Another story of Roy and Richard. For some reason I love them together! This is the forbidden love of Archer and Ninja.
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Action to come!
I woke in a cold sweat again, blankets bunched around my ankles. Nightmare. The kind where you sit up so fast your neck hurts, the kind where you can't remember what it was about and yet can't go back to sleep? I say again, because this same mysterious nightmare woke me up night after night after night. Always the same, never remembered.
I swung my legs out of bed, my PJ pants sticking to my sweaty legs. The drops rolling down my chest.
My thighs tingled suspiciously and I rubbed at them, sitting heavily in an arm chair by the window, it bothered me not to remember. What was it that kept plaguing my dreams…what?
Dick met me for breakfast, I was sitting at a table for two on the outside patio of a French themed diner.
I couldn't help but notice the dark circles under his eyes as Richard came to view. One hand was shoved deep into the caverns of his pocket, the other was twirling a pair of car keys around his finger. He caught them and sat across from me.
I took a sip of my coffee, my eyes amused and looked at him. He looked exhausted. His eyes took in his surroundings. That was one thing about Richard, his eyes were always moving, always looking, always observing and searching for an unseen threat.
He relaxed and pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and plunked it on the table. My eyes locked onto it…was that?
He opened it, a bright blue diamond sparkled back. I put my coffee down and looked at him, my eyes switching from the ring to Richard's face.
"Dick…are you proposing to me? You know I don't roll like that" Dick rolled his eyes and stuffed the ring away back into his pocket
"It's for Star…" my eyes widened slightly as the realization hit me, he played with the table cloth "I'm going to ask her to marry me, Roy" he looked down, nervously. And I sat back, in disbelief. For some reason a part of me ached.
"Dickie…this is huge" Dick just nodded "how long have you been together?"
"A year, tomorrow" I ran a hand over my face and leaned forward cupping my coffee,
"Are you sure?" he wasn't I could tell, but then again nobody ever really was. He looked at me.
"I think so."
I was staring at Roy as he took the news in, I was hoping perhaps he'd grab my hand and refuse to let go. And tell me what a horrible mistake I was making. I didn't love Starfire like I told myself I did.
Here was the bombshell. The person I really loved…was sitting right across from me. Close enough I could touch his face, close enough where maybe…he could touch mine.
Roy didn't "roll like that" oh Roy, if you only knew. So when he asked me if I was sure, I wasn't, but I said I was anyways.
My best friend was going to propose to the love of his life. And Starfire would say yes, this was Richard Grayson we were talking about, how could she say no?
All he had to do was look at you, and you wanted to give him the world.
For a moment I pretended like he said, "Roy, would you marry me?" and then the moment passed as he said
"I think so." I forced a fake smile.
"We've got to tell the others…little Dickie's all grown up!" and how he'd grown. I had to face the fact I was going to lose my best friend. I was going to have to start moving on.
We caught a transporter to Mount Justice. We had changed to our hero get ups, the ring boring a hole in my thigh pocket. When we materialized an automated voice loudly announced our arrival.
NIGHTWING B ZERO 4
RED ARROW B ZERO 5
A training session was going on, a few threw quick smiles and waves were thrown our way, I waved back, Roy –keeping up his tough guy act- crossed his arms. His biceps straining against his uniform. I ripped my eyes away before he noticed.
"Guys! GUYS!" Red Arrow bellowed, Artemis shot us an icy glare as we interrupted her teachings, it was her turn to cross her arms. The other members of the team looked on in confusion.
"What is it, Arrow?" I smiled at her apologetically and her glare softened.
"Wings has an announcement" I swallowed heavily, for a moment I fantasized. I imagined stepping forward and kissing Roy in front of everyone announcing our engagement and then Roy seeping me off my feet while the others cheered in encouragement…
"Well?" Artemis's voice snapped me free of my fantasy. I noticed the original team had gathered, coming from all over the mountain to hear my announcement.
"I-I'm going to propose to Starfire" once the words were out I regretted them, for a reason I wouldn't share. I swore I felt Roy tense, but I busied myself fumbling for the ring. I pulled it out and opened it. My fingers trembling.
I heard a whoop of excitement and Wally embraced me, we stumbled a bit. He lifted me and spun me around in a tight circle. He let me down and slapped my shoulder harshly.
