"Where Is My House?"

Rated T

Disclaimer: I do not own That 70's Show or its characters. Oh, and a little bit of warning: Leo is actually on drugs.


Leo was in the middle of nowhere. Basically, he was walking around the entire Point Place neighborhood for some reasons unknown. He didn't know if he was sleepwalking in the middle of the day or daydreaming, but it was something very stupid that he was doing.

He decided to go to the Forman's house to get some help. He climbed up the stairs and knocked on the door. Within minutes, Leo was greeted by a familiar face, Red Forman.

"Hi, Mr. Eric's Dad." Leo waved.

"Oh, great... the dirty little hippie is here..." Red muttered in shame, "What do you want?"

"Where is my house?" Leo asked him.

Red hit his forehead the minute Leo asked him that question.

"Leo, as much as I want to strangle you for asking me such a question like that, why on earth can't you find your house?" Red said with his eyebrow raised.

"I don't know, man..." Leo spoke in a dazed emotion, "I sorta left my house, and the next thing I knew, I was in this neighborhood. I must be that Nightcrawler guy from the X-Men thingies!"

"Yeah, wouldn't we all..." Red said to himself while rolling his eyes, "Look, Leo. Your house is in one of those apartments downtown next to a McDonald's. And it's room 12."

"Wow, really?" Leo said, feeling amazed, "Thanks, man! That was easier than I thought."

"Yeah, how sad it is to think that..." Red muttered again.

When Red shut the door in the hippie's face, Leo left the front bench. And like a retarded alien that he was, he started to walk around the Forman's front yard in a complete utterless circle.

He kept doing this for minute by minute until he finally stopped. After a few minutes of walking around in a circle, Leo approached the front bench and knocked on the door.

To his surprise yet again, Red managed to answer the door.

"Hey, Mr. Eric's dad!" Leo exclaimed as he waved hello.

"Good god, the hippie's here yet again..." Red muttered to himself again, "What is it this time, Leo?"

"I can't find my house, man." Leo replied, "Can you help me find it?"

"But I already gave you directions in the first place!" Red exclaimed back, "Look, I know we haven't seen eye to eye in the first place, but I think it would be easier if I wrote a note for you, making it easier to find your house. Sound good?"

"Definitely, man." Leo answered nicely.

Red took a step back from him and grabbed a tall yellow note. Along with the pen, Red wrote down, 'Stafford Apartments, Close To McDonalds, Room 12.' After writing the contents down, Red gave him the note.

"There you go. It'll read you like a book." Red smiled a bit sternly.

"Thanks, man..." Leo smiled as well.

While Red shut the door in his face yet again, Leo left the front porch...

...only to walk around the Forman's front yard in a major circle once again. He walked around a mere ten times before going to the Forman's house yet again.

This time, Leo knocked very slowly. And once again, Red had no choice but to answer the door. He didn't say anything, but Leo did.

"Hey, man... where's my house?"

"Look, hippie..." Red muttered angrily, "You're starting to lose my patience here! I already gave you a note saying where your house is! Why aren't you gone?"

"I don't know..." Leo responded, "Where am I supposed to go, my house? I still can't find it!"

"Goodbye!" Red grunted, before shutting the door in the dirty hippie's face.

"No need to be rude, man..." Leo grunted back before he finally left the Forman's porch.

And then yet again, he started to walk in a huge circle. This time, Leo was walking around the huge neighborhood like a fat drunk. What the hippie didn't know was that Red was watching him from his living room window.

Irritated by the hippie's alienating antics, Red opened the window and shouted to Leo.

"GET OUT OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD, DUMBASS! OR ELSE I'M GETTING THE HOSE!"

"BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY HOUSE IS, MAN!" Leo shouted back.

Red angrily slammed the window down and decided to ignore him like what he should've done moments ago.

Leo shook off Red's insult like a earthquake and set off to find his house. He wobbled through the streets and past car after car. He leaped into a tall bush like a gymnast, only to roll over on the tiny green mountain of grass until he came to an incomplete stop.

"Dude, that's it... I think I found my house!" Leo exclaimed in victory, "Ohhh, it's so good to be home again!"

He rubbed his eyes out straight under his glasses and noticed a beaming light in front of his eyes. Could it be what Leo was searching for? Could it be the holy grail of houses? Could Red be wrong about this? Hey, at least Leo's house had a slide-door! That was amazing for him!

Laughing like a stoner, Leo came through the slide door and laid down on the couch, feeling proud and happy that he found his house!

...

...

...

Or did he?

"Leo, what the hell?!"

That loud shouting came from a certain cranky old man. Leo was bothered by the voice, so he turned to him nicely.

"Hey, man. What are you doing in my house? This house belongs to me, man!"

"Take a look, dopehead!" The figure exclaimed, "This house is mine!"

Leo got hit with the reality brick. He opened his eyes and found out the harsh truth. Leo wasn't in his house...

...

...he was in the Forman's house! And he wasn't laying on what seemed to be his couch. Leo was laying on the Forman's dinner table in which his head laid down on Red's entire dinner, which was Steak, Mashed Potatoes and Green Beans!

"Man, I didn't know my house looked more than Eric's Dad's house!" Leo said in amazement.

"It's my house, dumbass! I keep telling you to go home, and yet you ruined my entire dinner with your dirty hippie sweat!" Red angrily complained.

"But this is my house!" Leo cried out.

"That's it, dopehead! I hope you like the taste of my foot shredding your ass like lettuce!" Red shouted with rage forming in his feet.

"You have salad?" Leo smiled at him.

But he wasn't smiling, Instead, Leo was flung out of the Forman's house flying through the sky, via Red Forman's foot. Leo then crashlanded into a taxi, hitting the vehicle face first while he held on to his butt in pain. His butt had Red's entire shoeprint labeled around it for painful measure.

"Ow, man!" Leo cried out in pain, "You can't kick me out of my house! I live there!"

"YOU LITTLE-!" Red screamed in enraged fury.

Like a speeding bullet, Red shot out of the house running after the hippie, who also decided to run like hell as well. This almost felt like a cat chasing a mouse, it seemed. Instead, Red was the angry pissed-off cat, while Leo because the little pot-smoking mouse that he was.

"Hey, man... no need to get personal! I just want to live in my house in peace!" Leo said, running his ass off.

"The only thing you're gonna be living in is a grave, you doper!" Red shouted back, getting on Leo's tail.

"But it's my hooooooooouse...!"

Leo shouted away as Red dreamt of tearing the dirty smelly hippie to pieces all around the city. Oh, how one little question could slightly piss only the oldest and crankiest of people off.


Hard to believe that Leo was in the Forman's house all along. I'd be lucky if Red Forman doesn't get a heart attack while chasing him.

What do you think? You know what to do! (;D)