Xander and Anya on Tour
"Camp counselors?" Xander asked doubtfully.
"Just for the weekend," Anya assured him. "You see, I came up with the idea because teenagers are a pain in the ass, so being able to imprison them for the weekend would be a valuable service."
"Imprison?" he repeated.
"Not like the Germans," she tried to reassure him. "For one, no tattoos. I was thinking we could keep them occupied, teaching them useful life skills, while their parents are out celebrating their temporary midlife freedom."
"Useful life skills," Xander said thoughtfully. "What kind do you have planned?"
"Accounting, Bar-tending, dealing with prickly employees," the ex-demoness said easily. "Whatever seems most appropriate at the time."
Xander frowned. "Not the traditional camping skills?"
"No, skills they can apply to their actual lives and can be taught over a couple of days."
"That isn't a bad idea," Xander said warming to the idea.
"We do a test run with a half dozen kids as proof of concept," she explained. "We won't make much, but it'll help word get around which leads to increasing profits."
"Sounds good," Xander agreed. "But isn't renting a camp going to cost a lot?"
Anya smiled sunnily. "The local camp has a hard time keeping caretakers during the off-season, so my idea was particularly well received."
Xander looked at the six teens and turned to Any. "Did you order the stereotype platter?"
"Pardon?" she asked.
"Look at them!" Xander said loudly catching everyone's attention. "Letterman jacket, upper class clothes, attitude," he said circling the teen with the sandy brown hair. "He is your classic jock stereotype."
"I usually go by Chuck," he said, "and I'm more than just a jock, I'm the quarterback."
"Of course you are," Xander said amused before turning to the next guy in line. "Better build than Jock, clothes are more worn, but also look to be comfortable and practical. Fingerless black gloves and a knee length army greatcoat. The Bad Boy from the wrong side of the tracks, the school Bully."
"Or Bender," the dark haired teen offered.
"A fan of the classics," Xander said with a grin, noting there was a slight resemblance to the actor who played Bender the Bully in the Breakfast Club.
"I don't think I fit a stereotype," the third guy said quickly causing everyone to laugh.
"You're a geek," Anya told him bluntly.
"Jeremy Pasqual," Xander read off his clipboard. "Jeremy, why would a fighter use a torch against a troll and why should a DM come down hard on a first level player who does so?"
"Trolls regenerate unless fire or acid is used," Jock said thoughtfully.
"Yeah, but unless trolls are a well-known local problem your first level fighter shouldn't know that," Bender pointed out.
"Yeah, but any fighter worth his salt should have asked around about local monsters and how to deal with them before setting a foot outside town," Jock explained . "Only those with wisdom penalties wouldn't.
"What's your dump stat?"
"Intelligence," Jock replied. "I know, dumb fighter is a bit cliché, but it's wisdom that prevents true stupidity."
"I try for an even stat range rather than using a dump stat," Bender said, "but if I have to use a dump stat I use con. Crazy I know, but low HP just makes the game more challenging."
"You guys play RPG's?" Jeremy demanded.
"Retro gaming is in," Jock told him.
"Actual pen and paper," Bender said.
"MMORPG's rot the brain."
"They're not that bad," Jeremy complained.
"Face to face RPG's require social skills and you can pick up some decent contacts," Jock said. "MMO's just eat money and time, while letting your social skills atrophy."
"And despite all the money used on graphics cards, they can't compare to what's in my head when you have a decent DM," Bender said tapping a finger against his temple.
"But back to the topic," Xander said. "You are a geek, and probably an overachiever as well, since you are dressed like your mother picks out your clothes and she's thinking young businessman."
"I get to do the girls," Anya said cheerfully.
"Only if I get to watch," Bender said.
"Nine out of ten," Xander told him.
"What, I get nine more screw ups, then I'm gone?" Bender asked defensively.
"Nah, I rate the comment at nine out of ten, because while quick for off the cuff, it lacked follow through," Xander replied.
"Follow through?" Bender asked, surprised he wasn't being yelled at.
