Had this idea back in February (after reading some smexyass yaoi, duh) and I suddenly asked myself… "Why are Allen and Kanda always so experienced with each other in fanfics and stuff, when Kanda's only about 11 years old or so, physiologically speaking?" And so, starting from THERE… I came up with this. Started it shortly after that question, but, lazy ass that I am, I didn't get around to finishing it til now (September?), so yeaaah. Oh wells.

Donn't be too surprised if people are a little OOC.



Almost Lover

This can't be the end, he thought, trying to break free from the cords tying his hands to his bedpost as the boy with the crazed look in his eye licked the white icing at the edge of his lip. Allen had endured the death of Mana, survived the torture of the Noah clan, overcome hordes of the Millennium Earl's akuma, and suppressed the presence of Nea. He'd kept walking, just like his adoptive father had told him to, and he wasn't planning on being done in by some chauvinistic prick that looked like a girl.

But it looked like that was exactly what was going to happen as the older boy closed in on him, and Allen gulped and pressed closer to the bed.

Lavi! It was all Lavi's fault! Allen thought. If Lavi hadn't asked him that damn question, this wouldn't have happened!


"Oi, Moyashi, are ya gay?"

Lavi grinned as a large chunk of half-chewed meat fell from the white-haired boy's immobile lips.

"Wh-What?!" Allen gaped, chugging down a cup of water as he choked on regurgitated food.

"I don't mean to be offensive or anythin', ya know, but it's just that y'don't seem to be interested in Lenalee or any of the other girls here."

"T-That's only because, because none of the girls have… have caught my eye yet. T-That doesn't make me—"

"C'mon! No needa lie 'bout it, Moyashi! I seen you starin' at a certain blue-haired samurai we all know and love…" Lavi snickered, eyes flicking from Allen to Kanda, who had just entered the dining hall and was taking his standard order of soba off Jerry's hands.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about, Lavi," replied Allen with forced lightness, the only thing indicating his inner turmoil being the slight twitching of his cursed left eye and the unusually light pallor of his typically white skin.

"Ah, you're gettin' all flustered—so cute!" chuckled Lavi, his laughter and amusement increasing as Allen's face took on a notably rosier hue. "No worries, Moyashi," he stage-whispered, winking his one emerald green eye at the flustered white-haired boy. "I won't tell anyone. Cross my heart an' hope to die!"

"S-Stop messing around, Lavi!" Allen retorted, burying his burning face into his enormous platter of food with slightly forced gusto. He looked up in mild suspicion when the other boy handed him a full, uneaten, untouched pan of white cake with white icing topped off with drizzles of red jelly, chocolate shavings, and cherries.

"Here, Moyashi—a little gift, to make up for my words."

After eyeing the redhead distrustfully, Allen smiled and took the cake. "Thanks, La—" The annoyingly energetic bunny's next words made the thanks die on his lips and sent a shiver of apprehension running down his spine.

"Yuu-chan! Wanna have cake with me and the Moyashi?"

There was a small whoosh and a streak of black and blue.

Allen jumped away with a muffled shriek and a hand full of food when the table suddenly burst into splinters.

From the ruins of the dinner table came a low, guttural snarl. "What did you call me, BakaUsagi?"

"Eh, whaddaya mean, Yuu?" the redhead innocently asked, cocking his head playfully at the blue-haired demon that appeared from the rubble.

"You wanna die?" Kanda growled, pointing his gleaming sword at Lavi. "If you do, keep callin' me that."

"Calm down, Yuu! If you don't, Allen won't play with us anymore, see?" Said white-haired boy froze in the middle of quietly sneaking off to his room with five stolen platters of food and his new cake. A chill spread throughout his body when he felt the heavy weight of a cold pair of dark eyes.

"So the Moyashi wants to die, too?"

"Are you deaf as well as literarily-challenged, BaKanda?"

"What'd you call me, damn Moyashi?"

"What do you think, Ba-Kan-da?"

"That's it. You're going down, damn Brit."

"Bring it on, girly samurai!"

Finders and exorcists alike scrambled to get out of the dining hall as the fight for male pride and literary prowess began. The only one who wasn't running away with his tail tucked between his legs was Lavi, who was the only one in the entire Order who had any viable reason to do so.

