Author's Note: I've been meaning to post this for a while, but, what with the exciting plot twists the show has been taking, and real life being- interesting, I haven't gotten around to it.
Also, a big thanks to bissek for providing rule 122.
Disclaimer: I do not own Agents of Shield.
The Bus's kitchen was dark this late at night, illuminated only by the interior LED lighting.
Skye hit the microwave button with the tired boredom of someone who has spent the last month with their world completely haywire.
She looked from the microwave to the cream-colored ball of fluff sitting next to it, looking as proud as only a feline could.
"You're not supposed to be jumping on counters yet!" she immediately scolded, picking it up, careful of the cast that still encased it's right front- hand? Paw? Scary razor thing?
She set it on one of the chairs, feeling a jolt of pain in her own right arm when the cast bumped the ground.
"Bleek!" it stated, sitting up very deliberately, wrapping its tail around its feet.
"Bleek. Bleek bleek."
It inclined it's head. "Bleek."
"The cabinets? Did someone hide something in the cabinets?"
"The wall? The list?"
Purring seemed to pervade the room. Skye suspected that it was somehow telepathically enhancing the sound.
She walked over, grabbing the clipboard off the wall.
118- Keep that **** cat away from my ankles!
Skye laughed, genuinely for the first time since the HYDRA fiasco started.
"Is this your way of saying 'I told you so'?"
On an impulse, she took up the pen still clipped above the list and scribbled out Garret's entry, then wrote in below it.
118- Trust the kitten. The Kitten is empathic. The Kitten does not light into someone for no reason.
The next day, there were several more entries.
119- No, filling a HYDRA base with five hundred gallons of cheeze-whiz does not count as redeeming yourself.
Ward's latest attempt at redeeming himself had been offering to blow up a HYDRA base. Coulson had outright stated that he would barely trust Ward with spray cheese, let alone an explosive. Ward had offered to use that, then.
110- The QuinJet is not going to be called the "Station Wagon"!
The name, in spite of Coulson's efforts, stuck.
111- No, you may not use "He betrayed us to HYDRA" as an excuse to attempt to feed a prisoner to whatever new beasty you find while on a mission!
Ward. An honest-to-goodness dragon. Coulson had put a stop to that idea... before the dragon chewed on him too much.
112- The bus is not a '71 Dodge Charger. Please restore the SHIELD insignias.
Someone had taken the time to re-paint the Bus with a "More appropriate logo."
113- When you see the Kitten cuddled up to Fitz, withdraw to a minimum of thirty meters, and try to think about something logical. Failure to do this is dangerous.
Skye had hoped that most people would have the sense to stay away. Their new mercenary hadn't, and, as a result, spent the next day only able to say "Frequency Modulation".
114- Hide inside suspended ceilings at your own risk.
Skye had taken out an enemy agent. Entirely by accident.
115- If an unknown jet appears through a dimensional portal, don't go on the working assumption that it's Chtauri.
May had. The bus had been forced to VTOL out of a tornado that formed mysteriously out of clear skies.
116- Just because we have a cloak, does not mean we can call ourselves "The Reman Warbird Scithamar, here to destroy the planet Earth."
Not everyone got star trek jokes, after all. The logging crew probably was in the next county before they stopped running.
117 – Never hide food in Skye's pack.
Colson added this. From a distant corner of the base came the shout of "You got ketchup on my sniper rifle!"
118- Don't laugh at director Coulson's mis-spelt memos. He's still learning to use a holographic interface.
119- Laughing about those memos in his presence is even more ill-advised.
120- "Call the Avengers and run fast" is not shields new plan A.
121-Whenever this "Darcy" person is aboard the bus, secure your gear!
Hunter growled, and went back to cleaning elderberry jelly out of the ICER rifle.
122- Skye is to only set the keys to her location-based encryption algorithm to places we can actually get to.
Thirty thousand feet had been inspired. The top of the white house? Less so.
123 – Don't try to kick in barn doors.
"You just HAD to add that to the list." May growled, still rubbing the bruise on her gluteus maximus.
"Well, that's what you get for trying to kick down a door that was designed to stop a horse." Lance stated, and immediately wished he hadn't.
124 – The events of the SHIELD Christmas Party is now classified level ten.
Sadly, everyone had expected this outcome.
Author's Note: Well, there's the next chapter! A Merry Christmas to everyone, and don't forget the real reason for the season- Christ's birth!