Hi, this is something completely different from what I've been doing but the idea was there and I had to get it out. This one's going to be short only 20 chapters. It's a romance and humor. Now it's not love at first sight for Edward and Bella but I promise they will get there you might even like Alice in this one. I hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think. Will be updated weekly.
Disclaimer All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Beta'd by sjdavis84.
"Jazz, man. Serious? Fuck off. You are not putting me on some reality show." I said taking a swing of my beer.
It was Thursday night, Jasper and I were out celebrating. We were celebrating my big case win and Jasper was celebrating his network's new show. Now I am happy for my friend. Jaspers produced some really high rated shows, but this time I'm not so sure. He's gone down the reality show road, which wouldn't bother me if he weren't trying to convince me to be on said reality show.
"Don't be like that. It's a good opportunity."
"Good opportunity for what?"
"You're the one saying your mom's been nagging you constantly about settling down."
For the past four years, mom's been on my case. "You need to settle down Edward. Haven't you found the right woman yet? I want grandchildren."
But I am not going to do some sleazy reality show just to shut my mother up.
"No. Run an ad or whatever the fuck it is you do to get people on those shows, only leave me out of it."
"Come on help me out here. You're an attractive guy." Jasper pointed out.
"Are you hitting on me?" I messed with him.
"Fuck off. But if you change your mind, I have the contract with me, all I need is a signature." He all but sang. I briefly wondered how much he's had to drink.
A few drinks later and we had company in the form of two very lovely ladies.
"You are a cutie aren't you?" I said to the blond on my lap.
I don't know how much it is I've had to drink, I stopped counting after ten shots but Jasper made sure the drinks kept coming and this cute blond, I forgot her name, kept grinding her ass on my cock.
"You need to stop that sweetheart." I leaned closer to her whispering in her ear.
"Why?" she asked batting her lashes at me.
"Because your gonna get fucked if you don't."
"Maybe I want you to fuck me." She said turning in my lap, kissing down the base of my throat.
Ahh, it's so damn bright in here. Where am I?
My eyes adjusted to the bright room. I was at Jasper's, in his guest room. Not the first time I've spent the night here.
I was naked, there was a pair of panties thrown on top of the bedside lamp. So I go laid, wish I could remember it.
Sitting up, my head was hurt even more, it felt like someone kept pounding and pounding on me.
I did this to myself. Every Time I get drunk, I always say never again, until the next time Jazz and I have a cause for celebration.
I threw on a pair of boxers Jazz had in the drawers here and went to the bathroom. I splashed some cold water on my face. It helped little, I think i'm going to go raid his medicine cabinet.
After I dragged myself up good, I found Jasper a smiling mess on the couch sandwiched in-between the two blonds from last night.
Blond one was in my dress shirt and blond two was only in her underwear.
"Good Morning Eddie." Blond one said.
I rubbed my fingers over my eyes why was she still here?
"You are right Mr. Jasper. Women are going to go crazy for him." Blond two said eyeing me from head to toe, licking her lips.
"And he's packing in all the right places." Blond one added.
"Why are you two still here?" I said pointing between the two skanks.
"Be nice." Jasper said. "They just wanted to get a glimpse of the first ever bachelor." He smiled.
"You still going on about that?" I said scratching my balls. What, they were itchy. The girls giggled, I don't know what they found so funny.
"You signed the contract last night Edward, I faxed it in first thing this morning." Jasper said.
I did what now?
"You are funny man." I laughed.
He handed me a copy of what appeared to be a contract. My name was filled in where needed and sure enough it was signed.
Four weeks later
I found myself in make-up, yeah you heard right make-up. I never thought I'd have that shit on my face, but apparently I need it according to the set director. I thought this was reality TV. Why do they need a set director? But then again what do I know about making a TV show.
I have been purposely ignoring Jasper for the past couple of weeks. I'm still pissed at him for the stunt he pulled, but I like messing with him too.
"All done Mr. Cullen. Good luck tonight." The guy doing my make-up said. He was homosexual, I was sure of that and he made no effort to hide the fact that he was checking my ass out which made me a little uneasy, I've never had another man check me out.
"Hey there, you are looking good." Jasper found me outside smoking a cigarette. "Put that shit out you are gonna smell like it. You wanna turn the girls off?"
And? They were all a bunch of money grabbing whores anyway, what does it matter to them what I smell like? They get appear on TV, apparently the show's dressing them, feeding them and housing them for the length of the show, so they get quite a sweet deal if you ask me. I can't imagine any respectable woman would come on this show and fight over a man with the nation watching. But hey, they were going to be fighting over me so I can't complain. If that ain't a boost to my ego I don't know what is.
"Hey, how come I don't get to see of these women before the show?" I asked the dick head I call my best friend.
"That's the point of the show."
"Come on a little peek. Show me a few pictures I don't need names. I can act surprised when I meet them." I whined like the bitch that I was.
