Let Me Go or Hold Me Tight
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story they belong respectfully to Tadatoshi Fujimaki
Warning: Themes of shounen-ai/yaoi/homosexual relationships and whatever, you know all that good stuff, some mild OOC-ness… If any of this bothers you then you have the option of not reading.
Music: "I'll Back Off So That You Can Live Take it Back" by GN.A
A/N: I ran into one of my favorite kpop songs from way back in high school and was like, "Hey, this brings back memories." Then later "Whoa, this spells high school drama all over again." and then "Damn it why am I sad?" D; As I continued to ponder on this song, my mind wandered to Kise and Kuroko then the anime Say I love You because there was an episode where Mei kept all of her feelings bottled up when Yamato started modeling and she became insecure. I thought I'd translate it into a KiseKuro oneshot and see where it will take me because with their dynamic and imagining them in a similar situation, it feels like it'll be a slight challenge to write. But it is a challenge that I will take regardless!
Kise was working until late again.
Normally, Kuroko wouldn't care about being put aside for other matters of importance; he was used to being forgotten after all. However it'd been quite a while since he last saw his usually doting boyfriend and for once he yearned to see him running through the doors of Seirin's gymnasium with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a milkshake in the other. Even his text messages were growing less and less frequent. Kise was one of the few people who messaged him on a regular basis and to see their conversations dwindle to almost nothing troubled Kuroko in the back of his mind.
He didn't voice his concerns though because this was different in comparison to his encounters on the court and in school. Relationships weren't exactly Kuroko's thing either, and he'd been so sure that he made that very clear but somehow, Kise Ryouta—one of Japan's most popular teen models, a member of the Generation of Miracles and teen celebrity forced his way into his heart. Before Kuroko knew it, he'd been swept away and in no time became the blond teen's boyfriend.
Still, being in a relationship with a rising star had its consequences and it'd been quite sad that they had to keep their relationship a secret due to the insistence of Kise's manager and modeling agency. It wasn't safe they told them, and in order to protect Kise's reputation it needed to be done and since then both Kuroko and Kise did their best to keep their relationship status out of the public eye.
Kuroko didn't initially care of course but now he was starting to have second thoughts as he stared down at one particular magazine. It was recent, the date in the corner indicating that it arrived only yesterday. On the front page was a picture from one Kise's most recent photoshoot with model Ami Kawashima. He'd been given a vague run down of the shoot but other than that, his boyfriend gave him little to no information about it like he normally did, leaving him high and dry up until now.
"They look so cute together don't they?" One girl chimed on his left.
"Very! Ne, Ami is so lucky! I wish it was me instead of her!"
"I know what you mean!" The same girl sighed a little too dramatically. "The garden theme is such a romantic touch ne?"
"Yeah! Oh, but get this? There's been rumors going around that Ami-chan and Ryouta-kun have been seeing each other!"
"Really? Since when?!"
"Since they found out that they were going to be in the same shoot together."
"Does this mean they're dating?!"
Kuroko stiffened instantly. Was that the reason why Kise had been avoiding him all of a sudden? His chest clenched tightly at the thought. He couldn't imagine the blond being the type of person to cheat but it was a possibility. Regardless of how he was trying to grasp this new information, the idea of being cheated on was still a probability, among others.
The more the two girls practically swooned over the magazine article, the more Kuroko wanted to interrupt their loud conversation in order to inform them that Kise Ryouta had been off the market for the last year because he was dating him, not Ami whatever her name was. Thankfully, he was much too polite for his own good sometimes and with a heavy heart, Kuroko tore himself away from the newsstand and began his walk home.
The next day, Riko pulled Kuroko aside during practice. She handed him the magazine he glanced at the day before, along with a new one that had various images on the cover consisting of Kise and Ami out in public together. The coach looked upset. Kuroko was too, but it hardly showed on his face despite the growing turmoil he felt deep inside. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do?
