Pam, Pete, and Harley

Chapter 1: Oh Great, Another World...

Key: 'Words' = Peter 4th walling it

'You ever get that feeling the universe is messing with you cause it's funny? You probably think you do... but no you don't. Has the universe ever thrown you into another world? Yeah I didn't think so. Me, on the other hand, it must have a rager for doing that to me. I mean yeah this isn't my first rodeo with this kind of stuff, but at least they were worlds with some sort of me in them, or some sort of familiarity. You know what I of course you don't... you aren't me, the universal butt of the joke. *Sigh* I swear Wade mentioned something about us all being in a comic book or something once. Shoulda really listened to him more often, now that I think about it. Cause this stuff only happens in the comics.'

'Oh, I suppose you probably wanna know who's behind all the whining and complaining. Hi, I'm Peter, Peter Benjamin Parker, born in Forest Hills, New York. I'm a twenty something former photographer, former teacher, part time scientist, and full time hero. What, you thought I'd tell you my age? That's a rude thing to ask a girl. But I bet that wasn't what caught your attention, it was the hero thing right? Yup, I'm a bonafide superhero, I got powers and everything. I can stick to things with my butt, pretty neat huh? Don't give me that look. Okay I have more powers than that. I have the proportionate strength of a spider, agility that makes gymnasts jealous, speed that can border on the ridiculous, and this neat thing I call my Spider-Sense.'

'If you haven't guessed by now, I'm a spider based hero, and my hero name... Spider-Man! Sue me I came up with the name when I was fifteen. Anyways, back onto the topic of why you are here, the universe loves to pick on me. Sure, I'm currently living with two very attractive and educated women, more or less for free, and I am hero-ing alongside a group of amazing people... I said stop giving me that look, it's not all unicorns and sunshine. Especially when the previously mentioned attractive roomies are super villains, I'm their personal flying monkey, and they are using me to get the skinny on those heroes I'm working with. See! What'd I tell you? Universe's joke butt. Heh...joke butt.'

'Welp I'm home now. Why don't you take a seat, and see what I mean.'

"Honey's I'm home!" Peter announced as the lift came to a halt. He was wearing a long sleeved gray turtleneck shirt, under a brown worn-in leather jacket, blue jeans, white sneakers, and a red and black striped scarf around his neck. It is currently a chilly late November in Gotham City. The snow hasn't started to fall quite yet, but the temperature certainly had no qualms in making them know what time of year it is.

With one hand Peter raises the lift gate, balancing several pizza boxes in his other, and enters the large two story flat. It's one of those apartments that takes up an entire building floor, and has it's own personal elevator. Peter always thought it looked a lot like the apartment in that movie Wayne's World 2. Which he was more than happy to live in cause it was huge. They had two floors of the six story building to themselves, and they were the top two. And the view...oh the view. The building was situated near the Gotham City's Endsbury Park, facing the North Channel, and on the south end of Granton. So in other words you get a wonderful view of a riverside park, with just the right amount of buildings in the far background to make the scene. Grant it, this was more for the convenience of the other tenants than his pleasure. Still, when he got up in the morning it was a nice view to have a cup of coffee to.

"Petey's back! Ya didn't forget the pies did ya?" Harleen Quinzel aka Harley Quinn, former Joker side-kick, former Criminal Psychologist, current Gotham Siren, and one of Peter's roomies. She called from the sunken down living room/entertainment room. Harley poked her head up from her laying position on the large 'Really comfy, by the way.' couch, giving Peter a huge enthusiastic smile. 'She's watching NCIS believe it or not.' She was currently dressed in a flattering red tank-top, black baggy pajama bottoms, and red socks. Her hair was up in a single pigtail situated high up on the back of her head.

'I suppose I should give you some background into that background. Dr. Harleen Quinzel started off with a promising career as a Criminal Psychologist at Arkham Asylum. She was very good at what she did, err does, she's still got a great head on her shoulders, at least when she's not driving us crazy. I know right?! Someone who can make the Amazing Spider-Man look less annoying by comparison, didn't think there was someone like that out there, did you? Honestly Pam tells us that she doesn't know who's the more annoying out of us sometimes. Okay I'm getting off track. Harleen did her job well until she tried a crack at that psycho, Joker. And I mean psycho in all capital letters, punctuated with like a dozen exclamation marks, underlined three times, and a big red 'Dangerous' stamp punched on top of that.'

'I haven't had to much opportunity to get to know the guy, actually he was one of the first people I met on this world, didn't know who he was at the time though. Everything I hear from my resident hero buddies points towards he's bad news on a scale that the entire Justice League puts him up there with the super evil baddies. A great honor considering he's just a normal human, well great for him I guess. I even hear that other villains are hesitant to work with him. That's just the kind of mad man he is.'

'Argh! I'm getting further off track again. I do that, ramble on you know, anyways...So Joker basically warped our little Harleen's brain with his madness and she ended up...err dating? That the right word? Um well she side kicked with the guy for years. This got her on the wrong side of the law, and into Arkham many times. Thankfully that is where she met our other roommate Pam. Pam helped Blondie out by becoming her girl villain BFF, and eventually, mostly away from the clown. Stuff happened, and she even tried to go legit once, but you know the whole brand thing we in the game get. It's kinda hard to gain trust after such things. That's pretty much my bubbly roomy's story. You want more then you gotta dig deeper yourself, I'd rather not, cause digging up the past usually leads down dark roads in my opinion. Okay back to things.'

