felt sexy and desirable...even at six months pregnant. Odds were that it would be one of the last times I would feel like that, but it was as good a time as any to feel like that.

I arrived fifteen minutes early and was pleasantly surprised to see Edward was already waiting. His mouth dropped open when he saw me, and he practically tripped over his own feet when he stood to greet me.

"Wow, you look absolutely beautiful, Bella. You're glowing. Pregnancy suits you."

I rolled my eyes at his comment. It wasn't the pregnancy; it was my bronzer and lip gloss, but I thanked him anyway.

Conversation was slow going, but we eventually found a rhythm with our questions that didn't cause either of us to react unfavorably toward the other...until now.

"Were you even going to try and find me?" he asked.

"Honestly?" I asked; he nodded. "No. I mean, I didn't even know if you gave me your real name, or if you were married. I was ashamed of myself. I'd never done anything as reckless as I did in Vegas. I'm a loner, a homebody, an old lady trapped in a twenty-two year old's body. I never set out to be this girl; I never planned to have kids until I saw E.T. on the screen in Esme's office."

"E.T.? Are those the baby's initials?"

I choked on my orange juice. "Uh, no." I cleared my throat. "I thought the baby looked like an alien when I first saw him. The 2D ultrasound did nothing to really show off his features. It was just a big head with big black circles for eyes. So instead of a bean or peanut as some might call their baby, I chose E.T. You know, extra terrestrial?"

The stunned look left his face as he started to laugh. His laughter rose in both volume and intensity as he muttered throughout. I couldn't help giggling along with him.

By the time he caught his breath and wiped his eyes, the negativity had dissipated. I realized we were both coming to terms with the fact that our lives were unconditionally and irrevocably changed. We could no longer fight about the past; we had to embrace the future and what it would be like once the little one arrived.

"Well, I'm full," I said, pushing my plate away. "Want to help me register for my baby shower?"

"Sure," he said, sounding happy to be included. "What's the worst that could happen?"

Famous last words…

~o~o~o~

After the eye opening experience that was Babies R Us, Edward and I talked. And talked. And talked. We spent time getting to know one another, and he even ended up taking over for Rose at Lamaze class.

The eye-opening video we watch scarred both of us for life. I even made a mental note to book a wax after seeing that bush expand to bring forth life. Talk of birth plans and pushing ensued after the video of doom.

I looked at Edward and told him, "I want the drugs. I don't care how much better it is for the baby. I want the fucking drugs!" I was possessed by just the thought of the pain I had just witnessed.

He nodded and replied, "Me too."

Scarred for life.

Month six turned into seven and seven into eight. I felt huge at thirty-six weeks. I was all breasts and belly. Today I was going to get waxed like I promised myself and enjoy a nice pregnancy spa day. Tomorrow was my baby shower. Rose and Alice had become fast friends and had planned the party of a lifetime, or so they said, at Esme's house.

I'd had dinner there a few times, as well as brunch when Esme wasn't off delivering other people's babies. Carlisle still made me tingle, but it wasn't as strong as Edward had.

Over the past three months, we'd become friends, maybe even girlfriend and boyfriend, but we never voiced those words. I was too much of a chicken shit, and I think Edward was too scared of pissing off the pregnant woman. He'd gotten good at midnight craving runs and popping by my apartment at all hours. I even gave him a key in case of an emergency.

I knew the final month would fly by, but I was ready to see my son.

Other than the waxing, I enjoyed the pampering at the spa. My fingernails and toenails were polished, and my skin was buffed as smooth as silk. I got my hair trimmed and felt utterly fabulous when I left.

I took the short walk back to my home. It was a slightly warm day for early November, but I was bundled up anyway. I enjoyed breathing in the crisp air and watching people navigate the small stores. They were already shopping for the holiday season.

Once I arrived back at my apartment, I was shocked to see Edward had let himself in. The place smelled amazing, though, and all questions left me as I eyed the steak and potatoes on the dining room table. My stomach growled, and my mouth watered. This baby loved his meat.

Since I was too focused on the food, Edward helped me remove my coat and then had me sit, so he could remove my boots, too.

"How was your day, dear?" he asked.

"Huh?" I murmured as I continued to stare at the juicy piece of meat. It called to me, saying, 'Eat me, eat me.'

"I asked how your day was, love." The sweet little pet names were nothing new. They had had just increased in frequency.