"Kuroko." Riko finally said his name.
Slowly, he lifted his blue eyes up from the bold headlines to look at her. He didn't say a word and he could tell she was becoming even more concerned by his silence.
"If you don't do something, things will turn ugly. Not just for you but for the team as well." She said regretfully. She was forcing him to make a decision. He didn't want to though because he didn't know how to make a counter attack. Not like this. It was unfair. How was he supposed to act in this kind of situation?
"Do you believe that Kise-kun is cheating on me?" Kuroko finally asked, his voice strangely steady, far too controlled for Riko's liking. She imagined him to be somewhat emotional but to see him completely void of all emotions; even expressionless scared her more than it usually did.
"I'm not sure." She said, turning her body sideways. Staring at the rest of their teammates who were still practicing, the coach bit the end of her thumb, thoughts turning this way and that. "It could be true, but then it could be lies. However, you won't know unless you confront him first. Don't let it consume you Kuroko." Riko stated firmly. "Put out the fire before you are burned beyond recognition."
And he took her advice, abide reluctantly but her words were the reason why he was sitting at a table in the lobby of Kise's agency. The blond was aware that he would be waiting for him. He made sure of it. Even if Kise was busy, Kuroko had to do what he could to preserve what little dignity he had left in himself. There was no way he was going to continue their relationship if things really were headed in that direction.
Seven o'clock. He'd been waiting for at least an hour by this point and Kuroko began to wonder if Kise would ever show up. Just as he was about to send the blond another message, the sound of a familiar laugh brought his eyes up from searching for his phone in his bag.
There he was, Kise Ryouta in all his glory and much to Kuroko's distaste, the blonde's coworker from the magazine cover that he saw as well. She was hanging off of his arm like a leech and Kuroko seethed inwardly at the sight. Luckily it didn't show on his face and with a frantic heartbeat, Kuroko stood up from his seat.
"Ah—Kurokocchi! You really are here!" The blond said excitedly. Without thinking, Kise bounded towards the shorter man, leaving his coworker behind in the dust.
The girl was very unhappy with the way she'd been so suddenly disposed of, something that Kuroko took notice of and though the idea of having second thoughts crossed his mind—he had already made his decision and was going to follow through with them regardless of the ray of hope he was beginning to feel. It was better this way he told himself.
"Yes, I came here because there is something important that I need to tell you." Kuroko replied; his blue eyes shifting downwards as he fiddled with the strap of his school bag.
Kise noted how extra quiet the bluenette was being and he began to feel a bit nervous about what was to come. "Alright, well how about we go to my place and you can tell me then? I'll cook something for you—"
"That won't be necessary Kise-kun." Kuroko interjected hastily. Biting his lower lip, he tried to stop it from trembling. It had to be done. "Because I just wanted tell you that I want to break up."
"K-kurokocchi?..." Kise just stared, his amber eyes widening the more the bluenette's words settled within the depths of his mind. For a moment, all he could hear was a blaring white noise and the longer he kept his gaze locked on Kuroko, the more he began to realize just how broken the smaller teen looked. "You can't be serious, right?"
Kuroko finally looked up at him this time, expression gone—unreadable even to Kise. "I am being serious. I want to break up."
And just like that, Kise felt himself begin to crack.
"Kawashimacchi, can you please leave my boyfriend and I alone?" Kise asked, giving the girl a sideways glance. The look on his face was screaming for her to get lost.
"S-Sure…" She replied reluctantly, her eyes giving Kuroko a quick once over before she turned and left as quickly as possible.
The girl did not want to be involved in a lovers quarrel, especially one of this caliber. And from the coldness reflected in both men's eyes, she was an unwanted presence to them. However, from what she gathered from just looking at Kuroko—the man sent chills running up and down her spine. If looks had the ability to kill, there was no doubt in her mind that she would be dead by now.