Harleen performed a flawless handstand cartwheel over the couch, and gracefully landed on the raised floor behind it with nary a sound. She skipped over to the counter table, taking a stool seat, as Peter placed the still warm boxes in front of her. She looked like a happy kid, grinning widely with her chin resting in the palms of her hands, who's elbows were resting on the counter.

"Never. One large loaded topping pizza, and one large cheese." Peter gave her a return smile, before he turned away from the kitchen and slipped off his jacket and scarf, hanging them on the coat rack by the lift. He slid out of his cold sneakers, letting the warmth of the apartment wash over him.

"Ya know just what ta do ta make a lady swoon, don't ya Petey?" She opened the top box and took a long sniff. Letting out a coo of pleasure after her sense of smell was gratefully sated. Peter returned to the kitchen, rummaged through the cupboards for a moment before extracting three plates, and setting them next to the pizza boxes.

"If I did Bubbles, I'm sure I'd have a girlfriend by now." Peter quipped, as he rolled his eyes slightly at her. His eyes scanned the room, not seeing their other resident. "Where's Pam? Eden?"

"Eden. Come to think of it, haven't seen her all day." The blond nodded enthusiastically, as she placed four pieces of the large every topping pizza on a plate. She turned to leave the counter, but Peter tapped her shoulder lightly halting her before she could hop back to the couch. He gingerly placed a few napkins on her pig tailed head, which she almost went crossed eyed looking up toward.

"Lets try not to make a mess this time Bubbles."

"Right-o." And with that she expertly bounced her way back to the living room, not once jostling the napkins. Peter shook his head, and moved from the kitchen to the stairs. The second floor of the loft housed a restroom, the girls' bedrooms, a nice large bay windowed indoor terrace, and the largest portion of it was one large room, dubbed the Garden of Eden.

As he approached the door to Eden, he glanced at his watch, seeing it was well past 5pm. She should have been up by now, he thought. A few raps on the door, and no response following, Peter let himself into the Garden.

"Hey Blossom you photosynthesizing in here?" The Garden of Eden as they called it was just that, a huge garden inside the room. This garden completely filled the entire half of the second floor, and contained more variations of plants and hybrids than any botanical garden. The really miraculous part of the Garden was that all the plant life lived together effortlessly. Normally the sheer diversity of plant life would have made it impossible to grow most anything in here, but thanks to the amazing green thumb of their gardener they not only lived in harmony but thrived; hence Eden. The literal jungle, both in greenery and temperature, was a dangerous maze to anyone not welcomed. 'And normally I'm not welcomed, but I have my ways around that when necessary.'

Peter navigated the foliage, avoiding the dangerous plant life with the little tingle that popped up in the back of his skull. The room was mostly dark, and that gave him all the information he needed as to why he hadn't seen the gardener upon his return. Luckily there were some form of bio-luminescent flowers scattered to and fro so he could see a little bit. After ducking under some variation of vine flower, he arrived at the only open part of the room. It was against the far wall from the door, and had a large work bench and table covered in both chemistry tools and plant specimens.

His target was currently sitting on a large toadstool, 'I know right?! Total Miss Muffet right there.' hunched over an open section of the table, and breathing steadily. Peter silently moved next to the cascading red hair covering her, and gently moved some away from her peaceful sleeping face. 'I whole heartedly agree with Logan, Red heads are the best. Not to say other hair colored women aren't attractive, but there is just something about red heads to us.'

Giving her a warm smile, Peter looked her over, only to turn as scarlet as her hair. He quickly averted his gaze to the work area, looking for something to cover the sleeping naked green skinned woman. This was why he wasn't normally allowed in here without permission. She was very fit, not an ounce of fat anywhere that wasn't appropriate, had long legs, a face to die for, and could easily be a supermodel. '*Drools*' Finding a large red housecoat hanging on the wall rack, he plucked it off and carefully draped it over her. She murmured a bit as he placed it on her, but stayed asleep. Which honestly wasn't surprising she probably hadn't had her lunch yet, or breakfast for that matter. Peter moved back over to the same wall, and pressed a big red button. Gears ground together and a motorized whirring sound broke the silence. A large metal cover was drawn away from the skylight above it. The white sunlight from outside bathed the Garden. Pamela Isley aka Poison Ivy, stirred at the sound and blinked sleepily a few times. Her unfocused eyes looked up to the person standing by the wall.

'Okay background time again, at least before she recognizes it's me there. Dr. Pamely Isley was a student of botany and toxicology. Still is, but to a much greater degree. Her former professor basically seduced her and experimented on her with toxins. This was both torturous and left her with a changed physiology. She now had toxins in her blood that made her dangerous to the touch, and gained an immunity to all poisons, viruses, bacteria and fungi. She, like my former work wife Spider-Woman, can produce pheromones that can make any man her willing slave. That's originally how she got me to stay...but that's for later.'

'Thanks to her professor's betrayal she grew a deep hatred for men in general. How am I still around, considering I'm a goody two-shoes, and annoying guy? Well you could say she found a use for me. Eventually she moved to Gotham and started a life of crime mostly as an Eco Terror...err Warrior. She was sent to Arkham many times, and eventually met and befriended Harleen there. Gaining her first real friend in a very long time, the two grew an attachment. Eventually Ivy tried to break up Harls and Joker, because he was just an abusive asshole.'