"It was nice, very relaxing." I didn't even wait for him before I dug into my food, moaning with each delicious bite. "What brought this on?" I inquired between bites.

"Nothing." He shrugged. "Just wanted to do something nice for my girl."

And there it was. The great, big, unanswered question solved with two little words: my girl.

I couldn't stop the massive smile that overtook my face. Those words made me happy. I wasn't opposed to being a single mom. In fact, I had pretty much accepted it before Edward literally knocked me over in Esme's office, but those two little words made everything simpler. It was exactly what I needed to hear for the last brick in the wall around my belly to crumble away.

"Your girl, huh?"

He eyed me carefully, trying desperately to decipher my reaction, but then he decided to lay his cards out completely. "My girl."

I took a sip of my milk and then said, "Cool."

"Cool," he reiterated, and we finished our meal in silence.

That was the first night he stayed over in my room with me. We cuddled in bed. His hands glided over my belly as our little boy kicked and punched his daddy.

His daddy.

I was growing to love his daddy.

~o~o~o~

The baby shower was a huge success. I got a lot of wonderful gifts and couldn't wait to put the little outfits on E.T. With only two weeks until his arrival, I was in complete nesting mode. I'd finished setting up his nursery yesterday and had finished washing and folding all his little clothes. I'd even lost a sock already.

I swear they disappear faster than anything when it comes to laundry.

The rest of my apartment had been scoured from top to bottom, and I was in the process of vacuuming for the second time when a knock at the door startled me.

A peek through the peephole told me it was Edward, so I opened the door. "Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked.

He twisted his beanie in his hands as he walked in, kissing me on the lips quickly before he entered completely.

"I wanted to see if you'd take a ride somewhere with me."

His nervousness was beginning to affect me. I didn't think he'd make me leave my home if he was going to break up with me—at least I didn't think he would lead me into the woods or anything of that nature, but I was getting worried with the way he was acting.

"S-s-sure. Let me just grab my coat."

I slipped on my boots and coat and followed him out. He grabbed my gloved hand in his and led me to his car, a silver Volvo I actually loved to ride in because of the heated seats.

The drive wasn't long, and soon we were pulling up to the cutest little cottage I'd ever seen. It was almost out of a storybook, like the Seven Dwarfs' home in the Disney version of Snow White.

"Wow," was all I could utter as he guided me up to the door and into the house.

It was cozy, neutral colors throughout the open great room, with pops of color here and there. Rich plum pillows, an emerald throw contrasted with a regal red high-back chair and a royal blue area rug, giving the room a bright warmth, and I fell completely in love with it.

"This is amazing. Whose is it?" I asked as I turned and finally looked at him.

"Ours. Or at least I hope you'll make it ours."

I was dumbfounded. First the man gave me the greatest sex of my life and then sent me on my way...E.T. was secretly already growing when I left. Then he popped back into my life in the most unusual way. We learned about each other, began to understand and accept each other. We claim each other as partners - well, he claimed me, and I accepted. Now he wanted us to move in together.

But it's only been three, barely even four months, the whore inside my head said. She apparently had come out of her fog induced haze of Carlisle.

She could be such a Debbie-downer; I think I was beginning to appreciate the Carlisle effect because at least then I could think without her little voice nagging me to make good choices.

But was this a bad thing? Was it too fast? There were thousands of shoulda, coulda, wouldas floating through my head, some telling me to take the leap off the cliff, and others telling me he should put a ring on my finger first.

There was a tightness in my belly that had me questioning everything. I just continued to stare at Edward's gorgeous and hopeful face.

"I… I don't know what to say." The hope disappeared from him, and his shoulders slumped. "It's beautiful, perfect even. Everything I could have ever dreamt of, but now? Two weeks before our son is due?"

I rubbed my hard stomach and breathed through what I was sure was a Braxton hicks contraction. I had no idea what an R&B diva and country music had to do with my body preparing itself for labor, but that was what Esme called the pre-labor pains I'd begun having last week.

"Call me old fashion after the fact, but I need more than a house to show me you're committed to us. We have a home already, but if you want us to truly be a family, you know what you need to do. Besides, I can't live with a man who doesn't love me and—"

"I love you!" he shouted, interrupting me. "I'm really blowing this, aren't I?"

He shook his head before he gripped his hair and muttered quietly to himself, and then he closed the distance between us.

