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Summary: The Bad Touch Trio end up in Gilbert's apartment as they talk about their boyfriends.

Warnings: BoyxBoy - Yaoi - SLASH. CanadaxPrussia - MatthewxPrussia. SpainxRomano - AntonioxLovino. FrancexEngland - FrancisxArthur. Many other pairings as well.

Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia.

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The Bad Touch Trio as they were known have been drifting apart due to their boyfriends and the complicating life that seemed to come with it, along with the new family they earned. Technically, all three of them were family thanks to their boyfriends. It was an odd set up, but they were nations so technically they weren't allowed to marry unless it was political. Thus, France and Spain went to Canada to visit their friend Prussia at his shared apartment while all three of their boyfriends were out with family.

"Gilly!", France cried out, tackling his friend in a hug.

"Guys! What's up?", Prussia laughed, pushing France off him - who was pouting.

"Lovi is with his brother, apparently he's watching him and Ludwig so that nothing happens.", Spain shrugged.

"My Artie is out with Alfred and Matthieu.", France added, "Along with Russia apparently."

"Russia is with Alfred.", Prussia shuddered.

"Seriously? I would never had guessed.", Spain said, amazed.


After many bottles of beer and wine, the three found themselves all laughing in the living room as the TV blared the news.

"Hey Antonio, how is Lovino in bed?", France asked, pouring more wine into a glass.

"He is lovely. You would expect him to put up a fight, but once you touch him here and there he's putty in your hands.", Spain said happily, practically drooling at the memory.

"What about Arthur?", Prussia cackled.

"His pirate is still there.", France stated happily, "He submits easily, as well. He's easily into that dom-sub thing, ya know? It seems all of our boyfriends are like that, though...", he trailed off, blinking.

Prussia pouted, red cheeks flushing.

"Ohonhonhon~ Don't tell me!", France cackled.

"No way! Matthew tops?", Spain gaped.

"I'm not ashamed to admit it.", Prussia shrugged, "For one reason! He's bigger than any of us, and mein gott does he fuck!"

"Ohonhonhon!", France grinned, "How far did you go?", he asked.

"We're coming close to Luddy's porn videos.", Prussia said.

"No way! Out of all of us, you got that boyfriend!", Spain whined, "Romano won't let me do any of that unless I get him drunk!"

"Arthur lets me go a bit into it, but not that far.", France pouted.

"Your raised him well! Seriously! You should, like, see his cock! It's fucking huge!", Prussia stated, waving his arms around.

"He can't be that big!", Spain gaped.

"He makes all of us look like fucking weasels!", Prussia said.

"Aren't weasels bigger tha-ooh! You mean their thing!", Spain nodded.

"You are a fucking airhead.", Prussia deadpanned

"Which reminds me, what about your dear brother and Feliciano?", France smirked.

"From what I've gathered when Luddy gets drunk, Feli dear gets him farther than his porn.", Gilbert said.

"Damn.", the two others cursed.

"I know, right! Before I got with Mattie, I got into a threesome with them you know. Feli can take it like a whore, I mean it. Don't tell Lud I said that. He'll kill me.", Gilbert stated.

"You also got the 4-1-1 on Russia and Alfred?", France cooed.

"Mattie invited his brother and his new boyfriend out for dinner here in Canada. Mattie and Russia got into a fight over hockey and drinking, and while Alfred was dragged into the bathroom by Russia I had to drag Matthew back home before he took me on the table!", Prussia huffed, "They both didn't remember a thing, but seemed to bond over it...odd, really.", he shrugged.

"What's his name?", Spain asked.

"Ivan.", Prussia said.

"What about his sister?", Spain asked.

"Belarus is a crazy bitch but apparently is now with Lithuania. Russia and Alfie had been in a relationship much longer than we know I guess, and Belarus found out first and it took her a year for her to accept it. I guess she threatened Alfred before leaving. Some months later she got with him. Poor kid. First Russia now Belarus.", Prussia sighed, shaking his head.

"You know, back in the American Civil War, I believe Russia and Alfred shared a moment together.", France nodded.

"That's right. You and England went with the racist bastards, while Russia went with the non-racist bastards.", Prussia nodded.

"Hey!", France pouted.

"You went against my baby! Little Mexico! You know, he's still mad at me...he's so much like Lovi it hurts!", Spain whined.

"Still can't believe you raised Mexico with the fourteen version of Lovino.", Prussia deadpanned, "Fucking pedo."

"I'm not a pedo! I never touched him like that until he was much, much older...even though he was such a cute boy. You know, when he was like in the twelve-year-old stage he started sneaking into my bedroom and jumping me.", Spain sighed happily, "Back to the subject! On the days I brought Mexico over to Spain, Lovino acted like a mother really. I think Lovi was like in the seventeen year old stage when he jumped me in my sleep and did a lot more than rubbing...", he trailed off.

"Romano and Feliciano are both such horny, submissive boys.", Prussia sighed.

"Would you change Matthew?", Spain asked.

Francis raised a brow, staring at Prussia.

"Hell no! There are the nights he becomes more submissive than either of the Italy's. It's usually when after his favorite team wins a game, and he wants me fuck him into oblivion.", Prussia said, "The next day he repays the favor.", he grinned.

"Now, onto Arthur.", Prussia turned to France, Spain nodding along.

"Oh, my Arthur is just adorable! I get him to dress up in the most wonderful of things! Nurse, French maid, pirate, cowboy, police officer...I still wonder how he can get into those outfits, I usually have to rip them off.", France hummed, "He also likes it rough, it's just adorable! I can get him to fuck a dildo for hours with a cock ring tightly around him, then there are the nights it's just plain vanilla and I can make him sing the sweetest of moans~", he cooed happily.

"What's his greatest kink?", Prussia asked.

"He likes to be chained to a wall, then to take him doggy style.", France said.

"Mattie's greatest kink is to take me in front of a mirror.", Prussia said.

"Lovi's greatest kink is that he likes me to take him in public places. Once we did it at a bar restroom.", Spain said.

"We have the most awesome boyfriends. Not as awesome as me of course, but awesome.", Prussia shrugged.

Suddenly, the door opened.

"What the-Gilbert, what happened he? Why are there beer cans and wine bottles all over? Is that my best wine? What the hell!", Canada cried, taking the bottle of wine from France's hand.

"Duuude, look at this place. It's bigger than when we went to Las Vegas.", America came in cackling.

"Oh my god! Francis, are you drunk?", England came in.

"Ohonhon?", France offered, before England picked him up by the front of the shirt and dragged him out of the apartment.

"You are a moron! I told you to wait at our hotel room!", England hissed.

"Hi?", Antonio offered.

"Antonio, out. Before I call Lovino.", Canada ordered.

Spain vanished in a blur.

"Look what we got here.", Russia smiled.

"Ivan, lets go.", America sighed.

"Why? I want to see Matthew beat up Prussia.", Russia pouted.

"Come on!", America hissed, dragging him out of the room.

"I love you?", Prussia offered.

Canada grabbed Prussia by the front of his shirt and threw him on the sofa.

"Umm...Mattie?", Prussia cried out, eyes wide.

"First, I am going to fuck you until you can't remember your name. Second, after that you are going to clean up this mess.", Canada stated.


"I want to see the blood.", Russia insisted, pushing his ear up against the door.

"Ivan, you are a moron-", America started.



"...Lets go back to our hotel room, yes?", Russia smiled, grabbing America's wrist and dragging him off.

Authors Note:

I ended up writing this in my boredom. Seemed to take up an hour or so, actually...

Basically this the result of everything random in my head .

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