"Dude, hell yeah!" I took that as 'dude, congratulations' I smiled, I couldn't help it. I heard some more excited sounds and got embraced by my other team members. Wally shouted "bachelor party!" and I was too busy laughing, I didn't hear Roy leave.
But I noticed when I looked for him that he wasn't there. I laughed with my friends anyways but a part of my heart was dead.
I was proud of the kid, he was tying the knot. Not the knot I wished for, but that dream was impossible.
But a dream none the less.
I wasn't gay. I couldn't be. And yet something about Richard made me say "Fuck it all" and want to be his. I knew he didn't feel the same.
The kid would be getting married, soon. I've never felt more conflicted and jealous in my life.
Today was the day. It feels like I've said that before.
Was 22 too young to be getting married? No, I suppose not if you really love the person.
Did I really love Starfire? Real love? Something told me I didn't. Not like I loved Roy. I'm so confused.
I hear a knock on my door and I straighten my tie, smooth my hair. I walk to the door and open it.
"Hey babe" I smiled, Starfire. I opened the door a bit wider and beckon her in, he long orange hair is pulled into a pony tail, and a low rise form fitting, purple dress flows around her thighs. It's dangerously short, showing off long tan legs. Her breasts nearly pop from the 'V'
I can't help but stare. How could I like Roy when I had this beauty in my life? She placed a hand on my chest
"Let's not go to dinner, babe. Let's stay right here" seduction dripped from her plush lips, I blinked.
"I've got reservations" she rolled her eyes and bit back a giggle
"Typical guy" she knew otherwise but we both chuckled.
Sometime later we were sitting at a table for two, much like the one Roy and I had sat at yesterday. I'm thinking of Roy again. She one heel slipped off and was balancing her bare foot on my knee under the table. She toasted me silently smiling over the brink of her wine glass.
I watched the blood red drops disappear in her lips.
I took out the box and held in between my knees.
"Star…listen. We've been a couple for a long time now…" she removed her foot and leaned forward on the table, her boobs dangerous against her dress. My eyes flickered down and then out of respect to the wall.
"I know, Dick" I looked at her again, careful with my eyes "Babe, I love you…but…" the ring seemed to double in weight. I swallowed hard
"But…" she continued, tracing the brim of her glass with her forefinger. "We aren't children anymore, Dick…we can't keep playing this romantic boy meets girl thing" I blinked and looked at the box between my thighs.
"What do you suppose we do then?" She sighed and leaned back, letting her hair down, it pooled in curls around her waist.
"You have your team, I have mine."
"What do you mean?..." she took my hand and stared at it as if every answer was written there
"What I mean is…we can't keep pretending Dick. We just can't." her eyes met mine "You're so sweet it's pathetic" she laughed, I found myself unable to "you can out away the ring, Dick. I won't marry you" I nearly dropped the box, my eyes round with unhide-able hurt. I took her hand tighter,
"Starfire…why?" when her eye's met mine, something else was there, a defiance, a seriousness.
"Because…I don't love you" part of me felt relieved. And I stood, shoving the ring deep into my pocket.
"I don't know why I'm still here then" she didn't ask me to stay, or not to go away mad. She simply watched me go. Technically she hadn't told me to go, she hadn't told me to stay, I had been the one to leave first. And so I did. I went.
I went to Roy's.
"I can't believe Starfire and I are over"
"Dude, just forget her already…she's obviously only committed to the sex" Dick coughed lightly and changed channels, I looked at him
"You never had sex with her?" Richard smiled sheepishly, his blue eyes dancing in the light from the TV.
"No Roy, not every relationship has to be about sex"
"Well that's why you lost her then!…she was a whore-"
"Roy, common man. She was a nice girl!" he took a silent drink, I waited for him to continue "after she said she didn't love me. I'm the one who broke it off, not her" that surprised me, the way the kid had talked about her through the last few months, I thought they were going to tie the knot. Walk the aisle for sure.
"Do I dare ask why?"
"I don't know"
"Maybe you're the whore"
He reached over and poured himself a shot, lightly punching my arm in humor.
We grew silent watching the TV as a male underwear commercial came on, Hanes. The camera scrolled over a man's body, his muscles dim in the lighting. It was as if they were selling the man, not the underwear. I heard Dick sigh,
"Dude, I'd kill to have a body like that" I nearly chocked, was he serious?