'Anyways, she eventually evolved to the point she could command plant life. Her body actually became mostly plant itself. She feeds through Photosynthesis, or can I should say. She still eats human food too, just basically not anything made from a plant. She can live off of water and sunlight for extended periods of time if need be. Which is basically why we find her in this current situation. She forgot to open the shutter before she went to sleep, and with no sun to rouse her tired self, she just kept sleeping. Let's get back to my execution shall we?'

"Wha...Parker? Why are you in my garden?" Pamela's voice grew harsher as her mind started to wake up. Peter quickly threw his hands in the air defensively, and grew as sheepish a smile as he could muster.

"I'm sorry Pam, but you've been asleep most of the day, and I just came in to check up on you." She looked him over sternly, before huffing out a breath, and began stretching her limbs. She knew Peter wasn't the kind of man to take advantage of her; like she had of him. He'd proven it time and again, that he was a real gentleman, if not for the sake of his life in her hands. She felt something begin to slide off her shoulders, and quickly grabbed at her housecoat. Her eyes went from the coat to herself. She was naked, which wasn't unusual for her, especially in her garden, but still Peter was here, and guess what conclusion she jumped to. 'Oh boy I know that look. Thanks Parker Luck.' Peter thought as he began to sweat. Poison Ivy quickly pulled her coat over her exposed body, and glared daggers at the man in the room.

Peter gulped and immediately jumped into action. The buzzing in his skull grew quite loud as he began to duck and weave, fleeing the vines and deadly plants in the room currently attacking him.

'I'm sorry Pam! I swear I didn't see anything!" 'This time at least.' He shouted as he raced toward the door. He knew she wasn't really trying to hurt him this time. She would have just used the many toxin producing plants in the room to stop him otherwise. Ducking outside the Garden of Eden, and quickly slamming the door closed, he leaned back against it bracing it in place. The expected slams didn't come, and after a moment he removed himself from the door, heading back down stairs.

"Whew...close one." He sighed loud enough to gain Harleen's attention. She turned her head to look at him, her mouth half stuffed with a slice of pizza. She titled her head in that cutesy questioning way girls can do.

"She left the shutters closed last night, but she's up now." He gave her the answer she asked for, and then she smiled around the slice of pizza, returning to the television. Peter dished himself several slices of pizza, and slipped around to the front of the couch that Harley was on. She scooted her legs up to give him some room, and he plopped down next to her. She switched her position on the couch and scooted up next to him. 'Harleen's a snuggler. She'll cuddle with just about anybody as long as she semi comfortable with them. Lucky me right.' Peter put his plate on the side table next to the couch and threw his right arm over the back. The blond cuddled up against him, and continued to eat her current slice of pizza. Peter grabbed one of his slices, and took a grateful bite.

"So what's for bad movie night tonight Harls?" Harleen smirked, and pointed the remote at the screen, the guide came up as Green Lantern with Ryan Reynolds. Peter let out a chuckle, as her smirk grew. "Appropriate."

'I thought so." She joined in his chuckle. They heard the metal door to the Garden of Eden open and shut, and both looked up to the second floor. Pamela looked slightly annoyed, but much more managed now, with her red housecoat securely tied around her, and her long glossy red hair straitened to a degree. "Hey Red we are just about to start bad movie night wanna join?" Harleen asked.

"No, thank you Harley. I have slept most the day away, and need to get back to my work." Ivy moved toward her room door, hoping to avoid the inevitable...

"Aww c'mon Red. Ya've been cooped up in that room for days now. Pweeeeeaaaasssseeee. Petey got us pizza." Harleen begged with those big old puppy dog eyes. Pam did a magnificent job of avoiding eye contact with her best friend, and let out a long sigh.

"I'm sorry Harley, but..."

"If it helps I'm sorry for barging in unannounced Pam. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Peter interrupted.

"I know, I realize that now, but..."

"Ya promised Red. Ya snubbed us that last few weeks for bad movie night, promisin to watch the next." Harley jumped in this time.

"But I need to..." Pamela was really considering the urge to just disappear into her room, but she did promise...

"It's my only day off this week, and I wanna enjoy some down time before I go patrolling tonight. Please Pam." Peter added in his own puppy dog eyes.

"Please Red." The two combined could probably stop a runaway truck in it's tracks with their looks. Poison Ivy inhaled a large amount of air, and let it out slowly. Her shoulders slumped as she finally turned to look at the two pouters.

"Fine...Just let me get dressed." She agreed, defeated by the efforts of her house mates. She quickly entered her room to change.

"YAY!" Harleen cheered, as she and Peter high five'd. 'That's right we are pout masters.' They got comfy again, and got the movie ready to play, by the time Pam came down the stairs. She was in a huge heavy green sweater, black nylons, and thick black socks. 'Blossom doesn't do cold well, but she sure looks nice when she tries.'

"There's cheese pizza in the other box. I know you like the plain stuff." Peter announced hearing her padding into the kitchen. She just mumbled something, which he took as a thanks, and dished up her own plate. Harley snickered at their exchanged, and relaxed against Peter. He had grown used to the contradicting personalities at this point. He didn't mind Harleen's touchy nature much anymore, and he'd even whittled down Pamela's cold, man hating nature into just a large annoyance, with him at least.

