I don't know if I will add anything to this it popped into my head and therefore had to come out.
What if Dumbledore married off Severus and Hermione without telling them? What would the resulting conversation be when a marriage law was about to be enacted and they found out!
"Fuck you! Fuck Dumbledore's interfering ass! Fuck Harry bloody Potter! Arthur Weasly, Kingsley, the ministry and all the horses you collective of fuckers rode in on Severus!"
"How is this my fault witch? I merely am the messenger bringing you the wonderful news of our mutual impending doom."
"It's your fault because I will have to spread my legs for you!"
"Can we skip talking about sex for the time being Hermione? I'd rather insert it in an electrical socket while standing in a tub than rut with you at this moment."
"So if you died..?"
"The ministry would press you to find a new husband and if I killed myself to get away from you I believe your pickings would be quite slim, no one wants to marry a harridan that pushed her poor husband to kill himself!"
"Ha! Witches would line up and ask me how to drive their husbands to do the same!"
"They probably would! Anyway this is all meaningless Hermione we are married, marriage law will be implemented, would you prefer we start looking for spouses now?"
Hermione rolled her eyes,
"Where do you expect me to find a husband in a month as I prepare to defend my thesis to the potioneers board? Weasley's home for recalcitrants, I am not marrying Ron! And pray tell where will you find a wife Mr Potioneer to the Unspeakables and Well heeled? Hmmm is there someone you have your eye on?"
Severus sneered his tone droll,
"Why yes I rather think the hag in Knockturn Alley who supplies my fairy parts and troll skin is rather attractive, it's the moles dead sexy!"
Hermione snickered tears coming to her eyes
"Oh Severus what are we going to do?"
"According to Dumbledore's portrait, this has always been a Ministry plan and that's why he married us off, me being a half-blood, you muggle born it was questionable if we would have had choices, I fear he's right I have choices for now, your only option is a pureblood husband."
A large potions book sailed across the room crashing into the wall, someone not Severus was loosing their temper.
"Great just great, fuck my mentor who's my secret husband or I can be married off to mentally inept arse of a pureblood! Yay! I can have my choice of the many sons of these houses that their intellect is rivaled only by Neville's potions skills! God they won't make me marry Neville will they?"
Severus shook his head
"No he has asked the Abbott girl."
Big fat tears began to run down Hermione's face,
"Witch cease this emotional breakdown immediately!"
Hermione smiled in-spite of the tears, wiping her nose with her hand.
"Oh sod off Severus I'm your wife, I'll be like this every month for the next 60 years!"
The next sound was a heavy thud on the wooden floor, Severus Snape one of the most feared men in wizarding Britain fainted dead away.