Disclaimer: Dragonball Z and Hill's Kitchen, the Hank Hill-fronted version of Hell's Kitchen, are not my intellectual property.

(Bold: Narration)
(Regular: Description, present dialogue)
(Italics: Flashback/preview)
(Bold Italics: Contestant Interview Section)

"The point goes to Buu. Well done, men's team."

(Men: 1, Women: 0)

"Buu thank you."

"BUUUUUUU!" confesses Buu.

"Okay, next up, let's get Baba and Goku please."

Now it's up to Goku to keep up momentum for his team and Baba to bring her team back from 18's mediocre performance.

"What the hell...?" Gatsby notices Baba floating on her crystal ball, dome in hands. "Madam, can you use your legs?"

"Yes, chef, but I wouldn't be able to see over the table."

"She's small," Goku pipes up.

"He didn't ask you!" Baba snaps.

"Fuckin' hell," sighs Gatsby. "Fine. Present your dish, please."

Baba lifts her lid off. "I have here a roasted tail of T-Rex with brussels sprouts."

"T-Rex?" Gatsby asks. "Are you fucking around?"

"No, chef."

"Is this a joke to you?"

"I don't understand what you mean."

Justin feels the need to interfere on Fortuneteller Baba's behalf. "Chef, erm, T-Rexes still exist in this part of the world."

"I'm aware of that," Gatsby immediately replies, "my point is that it's nearly impossible to cook a tail of T-Rex in just 45 minutes. It's a very slow, delicate process. Either you," he turns back to Baba," are a culinary genius or totally full of shit."

"It was kind of mean for the chef to say those things about Baba," says Goku. "I think her T-Rex tail is awesome!"

Chef Gatsby cuts a chunk from the tail and bites into it. He chews furtively. "This…"

A dramatic pause.

"This is surprising to me. You've pulled it off." Baba does an inward fist pump. "But I'm seriously going to go check the tapes after all this to make sure you weren't cheating somehow."

"In all my years, I have never felt so damned offended!" Baba snarls. "I know Chef Gatsby's very respected, but that's something I can't put up with for long!"

Gatsby puts the lid back on Baba's dish and addresses Goku. "Okay, what about you?"

Goku nods, determination striking his face suddenly. "I made a roast!" He lifts the lid, and indeed, there is a roast. It's one of those deals like in old cartoons, a big cylinder of meat with a bone sticking through it.

"Alright. Where's the garnish?" Gatsby asks.

"What's that?" Goku responds. "Is that like one of those leaves fancy restaurants put on the meat?"

Chef Gatsby looks long and hard into Goku's eyes. "You have so much to learn, I wonder if you should even be here."

"I'm a fast learner," Goku smiles. "All you have to do is train me and I'll easily surpass you!"

Gatsby's face tightens up. His forehead wrinkles become so pronounced, he looks like he could reach in and grope all his brain's "fuck you". "Are you looking to be the fastest exit in Hell's Kitchen history?"

"Well, I am pretty fast," Goku says. "Wanna race?"

"…Let's just taste your fucking dish already." Chef Gatsby cuts a piece of the roast off with a fork and knife, to Goku's protest. "No, you're supposed to eat by picking it up by the bone and-"

"Look here, dickface," Chef Gatsby growls as Vegeta looks on with delight, "I've had about enough with your chippy, bullshit attitude. I'll taste the dish, you stand there and pay attention."

"Man!" Puar squeaks. "I've never heard someone talk to Goku like that before!"

"I was ready to quit after that, I'm not gonna lie," says Yamcha.

Gatsby takes a bite and chews. Despite Vegeta's greatest hopes, he doesn't spit it out. "Bland. Undercooked."


"Back in line, both of you. Women get the point."

(Men: 1, Women: 1)

"I still think it looked fine," Goku shrugs. "I knew I probably couldn't beat Baba, though. She's awesome!"

"Launch, Hercule, step forward. You're next."

"I was so nervous when Chef called me up," Launch says. "All I could think of was how many things I might have done wrong…"

"Hercule, let me just say, it's an honor to have you here," says Gatsby, who unfortunately has yet to realize how phony the guy is. "What's your dish?"

"Thank you, sir. I made a steak and some fries." He lifts the dish, and indeed, that is what he made. "Hrm. Very simple dish, presentation-wise. It's more diner food than fine dining, yes?"

"Yeah," agrees Hercule, "but it's my signature dish."

Chef Gatsby takes a bite of the steak. He has a visibly difficult time chewing the thing. "It's very, very tough," he says after swallowing. "Like biting into a piece of leather."

"I've always cooked it this way," says Hercule. "Never had a problem chewing it, myself."

"He just wanted to make it look like those other losers had a chance," Hercule boasts. "He knows I've got this in the bag! BWAH HAH HAH HAH!"

"Right. Well, you take back your rubber fucking steak. Launch?"

The blue-haired woman lifts her lid. "I made a puffer fish with plain white rice."

"A… puffer fish?" Gatsby says in a low tone. "You make this one very often?"

"Uh, a few times, yes," Launch says.

"Fuck me senseless," he groans. Launch looks mortified. "I-I will do no such thing!"

Chef Gatsby's brows tighten. "I wasn't talking to you."


"Now, I'll be honest, I don't even want to taste your dish. But, I feel that it is unfair to-"

"If you die, we can wish you back with the Dragonballs!" Goku declares. Gatsby looks at him intensely. "What the fuck are those?"

"Uh, sir, don't worry about him," Justin says in an attempt toward damage control. "He just-"

"Would you mind?" says Gatsby. "I asked him, not you."

"Well, you see…" Goku spends five minutes describing the Dragonballs in detail as Chef Gatsby looks at him as though black fluid were spewing out of his mouth.

"…and that's how we revived everyone on earth!" Goku finishes. Gatsby, who'd already tasted the pufferfish while the Saiyan was talking, shook his head silently. "Young man, be very glad I'm forced to only remove one contestant per day. Otherwise, you'd be gone. The best dish is…"