"So what are you going to make me watch?" The red head asked, as she sat down in the large 'Also really comfy.' recliner on the left side of the entertainment area. The blond clicked play on the remote, and the title of the movie came up on the screen. "Really?" Pam asked looking at the two on the couch, sounding slightly miffed.

"It's bad movie night." Peter shot back a lopsided grin.

"Appropriate." Ivy relented, as the movie started.

'Well, all-in-all I guess things aren't as bad as I make them out to be. Though I bet you are all wondering just how this came to be, huh? I supposed I can start at the beginning. Heck it may give you some more perspective on my current situation and relationships, cause I'll tell you it wasn't always as nice as this.'

' all started a long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away...'

~ Marvel Universe 616 ~

New York City

Roughly a Year Ago

"Have I ever told you I hate the cold?" Spider-Man said, his breath fogging out from under his mask. He somersaulted over a roof access, and continued to sprint over the roof. Flying next to him, and obviously much warmer in her heavy winter coat, was the Scarlet Witch aka Wanda Maximoff. Her flowing red cape fluttered behind her, over the heavy red full body, white fluff lined parka. She had long shining auburn hair, and beautiful pale skin, rounded out with cherry red full lips, and deep blue eyes. 'So sue me Wanda's sexy.' She gave the red and blue spandex clad man a cute smirk, before shaking her head.

"Yes, for about the tenth time in the past hour, Spider-Man. Why don't you just invest in some sort of winter costume? It's rather common knowledge that you change your costume almost as much as Tony and his armor." Wanda playfully retorted, making Peter sigh. His spider-sense made him absentmindedly hop over a particularly icy spot on the roof. With that one leap he cleared the space between that building and the next, acrobatically landing and continuing his run.

"On my salary? I'm lucky if my Aunt gives me a holiday sweater for Christmas." His blank lenses turned to her.

"Well then how about I get you a nice winter coat for Christmas?" Wanda giggled, when she saw Peter's head reel back a bit at the statement.

"Clothes for Christmas...why can't I get toys like everybody else? I've been reaallyy good this year. Please." He said in his best kiddy voice, and clasped his hands together in a pleading manner, as he ran. Wanda rolled her eyes at him. She, like many of the others in the hero community, found Spider-Man to talk way to much, the puns usually never helped, but she happily tolerated them. It was the least she could do after all the pain she caused him.

'I guess I should give you all a bit of background on my current team-up buddy. Wanda Maximoff is the daughter of Eric Lehnsherr or Magneto. She is a mutant like her father and brother. Yet she is easily the strongest out of that particular family. Sure her father can level city blocks with his magnetic powers, and her brother Pietro Maximoff, or Quicksilver, can run a lap around the world in just over 3 minutes, but our lovely sorceress can alter the very fabric of reality. Yup, she has Chaos Magics, which basically means she can alter reality and probability. She's done it before, hence the whole causing me pain thing. She actually caused a lot of people pain, but since I was one of the few who remember it, she has been particularly nice to me. I honestly don't hold it against her anymore, sure I did for a little bit, but that's just my life. In the altered reality I married my first love Gwen Stacey, her father Captain George Stacey was still alive, and so was my Uncle Ben. Yeah... Oh my identity was publicly known, I was an actor, business man, wrestler, and still the loveable hero you all know today. Gwen and I even had a son together. Honestly...looking back on it, it was what my life could have been if everything went right. Sure I had to pretend I was a mutant to survive, but hey a small price to pay.'

'Still all good things usually come to an end, and so did that reality. Not many people remember it amongst the super community she hung out in, and the second effect of changing that reality put her in even hotter water with the mutants. She wiped out 98% of mutant kind, err their powers to be precise, and negated the mutant gene in future generations. So needless to say she's hasn't been well liked lately. Recently though she helped correct the "No More Mutants" mistake, and has been begrudgingly accepted back into our ranks, me though I welcomed her back with open arms. Everybody deserves a second chance, especially if their lives have been as bad as hers and mine. We actually have a lot in common, and it's kind of a shame we don't get to hang out together more and eat Ben and Jerry's and chat about it. I forgave her for everything, and it hasn't been until this team up that we have had a chance to talk. So let's get back to it.'

"No you are getting a nice winter coat, and you are going to like it young man." She joked in a motherly nagging tone. Spidey pretended to pout, and crossed his arms as he flipped over another gap in buildings.

"Fine..." Peter grumbled. There was a pregnant silence between the heroes, and Spidey noticed that she gained an apprehensive look.

"Peter... I..." She started, until she spotted their target ducking into an alley not to far ahead. "There she is Spider-Man." Wanda's game face quickly returned, and Peter gave her a consoling smile from behind his mask. He really needed to let her know that he forgave her, and she has a friend in him, but business comes first.

The Scarlet Witch swooped down closer to street level, and Spidey followed by web lining to the next building, and following her down. When the got to the mostly deserted snow covered street, Peter figured he should probably know who they were actually chasing down. An hour ago on patrol he met up with Wanda, and decided to escort her through lovely New York City this night. 'It's only polite to escort a lady at night in the winter. I was being gentlemanly. Didn't think it'd land me where it did, but hey Parker Luck.'

