Author: TippierCOffee

Disclaimer: I do not own — nor do I claim the rights to — any of the characters from the shw Codename: Kids Next Door. All credit goes to rightful owner: Mr. Tom Warburton.

Now loading: Operation S.E.X




A number of kids ran around outside in the hot summer sun. They each had their own water gun, firing carelessly at each other, shrieking with laughter. Of course they would enjoy the hot summer day. Any kid should, really. But at the top of the Uno's residence, standing tall and proud on the large tree — which had lived through so many things — was the tree house belonging to Sectuh V of Kids Next Door. In here, the atmosphere was entirely different.

Numbuhs one through five sat in the meeting room, around the large truck tyre, discussing some worrisome things happening around them.

It started a couple of weeks ago, when the clouds were still heavy with rain, and the temperature was neither hot nor cold.

"And just remember, Teenager," Nigel scoffed, "If you ever want to have your butt kicked again, you know where to find us."

The rest of them cheered their agreement before they took off, leaving a battered and confused teenager in their wake.

It had been a successful mission, all in all. Not overly complicated, and the perpetrator was easy to track down from the get-go. Then again, the teen was newly recruited, and if rumours were true, he'd never even heard of Kids Next Door. He hadn't been member, either. Just some new boy in town, looking to make friends, and of course the Ninja Teens had been more than eager to take him in.

Nonetheless, the teen had overheard sensitive, top-secret information, so Nigel — being the good leader he was — decided they should look into it. The Teen first said he thought KND was a children's play-thing. Nothing serious and nothing to get worked up over, even though he'd found it strange the teens in town — and even some adults — seemed to be in on the game. But, as he'd told them, he figured it was to be expected form a small town such as this one.

It didn't change anything. Nigel had yelled the order, and his team had carried it out, showing The Teen just how serious this 'game' of theirs was.

"Man, Numbuh One, that was amazing!" Wally shouted, his hands flying through the air with excitement. "The look on his face when you told him he knew where to find us. Oh, wow!"

"It really was something, wasn't it?" Nigel agreed with a chuckle and a shake of his head.

Being a member of the Kids Next Door was one of the best decisions he had ever made in his twelve years.

"I don't know," Kuki said, her eyes large and her lips in a pout. "I mean, he wasn't mean to us, or anything"

"I know, Numbuh Three," Nigel retorted, his tone harsher than what was necessary. "That doesn't change the fact he passed on valuable information to the enemy."

"I know," she mumbled.

Nigel had been just about to speak again, to reassure Kuki they were doing the right thing here, and there was nothing to feel guilty about, when he caught two teens heading their way. They were speaking in hushed tones, their faces worried.

It looked rather suspicious, in Nigel's opinion, so he knew him and his teammates needed to find out what was going on, immediately.

"Guys!" he hissed. "Hide in here. Quick!"

He shoved his teammates into a nearby bush and followed, getting out of the way just in time before the teens came to a halt in front of their hiding spot. How convenient.

Nigel would not complain. This was perfect! He put his finger to his lips and gestured to his ear, his teammates nodding. Nigel could just see out the bush. The two teens stood unnaturally close to each other, their voices low, but not too low to be heard from their hiding spot.

"I don't know, Alex" the girl draweld in a hushed tone. "I mean… sex is a big thing. It's not just something you do."

"I know, Laura," the boy — Alex — responded. "Which is why I asked. I mean, we've been together for a while now, and I kind of feel like we should take the next step and, you know… do it. But of course, I don't want to force you, or anything. I just thought it was worth talking about."

Silence fell over the two of them while Nigel's mind started working on high pressure, the gears spinning and turning. He tried to figure out what exactly it was they were talking about, holding his breath and focusing his hearing even more. His teammates seemed to do the same, curious to find out what this so-called sex was.

"Hmm…" Laura thought out loud, shuffling her feet. "Well, okay, we can do it. Just don't do it too fast, okay? I've never done it before."

Nigel was starting to get irritated. Done it? Done what? What in the world were the two of them talking about? This definitely needed to be discussed at a later time.

In the tree house, Nigel paced back and forth, a grim expression on his face. He tried to focus and gather his thoughts, stow-away information jumbling in his head. The others sat completely still, their eyes following his every move as he paced the floor, hands behind his back, chest shot forward.

He looked at his teammates, the air heavy with anticipation. "Now. I'm sure we all know why we're here today," he didn't wait for an answer. "We're here to find out what this so-called sex could possibly be. I'm thinking it must be another wicked plan those teens are constructing. The question just is: What exactly does this plan consist of?"

The room went silent as Nigel started pacing the floor again. "We have all been trying to find some more information about this thing in groups. You two-and-two, and I, alone. I would like us to share what we have found out. I'll go first."