Okay, so maybe I was a little excited about meeting 25 beautiful women. I hope they are beautiful.
"No, and besides I haven't even seen them. I didn't pick the girls. There was a whole team that did that."
"A whole team?" I raised a brow.
"Yeah. After you filled out the questionnaire. The girls were selected based on the answers you provided." He smirked.
The beloved questionnaire. Jasper had it delivered to my office by Fed Ex, the ass.
It was ten pages with bullshit questions.
What do you do for a living?
What are your interests?
What are your hobbies?
What food do you like?
What is your preferred wine?
What type of car do you drive?
"Guys, we are starting in five." One of the production crew told us.
"Good luck bachelor. Don't fuck it up!" Jasper patted me on the back.
Yeah, I wanted to knock that shit eating grin right off his face.
One by one the women arrived. So far none of them held my interest. They were all too boring.
Too fat. Not fat enough. Ugly. Attention seeking whore. Money hungry, the list goes on, I lost track what number we were up to, I feet hurt standing here.
The next woman appeared, a tall strawberry blond. She was wearing a revealing black dress that hugged her curves in a the right places.
Yum. I licked my lips. Now this is more like it, finally something good to look at.
"Hello, I'm Edward it's a pleasure to meet you…" I held my hand out to the sexy creature standing before me.
"Tanya and believe me it's a mighty fine pleasure to meet you Edward." She purred.
Meow...She wrapped her arms around my neck and placed a kiss on my cheek before taking that fine ass of hers inside. I watched her until she was inside, thinking I have to get inside of that.
The next woman to arrive was not like any of the other women I have meet tonight. She was short, definitely shorter than all the others. She had short jet black hair and crystal blue eyes. I can't lie she was an attractive woman but definitely not someone I would go fo ever.
"I'm Edward it's…" I stopped mid sentence when she charged at me.
Wrapping her arms around my neck, she was on the tips of her toes even her heels, to reach my ear.
"I'm Alice, and you are going to give me a rose tonight and keep me here or else I'm going to make your life a living hell. Got that Edward?" She hissed in my ear.
"Excuse me?" I asked not sure I heard her correctly. Was this little lady for real?
"You are not my type, but I have a bone to pick with your producer and that's why you are going to keep me here, deal?"
"Yes, Jasper fucking Whitlock." She spat his name out.
"You got it little lady." I smiled.
She smiled back it was an evil little smile making her look like the tiniest devil alive. Personally, I didn't care what her beef was with Jasper, but I'm gonna keep her here for as long as possible just to get the fucker back for what he did to me. Paybacks a bitch after all.
After the tiny devil had disappeared the next woman came. Jeez how many more are there?
This one was a complete opposite to short stuff. She was tall, blond and had a killer rack and rear.
"Hello I'm Edward, it's a pleasure to meet you." I held my hand out to her.
"I"m Rosalie. It's a pleasure to meet you too." She said slipping her hand into mine. I bought it to my lips and placed a small kiss on the back of her hand.
"Rosalie. That it a beautiful name, it suits you." I worked the charm.
"Thank you." She blushed.
"What brings you here?"
"Like every other woman here, to find love and hoping that might be with you." She said taking her hand back.
"Well, I look forward to getting to know you better Rosalie. I'll definitely be seeing you inside." I winked at her.
The last woman to show up was...I felt like I had just been punched in the gut. She took my breath away, I was lost for words.
She wasn't tall but she wasn't short either. She had long mahogany hair that hung down her back in loose curls. Her eyes a warm chocolate brown, I love chocolate. She had flawless skin like porcelain, it looked so soft I wanted to reach out and touch her.
"I'm Edward." I said in a breathy tone, what is wrong with me?
"I'm Isabella, but I prefer Bella." She said. Her voice...damn, I can imagine her screaming my name.
"Bella, you know that means beautiful?"
"That's the best you got?" She raised her brow at me. She's a feisty one, I can deal with that, I can do feisty. And because I couldn't control myself any more I touched her.
I ran the back of my fingers along her cheek. Just like I thought, silky smooth. What I didn't expect was for her to push my hand away.
"Hey, no touching you sleaze." She said. Her face had pissed off expression that I found cute.
I couldn't explain it, but the face she made. I'm going to be pissing her off all the time just to see that face.
"Sleaze? I'm the sleaze? What does that make you honey? You are on a show to meet a wealthy bachelor, so if I'm a sleaze then your a..."
"Don't even finish that sentence. If you must know I'm only here as a favour to a very good friend. So how about this, you avoid me for the night and I'll avoid you then you send me home and we'll never have to see each other again, got that pretty boy?"
See, what did I tell you? That face and she had a fire in her eyes to match it as she spoke.
I held my hand over my heart pretending to be hurt. Okay, I may have been an asshole to her, but damn she was fun to piss off.
Oh I am definitely keeping this one around, this is going to be one hell of a fun ride.