Author's note: This came to me as I had Katie Perry's latest song on continuous loop at work, and thought about how I wished the Whitney Houston tribute episode had ended. I know that many Klaine fans will doubtlessly wish my head on a silver platter for this, but as I've stated many times, I really don't like Blaine. At least not as he's portrayed in canon. And for the Klaine-wreck to continue is an affront to my sense of justice as well as my inner romantic. Cheating boy (or girl) friends don't deserve this level of adoration in my humble opinion, but that is just it. It's my opinion. Blaine, Rachel and Schuester bashing ahead, if you don't like, don't read.
I own neither the characters of Glee nor the song "Roar" by Katie Perry. If you like the story, please let me know. If you don't like Blaine bashing or are offended by BAMF!Kurt, please read something else.
The wonderful and talented melissa maier 902 whose Puckurt Songfics have delighted and inspired me was kind enough to beta this piece for me. I would like to extend my deepest thanks and sincere hopes that this in no way disappoints her.
Please note, as I'm originally from Ireland, my grammar, spelling and syntax reflect my European education. I know Americans leave out the "u" in words such as colour, honour and the like, but as I'm only American by residence, I pray you'll forgive the differences in style.
Kurt is a BAMF in this story, simply because that always makes me a very happy (and aroused) Gleek.
I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath,
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
Kurt Hummel appeared beyond angry, as his soon to be ex-boyfriend sang that bit of slut shaming nonsense. "Who does he think he is?" Kurt thought angrily to himself. "Seriously?" 'It's Not Right, but It's Okay?' was so very not okay in Kurt's book, but with the majority of the ND appearing to buy into Blaine's utterly ridiculous accusations, Kurt had to wonder whether or not he had any true friends in this school.
Rachel Berry, had made so many overtures of friendship of late, (whilst stealing every solo available per her usual behaviour). Yet, she had been the first to agree with Blaine that texting Chandler was akin to cheating. Typical.
Mercedes Jones. Her conditional friendship had been badly damaged over a broken wind-shield prior to coming out to her. Further offences included that thinly veiled bribe to attend church after stating his lack of belief. And to be called out on his agnosticism (not atheism, thank you very much, as he had calmly explained so many times that not believing is not the same as the rather militant "I don't know and neither do you" attitude of true atheists); and let us not acknowledge (PLEASE!) her daily crimes against fashion (Seriously? Neon Serengeti? Ugly with a capital UGH!).
Finn Hudson, younger, dumber, and all around more annoying than most of the population of McKinley, step-brother: Pseudo-homophobic, except toward the "alpha gay" Blaine Warbler; lumbering, clumsy and bordering on socially retarded. Thanks to his unfortunate (and sometimes loud) habit of talking in his sleep, Kurt had some intriguing and volatile information about the next offender on his list.
Mr. William Schuester, otherwise known as the worst excuse for an educator known to mankind. And this was with Principal Figgins in charge of the school!
Thank Gucci! That song finally came to an end! Blaine had the sheer unmitigated gall to stand there with wounded puppy eyes number four, as the usual suspects applauded his efforts while snidely looking at Kurt with apparent disdain.
I let you push me past the breaking point,
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything.
Oh HELL to the NO!, as Mercedes herself would no doubt say, could she bring herself to pull her head out of her arse. Doubtless, the girl was either daydreaming over her beloved tots or Sam's admittedly delicious abs, while she was agreeing with the shoddy sentiment and overacted drama one Mr. Summer's Eve had just inflicted upon the unwilling. The best advice Burt Hummel had ever bestowed upon his only son was that no one pushes a Hummel around. In the immortal words of one Sue Sylvester: "This will not stand!"
You held me down, but I got up
already brushing off the dust.
Hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground.
You held me down, but I got up,
Get ready 'cause I've had enough!
"I'm certain that was a wonderful performance in some people's eyes", Kurt began calmly, forestalling what would no doubt be an overly enthusiastic endorsement by the curly haired "leader" of the Glee club, "however, I should like the opportunity to point out a few minor (everyone could practically see the stressed inflection in that word) flaws to this piece.
"First, while not one to use sports metaphors, I still can find no better choice of words than to say that this constitutes Blaine's third strike where I am concerned. That's correct, is it not? Three strikes and one is out?