"Be careful with the cake, Moyashi!" shouted Lavi as he dodged piles of flying rubble and discarded food. The Moyashi answered with a well-thrown fork that nearly impaled the mischievous rabbit in the only working eye he had left, and, finally taking the hint, Lavi took off, though not without throwing a slice of cake he'd hidden about his person at the fighting pair behind him. It was a good thing he hadn't stayed, since it was Kanda who took it directly in the mouth. It was a bad thing he hadn't stayed, though, since Allen took the brunt of this new anger.

Allen stared agape when a strange expression crossed the blue-haired youth's face, and he started backing away when said boy started convulsing. Finally abandoning his pride, Allen turned tail and ran, and as he slammed the door behind him, he heard a faint "Damn Moyashi, get your damn ass back here, I'm going to kill you!"

Not bloody likely! thought Allen as he ran like hell down the empty hall.

But it looked likely, at the moment.

Allen gave the other occupant of the room a sheepish, apologetic smile as his katana cleaved through the air, leaving faint ripples and distortions that looked far better in the air than on Allen's own pale white skin.

"Ah, so, um, Kanda, you wouldn't mind putting your sword away, do you…?" he laughed. "I-I'm pretty sure we could find some better way to spend our time, right?"

He cringed closer to the headpost as Kanda leaped onto the bed with animalistic grace, the springs squeaking and bouncing under his weight. The young boy shuddered as the blade swished threateningly through the air again, and when he saw it swing towards him, he quickly screwed his eyes shut.

Allen's eyes reopened in wide shock as a loud crack sounded, the blade biting deeply into the wood beside his head and nearly cleaving the bedpost in two.

"You almost—H-Hey, what're you doing?" His eyes widened and threatened to pop out of his head when he saw Kanda grab a thick glob of the white cake—Lavi's white cake—that Allen had thrown at him, right before he'd tackled him and tied him up with the strange black cord that'd been lying in his room.

Allen started bucking when Kanda straddled his waist and roughly grabbed him by the front of his shirt with his free, non-caked hand. "K-Kanda, what're you—" The rest of his words were cut off when he suddenly found his mouth stuffed with thick, sweetly cloying frosting. Too sweet. Allen could taste something… off. There was a strange aftertaste to the cake. He couldn't put his finger on it though, because abruptly, there was this strange burning sensation in his body, a sudden heat, and his breath hitched as his body was suddenly wracked by convulsions.

Allen hung his head, his white hair falling forward and covering his clammy face. "I, I don't… don't feel so good…" he muttered. As suddenly as it had come, the convulsions had left, but the almost unbearable heat had remained and centered in his crotch and his behind.

"Moyashi." He groaned as Kanda's voice set off another round of quivers that sent strange, heady pulsations down him.

"Moyashi, look at me." Allen shook his head, and he shivered when he felt callused hands grip his chin and tilt up. When Allen saw Kanda's face, dark eyes hooded and beads of sweat dotting his skin, his body received another strangely pleasant shock, and in his pants, he felt himself get very, very attentive. It didn't help that Kanda was taking off his clothes.

"W-What are you—"

"Shut up." And he did, as Kanda's white shirt fell away to reveal a pearly expanse of white skin.

It's just as I imagined, he feverishly thought. Allen's breathing started coming faster when the half-naked man with his legs wrapped around his slim waist started undoing the drawstrings of the trousers concealing the rest of his sculpted, well-muscled body. Allen opened his mouth, but whatever he'd planned on saying came out as nothing more than a wheeze when the black cloth of Kanda's trousers slipped back to reveal a length of flesh that should've been flabby and soft but wasn't.

Allen gaped when Kanda's wrapped his hands around his half-hard erection and started rubbing along its length.

"K-Kanda, wait—"

"Right, I forgot." Allen started when that hot hand lifted up the hem of his shirt. "K-Kanda—" He winced as the blue-haired boy ripped off his shirt, the cool air hurriedly nipping at his suddenly flushed, exposed skin.

"A-Ah…" Alllen groaned, his head whipping to the side, away from Kanda, who laid his head in the crook in his neck. A tingle shook him as a warm, wet tongue hesitantly trailed a line down his quivering throat down to his pert nipples.

"Kan…da…!" he wheezed, twitching as another lance heat of shot through him, jolting his cock to painful, rigid attention. A sigh of relief slipped past his lips when Kanda leaned back slightly and pulled his hand away from Allen's body and back to his own. Primarily, to his cock.

"Just… just shut up and… and watch me," the other boy panted, swaying side to side, oblivious, pumping faster and faster as sexual fervor set in once more.