"So who's our little run away? I think it'd be better to know who's gonna be beating up Spidey, so we can laugh about it later." He asked in a hushed voice to her, as they closed in on the alley. Wanda was floating just a foot off the ground, and Peter crawled along the side of the wall.

"She goes by Phantazia, her real name is Eileen. She used to be in the Brotherhood. After the..." She was hesitant to bring up the subject, but she needed to. "...incident, she lost her mutant abilities, and was put up in a SHIELD mental institution. After the Phoenix debacle she gained her powers back, and broke out. Her mutant ability is to harmonize and disrupt electronic wavelengths and biological circulatory systems. In other words..."

"She can basically disrupt powers and control bodies to an extent, yes? Sounds like she could be fun...actually I think I remember seeing her with your Dad back then." Peter interrupted as they stopped just before entering the alley. The Scarlet Witch paused and looked up at her companion, blinking a few times. It was followed by a smile, and a nod of affirmation. She, like pretty much everybody Spidey dealt with, usually tend to forget that underneath the tights, the bad puns, the constantly running mouth, and powers, Peter Parker had a genius level intellect. It was a constant surprise to everyone who worked with the hero when he did the science talk. His goofball exterior masked it so well.

"Correct Spider-Man."

"So it's kinda personal, kinda business?"

"Indeed. Actually I'm glad you met up with me, I wasn't quite sure of how I would deal with her alone." Wanda admitted with a very slight blush. Peter couldn't help but admire how cute Wanda looked when she did that.

"Damsels in distress are my specialty Witch. But, I wouldn't mind some coffee later for my services?" He suggested, and crawled into the alley before she could respond. Wanda was taken aback by his bold proposal, but didn't really mind the idea. But for now business before pleasure. She floated into the alley after him.

They followed the footsteps in the snow, which was a big help, as it was just fallen. Carefully they sneaked further into the apparently connecting alleys. Rummaging was heard ahead off into the left connection. Peter's blank lenses peaked out from behind the wall he was attached to, and he spotted Phantazia ripping lids off of garbage cans, and digging in them. He guessed she very recently escaped, and was pretty hungry to be doing that. Eileen had platinum blond matted hair, stood about 5'5", and wore a blue blanket over her institution garb. 'I actually felt pretty bad for her at this point. She must have been frozen, as that wasn't a lot of clothing for mid December.'

"She looks horrible. I'm just gonna web her up quickly and quietly, and we can get her somewhere warm." Peter whispered to Wanda, as he pulled himself back from his observation point. Call him chivalrous or a chauvinist, but even if she was a bad guy, she was still a lady in a bad spot.

"Be careful." Wanda whispered back, and Peter nodded. He carefully crawled along the wall into Phantazia's alley. Getting into a kneeling position he devil horned his hands, and let loose two strands of webbing. THWIP! TWHIP! It worked like a charm. Eileen was caught totally off guard, and was wrapped up nice and neat before she fell to the ground screaming.

"WHA! WHO"S THERE?! What is this stuff!?" She raged and struggled against the strong bonds.

"Looks like ah caught me a marlin." Spidey quipped, and dropped to the snowed over concrete. The wrapped up woman rolled over to see who spoke, and saw Spider-Man approaching her, and behind him was the Scarlet Witch. If her blue eyes looked more like ice at that point, Peter would have caught a cold from them. Phantazia stopped screaming, and stared dangerously at Scarlet Witch. Even Wanda felt herself flinch at the sheer hatred in that glare.

"YOU! YOU BITCH! YOU DID THIS TO ME! I'll KILL YOU!" Eileen resumed her struggling against the steel webbing she was in. Spidey looked back at SW and saw her downcast face. She must have felt totally responsible for the way Phantazia ended up. The guilt was as readable as large print in a book.

"Witch are you gonna be okay?" Peter asked as he took a step toward his pained partner. Suddenly her arms shot up, and the pink red aura that preceded her powers covered her hands. She looked just as shocked as Peter was under his mask.

"Wha? I'm not..." Then the aura exploded into huge pink flame-like energy, illuminating the alley. Realization dawned on her scared face, and she looked to Peter. "Quick you have to knock her out! She's manipulati...AHHHH!" Her powers erupted, and a spiraling cloud of pink and red formed in front of her and Spider-Man. A black hole opened from the center of the cloud, and with it a vacuum suction that matched that of a tornado. Peter widened his stance in the snow, and tried to stick to the ground. Wanda wasn't nearly as lucky, she fell to the ground and tried to crawl away from the pull. It was just to strong, and she flew toward it fast.

Spider-Man's reflexes were fast enough to send of web line to wrap around her waist before she entered the vortex. He held her in places as the line swung from side to side with it precious cargo mere feet from the hole.

"I gotcha Wanda! Hang on I'll get us..." Then it happened, he felt the screaming buzz in his head. His feet suddenly slid forward, unsticking themselves from the ground. His eyes quickly flashed to Phantazia on the other side of the vortex staring at him. She altered his adhesive ability! He launched toward the portal with Wanda. Wanda screamed back toward Peter, still holding onto the line for dear life.

"PETER..." She managed before she vanished into the black.

