A/N: If any of you ask me what this is, I don't know the answer to that question either. Let's just say that this is a result of a particularly cracky figment of my imagination and we can leave it at that. Enjoy?

Summary: "P-Please wait a minute, Corporal! I don't think I'm ready for this after all!"

"There's no use trying to get out of this, shitty brat, so don't even waste your breath trying. You're not going anywhere until we finish up here."

"But Corporal!-"

"Quit stalling. Legs apart. Now."

Eren feels that he's not ready for this yet, but Levi thinks and says otherwise.

Disclaimer: All the lovely badasses from Shingeki no Kyojin/ Attack on Titan belong to the wonderful Isayama Hajime. I do not own or claim to own anything.


A Lesson in Riding

"P-Please wait a minute, Corporal! I changed my mind! I-I don't think I'm ready for this after all!"

"There's no use trying to get out of this, shitty brat, so don't even waste your breath trying. You're not going anywhere until we finish up here."

"But Corporal!-"

"Quit stalling. Legs apart. Now."

"...But Corporal, it feels strange having this between my legs!"

"Suck it up and get used to it. Besides, if you position yourself correctly, you shouldn't be feeling any discomfort at all. Still, I can't believe that you've never done this before."

"It's not like I had any time to learn before I joined the Scouting Legion!"

"True. Which is why we must remedy your severe lack of education immediately. I'm surprised you didn't go to Ackerman or Arlelt for help though."

"I-It's not like I can just admit that I didn't know how to do this. It's embarrassing!"

"Damn right it is. Now shut your mouth and get into the proper position already."

"I'm trying!"

"That's the most pathetic attempt I've ever seen. It's like you're not even trying."

"I don't understand. What am I doing wrong?"

"Shitty brat, you're not even positioning yourself correctly. You have to adjust your hips like so..."

"Uwaah! Corporal this feels strange! Can we please stop?"

"Hell no."

"Aaahh! I don't think I can keep this up, sir!"

"Quit flailing around, Eren. It's not my fault if you end up sore for the rest of the week."

"You mean, even with my accelerated healing, sir?"

"Don't give me your sass, brat."

"Sorry, Corporal. It's just, I'm still not used to the feeling of having something between my legs."

"Get used to it, brat. This will be a daily thing from now on."

"Y-You want me to do this every single day?"

"Did I fucking stutter? In time, maybe even your lousy skills will be able improve. Tch, you're doing it wrong again. Move your hips in time to it."

"Aah! I'm trying!"

"You need to squeeze with your thighs as well. Put some force behind it. Or am I to believe that your strength is as poor as your stamina?"

"Augh! Why is it so hard to learn how to ride a horse?"

"That's because you're an incompetent brat who can't even wrap your head around the simplest of instructions."

"This is impossible, sir. I don't think I can learn this."

"Say, Eren, if you learn how to do this properly, I'll let you ride something else as a reward tonight."

"...Corporal, I swear that I'll master horseback riding within the hour!"

"Good boy. Seems that even you can do it with the proper motivation. I'm holding you to your words then. If not, I'll be the one doing the riding instead."

"Is that a threat or a promise, sir?"

"Ohoh. Not bad, Eren. Not bad at all."


A/N: Wow, just what was I thinking when I wrote this? I know that Eren knows how to ride a horse perfectly, but for the (crack) purposes of this story, let's just pretend that this is how he learned. Uhm, I hope that you enjoyed this? (runs and hides)

-Bird of Dreams