"Blaine, your first strike was in your drunken actions outside a certain establishment in which you attempted to force yourself on me. That, for your information is known as attempted rape. Once Finn finishes processing that one, he will either beat you to a pulp on his own or go tattle to my dad who will without question or hesitation wish to introduce you to his very good friend, Mr. Wood Chipper. If you're lucky, he may kill you beforehand.
"Second strike: You are a complete and utter hypocrite. Your texting with Sebastian is not only the very antithesis of 'family friendly', but Puck and Santana would doubtlessly become quite jealous as those so called innocent texts of yours make their sexting look like 'roses are red' kindergarten messages in comparison. I would share some of the texts that were unquestionably sent to my phone either in error by you or on purpose by that walking STD factory were I less honourable and dignified and infinitely less disgusted than I am."
"Third and final strike: You decided to make this a public event, attempting to shame me before those I would have continued to call friends had they shown any loyalty or even willingness to wait to hear my side of things before casting looks of aspersion my way during your over-blown and under-produced re-enactment of the late, great Whitney Houston's most famous break up song. I think it goes without saying, that I wish nothing further to do with you, and I sincerely hope for your sake that you get yourself tested. I know that I will most definitely do so myself, and all I can say in that regard, is that should I discover that in my unfortunate lack of better judgement, I've allowed you to infect me with something from that boy whose only claim to 'family friendly' anything is his Eddie Haskell haircut, you will find that my father is far less dangerous than I.
As Kurt concluded his declaration against Blaine, he watched for signs of agreement or even compassion from his Glee-mates. Disappointedly, several faces remained turned against him. Oh, well!
"While I have the floor, and no, Mr. Schue, I will not shut up and sit down; I have a few things to add to the rest of this club, and you WILL do me the courtesy of listening for once!"
Turning to Rachel, the irritated counter-tenor appraised the girl with a critical eye, noticing her obvious indignation on Blaine's part, as well as her affronted face when it was obvious that someone not her was taking the spotlight.
"Rachel, you clearly suffer from what I will from this day forward call PMSS. Poor Man's Streisand Syndrome. You are shrill, overbearing, obnoxious, inconsiderate, offensive and arrogant. You have committed at least one felony in your unrealistic pursuit of your goals, and in doing so, potentially incurred a lifetime ban from competing for not only yourself, but also the entire club when you sent a freshman to a crack-house in order to eliminate your competition. Had Ms. Sylvester or worse, the Show Choir Committee heard of that, we would all face revocation of our status as a show choir club and be forbidden from ever again competing. Your actions reflect poorly upon us all, and yet you dare to parade yourself as 'the only talent in this club'. How very dare you! I would admonish you to be ashamed of yourself, but I hardly think you capable of even acting, much less acting contrite. Your offers of 'friendly assistance for my NYADA audition will not be required. Instead of 'Music of the Night', I am currently debating showing off my FULL vocal range with a rendition of 'Turkish Delight' or giving in to my inner diva and doing something with drama. In either event, you and your services are neither required nor desired."
I see it all, I see it now
Brittany and Santana were busily fangirling over Kurt's forceful display of invective and aggression, while Blaine, Tina and Finn were gaping unattractively at his remarks. Puck was clearly in shock that anyone would or could call into question his skills as a sex machine, especially at sexting! Quinn looked bored, Mike upset and Mercedes offended. Later on, Sam would tell Kurt how furious he had been at Blaine for being such an epic douche and at himself for not immediately rising to Kurt's defence when the slimmer boy had been attacked in front of him. Artie was clearly mutinous at the notion that Kurt was in any way an innocent player in these events, having been burned by love twice already from his own failings. Joe, Rory and Sugar were all neutral, but that was to be expected, as none of them had really known Kurt for any length of time.
I got the eye of the Tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a Champion, and you're going to hear me ROAR!
"Finn, putting aside our many differences, I fully expect you, as my brother, to respect that I have no desire to debate this matter with you. If you do not, I fully intend to shove you down the nearest flight of stairs and blame your eternal clumsiness for the resulting broken neck rather than have you inflict yet another of your wrong-headed opinions on my father. Is that clear?" Rather than await a response, Kurt turned to the club's coach for his final counter-attack.
