Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
I'm going to marry Edward. I'm going to marry Edward. Sweet Jesus; Mary, mother of God, I'm going to marry Edward. I can't do this. I can't fucking do this. Shut up, shut up! Yes I can. I'm going to marry Edward.
"Oh, my God," I whimpered into my hands, the trembling clammy digits running through my perfectly curled and primped hair. I felt bobby pins come loose and clink onto the tile floor of the bathroom, but I couldn't bring myself to fix it. Hell, I wouldn't know how to fix it anyway. I glanced up into the mirror, the reflecting image a far cry from the blushing bride I was supposed to portray. Oh sure, the dress was gorgeous and my makeup was perfect, but even I could see the fear and anxiety misting my eyes. How did I get into this position, anyway? Why the hell had I even agreed to marry Edward? For immortality, for intimacy with him? Was it worth it?
I shook my head, a wave of nausea wracking my frame. I heaved into the sink, retching up what little lunch I still have in my stomach. Still trembling, I wiped my mouth and brushed my teeth for the third time that day, effectively ruining my lipstick. Fuck it, everything was going to hell anyway.
I loved Edward. There was no question about it. I loved him with all my heart, but I couldn't help but feel forced into this wedding. He'd made an ultimatum that I didn't agree with, but I had to follow regardless. To join him forever, I needed to marry him first. This didn't seem like such a big deal at first, but now I couldn't help but feel cheated. Why couldn't he just change me as planned and we could ease our way into things? All I wanted was a little bit of intimacy before I was changed. He could barely kiss me without treating me like some porcelain doll. I was put so high up on his proverbial pedestal that I couldn't even kiss him properly!
Since his return from Volterra, things just seemed tenser with him. His kisses were chaste, his touches didn't linger like before, and I couldn't help but feel a little unwanted. I didn't care if I got a bruise from him gripping me too hard or if I accidentally got banged up from messing around. I just wanted more raw emotion from him. As crazy as it sounded, I wanted to see more of the monster he refused to let loose.
"Bella," I heard a soft, familiar voice calling from outside the door. A familiar ripple of tranquility and calm trickled into my volatile cocktail of emotions and I stood up straighter, taking a deep breath. "Alice sent me to check on you."
Jasper's gentle voice was patient and I felt my limbs relax under his influence. I took a seat on the toilet, taking another heaving breath before answering. "Yeah, sorry. I'm just… I guess I have cold feet," I replied, again burying my face into my hands. He waited on the other side of the door, not even asking to come in. I was thankful for that. I knew I looked like a wreck.
"I understand, Bella. Would you like me to stay close while you walk down?" he asked. I smiled weakly in my seat, sending him as much gratitude as I could.
"Yes, please," I whispered, knowing he would hear it as clearly as if I'd screamed it in his ear.
"The guests are all here. Whenever you're ready, Bella… we'll be downstairs. I promise to help you the whole way. There's someone I want you to meet, too," He muttered in his soft drawl.
Through the haze of calm layered over the boiling anxiety, I felt my interest pique. For the moment, my worry about marrying Edward was swayed. Who was so important to Jasper that he would want me to meet?
"Oh? Who would that be?" I asked, turning my gaze towards the still closed door.
"An old friend from back in the day," He replied mysteriously, a chuckle in his voice. I rolled my eyes, a genuine grin spreading on my lips.
"You're getting more cryptic day by day. Alice is rubbing off on you."
I could hear the grin in his reply. "Oh, Alice rubs off on everybody. Now hurry, little lady. You've got a wedding to attend. Charlie will be up here in a minute to lead you down."
I felt the fear settle in again when he spoke those words, an audible sigh exhaling from my lips. "I can do this. I can do this," I whispered softly, standing up with more determination than before and trudging up to the door, swinging it open quickly. To my surprise, Jasper was nowhere to be seen. I assumed he must have gone downstairs to give me a little privacy. I could hear the soft chatter of voices downstairs. It sounded like Alice had invited the whole town to my wedding.
God, it's my wedding. I'm only eighteen! I can't do this!
I shook my head, gripping onto the doorframe of that bathroom. "Suck it up, Swan," I chided, forcing my feet to move forward. Just as I started, Charlie walked into the room, dressed in a crisp tuxedo. His expression was grim and sullen, but lit up when his brown eyes fell on me. I warmed a little bit inside at his expression, returning the smile he gave me.
"Hey, kiddo. You look beautiful," He said with slightly misty eyes.
Leave it to Charlie to get me all choked up before I had to walk down a flight of stairs. That, in itself, was a huge challenge. "Hey, dad. You look great, too."
"Alice forced me into this monkey suit," He replied with a shrug of his shoulders, holding out the crook of his arm. I took it, taking my millionth shaky breath.
"You can still back out of this if you want, Bella," he said with narrow eyes, a small sliver of hope still in his voice. Of course he still held a grudge against Edward for leaving me and I knew that he didn't think Edward was worthy. I shook my head at his tempting offer, angry at myself for even wanting to back out. Why didn't this wedding feel right?
"N-No, I can't. Edward is waiting for me. Everyone is waiting for me," I replied quickly, knowing that all the immortals downstairs would be able to hear me.
"They can wait, Bella. This is just you and me right now. You want this to happen, right? 'Cause if you don't, you know I'll go down there and tell that boy myself that you aren't ready and—"
"No, dad! Please don't do that. I'm fine. I'm just a little nervous, that's all. I love Edward," I replied. It was mostly true. I did love Edward with all my heart, but the thought of wedding him now… it was just too soon. But what could I do now? Alice had put together this whole thing and for me to back out at the last minute would break more than one heart.
"Just please, don't let me fall," I whispered softly as he guided me out the hall and towards the staircase.
"Never," he breathed back before we took our first step towards my ever growing source of unease.
A/N: I'm back! This is just a teaser and the following chapters will be longer, I promise. For those of you that messaged me about my other stories, I'm so sorry that I haven't updated recently! I got caught up with school and work and I'll try and get some updates on them soon, but I'm not going to make any promises. On a brighter note, this will be a Bella/Peter fic. I love me some Peter. Please leave a review if you have a moment and let me know what you think!