"Humans are herd animals," Xander explained. "They take social cues from the people around them, so if you say it with a smile and a wink, they are even less likely to take offense."
"Seriously?" Bender asked, thinking of all the times his mouth got him in trouble.
"Sure, watch," Xander said. "Anya, say that line again."
"I get to do the girls," Anya said amused.
"Only if I get to watch," Xander said absently before grinning. "You girls have signed the video release forms that came with your camp packets, right?"
The three girls burst out laughing while the guys turned to Xander in awe.
"And now for the girls," Anya said, once everyone had calmed down.
"I'm Molly," the first girl introduced herself.
"Short red hair, flawless complexion and makeup, jewelries not bad and the clothes are fashionable," Anya judged. "Popular girl, probably a cheerleader."
"You and Bender are practically made to do a remake of the Breakfast Club," Xander said.
"It's their favorite movie and they've embraced the concept," the next girl in line said. "Every time the Drama Club puts out polls, the two vote for Breakfast Club."
Bender and Molly exchanged grins.
"How do you know?" Anya asked.
"Because she runs nearly every club in school," Jeremy explained.
"May I introduce, Annie," Jock said. "The counterpart to Jeremy, except she's extremely social, organizes nearly every school function, and is so prepared for college they may look at her transcript and simply make her staff rather than a student."
"Asian father, Irish mother," Jeremy explained. "Has to do a lot to prevent being sent to Catholic school."
"Geek girls get positive attention while geek guys get negative," Xander said. "Geek guys don't come into their own until either college or out in the business world."
"Doesn't college suck for geeks?" Jeremy asked.
"Only in the first half of college movies," Xander replied. "College is made for geeks and to force everyone else to learn and follow the way of the geek as well. Real life does not resemble, Animal House or Revenge of the Nerds."
"No parties?" Bender asked in horror.
"Plenty of those, but you have to maintain your grades to enjoy them," Xander assured him. "And geeks are already prepped for that."
"Ok, last girl," Anya said. "Shelia the goth."
"And I can't believe you wear black lipstick," Bender replied.
"Why wouldn't I?" Shelia asked.
"It's pretty conformist," Jock agreed.
"White would be better," Molly suggested. "An off-white, to contrast with pale skin and dark eyeliner."
"Being a goth is not about being a nonconformist," Shelia said. "It's about conforming to a group that annoys our parents."
"A self-aware goth," Xander said. "I'm impressed."
"I do like the white lipstick idea though," Shelia offered.
"How about introductions?" Annie asked. "We don't know anything about you two."
"I'm Anya and this is Xander," Anya said. "No sleeping with Xander, he's mine."
"But can we sleep with you?" Bender asked, quickly adding a joking grin, which got a thumbs up from Xander for the quick recovery.
"Xander's a Viking in the sack," Anya said matter-of-factly. "I have no unfulfilled urges that require a younger man."
"You wouldn't believe most of our background," Xander said. "Feel free to guess, but back to why you're here."
"Your parents want a weekend free so they can have wild sex," Anya said cheerfully. "When you get home, be sure to use Lysol on every flat surface in your room."
"Eww!" chorused the group.
"Not quite what I was going to say, but true all the same," Xander admitted. "You'll find out two things about us, one we won't lie to you, so be sure you want the truth before you ask the question, and two, we are going to train you in life skills, not some cheesy campground crap."
"What kind?" Annie asked, as all the teens looked interested.
"Xander can teach you how to strip and we are both qualified bartenders," Anya said, causing some stares.
"We also know traps people set for teens just starting to in college, financial and emotional. Do you want to know the warning signs she's a crazy bitch before you start dating her?"
"God, yes!" Bender exclaimed. "Sorry, but I have had that problem."
"And with that being said, everyone in the van and let me welcome you to Camp Crystal Lake," Xander said cheerfully. "The ride down there's only about an hour."
Typing by: Last Primarch!
AN: Yes, more of Xander and Anya doing America!