He went silent for a moment, and his stern tone changed to one of uncertainty while he stated kicking his toes softly together. "I eh, well… I haven't found anything," he admitted, hanging his head low.

"Numbuh Four and I heard someone talking about having sex, so maybe it's something you can eat?" Hoagie suggested, trying to cheer up his team leader.

"That makes no sense," Abby voiced. "I'm telling you, Numbuh Three and I heard people saying it's something you have to do."

"So, it's not food?" Wally asked, a bit confused and a bit disappointed.

"Obviously not," Abby scolded, crossing her arms over her chest. "You heard those two teenagers by the bush, Numbuh One. I'm telling you, it's something you have to do. We just haven't gotten any leads on what exactly this sex thing is or how it works."

"Hmm…" Nigel put his thumb and index finger under his chin, deep in thought. "If it's something that needs to be operated, it must be some kind of weapon. But what?"

He started pacing back and forth once more, the others following him with their eyes and heads. He knew they must be as confused and curious as him, and they counted on him to come up with some sort of conclusion. Or at least an idea which would lead them to a conclusion.

"Computer," Nigel demanded at last. "Look up the acronym S-E-X."

"Looking up acronym," the computer's voice verified. "Searching. Searching. The acronym S-E-X has one match."

"Show it to us," Nigel demanded.

"Sex. Strong Everlasting Xenon."

They all let out gasps of horror, almost as if it was a standard reaction.

"What the crud is xenon?!" Wally cried, raising his arms in the air with an annoyed expression.

"Fool!" Abby scolded, whacking him on the back of his head with her red cap. "Xenon is a chemical. Those teens must be building a chemical weapon strong enough to wipe out the entire earth!"

Kuki gasped out loud in horror while Wally yelled out What?

"But… why would they do that?" Hoagie asked in disbelief, his mouth agape.

"They wouldn't," Nigel exclaimed darkly, hitting a fist to his hand. "I bet they wired it, so it will only wipe out all the children of the earth."

The members of Sectuh V, once again, let out loud gasps, and Kuki started whimpering in fear.

"But. Without any children, there won't be a Kids Next Door," she cried.

"Exactly!" Nigel exclaimed, his voice dead serious and his eyebrows raised.

"Crud!" Wally cried, ferocity rising within him. "Now those cruddy teens have really done it. Next time I see one of 'em, I'm gonna shove my shoe up their butt."

"You know," Abby said wisely, fear sneaking into her voice. "Maybe we should go to the Moon Base and ask for backup."

"Negative, Numbuh Five," Nigel told her. "We'll go in alone."

"But. Isn't that dangerous?" Kuki whimpered, looking at him with puppy-dog-eyes.

"Extremely. Which is why we have to take caution." Nigel started pacing back and forth again. "We'll have to follow the two first teens who were talking about doing it, so we can find this weapon and destroy it from the inside."

"Wohoo! Now you're talking!" Wally cheered, knitting his fists while feeling his body fill up with adrenaline.

"I don't know, Numbuh One," Hoagie chuckled nervously. "Maybe calling Moon Base isn't such a bad idea."

"Are you kidding me, Numbuh Two?" Nigel cried, tossing his hands into the air while giving Hoagie an angry look. "Calling Moon Base will cause kids to panic world wide. We have to keep this knowledge to ourselves, and act alone."

Darkness befell the city when evening turned to night. Sectuh V had used most of the day trying to find the two teens who were apparently supposed to do it — whatever terrifying thing it was. Kuki had been talking a bit about not going too hard on the girl if she actually helped to fire the weapon, since she had been a bit hesitant when the couple stopped by the bush. Nigel insisted they needed to punish any teen who were helping destroy kids. It wasn't important if they didn't exactly know what they were doing or why. What was important was to let them know they were doing something wrong.

The teenage couple took off in a car, not too long ago, and parked it somewhere atop a hill. Almost exactly the same place where there had been the whole rollerskating thing going on a couple of years back.

"Figured they'd go back up here," Nigel whispered loudly. "This has one of the best views over the neighbourhood. Their weapon must be set to only affect the neighbourhood they're firing from."

"Numbuh Five still says we should 'a called for backup," Abby whispered irritated.

"Why would we do that?" Wally grumbled. "There are two of them, and five of us. They won't have a cruddy chance, right, Numbuh One?"

Nigel nodded curtly, and they started walking towards the parked car, Nigel looking through a pair of binoculars.

"Whatever," Abby muttered. "Just don't come crying to me if you're blasted away by the weapon."

"Shh," Nigel hissed, focusing his binoculars. "They're getting into the backseat of the car. It looks like they're changing clothes in there."

"Maybe they're putting on some sort of ray proof suit?" Hoagie suggested.

"And if that's the case, then that means they'll probably fire the weapon soon," Nigel concluded. "Come on, team. We have to stop them."

