I'm saving the best drabble for last~! Thank you for everyone who has read, reviewed, followed, and favorited this story! *bows* I never thought that I could finish this in a month! *cries tears of joy*
The preview for my next KnB humor/crack fic is at the end of this drabble.
R & R.
Once upon a time, there was a teal-haired boy who was being abused by his evil red-haired stepmother and his older stepsisters—
"There is no way I would abuse Tetsuya," A red-haired guy in a big, red poofy dress said.
A tall purple-haired male in a white dress was munching on popcorn. "Kuro-chin is too nice and tasty to be hurt."
"I wouldn't do that to Kurokocchi, too!" A blond crossdresser exclaimed. "And Akashicchi, you're not going to deny that you're evil?"
"I thought I already made it clear after I castrated that Siki bastard from a previous drabble."
Kise shivered involuntarily.
"Oh, Ryouta, sweep the floor." And a broomstick was tossed to the model.
"Huh? Why me?" He pointed at himself before flailing a bunch of papers around. "It says here in the script that Kurokocchi's Cinderella."
"Though I wouldn't mind seeing Tetsuya in a maid outfit, I wouldn't want him to waste his energy doing chores." Akashi had a suggestive smirk on his face. "I need him to be in top condition later. In the night. When everyone's asleep."
"Hiiii… I'm getting worried for Kurokocchi!" He gaped at his supposed sister who was littering everywhere. "And Murasakibaracchi, don't make my job any harder than it is!"
"But Aka-chin said so."
Meanwhile, in another part of the house, their supposed 'Cinderella' felt that pain will come to bite him in the ass. Literally.
"Was the play supposed to go this way?"
"Why are you even complaining? This is crack at its best!"
"Kyaaaa! You're still handsome even if you're a servant, Kise-kun~!"
Back to the play, Kuroko had received a letter from a black-haired sempai of his ("Before I leave, I—" "I'll listen to your puns some other time, Izuki-sempai." And the teal promptly shut the door to the messenger's face.) and he had given it to his stepmother.
"Mother, let's go to the ball," Kuroko deadpanned.
Before the redhead could answer him, Murasakibara intervened. "Do they have snacks there, Kuro-chin?"
"Then I want to go."
Kise, who had finished cleaning the stage (carpets were a pain), joined their conversation. "I want to go, too!"
"You stay here, Ryouta."
"I want to see Tetsuya in a dres—" Akashi faked a cough. "I mean, we only have three dresses. One is too big for you, and the other two are too small."
"So does this mean you're admitting you're small, Akashicchi?"
"So does this mean you don't want to go to the ball, Ryouta?"
There was silence.
"This is the part where I shut up, right?"
The audience blinked at the scenario. Okay… so why was the stepmother defending (eye-raping) Cinderella? And why was she (he) bullying one of the stepsisters?
"Why are those Miracle guys on stage? I thought this was an all-Seirin play."
"I heard the cast was mysteriously food-poisoned or something."
"I'm sorry for not knowing the answer! I'm sorry for being useless! I'm sorry for—"
"Susa, shut him up. And where's Imayoshi-san, anyway?"
"I don't know. He said he has a surprise for us."
The teens turned back to the play, where they showed the scene of the cast looking at the dresses.
"Akashi-kun, I'm staying behind."
"Why is that, Tetsuya?" There's no way he'd leave the bluenet because this was the perfect chance to see him in a dress.
Kuroko held up a yellow dress. "The dress is too big. I think this is for Kise-kun."
Glaring daggers at the unsuspecting blond, Akashi glanced at the teal-haired teen with a forced smile. "I see. Ryouta will be coming with us, then." He turned around and muttered to himself. "I made sure they would make Tetsuya a dress… damn stagehands."
Once Akashi, Kise, and Murasakibara left, a tanned male entered the scene. The male was holding a twig and a rope was tied to his waist, which enabled him to dangle in midair. He was also carrying a backpack.
"Aomine-kun, why are you wearing a tutu?" There were also fake wings stapled to his tutu.
Instead of being embarrassed, the ganguro actually looked proud. "It's not a tutu, it's a mantu! It has extra support!" And he said all of this while doing a poor imitation of Spongebob's voice. "Besides, it's pretty comfortable. Wanna wear it?"
"No," Kuroko deadpanned. "Anyways, what are you doing here?"
