Kingdom Hearts isn't mine, and this just pretty much came out as I was pondering. So... it's just an emotional piece, words put together to try to piece together how I thought this scene might take place. Please enjoy and review.
It hurts… please… make it stop…
I know that I am dead. … or… if I'm not… I'm something close enough. It hurts, whatever it was, this feeling of not quite death. My insides feel like they're on fire, like someone opened me up and just poured acid into my heart. It feels like I'm melting, but I know that it's not because I'm still alive… or am I?
I can't move anymore. Not even that little bit of life is left to me. Why? Why had I done what I had? Was it worth it, in order to bring him back? What was his life versus mine? Versus my friends'? After all, I've never met Sora. Sora was just this legendary figure in my memories or maybe in my heart, or whatever it is that I have. He was someone important… but he wasn't as important as Roxas and Axel. My friends, he was never as important as my friends… but I had picked him over the others… because the worlds needed him… and they didn't need us.
But I can still see that look in his eyes, in my friend's eyes, in Roxas' eyes, as he watched me die in his arms. Those eyes broke my heart.
It was the worst thing I've ever done to speak those soft words encouraging him to go on, while knowing full well that Roxas would soon meet the same fate. We were both destined for this sad path and for these tragedies. We were both never meant to exist and now, even my voice has faded away from him. He walked on into a path that I never foresaw… he became someone I'd never met before. He grew up somehow, even being what he was. Can Nobodies grow up? I don't know. I sure didn't.
So in the end… is this for real… or… not?
I keep asking myself that, because I honestly don't know. I can't move. I can't speak. I can't even access all of my memories because they don't exist anymore. How can someone's memories exist if they didn't exist in the first place? I don't have an answer to that. Somehow, I still know who I am, what I've done, and the friends I've left behind.
I can still see them, even though they can't see me.
To be honest, I sometimes wonder… maybe I never existed in the first place. Maybe Roxas made me up, because he wanted a friend. It would explain a lot of things: how I was so close to Kairi, how the memories of Sora mixed me up, and why Axel and the others hated me so much. But… when I think about it, I remember… Axel didn't hate me. He chose me over Roxas. Roxas had been saved by his own will power; I had been saved by Axel's.
Does a fantasy become real when someone else picks it too?
I don't really know… but… I wonder sometimes… if I had to do it again… would… I pick the same path? Or would I have just left the Organization, left Sora to his fate, would I have let Roxas vanish instead? Those thoughts hurt my heart as I lie here in this darkness. Could I have left them behind?
I like to think that I wouldn't have. That I would pick the same path. Maybe I could have done something to make it a little happier, though. Maybe I could have chosen a path that would have let us all meet; sometimes I imagine that Roxas and Sora would have been friends. Maybe I could have been their friend too. Maybe this is what Riku feels, when he laments the past. He lamented his Darkness for so long he neglected everything else…
Heh… it kind of makes me laugh. This whole time, Sora had been looking for him and for Kairi, of course. By the time Riku saw that, he had already become someone else and not the friend that Sora had searched for. Even now, I guess he's trying to repent. I wonder if I can, repent that is. If I don't exist, can I be sorry? I lie here, in Sora's Heart or maybe in Darkness, and I wonder how I can still think.
I can still think and I can still hope. Sometimes, I can feel tears trickling down my cheeks and I wonder how I can still feel. Do tears make you alive? Do tears just mark you as being dead? I don't know. To be honest, I keep hoping that I'm still alive… because that way, I can see Roxas again. It's a sad though, to see the friend I betrayed back then. Just how long ago was it? I don't remember. There's no time here, there's nothing here…
Nothing but me.
Just a while ago, I stopped being able to see. I used to be able to see this bright white light, something that I think was Sora's Light. It kept me company and made me remember that I had helped bring it back. That I hadn't done anything useless in throwing my life away.
But I can't see anything anymore… does that mean…? Am I… truly… fading away now…?
I feel the tears trickling down my face. Please don't let me be dead. I don't want to be dead, Roxas, Sora. I just… want to meet you… I just wanted to see you two… and Axel… just one more time… I want to see Axel… I even want to see the rest of the Organization, even though I didn't like them all that much. But I want to see my friends more than anything… Riku… I want to see Riku, too. It'd be nice to tell him that I'm happy for him for having his friend back. Speaking to Kairi, even though I've never met her, would be more than enough too. I want to know I helped.
Please don't let me be dead.