Sectuh V started sneaking up on the car, their dark suits disguising them perfectly in the night. They stayed quiet — even their breaths indistinguishable — while approaching the car on tip-toes. Nigel crawled in front of everyone who now crouched on either side of him.

Abby and Hoagie sat to his left, and Kuki and Wally sat to his right. He looked back on his teammates with serious eyes, hushing them with no sound. Then, he put one hand on the door handle to the back of the car, and started counting down from three with his other hand.

Sactuh V readied their weapons, and swallowed hard. Some of them were starting to sweat while biting their bottom lips in anticipation. Their hearts beat hard against their chests, and they all held their breath when Nigel came down to one finger and opened the door.

"Freeze teens!" he screamed, while all of Sectuh V rose with their weapons high in the air.

However their stern faces were quickly replaced with those of horror, as they, and the teens, started screaming in terror simultaneously. The teens sat in their underwear, lips pressed together, tongues gliding back into their own mouths.

Sectuh V quickly turned on their heels, not caring much if they dropped their weapons or not, and ran as fast as they could, until they reached the side of the hill — where it started to descend. Behind them, the guy, Alex, shout profanities in an angry voice while the girl, Laura, was crying. Luckily for Sectuh V, Alex didn't chase them.

"Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!" Kuki cried, when they reached the side of the hill.

She covered her eyes in disgust, as if it could erase the sight she just witnessed. Somewhere in the background, Hoagie was either making barf noises or actually throwing up.

"What the crud was that?!" Wally cried in disgust and disbelief, tossing his hands into the air. His face was pale, and his eyes were full of terror.

One would almost think he had just seen a ghost. Except seeing a ghost would have been much, much better than seeing what they actually saw.

"Numbuh Five doesn't know, and she doesn't want to know," Abby exclaimed with a loud voice, full of disbelief.

"That was so disgusting!" Hoagie shivered, wiping his mouth. "Why would they sit in their underwear and kiss?"

"Fool! That thing had nothing to do with kissing." Abby scolded, trying to calm herself and forget she had ever seen anything. "I don't know what it was, but it sure as hell was not kissing!"

"Maybe… Maybe they needed to do that to be protected from the weapon when it goes off?" Hoagie suggested, still trying to wash the image from his mind.

"Are you all blind?!" Nigel scolded, getting up with renewed determination. Sure; he hadn't enjoyed the sight either, but there were more important, pressing matters. "Didn't you notice that pointy thing the guy had between his legs? That must have been the weapon!"

"Now, I don't know about you, Numbuh One, but Numbuh Five was a little too busy gagging over them doing… whatever-it-was, in their underwear, to notice anything else!" Abby cried out, getting up.

She just wanted to go home and forget this ever happened.

"But what if every single teenage boy has that weapon between his legs, Numbuh Five?" Nigel scolded, pointing to where the car approximately was. "A date is the perfect excuse to be left unattended by parents so they can use it! We have to go back there and yank it out of his pants."

"Forget that crud!" Wally cried, making a quick gagging sound. "There is no way I'm going over to every single kissy-face-teen doing that, to yank a weapon out of the guy's pants!"

"Numbuh Five is with Numbuh Four on this one," Abby confirmed, crossing her arms over her chest while looking Nigel in the eyes. "I say we all forget about this whole sex thing and go home."

"But what about the millions of kids who will be exposed to the rays?" Nigel hollered, tossing his arms wildly in front of him with an angry expression.

Surely Abby couldn't expect him to just forget about this thing?

"Listen Numbuh One," Abby said, trying to convince him. "If the teens really do have a chemical weapon, I'm telling ya: The government will handle it if it's ever fired."

"But the government are adults!" Nigel yelled in disbelief, getting angrier by the moment. "I bet they're working together!"

"Look, Numbuh One," Abby tried again. "I know you care about kids, we all do, that's why we're all in the Kids Next Door to begin with. But I'm telling ya: This is out of our hands. Let's just go back to the tree house, and forget this sex-thing even exists."

"I hear you on that one," Hoagie exclaimed, while the two of them started to walk away.

"Me too," Kuki agreed, following them.

"We're out 'a here," Wally sang, catching up to the others.

"But guys!" Nigel complained, hanging his body in utter disbelief. Didn't they understand this was serious?

"Hey, Kid!" angry Alex yelled from above him, now standing in his clothes with an furious expression on his face, his fists clenched.

Nigel let out a scream of terror and got up in a hurry.

"Wait for me, you guys!" he cried out, running as fast as his legs would carry him to catch up to his friends.

They left two angry and embarrassed teens behind them, never again mentioning the incident.


2017 rewrite.

You have no idea how much fun I had making this, back in 2013.

Criticism and/or advice on improvement is always welcome and highly appreciated.