Once the girl was gone and out of sight, Kuroko didn't expect Kise to suddenly turn on him. Before he knew what was happening, the blond was already dragging him back down the hall that he came out from. He wanted to resist but his body refused to fight the taller boy off and he was left following after the other's heels.
In no time, they came to a door. It was Kise's dressing room. Without wasting another second, Kise shoved them inside and before Kuroko knew what was happening, the blond already had him pinned to the door with his palms placed on either side of his head. With his head bowed low, Kuroko had no idea what the other teen's expression looked like. It made him worried but also fearful because Kise was rarely ever aggressive with him unless it was on the basketball court.
"Kurokocchi, why?" He asked, his voice sounding broken and confused. "Did I do something that forced you to make this kind of decision?"
The bluenette clenched his fists tightly at that instant. How dare he… How dare he try to act innocent, Kuroko's mind seethed. "It should be obvious why I'm doing this Kise-kun."
"What—" Kise tried to form a question, but Kuroko would have none of it. Instead he was shoved back and enough room was created in order for the bluenette to move about freely.
"Everyone keeps talking about the great Kise Ryouta and his new coworker being together. I know it shouldn't be true, because Kise-kun is already in a relationship with me but with all of these pictures circulating the mainstream and newsstands, it's become clear to me that what we have cannot compare." Kuroko stated firmly. He didn't know how he was able to say all of this without hesitating at least once but it was a miracle. Still, if he did stop long enough, he knew his luck would be on the verge of running out, so he kept talking instead. A little more, just a little more, he urged himself. "We hardly even talk anymore, we haven't seen each in a little over a month or gone on a proper date either. Unlike the relationship you have developed with her, we cannot even be seen together in public the way we want to because it will sully your image. Along with everything else, this relationship is becoming a distraction to my academic career, as well as my performance as a regular on the basketball team. Which is why, I will tell you for the last time that I want to break up, Kise-kun."
That was it. That was all he needed to say and Kuroko didn't want to stand around and wait any longer to listen to the blond model's pleas. As he made a reach for the door knob though, he was surprised once again when Kise grabbed both his hands and pinned them above his head right against the door. His expression was a mixture of hurt and anger—something that made him look incredibly fierce and Kuroko shivered under his hard gaze.
'You can't give in, you've already made your decision.' Kuroko's mind screamed.
"If it's about Kawashima, it isn't true. There is nothing going on between us." Kise said sternly.
"Really now? If that is the case then why have you been so avoidant of me?" Kuroko countered. "You know as well as I do that we have limits, whereas with Kawashima-san—you're free to do whatever you want. I'm breaking up with you." It hurt to say it this time. He really didn't want to repeat it again but the blond was forcing him to regardless of his efforts to remain indifferent. "You should be taking this as an opportunity."
"I'm not avoiding you on purpose though!" Kise shot back. "I don't want to break up with you! I don't want to be with anyone else except you Kurokocchi!"
"Enough Kise-kun, just let me go. I've already made myself clear, so don't make me repeat myself again." Kuroko said, his voice unyielding as he glared lightly this time. 'Because, if you do then I don't think I'll be able to endure this pain for much longer.'
Kise's grip around his hands tightened considerably. It made Kuroko wince quietly and it would have gone unnoticed but his subtle flinch gave his pain away and the blond moved in. "Kawashima is nothing more than a coworker. Even if she has shown interest in me, I have none for her. No matter how much emphasize the media has been putting on us, it isn't true. I don't have any feelings for her at all."
"Kise, stop it…"
"I'm not going to stop." Kise said hastily. "If I've been avoiding you it is only because my manager has been insistent in keeping me busy. I don't mean to be away from you!"
"Stop making up excuses—"
"I'm not Kurokocchi—"
'Stop lying Kise-kun!" Kuroko finally yelled at the top of his lungs.