"Right, almost forgot about that." Aomine rummaged through his backpack and took out a long, sky blue dress. "Here. The guys at the back just finished making it."
The screams continued to echo from backstage.
"That must be Akashi. He was pretty ticked off when your dress went missing."
"Saa, Aomine-kun. Can I go to the ball now?"
"Yeah, sure." He snapped his fingers and a black-haired teen joined them, pulling a rickshaw with him. "Takao here's your slave. He's paid for the rest of the day. If midnight comes and you're not around, he'll get his ass out so don't forget you have a ride."
"I will be sure to remember that."
Their spectators only blinked at the new arrival.
"Hey, that's Midorima's rickshaw, right?"
"What is Takao of Shutoku doing here?"
"I honestly have no idea."
In the play, Takao pulled Kuroko along with ease.
"You're a lot lighter than Shin-chan. Like a hundred times lighter."
"Hai. He may not look like it, but Midorima-kun gains weight easily."
An enraged yell came from the backstage. "Hey! I thought I told you to keep that a secret!"
"I made no such promises, Midorima-kun," The teal-haired boy replied.
It wasn't long before the two arrived in front of a cardboard castle. People were already dancing around and it seems that they have already started looking for the prince's future wife. Kuroko stood before a cardboard tower at the side. He saw long pink hair fluttering from above.
"Momoi-san, is that you?"
"Tetsu-kun, you're finally here!" A pink-haired girl squealed from above. She brought out a ladder from her spot and climbed down. Momoi was wearing a princely ensemble with a small golden crown on her head. She glomped the unsuspecting pokerfaced male. "Heehee, that means we have to dance, right?"
"Yes." Kuroko clapped twice. "Please turn on the music. My favorite song is on."
Potato, potato, potato
Potato, potato, potato
Potato, potato, potato
Potato, potato, potato
"This is your favorite song, Tetsu-kun?"
"No. I think there is a technical difficulty." The crew gave them a thumbs up and changed the song.
I'm not gay, guys
That ain't me
I'm just comfortable with my sexuality
So I can admit when I see a guy
Who has a handsome face, and pretty eyes.
"That's your favorite?"
"No. Still not mine. It is Kise-kun's, though."
"Kurokocchi, you promised not to tell anyone!"
"I never agreed." The teal-haired teen proceeded to throw a pair of scissors towards the background music crew. They all scrambled in fear and changed the song in a heartbeat. A bunch of instrumentals echoed from the speakers.
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, it's better than yours
Damn right, it's better than yours
I can teach you, but I have to charge!
"They finally got it right."
"It suits you, Tetsu-kun."
"Thank you, Momoi-san."
The pair danced to the tune of the song. On the sidelines, Akashi was fuming. Why was he not paired to the bluenet? In a fit of jealousy, he went to the crew and threatened them, pointing at the big clock on top of the cardboard castle. "Make the clock strike midnight or else."
They nodded in fear. "Yes, yes! Please have mercy!"
And so, clock strikes twelve. Momoi looked crestfallen but she let her beloved Tetsu-kun leave. It wouldn't do her boyfriend (self-proclaimed) any good if his slave deserted him.
However, Kuroko tripped on the stairs and accidentally left a wristband behind. Why he was carrying a wristband, nobody knew. Because of this, he was late by a minute and Takao left him. The teal-haired male had no choice but to walk home.
Momoi, who followed Kuroko to wave goodbye, picked up his wristband. "Ah, Tetsu-kun dropped it." She sniffed it like a psychotic yandere stalker. She probably was.
"They're at the last part already? Where is the romantic scene between Cinderella and the lovely mademoiselle?"
"Suck it up, Moriyama. And shouldn't it be the prince and the lovely Cinderella?"
"Cinderella's a guy."
"Shush, guys! Some people are actually enjoying the play."
They turned their attention back to the stage.
Kuroko was walking along the forest when he saw a cottage. He went inside the cottage to take refuge. He saw a tall sempai of his talking with his teammates. He approached them.
"Hello, Mitobe-sempai. What role are you playing?" He didn't recognize his upperclassman's costume. It was pretty familiar, though.
His upperclassmen jumped in shock. "Don't do that!"
Koganei decided to answer for his friend. "Mitobe's the beast and we're his servants!" It was true. The whole Seirin team was there. The servants were Hyuga, Kiyoshi, Tsuchida, Kagami, and the freshmen trio. Izuki wasn't around because he was already the messenger (and Momoi's valet). There was also no sign of Riko anywhere.
