RATING:::: This one is M. That means 16 and over. It contains swearing and a lot of hurtful mature stuff.

Musical Inspiration: Sleepwalker, Adam ('f' addicted to him) Lambert, from his Album: For Your Entertainment.

Ownership: Yeah, copy right belongs to the others that aren't me, with regards to Glee. But! I have lot's of their stuff and when I get some money, I intend on getting the prized ownership of it all. You've been warned.

Reviews: I really, really need your reviews on this one, please? I am building up to releasing my Nightmare story. Not going to be important to you, but for me I need to know I'm doing writing well. So please review? If you're too concerned about being outed that you're even reading my stuff, then shit, exit log the 'f' out and review anonymously. Or send me a blasted pm, I won't reply and I'll delete it straight away if you want. I can be trusted to do what I say. (It might hurt me, a little. But I'd prefer your review than your friendship.)

Dedication: To all the kidz in the world whose parent's are as drug addicted as Stoner Brett appears to be. Really sore point, but I love you. And my shilly parents were that shilly. But hey, when you grow up, do a better job than they did. So probably, dedicated to me when I was littler, and my big sister. (Oh, reading this back. I might cry a little now.)

On to the story.

Warning: Might have trigger issues. Definitely has slash, MxM issues. Has drug references, prostitution, and near to death experience. Probably my most darkest piece to date.


~ Arachnophobia ~

I'd been sitting, reading the necessary words on my screen. Not sure how long I'd been there, maybe an hour or so.

I kept getting this prickly sensation on my right arm, up on my shoulder, then what felt like tapping on the ends of my hair. But I ignored it, too enthralled in this bloody story.

That was my second mistake, the first had been drinking so much on an empty stomach.

But it felt all so good, all the ingredients blended into such a delightful evening.

~ I'm jealous of Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson ~

So, diary we agree Kurt Hummel is a fucking arsshole. I mean shit, does he even know how fortunate he is?

I've been sitting alongside him in class for weeks now. I had already been seated, there were other seats that he could have chosen. So why the fuck did he choose to sit next to me?

Any way. Yesterday, he has the fucking audacity to say that I smell homeless.

Um, what the fuck does that smell like?

Mum's always pissed drunk, and when Dad eventually gets home, he screams at me to attend to her. My big sister does all the housework, looks after us kidz and then tries to do her studies too.

My big brother forgot to put the bins out. Dad hit him hard. I cried.

Little sister needed lunch today, I gave her half of mine.

Kurt had an apple at play lunch. God it looked so good. I'm so hungry.

Blaine had a chocolate milk drink. Looked good too, well the drink did. He's such a dip shit. Hair gel, give me a break. Brittany raves on about how wonderful he smells. Raspberry, apparently. I so wanted to knock him over, pinch his milk and shove his head under my arm.

~ Twilight Moment ~

I felt like I was Edward looking at Bella.

Diary, I really like that chick that is Tina's assistant. She's really cute.

I've been watching her across the lunch room.

She's clean, she uses her cutlery. All the other's think she's nice too.

I picked my nose in class, and she nearly vomited. What's with that?

Kurt moved away from me too. What else am I supposed to have done? My nose was full of shit.

Kurt says I have hygiene issues. What are they?

Kurt always has fancy handkerchief things, where do I get them from? Might have to pinch some of his. Then what do I do with them?

Blaine uses tissues. Where do you get those from?

I suppose I'll have to ask my big sister.

That chick, she has really pretty pink tissues.

I'm slightly addicted to watching her so much.

So you rthink that she might sit next to me? How do I get her to do that, when bloody Kurt keeps sitting next to me.

~ Classroom Desks ~

I don't have any pencils or pens. I keep telling the teacher I've left them at home. Kurt won't share. But I pinched a pencil off him and tore some of his paper. He's so easy to pinch from.

He always has new things. Jeez he wears a lot of cologne. I mean, honestly. I can smell him as soon as he gets in the classroom.

I think I'm turning into Edward. The moment Kurt gets in the room, his scent suffocates me. And the fan isn't even on.

My clothes really do stink bad. I feel so gross right now. Don't know when I took them off last.

I like sleeping in them, and then I can get up in the morning and I'm ready for school. Wish I could have more breakfast though.

Sissy makes good porridge. This morning I found four sultanas in mine. Sometimes I don't find any. I wish I could have Weetbix like she does. But on Saturday, that will be my treat.

I hope Sissy gives me three Weetbix. I'll have to see what Sissy might want me to do, to get that from her.

Dad hit her really hard yesterday. I'm not sure why.

~ Needing Happiness ~

Diary, I found someone who can help me be happy.

I just don't like what I have to do before he makes me be happy.

He wants me to blow him. I don't have any money, and so he says that if I do 'that', then he'll give me stuff to help me be happy.

I like being happy. I want to be happy more. I just wish I had some money, 'cause I don't want to blow him. He stinks real bad, down there, and he tastes gross. Like really, really gross.

First time I did it, I wanted to spit all that gunk out. He made me swallow it. He said that's what everyone does.

Then he gave me the stuff. Oh Diary, I was so happy for so, so long. I don't know when I'd been that happy before.

I reckon that girl would make me happy.

The world went really funny. I felt like I was in a cartoon. But Kurt wouldn't transform into one.

I think I like Blaine. But not in the wanker-Kurt way.