"WANDA!" Spider-Man shouted as he vanished into the vortex too. The Chaos Magic fueled portal shrunk away and vanished along with it's fuel supply. Not more than a second later, as Eileen was triumphantly laughing maniacally, Ms. Marvel aka Carol Danvers, landed in the alley. She was wide-eyed and terrified, desperately looking at where Spider-Man, one of her best friends, and Scarlet Witch vanished. She ignored the laughing villainness, and quickly pulled out her Avenger's ID card.

'Pick the wrong partner to tango with, especially one with blind revenge fueling their every move, and you can end up like this. It was supposed to be an easy catch, followed by coffee with a pretty woman, and then a nice night of sleep before work. Universal joke butt thy name is Peter Parker. *Sigh* Let's keep rolling the flashback.'

~ DC Universe ~

Gotham City

Minutes Later

'Spidey woke up minutes later in a daze. Heh heh sorry couldn't help it.'

Spider-Man's eyes blinked open under his mask. His head was foggy, and he was cold. With a groan he sat up, and immediately grabbed his throbbing head with his left hand. "Why always a headache? 'Seriously I always wake up with a headache when this kind of stuff happens. It's really annoying.' Why can't I wake up with a pleasant euphoric feeling for once? Geeze. Witch? Witch you okay?" He glanced around him, trying to get his bearings. When no response was given he got to his feet, and forced his vision to steady. "Wanda? Wanda are you there?" Peter called out, not seeing a sign of his partner anywhere. 'Oh great...I'm who knows where, or when, and now Wanda is gone too. Great! JUST GREAT! God I hope she's okay.' His mind raced as he realized where he was at. He was standing on top of a large wharf warehouse, one in a row of many. It was cold outside, but there was no snow, and it was still night. Spider-Man looked at the horizons, wherever he was wasn't New York, he didn't recognize any of the buildings.

"Okay...okay...let's just think for a moment. Get your head together Parker. What do we know?" He rubbed his temples through his mask, with both hands' index and middle fingers. While he did this he paced back and forth in a line. "Wanda's powers were forcefully activated, and we both were sucked into the vortex thingie. Now I'm in a strange city, no Wanda in sight, and no idea where to begin searching. Sound about right?" His hands fell limply to his sides and dangled there. Spidey slouched forward, and let out a long exhale. "Yeah sounds exactly like the stuff that happens to me. Won-der-ful."

Peter straitened up and shook his head, before slapping his palms to his cold cheeks. He immediately regretted doing the buck up gesture. It stung like hell. "Oww oww oww oww!" His mind did the cursing for him.

"Puddin' don't do this!" A woman's loud frightened voice brought Peter out of his whining. It was close by, and from the echo, inside one of the warehouses.

'I don't have time for this right now...GRRRRR...Dammit!' Peter fought with himself, before stamping his foot on the roof of the cold building, and focusing his enhanced hearing 'Oh yeah I got enhanced senses too...forgot to mention that. Sorry, carry on.' trying to pinpoint the voice. It wasn't hard at all when another, male voice, nearly broke his ear drums. The man was laughing so unnervingly crazy, it just screamed psycho bad guy, and Peter didn't even need to see the guy. It was a haunting laugh too, and made the arachnid hero shudder.

"Yeah that's not disturbing to the max." The laugh was coming from the warehouse a few down from him. Peter shot a line to a nearby crane and swung in an wide vertical arc to the front of the building. He stuck gracefully to the wall, thankful that Phantazia's powers weren't permanent. Peter didn't even think about the fact they might till he was already in the air halfway to the warehouse. Carefully he climbed up to the window located near the top of the front face. He pulled the window open, and crawled inside.

Instantly heat washed over him, and he welcomed it with open arms. The building must have one heck of a heating syst...em...or there is a cage on fire in the middle of the warehouse, hanging off the ground by ten feet. 'I was not expecting that.' Peter thought as he surveyed the situation. There were two people, a man and a woman, both dressed as... a creepy clown and curvy jester...yup. Inside the cage was a body, a woman's body, but that was about all he could see from behind the flames. Whoever was in the cage was unconscious, which made Peter jump into action immediately.

"Now now my dear Harley. How could you break my heart and leave me for that green thumbed tart? Do you know just how much I missed you?" The clown guy said this in an mocking hurt tone, as he strolled casually back and forth in front of the red and black clad jester woman. He was spinning a 'I kid you not.' foot long barreled Luger around his right index finger. He was dressed in a purple winter long coat with green trimmings, and a matching colored two tailed tux under the coat, and violet colored dress pants. 'Seriously he looked like he was going to Cirque du Soliel...see what I did there? Clowns, circus, fancy clothes, eh eh.' His face was covered in white make-up, with a huge red smile painted over his mouth and cheeks, and his hair was combed back and green.

"Puddin' it's over! Ya won't use me anymore! Let Ivy go!" The jester woman, shouted back at the clown. She struggled against the two very burly 'I seriously still can't get over this either.' Mimes holding her in place. They must have been extra precaution cause her hands and feet were tied together in zip ties. She had a two toned red and black checkered body suit, with a hood that formed a twin tailed jester's hat. She had a black eye mask on over her white make-uped face, and black painted lips.

"That hurts Harley, but you'll get over..." The clown tapped her left cheek with the barrel of his gun, before he was heroically interrupted.