"I love you. I really truly do." His voice was chock full of emotion as he spoke. "I was an idiot for letting you walk out of that hotel room without so much as a word, but I was confused. You whispered words of love as you slept, and I was spellbound and enraptured by your pure beauty as you slept. But then you woke with this look of dread on you face, and I couldn't bring myself to risk my heart at the time. So I let you leave, walk right out the door with my heart, unbeknownst to me.

"When I got back here, I was a shell of the man I was. You ruined me without even knowing it."

I was crying as he continued to tell me everything that he'd kept bottled up, afraid to share because he thought I'd just hurt him again.

"Then there you were, telling me I was going to be a father when I thought you had found someone else or had someone else already. I was elated, but I was upset that I had caused myself to miss so damn much, and I lashed out at you. I was mad at myself." He dropped to his knees.

"It's you, Bella. It's always been you, and it's always going to be you. Now…even a hundred years from now, it'll be you. I love you. Marry me."

"Yes," I cried out as a sharp pain ripped through me. "Oh, shit."

The darkness closed in, and the last thing I heard was Edward calling out to me.

~o~o~o~

Beep…Beep…Beep…

There was rustling around me, and a quiet hum filled the room. I slowly opened my eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the brightness that filled my hospital room.

"What happened?" I croaked out, causing Edward to jump and rush to my side.

The look of relief on his face was enough to tell me that he'd been scared out of his mind.

"Your placenta detached. They had to do an emergency c-section to save you. I've never been so scared."

"E.T.?" I asked.

"He's fine. A little fighter." He stood up, walking over to a plastic bassinet, and lifted out our baby.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as he set our sleeping little boy in my arms. E.T. was heavy and had a full head of coppery hair. So much like his father.

"We did good. And on the plus side, I didn't feel a thing," I joked, but it fell on deaf ears.

"You scared the shit out of me, Bella. Never again. I can't lose you," Edward cried.

"You won't," I assured him. "I said yes didn't I? Now where's my ring?"

He shook his head at me like I was crazy, but I had already forgiven his stupidity and decided to live in the present when I said yes. If anything, almost dying made me realize just how precious life is.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a simple but elegant diamond solitaire ring and pushed it onto my swollen finger. It was a tight fit, but I didn't care; that puppy wasn't coming off. They'd have to cut it off my cold, dead hand before I'd let anyone remove it.

When I handed our son back to Edward, I realized we hadn't given him a name yet. "Hey, Edward?"

"Huh?" he asked as he gently set our baby down in the bassinet before he wheeled him over near me.

"What do you think of Ethan Thomas?" I asked.

He smirked at the name. "E.T."

I rolled my eyes. "It seems fitting. He did try to rip his way out of me."

He shook his head and smirked again, finally relieved to see me awake and responding in my usual snarky and sarcastic way.

"E.T. it is."

"And since I didn't have to push or anything, we can talk about expanding our family as soon as we're married. How does April sound?"

A little cry broke my train of thought, and Edward scooped up Ethan. My ovaries were already in cahoots to make more Mini E's, though my uterus was repulsed by the idea. It wanted at least a year, maybe even two, before it was stretched to the max again.

"I think someone's hungry." As if on cue, my breasts began to leak. Oh, joy.

It took only a second for E.T. to latch on and begin sucking like a vampire. His newborn blue eyes were locked onto my brown ones.

This was heaven. He was heaven. A little miracle.

To me, the eighth wonder of the world would always be a woman's body. My body cared for and protected him for nine months. He grew inside me, and now that he was here and in my arms, I knew how instantaneous love could be.

I looked up to Edward, who was watching his son feed intently. "I love you."

The look of awe and pure unadulterated joy on his face made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"I love you, too," he replied. "I never thanked you for keeping him, for protecting him when I wasn't around. I promise never to let either of you down again."

"I know you won't. Besides, Esme won't let you."

He laughed. "No she won't."

I switched Ethan over to my other breast, and he latched back on right away. Apparently, he had no problem when it came to eating.

I stroked his little head carefully before I lifted one of his tiny hands to my lips and kissed his fingers. He smelled like sunshine and baby powder. His little fingers grasped tightly onto one of my fingers, and I sighed.

Life couldn't get any better than this. Just me and my two guys, it was practically perfect. I knew then that it's the little surprises that pop up and teach us how to embrace life and live it to the fullest.


Thank you again for voting! Thank you to AN Hanninen for hosting, and Jada for getting knocked up!