Tsuchida was wearing a costume that was a cross between a gnome outfit and a candelabra outfit. "We're also the seven dwarves."
Kagami was scratching the back of his head, completely confused. "Why are we doing a cross of Beauty and the Beast and Snow White? I thought we were doing Cinderella!"
"Cinderella was the original plan, but we're short on people," Hyuga explained. "That Akashi also altered the script."
Kuroko blinked at them. "Where is Coach?"
"Don't worry about her. She's on her way here—"
The door suddenly opened and in came Riko who was wearing a long black robe and a basin of honey-soaked lemons, which were now sliced. The questionable fruits were emitting a strange miasma.
"Hi, guys!" She entered. "I brought you your supplementary lemons~!
They all took a step back. The brunette coach had a tick mark on her forehead. "Now, don't be like that. I did a better job at mixing the honey with vitamins. I even sliced the lemons now!" That made them back away even more. "Fine. If this is how you want it to go then…"
She grabbed the nearest one, which was Kagami. "Here, try some!" She shoved some lemon slices into his mouth. In a split second, the red-haired player went down. The Seirin team, sans Kuroko, screamed in terror and ran away from their coach. Said brown-haired girl tried to make them try her lemons.
"Since when did this turn into some horrible parody show?"
"I don't know the story anymore."
Izuki, who was standing backstage, was laughing at the chaos. "They're having some parody-filled pun." A random Seirin student whacked him on the head.
Kuroko was watching everything as he sat on the ground beside the unconscious Kagami. From his periferal view, he saw Midorima holding up a sign saying 'Overtime!'. The teal-haired male nodded at him. The green-haired shooter also nudged Nigou—who had Kuroko's wristband in his mouth—to go towards them.
The bluenet scooped the Siberian Husky into his arms and brought Nigou to his teammate's face. The puppy eagerly licked Kagami and the red-haired player woke up because of it. He screamed in terror.
Kuroko took his wristband and fitted it on Kagami. "Will you be my light, Kagami-kun?"
The redhead blushed at the implications. "Stop saying embarrassing things, idiot!" On the sidelines, a crew member was gesturing at them to hurry it up. "F-Fine. Yes."
The teal-haired male smiled at him. "I'm glad."
The Generation of Miracles were either crying or pissed off at the red-haired player. 'LUCKY BASTARD!' They all looked ready to kill.
Imayoshi suddenly entered the scene, wearing priest robes. He was carrying a math textbook with a sharpie drawing of a cross on the cover. "And I now pronounce you, husband and wife!"
The red curtains were dropped to hide whatever bloodbath that will happen. Izuki went on stage. "That's the end of—" A basin of honey-soaked lemons was thrown at his head. Hyuga immediately took the pun lover's spot. "Thank you for watching our play."
"That's the best parody ever!"
"I wanna see Kuroko-sempai in a dress again!"
"Where are the honeymoon butt smecks?!"
The students cheered, completely overwhelming Kagami's terrified screams on the other side of the curtain.
Here's the information for the next fic~! And yes, the fujoshi's name is 'Fujoshi'. LOL, I can't think of a name that fits a yaoi fangirl.
Title: I HEART YAOI!
Summary: A look into the lives of the KnB male cast if they married a fujoshi. Crack-ish.
Somewhere out there, there was a girl who loved something more than anyone else.
She was an otaku in every sense of the word. She loves cosplays. She loves to draw anime. She loves to dance to the songs of J-Pop. She loves to play all kinds of Japanese visual novels. She loves to squeal to the voices of her favorite male seiyuu. She loves to fangirl over handsome, fictional characters.
But if there was something she loves more than anything, it was—
She would go into a frenzy once she detects it. She would be very excited when she ships a yaoi couple. She would do several fangasms over her OTP's fanservices. However, no one would blame her.
It was in her blood,
In her passion,
And in her name.
She had been a descendant of a family whose women are all yaoi fangirls. Her mother supported shotacon yaoi. Her grandmother liked BDSM yaoi. Her great grandmother loved bara and so on and so forth.
She herself loved tentacle rape. Male version, of course.
Fortunately for her, in any parallel world, she married a total bishounen who had bishounen friends.
Unfortunately for her husbands, she was shipping them together with their friends.
Who is this heroine of justice, love, and all things hot yaoi?
Her name is…