Blaine is rich. I wish I were rich like him. I like that I might be able to have what he does, if I were rich like him.

I like Blaine, 'cause he's so fit. He has good food, good drinks, and wears nice clothes. Damn he has a really good body. Mine is kind of grubby.

I wish I could be in the shower with him. Not in the gross-Kurt way. I just want to see how he gets his skin so clean. Mine has funny bits come off, when I rub it.

I like how Blaine and that girl smell.

Not like Kurt. Kurt wears such shilly stuff, and he doesn't smell sweet.

Diarrry, I'm a little rdunk right now. I got some rdink from Mum's bottle. She fell over and I tried some. Feels great.

~ No Tears and Cookies ~

After the rdink wore off, I just wanted to cry so much. But the tears won't come.

I'm so angry right now. I'm so hungry right now.

I stand in the kitchen and look around. I look in the cupboards, not much in there. But where the dishes are, they're clean.

I saw a mouse in one of the cupboards. It looked at me, and I swear it spoke to me too.

Kurt has cookies every second day. Wish I could get some. He won't let me near him, outside of class.

Why the hell does he sit next to me? If I stink like a homeless person.

Diarry, I love you. I love my table. I love my pencil, that used to be Kurts. I love everything! I wish I could just keep loving. I want to love that girl.

Diarry, what is going to become of me?

~ Arachnophobia – part 2 ~

Diarry, there's a really big fucking spider over there. Shshsh, careful what you say. It might do something scary.

Look at it's legs, diarry. Do you want me to hide you, 'cause I can do that if you want.

There you go. I threw my socks at it. My socks fell over there.

When I went to pick 'em up, I fell over all the crap on my bedroom floor.

Mum wants me to clean up. But I don't really know what she wants me to do. She just keeps saying to clean up.

What the fuck does that mean? What, what am I supposed to do with that?

I asked her what I was supposed to do. She hit me and told me to stop answering her back.

What the fuck does that mean?

She talks to me, I talk to her. Apparently I'm answering back.

Shit, the bloody spider moved. I thought I killed the little sucker.

It's coming toward me. OH SHIT!

Diarrry, I've got sores on my lips. But I feel so good right now.

He's got sores on his dick too. He says that's normal.

I don't have any on mine. But I haven't used mine, so may be that's what will happen when I start using it.

May be that's what she'll give me, if she lets me get close to her.

Apparently, girls have cuties. So these must be cuties.

Dirry, do you thnk that she thinkks I've already got a girlfriend.? 'cause I've got cuties on my lips.

I can't feel my fingers. I can't evn hold the pencil probsbly.

I fell over. I was looking for the spider, and I had my head down low. I was crawling on the floor over all my crap. A..n…ddddddddddd, I couldn't find the little sucker.

And then I fell over. And I looked up, and my back felt so comfy on all the crap. Oh except for the sharp thing pushing into my side. It kind of hurts right now.

I keep coughing, and I'm not even sure how I got to pick up the pencil and ewrite this stuff. But that sharp pain is getting worse…

~ No Pretty Bandaids ~

Hey Diarry, how you doing?

Well, I'm feeling much betterer. I got to travel in an ambulance the other day. It's nice and clean in there. It's really bright too.

The nurses gave me a hot water bath. Ooh that felt so nice. Bet you Blaine and Kurt have their own baths. And that pretty girl, too. Ours is grubby. The hostipal's was really clean.

My floor doesn't have crap on it anymore. Sissy tidied up my room. But there's a big red blob on the carpet.

Sissy says it won't change. She says she'll get me a rug.

Well, I've been eating real food and drinking real nicer drinks.

My sores have nearly gone.

But that guy, he keeps winking at me and wants to give me that stuff. I told him I don't have any money, and that I wanted to give him money. I told him I didn't want to blow him any more. He got upset, like really upset. He said I do that better than the others. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be happy about that.

But Kurt and Blaine make each other happy.

I told the guy that I thought that girl thinks I've got a girlfriend. 'cause of all the cuties I had.

He said if I make him happy, he'll try to help me out with getting her to notice me.

Anyway, Diarrhy, I'm feeling like reallly friggin happy rihgt now. He gav me some better stuff than before. Betterer than anything I've ever had.

~ Thinking Only ~

Diarry, I can't move. I can't actually move. And even though I can think this, I'm not sure if I'm writing in you. I'll pretend that I am then.

The spider is on the roof now, diarry.. and it's falling down to me. Oh no, it must be using its web thng..

My heart feels really, heavy and hurts. It feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. THAT SPIDER is like really close to my fashe….


Inspired by drug overdoses, peer group pressures, people taking advantage of others misfortune. Thanks to my studies, and germaphobia.

Spelling mistakes are actually intentionally left there. Slightly sloshed when writing this one. Fell into Stoner Brett's mindset really easily then.

Offended or anything? Not my full intention. My studies and life are crashing worse than Kurt does into all pieces I read him in.


You are one of 105 people reading this. (28/9/13): Reviews: I really, really need your reviews on this one, please? I am building up to releasing my Nightmare story. Not going to be important to you, but for me I need to know I'm doing writing well. So please review? If you're too concerned about being outed that you're even reading my stuff, then shit, exit log the 'f' out and review anonymously. Or send me a blasted pm, I won't reply and I'll delete it straight away if you want. I can be trusted to do what I say. (It might hurt me, a little. But I'd prefer your review than your friendship.)