The Day Muscle Man Accidentally Killed Pops
Rated M for language
Disclaimer: I do not own Regular Show or any of its characters.
It was yet another Saturday afternoon as Muscle Man and his friend High-Five Ghost decided to do a little pranking. After all, it was Muscle Man's day off.
He was gonna prank big. It sure as hell wasn't gonna be like last time when he planned to prank Mordecai and Rigby with the upside down bed falling on top of them. He cringes every time when he sees that image of the bed falling down on Pops.
But he wasn't gonna mess up again.
This time, Muscle Man and High-Five Ghost had attached to the bedroom wall what seemed to be a huge hand. With the snickering on their faces, Muscle Man and Fives hid out under Mordecai's bed, hoping that someone, whether it's Mordecai and Rigby, would get hit.
"Oh man, Fives! Is this gonna be classic!" Muscle Man slyly chuckled.
"I know! Mordecai and Rigby won't see it coming!" Fives said, agreeing with his statement.
"Indeed! When either Mordecai or Rigby walk through that door... BAM! We hit him with the giant hand!" Muscle Man smirked, "Get ready, Fives! You're about to see history made!"
Both Muscle and Fives hid under the bed, waiting patiently for the moron to get slapped hard by the gigantic glove of a hand.
And then suddenly, the door opened up all the way, and the figure stepped inside Mordecai's room. But the figure didn't resemble either the bluejay or the raccoon.
By the huge head and top hat...
...it was none other than Pops!
"Mordecai, Rigby, care for a buttersco-"
Pops never finished that sentence. That giant hand came swinging in and...
The impact of that hand to Pops' giant noggin forced the gentleman to be sent flying to the wall where the back of his head met the force of the hallway wall! Muscle Man and Fives tried to stop him, but it was way too late.
The force was very blunt and very painful. Almost enough to cause a person brain damage. Or worse...
"OH NO, BRO!" Muscle Man shouted, looking very freaked out of that hit that Pops took. In the process, High-Five Ghost braced for the worst when Muscle Man tried to check his pulse.
"Please don't die. Please don't die. In the almighty name that is Wilfred, please don't die..." High-Five Ghost frantically said to himself.
The damage was horrendous as it was. The base of Pops's skull made a huge dent that it almost looked like if Pops got hit by a hailstone the size of a melon! There was no pulse around him. Muscle Man's nerves had shrunk to new lows.
"Dude... he's dead, bro!" Muscle Man cringed.
"Oh my god!" Fives cried out in sorrow, "You know what this means? We accidentally killed Pops!"
"Oh no, bro!" Muscle Man cried out.
"I know, bro!" Fives cried as well.
Muscle Man lost his frickin' mind! A prank like this wasn't meant to kill somebody! Maybe the hand should've been used to at least injure or stun Mordecai and Rigby, but never in the history of pranking had someone died by getting slapped with a gigantic hand! Muscle Man felt like he was about to puke. Luckily, there was a trash can to do its job.
While Muscle Man lost his mind, High Five Ghost tried to think about this situation.
"Okay, there's no need to panic here, Muscle Man..." Fives said, putting his hand on his buddy's shoulder, "We'll just say Pops went missing. At least they'll buy that. You make the calls, I'll make the ransom notes."
"Dude, you don't understand! We're murderers, bro!" Muscle Man replied with tears rolling down his eyes, "There's no way I'm gonna survive in prison, bro! You know what happens in prison? Nothing but gay anal rape! You know who else becomes turned on by gay anal rape? MY MOM!"
"Look, buddy... that's not gonna happen." Fives said, feeling a lightbulb spark on top of his head, "I got an idea."
"Why? We can't stuff him in the closet, we can't bury him in dirt, and there's no way we're cutting him up in tiny little pieces!" Muscle Man shouted as he held a now-dead Pops by the back of his dented head.
"We got no other choice! I don't wanna do to jail and get raped by gay guys! Do you? I don't think so!" Fives shouted back in defense.
Looking back at his friend and a dead Pops, Muscle Man closed Pops's eyes, sending him to an eternal sleep once and for all.
"We'll go with your plan. After all, Pops should give the send-off he deserves, bro." Muscle Man spoke in a grim expression.
Following High Five Ghost's advice, Muscle Man took Pops's body and went to an undisclosed location.
One day later
Benson went to his office with a smile on his face.
"Ahhhh, another day, another outburst." Benson sighed, "I cringe to think what Mordecai and Rigby are gonna do today, though. But I got no hard feelings today."
The boss grabbed the metal coffee pitcher and poured the remaining contents into his "World's Best Boss" coffee cup. The cup that his employees got for him as an act of appreciation.
"Yep, life for me is good. It's really is." Benson smiled to himself as he took a seat in his favorite chair.
But before he can take a sip out of his coffee like always, his seat felt a little lumpy. Benson instantly noticed this and tried to move around in his seat, hoping for once little inch of softness, but he never got it.
"Why in the hell is my seat lumpy...?" Benson muttered suspiciously.
Then, he finally realized it as first. Benson got up from his seat to find a very huge lump on his seat cushion. By the size of the seat cushion, it looked like a volcano was about to blow.
Carefully, Benson took the seat off and was shocked at what he saw.
Pops's dead body that was scrunched inside the chair.
"AGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!" Benson screamed in horror, "WHO THE BAT-FUCK DID THIS?"
There was no answer throughout the house. Basically, everyone of the park's employees were busy, including Thomas who was still buying a new car to replace the one that was destroyed by Muscle Man. Benson didn't know if he wanted to cry or get pissed off. But it was very clear:
Pops was stone cold dead.
So the only thing Benson did was get on his knees and cry.
"Why on earth did you have to die, Pops?" Benson sniffled, "Why could've it been Skips? Or me? Why did you have to take him, God?"
But before Benson could even cry to the skies above, he noticed a tiny little note that was taped on Pops's head. He took it off his head and read it clearly in big black letters.
I killed Pops. I think you smell like shit taking a shit. Go suck a gorilla's ass.
Reading this letter, Benson's tears started to turn into red-hot anger. His heart beating with the horsepower of a tank. His teeth rattling like a dangerous earthquake.
With his controlled anger, he finally unleashed it with the soundpower of eight banshees!
The sound was heard all across the city, which included Wing Kingdom, Cheezers, the local coffee shop and even the trailer park, where Muscle Man and High-Five Ghost were. They were busy playing video games, just for the hell of it.
"Thanks for thinking how to bury Pops." Muscle Man said, not even looking at his friend because of the game.
"No problem. That guy really deserves it." Fives said mutually, "Although I do feel bad for Rigby. He's gonna get raped so bad."
"Ahhh, he'll get over it, Fives." Muscle Man scoffed with a chuckle.
Muscle Man took the time to pause the game and grab a 20 ounce Coke. And so did High-Five Ghost.
"To Pops?" Muscle said in effigy.
"To Pops." Fives responded as well.
And after a toast, the two friends poured their Coke liquid on the floor, in dedication to a dead friend in Pops. Unfortunately for Rigby, he was gonna be dead as it is anyway.
Nice way for Muscle Man and HFG to blame it all on Rigby. Just so that everyone knows, I thought of this story while watching the jackass movies. It's when someone walks into a room, only to get slapped by a huge hand? That is hilarious stuff there!
Send me your feedback. I shall await... ^_^