"Dude, he'd kill to have a body like yours" I hid a blush. That was gay. I poured myself another shot to cover up my awkward slipup. I downed half of it,
"I meant without the scars" I paused and looked at him, his blue eyes where fastened at the flickering screen. This is the perfect opportunity to ask him to show you, Roy. I downed the rest of my drink instead.
"Yeah well…" I had nothing else to say so I grabbed a beer from the Styrofoam cooler by the couch. And popped it open with a harsh sound. His eyes were fastened on the man on the screen. The scarless man. He sighed and I smirked.
"I didn't know you swung like that" Roy took a swig of his beer and watched me gawk at the body on the television. The bottle pausing in his fingers, it rested in his bottom lip, there was silence between us. Roy looked over at me as I was clutching a shot glass in my palm "wait you swing like that?"
I looked at the ground and then at the archer. My blue eyes sparkling in fear. It was Roy who I'd wanted more than Star, after all. It was Roy that made me somewhat relieved when Starfire had not agreed to marry me. It was Roy…
It was always Roy.
"Maybe…I mean no. Yes? I don't know" the end of my sentence dropped off into defeat. Roy stared at me and then leaned forward and plunked the bottle on the coffee table soundly.
"Richard" not even Dick. Roy scrubbed his palms over his face, my head bobbed to my chest as I stared at the shot glass. "Dick, it's ok…I mean that's ok…it just ok, ok?" It felt like a mile separated us now on the small couch, Roy clasped his hands and hung them between his knees.
My words quivered, what did I expect? I had just dropped a bombshell on him, did I expect him to reach over and touch me a disgusting fag? To reach over and kiss me and admit had waited for me?
"I-I just don't know, Roy…maybe it'd be better if you just left…give me time to think."
"Yeah…ok…Maybe you'll see straight in the morning" he hadn't realized his play on words. Stay, Roy. We both got up and went separate ways. Damn it, Roy. Can't you see it's you that I love?
I got back to my apartment in Star City. In a way it was a lot like Richard's.
Richard was gay. Richard was gay. My Richard. I mean not my Richard. My best friend. Part of me filled with dread, part of me welled with excitement.
Richard wasn't gay. He was bisexual. Big difference. But it still gave me a chance. Wait…what?
I stopped pacing dead in my tracks. Did I just think…?
I sat heavily and a buried my head in my hands. Damn it, Dick. I wasn't going to hide it from myself, I've looked at Dick like that before. I'd been seeing Dick in my mind as 'more than a friend' for years. I'd always justified it as 'more than a friend…brothers' but I wasn't fooling myself.
Dick was gorgeous, toned muscles, jet black hair, dazzling blue eyes and a crooked smile to light up the world.
I was nothing compared to him.
Simply put, I never had a chance and I accepted it. I was his best friend:
Who played video games close together on the couch, drank together until we passed out or watched animated Japanese porn on his laptop all the while laughing hysterically at noises. Guy stuff. Best friend stuff.
I had always waited for him to take it to the next step and maybe once just take my hand and admit I was his forever.
But now, knowing this fantasy with Dick was a possibility, I was no longer satisfied with just being his best friend.
Dick had no feelings for me, how could it be me? When everybody else in the world was waiting in a line to call this beautiful boy theirs. How could it be me? It couldn't. I felt a knot tie in my stomach.
I just had to let him go. Or we'd both get hurt. I couldn't see him hurt. I had to make him hate me.
A nightmare woke me again, and again I couldn't remember it. It seemed so real in the dream and when I awoke…nothing. Another sleepless night, how long would this continue?
I walked into Mount Justice the next morning, a few scattered members were talking amongst themselves in small groups. The teleporter whirred blue around me for a moment a loud voice shouting my name into the depths of the mountain.
NIGHTWING B ZERO 11
I waved to a few heroes and made my way to the kitchen. I was wearing a blue sweater, jeans and a pair of aviator sunglasses, I hadn't bothered to comb my hair.
I sniffed. Burning cookies.
Thin brown smoke was wafting down the hall, I fanned it away with my hand. I looked around for Roy, I always looked for Roy first. He wasn't here. After our talk last night, I wasn't surprised.
The first thing I saw when I entered the kitchen was the -billowing with smoke- oven, thick smoke was seeking through the cracks around the door and filling the room. No one was in sight. I leapt over the counter as an orange flame peeked from the smoke and wrenched it open, accidently taking a deep, deep breath as I saw the flames consuming the tray. I immediately regretted it as my head spun and I heaved harsh coughs. I beat at the smoke with my hands, trying to clear it. The flames were growing at an alarming rate.