"I-I don't… I don't want to…" But he did. Oh, he did. He couldn't stop himself from looking again when the blue-haired beauty started rocking his hips against his. Allen could feel himself getting harder and harder as Kanda rubbed up against him. He was pretty sure the other could tell as well, and the sudden cold that danced along the front of his pants only proved it.

"You… don't—" Allen stopped midsentence and bit his lips as the slow tempo steadily increased, Kanda's hand, slick with cake, began running faster and faster along his length, which was completely white.

Another wave of heat washed over him, and Allen licked his dry lips. He couldn't tell the cum from the frosting, but he… he wanted to taste it all.

He wanted to taste all of—

"Kanda…" Allen moaned. At the erotic expression on the boy's face, he writhed, trying to push himself closer to Kanda, to his heat, his passion, throbbing so closely next to his own. He whimpered when he only flopped back against the blasted headboard.

"Damn it, I… told you… to shut up. I'll just… have to make you." Swiftly, a hand shot to his face. Allen tried to shake off the vice-like grip, but Kanda's hand around his throat tightened. He gasped when he felt something warm and wet force its way into his mouth. He almost gagged on them, Kanda's sweet, salty fingers, but then he closed his eyes and adjusted to the strange taste, releasing another moan.

He whined in protest when the treat was suddenly removed, but the protest died on his lips as Kanda claimed them as his own.

They spent the next few moments kissing furiously, their lips brushing wetly against any skin they came in contact with. When Kanda finally pulled away, Allen let out a belated groan. "Kanda, don't—"

"Allen. Shut up."

He reeled back in shock. Kanda had actually said his name. Kanda. His name. Allen. "K-Kanda, you…"

"Damn it, just… Shut. Up. I… I've never done this before, okay? Just stop talking and let me, let me…"

The admission shocked Allen so much that his erection nearly wilted.

That couldn't be right.

"But… n-neither… neither have I."

Kanda sighed and brushed his hair away from his face. "I mean, I've never done… kissing or any of that other crap at all."

Allen stared at Kanda, who was avoiding eye contact. "D-Don't tell me you…

"You're a virgin, too?"

When Kanda blushed and scowled, Allen breathlessly laughed. "T-That's…

"That's great!" Kanda sharply turned back to look at him. "What?"

"I mean, that's great for me, since I, I'm a virgin, too," Allen awkwardly chuckled.

They stared at each other for a moment, and then they really started laughing.

"Damn Moyashi, you should've told me from the beginning," Kanda growled. "I wouldn't've had to worry so much if you had."

"You never even let me talk, BaKanda," Allen laughed.

"Yeah, well, now that we got all that talking out of the way." Kanda leaned forward and took his breath away with a kiss. Allen opened his mouth and—

Their heads both whipped to face the door when it banged open.

"Hey Allen, Lavi said you—Oh!" Their faces blanched when Lenalee, who was standing flabbergasted in the doorway, blushed and quickly backed away. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't know, I—

"I'll just be leaving, then."

Allen blinked when Lenalee shot out of the room.

"I'm gonna kill that fuckin' damn BakaUsagi," Kanda growled, shooting up out of bed with katana in hand. And before Allen could tell him otherwise, Kanda pelted full-speed out of the room without untying him.

"Crap," he muttered, kicking his feet about. He stopped moving when he caught sight of Lavi's cake platter. There was a card on it, almost hidden by all the cake. When he read what was on the card, he nearly had an apoplexy.

Hey Allen! I'm tryin' out a new aphrodisiac—it's the cake! Hope you and Yuu have ( ) ( )

fun with the toys I bought ya guys, but I wouldn't play too hard, since I told (ouo)

Lenalee you wanted to show her something *wink wink* ~(¯||¯ )~

"Damn it!" he yelled, kicking out at the offending piece of paper that was too far out of reach. What the bloody hell was he supposed to do with the bulge in his pants now?


Hah, I'm such a tease. Kidding.

Sorry for that rushed ending, I wanted to finish this before the night was totally over (no beta-reading, but then… I don't bother with those). Sorry again, die-hard Yullen fans—no hard-core smut. Hope it was funny enough to float your boat, though. Damn it though, I was sooo totally hoping for some smut when I got to the stripping part…

There will be, without a doubt, a sequel to this! It will be named—!

Naw, I'll leave the title a secret.

But… if I do that, you won't be able to find it… aw shucks, whatever. "Fuck Til Ya Die," guys. Fuck til ya die. Not literally though, cuz if you did, you wouldn't be able to read my the sequel or any of my other fanfics no more, haaaaah.