"The lady didn't pay you to stick around after the party guy." A unknown voice, to those in the room, broke the dangerous atmosphere into one of confusion. The two burly Mimes were simultaneously smacked in the face with a white ball each, and both hit the floor hard. They began trying to tear the webbing off their faces. A web line followed right after the impacts, connecting to the woman's shoulder, and with a yank from Spidey, she was hoisted up and away from the clown.

"AHHHH!" Harley screamed as she was pulled up to the rafters, and then into the toned arms of Spider-Man. She was stunned silent as she looked into his large blank lenses. He held her bridal style for a moment, before setting her on the beam.

"Sorry for the scare miss, but I think you better sit this out. Excuse me for a moment." Spidey said before launching a web line to a fire extinguisher down below. He pulled it from it's harness with one hand, and caught the hurtling red tube in his other hand.

"R...right?" Harely blinked, totally flabbergasted at this sudden situation, and the oddly dressed man.

"Who's that? You don't sound like Bats. The Dork Knight doesn't crack jokes." Joker turned up to see Harley placed on a beam safely. He brought his free hand up to cover his eyes, as he looked up at the newcomer. The red and blue costume was totally new to him, but that didn't diminish the gruesome smile he had. "Oh boy a new player. And who pray tell are you colorful stranger?"

"Just visiting hopefully." Spider-Man freed his line from his free hand, and shot a new line at the beam he was standing on. He hopped back and fell down toward the flaming cage, stopping just short of landing on it. "But if you must know, the name's Spider-Man. So what do they call you Bozo?" Peter adjusted the fire extinguisher in his hand, and sprayed the suppressing foam over the cage. The fires died away, he dropped to the cage top, and stood perfectly strait on the swaying object.

"Spider-Man huh? Not very original are we? But fair is fair. I'm the Clown Prince of Crime, the Joker. A pleasure to meet to you arachnid." The Joker performed an elaborate bow, sliding some razer cards into his hand from his sleeve unseen. He looked strait up from his bowing position, and frowned a bit seeing the hero disable his trap as they spoke.

"Arachn...oh, yeah, right. Usually baddies don't get that. Kudo's guy." Spidey was actually genuinely surprised that the Joker didn't refer to him as 'bug'. It didn't show on his face, mask and all, but it was in his voice.

"Professional courtesy is kind of a thing I do. Though I would have thought you would have extended me the same and not play with my toys." Joker flung three razer cards up at the hero from his bowing position. Spidey saw them, they weren't nearly as fast as a bullet, but the tingle in the back of his head indicated they meant business all the same. Almost effortlessly Peter caught all three, and as an added bonus he displayed them as a hand of cards to their owner. A quick glance at the cards, made the hero stifle a laugh. "You monogram your weapons? What a waste of money."

The Joker cracked a toothy way-to-wide smile, and straitened himself. He let out that insane laugh of his, which made Peter cringe. "Hmm not just sticky stuff I see. The boy has some talent. Of course I monogram, brand naming is very important in my line of work."

"I can't image Barnum and Bailey would take you, so what do you..." Spider Sense! A bullet whizzed by where Spidey's torso just was. Peter had stepped sideways avoiding the bullet as if he knew exactly when and where it would be fired. The clown below him pulled his head back a bit and blinked a few times at the display. So did the quickly freeing herself Harleen, as she paused to watch the exchange.

"Wow." Harley said in quiet awe.

"No seriously what do you do? Cause obviously it's not going to the gun range." Peter joked back, before he outstretched his left hand and fired a line, capturing the gun. He yanked hard, making the Clown Prince of Crime stumble forward. The gun was caught in the same hand by the barrel. Spidey clenched his fist, bending and denting the barrel irreparably so.

"That was my favorite gun kiddo. I hope you plan on paying me back for it." Joker's smile shortened considerably.

"Sorry I'm not an NRA supporter Gonzo. So I hope you don't mind if I just pay you back with a trip to the slammer." The chain holding the cage clinked, as Harleen slid down it, landing next to Spidey. He turned to her, his brows knitted in questioning, but she couldn't see it. "Weren't you supposed to stay up there?" He asked innocently.

"Sorry Mr. Spider-Man I'm kinda fraid of heights, so I came down." She retorted with a cute smile. "I'm Harley Quinn by the way. Thanks for the save." She gave him a quick peck on his masked cheek, her hands clasped behind her back, and she on her tip toes. As this was going on Joker walked casually over to a crate that was near him.

"Aww gosh Dr. Quinn, it was nuthin." 'I didn't realize at the time just how accurate I was with that little nickname. Heh.' Peter said in his best cowboy voice, as he rubbed the back of his head. Harley smiled again before dropping to her knees, 'Tell ya what she's got a really cute butt.' and bending over the edge of the cage to look at it's occupant.

"Red? You okay?" The woman in the cage was motionless, and her body was gloomy shade of green with some brown mixed in. Harleen's eyes shot open, and worry struck her. "RED?!" Spider-Man leaned forward away from his view, and looked at the kneeling girl next to him.

"What's wrong?"

"Ivy's in big trouble! We need to get her out of there!" Her eyes met his lenses, pleading and begging him to help whoever was in the cage. Peter immediately went serious mode, and was about to web the cage and break the chain, when his Spider Sense blared at him. He looked up to see the Joker holding a freaking rocket launcher, and aiming it at them.