I reached in and grabbed the tray. Blinding pain seared through my hand and I pulled back. No time to grab a towel I reached in again, gritting my teeth as I grabbed the white hot metal and flung it in the sink, the flames followed it.
I turned on the faucet and thrust my hand under the cold water. The flames were snuffed and the only reminder of the crisis was thick smoke and my horribly burned hand. The skin was bubbling and hanging red and bloody melted free from my fingers. I clutched it and cradled it to my chest. Where the hell was Megan? These were her cookies after all.
What a way to start the day.
Knowing that I had probably just prevented a devastating fire calmed me a bit, my teeth clenched. I looked at my hand, it was worse than I thought, I'd have to get this wrapped.
I pulled open the fridge and grabbed a stick of butter, holding it with my horrifyingly melted fist. I wrapped a towel around it, and made my way to the medical ward.
I paused by the door as excited voices tickled my eardrums. I hear Megan and my hand throbbed again silently cursing the green skinned girl. I peeked around the corner. The original team, minus Roy, were huddled around a medical bed, Wally was laying there, getting his leg stitched up.
No one sounded too worried, they all knew Wally could heal quickly, this wound would be a scar tomorrow. And yet seeing your best friend on a medical bed a gash in his leg was enough to cause a slight trickle of worry, so I hid my hand behind my back –letting the butter melt down my fingers- and entered the room.
"Hey, Wally. What happened?" Their heads swung towards me, I must have startled them. I walked up to the bed maneuvering my hand out of view. Wally winced as Artemis tied off the stiches.
"Captain Cold shot an icicle at me" I made a snorting noise, it was unattractive, I went to cross my arms but remembered my hand and didn't.
"And you didn't dodge it?" he threw his hands up in defense
"Hey, I can take a break from being perfect, can't I?" I looked around, Artemis was sitting on the bed wrapping Wally's wound, Conner was by Aqualad both had their arms crossed, Zatanna was sitting on the edge of the bed as well, she smiled at me softly, I smiled back.
Rocket and Megan were busy trying to find a crutch for the crippled speedster. This would be the perfect opportunity to tell them. They're all here, Grayson. Tell them you're Bisexual. Tell them...
"Oh my God!" I jumped and looked at Artemis who was staring at me "I totally forgot! Did Starfire say yes?" a small seed of dread grew in my stomach and I shook my head at the ground, my hair slapping my cheeks like needles. There was a sad silence.
"Why not?" my eyes locked onto the soft voice of Zatanna, I shrugged
"It just didn't work out"
"Are you two still a couple" I shook my head again,
"Her loss" I sent a small grateful smile at Conner, who had a hidden rage deep in his eyes. I envied those who didn't have to wear sunglasses like me to hide myself away.
Roy hides himself away, his emotions were behind lock and key, no matter how much I searched for them, he always kept them just out of reach. The others were talking, there soft mummers floating through my thoughts,
"Wings…?" Rockets voice snapped me out of my daze. I hadn't realized I was cringing at my hand "What's wrong?" I tried not to look guilty. Rocket's voice made the others turn to face me. I swallowed, my fingers screamed.
"N-nothing…" Wally swung his legs over the bed, his eyes locked on my hidden hand.
"Why are you hiding your hand?" my eyes flew to my friend, and I looked around guilty once again. I started for the door, and I felt someone grab the towel, I screamed jerking away teary eyed. I held the towel wrapped hand under my chin and stared at Wally who had gotten up and grabbed for my secret. The others were standing too, my scream rattling them, their eyes wide.
"It's 'ust a 'lil burn" I said, my words slurring, I felt Wally gently take my hand in his and lead me to the medical bed. I sat and unwrapped it. There was a hushed silence as they took it in, then someone gagged. The skin was turning black as it dyed away.
"Holy hell, Wings" Zatanna said sitting by me and examining my hand, my eyes wandered to Megan who looked appalled, worry contorting her features. Everyone took a consecutive steep nearer. If I wasn't in so much pain, I would have laughed. "What happened?" I blinked and tore my eyes from the green girl's face.
"I burned myself"
"We can see that, my friend" My eyes flitted past Aqualad.