At that moment, Kise was stunned beyond anything else. Kuroko rarely ever yelled; it wasn't in his nature to do so. He was blunt—straightforward, yes but aggressive? No. Not unless it was on the basketball court, but even then the bluenette maintained a level of respect and honor in his gameplay. Still, there was no doubt in Kise's mind that his actions had hurt the shorter male considerably, whether it was intentional or not—he neglected the other teen and he only had himself to blame for it.
'But I don't want to break up… I love Kurokocchi too much to follow through with his request…'
"Release me…" Kuroko murmured sadly. "Please let me go…" He begged but deep down inside, Kuroko was certain that he wanted Kise to fight for him. The question that remained though, was would the blond really do it?
Kise's hold gradually loosened on the bluenette's hand. He'd made his decision.
'No…' Kuroko's mind reeled. Kise was letting him go and the thought terrified him. He was supposed to be the one that walked away, not Kise—not him. He thought he'd feel better if the weight of their relationship had been lifted but on the contrary, he felt terrible. It was like the weight of his heartache doubled tenfold.
As he felt the other's larger hands slip away from him, Kuroko's arms slowly fell down to his sides and they hung there limply. It really was over between them and all that was left for him to do was to leave the room and never look back. But where was his strength? It shouldn't take so much effort to open a god damn door!
With his eyes locked down on the floor, refusing to look up at the blond in front of him, Kuroko fumbled against the door—searching for the knob. Where was it? It had to be here somewhere! His actions grew frantic and clumsy, the most desperate that Kise had ever seen before.
Just as his right hand finally wrapped itself around the knob and he tried to turn it, Kuroko was caught off guard when he felt a pair of large hands rest against his face in order to lift his gaze up. As blue eyes met amber, Kuroko felt his world begin to spin. Before he could make an objection as to what the blond was doing, Kise was already pressing their lips together for a kiss and Kuroko melted instantly.
Kuroko was supposed to be breaking up with him. That was his plan but their feelings were mutual. They still loved each other despite the things that had been happening around them.
In no time, their kiss grew wild, bruising almost but their actions didn't relent. Kuroko somehow found the strength to push the taller blond back, their lips still connected and as they stumbled backwards, Kise lost his footing and fell. He took the bluenette down with him though and despite the pain of landing flat on his backside with the other teen on top of him, the throbbing sensation didn't register as they fought for dominance in their kiss.
Clothes were yanked, Kise felt this and he felt obliged to fulfill Kuroko's yearning for skin on skin contact. There was suddenly a burst of energy, of lust and Kise was more than sure that he'd lost a few buttons from his school uniform as the bluenette straddling him worked frantically to remove the barriers restraining them from each other. Kuroko managed to relieve himself of his pants after a short struggle but his shirt still remained if not falling off his shoulders and hanging open to reveal the toned body underneath all the fabric. It was a sight that most of those on his basketball team had seen, but the way he stared down at the blond—hungry with blue eyes clouded by desire, that was something only Kise was allowed to see.
There was no turning back now. Kuroko was well aware of it and he embraced the thought with all his might with no intentions of backing out as he leaned down to press his lips delicately against Kise's waiting mouth. One kiss, then two and another and another followed.
It became a blur, but Kuroko felt electrified—thriving and bursting with an indescribable amount of energy. He suddenly felt insatiable and Kise could hardly complain, especially since he was enjoying this side of the bluenette.
Saliva alone was the worst lubricant, but it didn't matter, not when they were so starved for each other. It was a painful yet wonderful sensation, being able to feel Kise moving inside of him and tears welled up in Kuroko's eyes as he cried out in ecstasy. It'd been so long since they had done this.
The blond thrusting beneath him gasped softly at the sight of the bluenette crying. He felt a pang of guilt shudder throughout his body just seeing the sadness, the pleasure and pain all contorting together in Kuroko's striking blue eyes. Reaching up to cup his cheek shakily, Kise took a moment to stop prodding into the smaller teen as he panted heavily. The bluenette whined at this and tried to ride him but Kise would have none of it. Instead, he brought Kuroko down to lay his head against his chest, only to roll them over so that he could switch positions and stare down at him before lowering himself to the others face in order to kiss his tears away properly.