"Sorry Harley, but I think we should see other people." He broke into the loudest creepiest laugh Peter had ever heard, and pulled the trigger. The Joker tilted back at the force of the launch, laughing the entire time.

"CRAP!" Peter shouted before he sprung into action. He pulled back the fire extinguisher in his right hand and chucked it with deadly accuracy. The red cylinder spun through the air, and collided with the rocket about mid way between them and the Joker. The explosion blinded the entire group, and briefly deafening them from the continuous laugh of the mad man. Peter spun around and fell over Harley, tacking his hands onto the metal cage, and protecting her from the explosion. The cage swung dangerously backward, flinging the woman inside against the bars. The chain wasn't meant to withstand that amount of pressure, and split apart.

Spider-Man's sixth sense went off and he looked up from his crouched position. They were heading toward the front wall of the warehouse, and the impact would be bad. "Grab onto me and hold on tight!" He shouted to the woman under him. Without thinking she followed his instructions, wrapping her arms around his torso. Peter pulled his hands free, and launched two web lines toward the rafter above. The muscles in his arms screamed when he pulled the lines taught. The cage came to an abrupt halt, with his feet and butt stuck to the metal, and began to swing back.

Peter strained himself and he let more of the lines out of his web shooters, making the cage skid against the floor. The grinding finally stopped, and the cage tilted back into an upright position. Peter cut the lines, and his he slowly pulled his arms back. "Owwwww oww oww!" He shook them vigorously, as Harley looked up to her rescuer amazed. He looked around but found no sign of the Joker. He must have fled in the chaos.

"Ya are just full of surprises Mr. Spider-Man. That was amazing." Her eyes sparkled as her savior, and she hugged him tighter.

"I've been told I do that a lot. How's your gal pal?" The Jester suddenly remembered her friend, and let go of the man. She quickly jumped down to the floor, looking in on the other woman.

"Red? Red are you okay? Please say something." She pleaded to the still motionless captive. Spider-Man dropped next her, and grabbed two of the bars. He pulled them apart easily, and stepped into the cage. The woman looked very sick, like a wilted flower, but that still didn't subtract much from her beauty. Spidey scooped her up in his arms, and looked her over closer. She was nearly naked, her intimates covered by browning leaves, her skin was a moldy green color now, and her hair was a muddy red. Still her overall appearance was stunning. Peter stepped out of the cage, and a worried Harley quickly examined her friend.

"We need to get her to a hospital quick. Where's the nearest one?" Peter asked, only to get a worried looked from Harley.

"We...we can't take her to a hospital. We have to take her back to our place. She can heal there." Harleen was rather adamant when she said this.


"No our place is closer, and what she needs is there. Please!" She pleaded desperately, and against his better judgment Peter relented.

"Alright hop on my back and give me directions. I'll get us there as quick as I can."

Minutes later they were swinging through the night sky toward Harley's and the woman's home. They were silent the majority of the way, the blond clinging to his back, and the other tucked carefully under his right arm.

"So why can't we go to a hospital again?" Peter asked as they neared their 'And my soon to be.' residence.

"We...we jus can't. Trust me." Harley diverted again. Peter sighed, and landed on the building the conscious woman indicated. They quickly got in through the roof access, and into the warm loft.

"This way Spidey!" Harleen ran toward and opened the humid garden room. Peter was dumfounded as to how a bunch of plants were gonna help, but he brought the unconscious woman into the room. Harley directed him to place her down on the grass full ground. Which he did and knelt next to her, skeptical but hoping this would work. Almost instantly the grass stuck to the red head, and roots sprung from the ground to attach to her too. Her skin color started to light into a more vibrant green, the leaf dressing grew healthier, and her hair becoming a shining red again. Peter watched the transformation with a healthy curiosity.

"How in the...Harley how is she..." Spider Sense! Peter quickly raised his right hand over his head, and stopped the blow from a huge mallet. His eyebrows shot up beneath his mask, at the appropriate but out of the blue weapon. He turned his upper body to look at the wielder of the weapon, seeing Harley Quinn with a deadly serious expression. She tried to pull the mallet back, but it held fast in Spider-Man's palm.

"Harley what the..." Again the tingle warned of something behind him. His head swung around and was met with a stunning beauty, with crimson hair, red puffy inviting lips, and deep black/green eyes. He froze in place, even if the back of his skull throbbed. The woman rolled up the bottom of his mask, and smiled seductively. Peter's mind numbed in a sudden pleasure, as her lips drew closer to his.

Her lips pressed against his in a kiss he would remember forever. Her eyes bore into his lenses. 'Such stunning eyes.' This was the last coherent thought he had before the world went dark.

"The name's Poison Ivy, thank you for saving me." Spider-Man fell to the ground in a heap, as Ivy touched her ruby lips with two fingers, smiling sweetly.

'Dun dun dunnnnn. Cliffhanger. That's right, I went there. Well this was just the start of my time here. I hope you'll come back for more of my interesting life. Chow.'

Chapter 1 End

A/N: Hi hi, Wiggles-n-stuff here with a new story. For those who read it I hope you enjoyed it. I plan on running with this one for a while, so expect more. That said I cannot give you a steady time table so please be patient with the installments. Review and Respond please. Alright see you all later. Adios.