"There was a fire in the kitchen" A tick, then Megan gasped loudly her hand flying to her face,
"My cookies! I forgot them when Wally came in! I'm so sorry Nightwing" I managed a smile. And hissed painfully in a swoosh I had turned to face Connor who was gently rubbing ointment on my melted fingers. He looked at me apologetically and continued, the butter was removed and the hand was wrapped in bulky, white bandages. I looked around sheepishly.
"I could have done it myself…but thanks" Artemis put her hands on her hips, Wally's arm around her shoulders,
"You don't have to do everything by yourself, Wings…when are going to realize that?" I stared at my bandage. Tell them. Tell them you're bisexual. Tell them about Roy. How you love him.
"Yeah, well…" I pushed myself out of the bed and made for the door "Maybe I like to be on my own" it would have been the perfect moment to walk out, cryptic…like a movie. But Wally sped in front of me, blocking my path. I crossed my arms. Really, Wally? Going to ruin my movie like that?
"Dude, we are going to stage an intervention on your ass unless you open up to us" there was a flashback it was brief, painful, blinding white. I saw a man with no face reaching down to someone laying on the ground. I could only assume it was me. He ran his finger down my face. Whispering something in my ear, "open up for me, little bird" caressing my inner thigh. Blood was everywhere.
When I snapped out of it, Wally was holding my arm. "…dude?..."
"I-I've…just got to go" I pushed past, ignoring their hushed whispers behind me. What the hell was that? Was that part of my nightmare.
I really wanted Roy. Even if it was just as a friend. I just wanted to talk. And there was no one I trusted more.
I hadn't expected to hear from Dick so soon, when my phone buzzed and the caller I.D. came up I went to press the green answer button immediately. It may seem desperate. So I waited until the fourth ring, counting each ring slowly, agonizingly. I picked up,
"Hey" there was silence from my friend for a moment and then I was afraid he may hang up
"Hey, Roy" there was an awkward silence I felt tempted to hang up, I went to my kitchen and rummaged for food "you there?" he asked
"Yeah" I found some left overs and sniffed them "was there something you wanted?" I almost heard him thinking "are you feeling better this morning?" Richard wasn't sick, being bisexual wasn't a disease, Harper.
"Yes?" he was usually a good liar, not now. I slammed the fridge and popped the Styrofoam container in the microwave. Punching the buttons with loud beeps.
They say microwaving food in carry out boxes can cause cancer. Fuck cancer. They say everything causes cancer nowadays.
"Well good" it wasn't good, but I had to let him go right? For both of our sakes "I wouldn't want my best friend to be…gay" my heart clenched, had to make him hate me.
"You wouldn't accept me?" my food was done, I pulled it out and blew on it, I had cooked it too long.
"I don't know, Dick…maybe." That wasn't good enough "no, I guess I wouldn't" I wanted to cry, I would accept him. I would embrace him and tell him I had waited for him. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears.
"Why did you call?" I sounded annoyed, my food no longer looked appealing. Don't hang up, Dick
"I just wanted to talk"
"I'm busy" his voice was soft, I knew I was upsetting him. Good. I needed to. I didn't want to hurt him, but I'd rather him be mad at me now than him get hurt later on. After all it wasn't like he liked me that way, so why did I care? Maybe it was because I liked him.
"I understand" the click had told me he had hung up, I stood there listening to the dial tone, staring at my food.
"God damn it!" I spun and threw the phone at the wall, the cheap plastic device shattered to bits on the floor. I rested my elbows on the counter, my hair in my fists.
It was worth it. But it didn't feel worth it.
I am a disgusting, worthless homo, a faggot, a queer. I was bisexual, I liked both girls and guys. Right now I only had eyes for one. A boy named Roy Harper. That made a gay.
He hated me for it. He didn't even know it was him and he hated me for it.
If he knew it was him would it make him accept me, or hate me more? I should never had told him, didn't he realize how hard it was for me to tell him?
I curled up on my couch, Roy's half drank beer still sitting on the table. My eyes were misty. This was an emotional crisis. I couldn't believe a stupid, pig-headed, stubborn…beautiful boy could hurt me so.
I wasn't going to change who I was, or what I was for him. And yet every fiber of my body longed to.
My hand throbbed and I rubbed the bandage. I eyed his beer and then got up and threw it out.
I knew if I closed my eyes I'd only see the nightmare again.
But it had to be better than the nightmare of being rejected by the one you love.
Spoilers: they may or may not be together
More spoilers: there is action to come, and twists and turns that you do not expect!
Read and Review!
Stay unique, my friends.