This is the first one shot story I have every written and god willing it will be the last. I had to do this before I went insane, as this is how I am feeling right now and am on the brink. If you are in a good mood then don't read this as it is black and depressing - much like my talentless soul. If you do read this be forewarned - dark, miserable and depressing. Read at your own peril. Standard disclaimers. No flames please. I am accepting any and all fanfics on my website if you want to send me any, and please check them out.





Usagi sat there randomly staring at the mirror, unable to make herself understand, unable to form any other question other than *WHY*? There was no one who could help her now, her closest friend, the one she trusted, the one she needed had left her, over something so trivial that it didn't deserve speaking over. Thoughts so dark and black raced through her brain and she was barely aware of anything. Could these thoughts be hers? Is this what she amounted to in the end? A weeping ball of nothingness. She was worthless, she was useless. Who wanted her? Who cared? The welcoming and beckoning blackness of oblivion reached out a hand towards her. She had promised herself that she wouldn't weep - well it was one more promise that she couldn't keep. She had truly led herself astray.




"Usagi!" her mother called to her as she ran out of the house and down the street, not bothering to try to call out to her again.



Did she remember how to smile? How did she get so jaded? She ignored the rain as it began to fall, ignored the bleak coldness of the September afternoon. She was never going back. This path that she walked now was one way. "Usagi!"



She looked up to see Hotaru staring at her, shock evident on her young features. She should have guessed. Hotaru had a special link to death, to those who longed to die. The horror that was reflected in her black eyes said more than words ever could. Usagi nodded to her senshi of death...maybe Hotaru could put her out of her misery...



"I won't do it Usagi." Hotaru replied. "Why?"



Usagi shook her head, she couldn't speak, she couldn't do anything. Unable to face the honest question, unable to answer her and tell her that she was nothing, that she was useless, that all the words that Chibi Usa, Rei, Luna and Mamoru had thrown at her were true. Her parents were right, her senshi were right. What use was she? What point in going on? She was alone, she had always been alone and she would always be alone. No one wanted her. No one needed her.



"This world needs you." Hotaru said softly. "I need you."



Turning she ran from Hotaru, not wanting her to see what she was going to do, but knowing she would feel it nonetheless.


"Baka Usagi!" Rei's voice called out to her as Usagi realized she was being chased by all her senshi. Hotaru worked quickly and must have told them that she was approaching the brink. "You idiot! Don't do this!"



'Why not?' she thought. This was no surprise, this was nothing new. She had thought of this for a long time, had yearned and wanted to do it but had chickened out at the last minute, always afraid of the very end. She realized now she no longer cared. It was so cut and dried. What was the big deal? She was never going back.



"Usako!"



'Usako?' was she even his anymore? Did he care? No he didn't or else he never would have spoke the words he did. She had saved his life, she had given him everything that was inside her, and in the end it wasn't good enough. Nothing she ever did was good enough, she would never be good enough.



"Kitten!" Haruka's voice screamed at her. "Come back to us!"



'Kitten.' she thought as she ran, her feet guiding her past the obstacles, long used to her running helter skelter all over Tokyo. Over the meadows and through the woods... she giggled silently as she realized her grip on sanity was fading. Well that was ok, she was crazy to begin with. They would fight a good fight and make a big deal, but in the end they wouldn't miss her and in the end they wouldn't care.



"Tsukino Usagi you stop right this instant! You irresponsible wretch, think of someone else instead of always thinking of yourself!" Luna hollered at her.



'Think of someone else?' but wasn't that all she ever did. She put everyone ahead of her, did things she never wanted to do - for someone else. Her life was to serve someone else. Her existence was always for someone else and never for her. She was living someone else's dreams, well now it was time to live her own. She was tired of living for a world that didn't want her anyway. Chibi Usa was right, she was a waste of skin, a waste of time. She couldn't make up her mind and in the end she was betrayed, in the end nothing really mattered. She had tried, she really had, had stretched herself to the limit, had worked so hard, had done everything she had asked, everything she had wanted and in the end her friend turned on her like a rabid dog and refused to do another thing for her. Refused to speak to her.



"Usagi if you do this I can't be born! Stop this nonsense right now!" Chibi Usa shrieked as she tried to catch her future mother. By the goddess she was fast!



Usagi released her hair so it blew out behind her in a golden cape. If the fall didn't kill her then the slits in her wrists surely would. Her strength was leaving her body. She had to act quickly for Hotaru could still heal her. Footsteps fell silent behind her as her so called friends stopped and surrounded her, convinced in their ability to talk her out of taking her life, positive she would never do it. Ah but her body was shutting down, and she was grateful for the pills she had already swallowed. If something was worth doing, it was worth doing right. They had often joked that Usagi couldn't even die right, well she was about to prove them wrong. With her death, things would be ok and everyone would be happy. A wave of black threatened to make her collapse and she moved to the edge of the cliff. She brought her eyes to Minako's, her closest friend, her truest friend, the one who had hurt her so. Her eyes were cold and blank, her face expressionless. Usagi stifled a sob, she wouldn't cry any longer she told herself as tears drifted silently down her face.



Her foot touched air behind her. It was too late for her, her time was finished. "Usako please don't do this. Please don't leave me." Mamoru begged walking towards her.



'Why not?' Usagi thought. 'You left me. You've always left me. I've always been alone even when I was with you.' "It's just easier than dealing with the pain." Usagi said aloud. "Curse me in death as you did in life. I am removing myself from the field."



"Usagi - " Makoto stepped towards her, but Usagi didn't notice, her eyes riveted on Minako's face. Her bestest best friend. Her sister. Her other half really. Minako did nothing, said nothing, her anger too raw, her feelings too palpable.



They noticed how pale Usagi was, finally noticing the blood that dripped from the gashes on her arms, that went halfway up to her elbows. Precise. Like a surgeon she had separated her skin looking at it analytically. She had swallowed the pills and then ran. She turned from them, facing the cliff, the water and the horizon into eternity. The rocks at the base of the cliff were razor sharp. It wasn't a question of if she would die but what would kill her first? She cast one final glance at her so called friends, at her so called love, at her so called child. She beseeched Minako for forgiveness, getting nothing from her features. So be it. "Minako, I'm so sorry." she said in a choked voice, trying not to cry, trying not to give in. Minako said nothing, not answering her.


Usagi walked off the cliff like she was walking into a store. She heard the anguished and half hysterical scream of Haruka. A wave of red came over her eyes as her body was pierced. She could see nothing. She was cold. She was alone as she always had been. Finally, finally, after all the tears, all the suffering, all the lies and all the years, she was free. She gave one tiny smile and died.







As I said, I may never write another one shot like this, and hopefully I never will. It's a sad thing to reach out only to realize there is no one there and that no one cares as I have. Relax all, I will not kill myself today. Please no flames. Read my other work, it's much more cheerful and not as gloomy as this, but this is my outlet and somehow I will move on. If my friend Chikara reads this - I'm sorry. I'm so sorry and I always will be. I am a bad friend and I realize this, and I hope that someday, somehow, you can forgive me for changing my mind and for being poor.