"Kise, kise, kise…" Kuroko chanted, his fingers clawing at his back as he embraced him tightly.
"Kurokocch-chi!" Kise answered back.
And they continued on that way a few minutes longer until one final thrust from Kise left them both moaning out loud. When Kise pulls out, Kuroko winced softly, breath still heavy but he manages to look up at the blond as a hand glides over sweat covered skin and follows down the length of his arm. When he reaches Kise's hand, he interlaces their fingers, squeezing the digits tightly. The action reminds Kise that although the bluenette isn't exactly the most affectionate when it comes to words, his actions speak a hundred times louder than anything else and it always manages to make him fall in love with the other teen again and again each and every time.
"I—I change my mind Kise—I don't want to break up." Kuroko said, expression blank but his eyes reflected the emotions that were absence from his face and Kise tears up as he smiled down radiantly at him.
Hugging him tightly, Kise pressed his face into the crook of the bluenette's neck, feeling relieved that they would still be together. It was a spur of the moment, but Kise always had thoughts about their relationship eventually going towards that direction and without thinking, without planning, or even a ring to present to him, the words left his mouth the very next second.
"God, I love you Kurokocchi—please marry me someday." Kise's embrace tightened.
It took a moment for the blonde's words to register in his brain and when they were finally processed, Kuroko stiffened instantly. "Come again?"
"Ah—" Kise gulped. "I—uhh…"
"Can you repeat that for me Kise-kun?" Kuroko asked.
"Kurokocchi…" Kise whined a little but a stern look from the bluenette left his mind reeling and he sighed in defeat. "Please marry me someday…"
"That's what I thought you said…"
"Of course it doesn't have to be now! We're still in high school after all but one day, in the future please marry me!" Kise exclaimed, his cheeks burning hot from the nervousness and awkward air he'd brought upon them.
Kuroko said nothing, opting instead to stare up at the blond in silence with his usual deadpanned expression. Kise knew that the bluenette was deep in thought though but the longer the silence between them dragged on, the more he began to feel panicked about the teen's next words. After all, what kind of person proposed like this? Breaking up then having sex and getting back together only to be asked for one's hand in marriage moments later all in the same day? Well apparently Kise was that kind of person but if he were given the chance to rectify his blunder and propose properly, he would have taken the bluenette on a date to a five star restaurant, milkshakes at Maji Burger then a detour to the nearest basketball court at the park where he would get down on one knee and propose there.
That plan was all in his imagination though and there was no telling what decision Kuroko was going to make so he was left waiting—dreading the rejection that he was more than certain that he would receive.
"Kise-kun?" Kuroko said his name.
The blond shuddered a little in response. "Y-yes?"
"I'll marry you but only after high school graduation." Kuroko sighed. "You better take responsibility for all of this." He added, eyes narrowing considerably at him.
At that moment, Kise thought that he'd died and went to heaven. He was quite literally the happiest person on earth. "So then, we're engaged now?" Kise asked, unable to control the wide grin that spreaded across his face.
"Well, you did ask me to marry you didn't you? Or am I wrong?" Kuroko arched a brow at him.
Kise shook his head immediately. "No, you're not wrong!" He interjected. "Just you wait, I'll be the best husband you'll ever have!"
Wrapping his arms around the blonde's neck, Kuroko pulled him down and brushed their noses together, lips turning into a subtle yet gentle smile. "I expect you to be the only husband that I'll ever have, Kise-kun." He whispered against the other's mouth before sealing the deal with a kiss.
A/N: I wrote this blindly, no plans, no nothing other than being inspired by a song. I've also come to realize that there's a good portion of my stories that end with either kids or marriage but to me it feels like a good conclusion one way or another. Alright, until next time you guys! :')