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a Champion and you're gonna hear me ROAR
"Last, and least" Kurt said snidely as he approached a dumbfounded Will Schuester, "your continued failings as a teacher, a leader and a moral example make even Principal Figgins look competent, and that takes a great deal of effort! Were it not for Finn's adorably annoying habit of talking intelligently, not to mention loudly, in his sleep, I would still wonder just exactly why the Hell he would be in a club full of 'losers' when his reputation is the single concern that actually takes precedence over food in that boy's mind. Imagine my surprise when I learned just this week that the sole reason Finn joined New Directions was due to a certain teacher's attempts at blackmailing him over illicit drugs.
"One, while you may have had the right to search a student's locker, but had you found anything, your immediate legal responsibility would have been to turn over any suspicious items to the proper authorities. Failure to do so, not only invalidates the 'evidence' (Kurt said, as he made finger quotes), but also opens up you and the school to a whole host of legal issues that would quickly lead to your arrest and prosecution.
"Two, while medicinal marijuana is legal, a prescription from an actual doctor is required to possess even the smallest quantity. Your possession of said drug under any circumstance should have you imprisoned for several years.
"Three, extortion is not only an ugly word, it in itself is a felony in not only Ohio, but also on a Federal level. As I have already informed our parents of this discovery, they are currently retaining the services of an attorney and awaiting our return home so Finn can be persuaded to swear a formal complaint that will eventually have your teaching credentials revoked with prejudice."
You're going to hear me ROAR
"Oh, I have one last thing to say while this alleged club still stands." Kurt said, before he filled his lungs and belted out a note of such volume and crystal clarity that the glass on the trophy case and several of the windows shattered. Impressively, the irate teen held that note for a full twenty-eight beats, then committed a descant to a rumbling baritone that caused everyone in the room and the adjoining hallway to stop dead in their tracks and gasp at the pale youth in shock.
"The first note, to anyone not Rachel or Brad was A6, otherwise known as A over High C. The final note was B3, which is just above Bass range. And yes, Rachel, I blew that High F in the Diva Off. Not that you didn't already know that for a fact at the time, as you have always been 'so completely aware of everyone's potential and ability that it's no wonder you are our leader and star', he said making air quotes with his fingers once more. "I hereby tender my resignation from this club and wish nothing further to do with several of you."
With that parting remark, Kurt left the choir room, leaving everyone else in complete shock until they all heard the yell of "Hey Faggot!" through the shattered glass of the door.
Now I'm floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee, I've earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero
"Hey Faggot!" Azimio Adams yelled at Kurt's back as he attempted to strike Kurt from behind. Before the overweight left tackle had the opportunity to put his grubby hands on Kurt's sartorial perfection, the counter-tenor spun in place and grabbed the startled jock by his outstretched arm. Pivoting on perfectly balanced feet, Kurt executed a manoeuvre that sent the erstwhile bully crashing face first into the nearest wall of lockers with a loud bang, the impact severely denting the entire bank of lockers.
Before the unbelieving eyes of his former team mates, Kurt sauntered over to the prone form of his attacker and placed his stylishly masculine boot firmly upon Azimio's loins and pressed down assertively and cruelly with his heel.
"Next time you attack someone, you pathetic, cretinous Neanderthal" Kurt said quietly yet powerfully, "you had best be certain your intended victim is not in fact a high degree black belt in Ju Jitsu." Applying even more pressure to the keening footballer, Kurt finished his remarks with a growled promise that next time he would not show any such restraint.
As the angered teen continued to walk away, his hips were swaying with so much extreme aggression and raw sex appeal that Puck, Santana and Sam all swooned, Brittany cheered ecstatically for her dolphin, while Finn, Rachel and Schuester all began sobbing, and an unseen Sue Sylvester smiled with sadistic glee.
You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust.
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up,
Get ready 'cause I've had enough.
I see it all, I see it clear.
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a Champion and you're gonna hear me ROAR
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me ROAR
You'll hear me ROAR!
End notes: No pathetic, cretinous Neanderthals were actually harmed in the writing of this story.
The note A6 is actually a rarely performed note that to my knowledge, only a very few singers possess sufficient range and power to employ. I'm aware of only two who have used it to shatter glass, and have witnessed the event in a live performance once. It's plausible that Chris Colfer could hit this note, as he has already hit the High F (F5) several times on the show. While it's rare for a counter-tenor to hit such extremely high notes, it is far from impossible.
As a side note, my condolences go out to all the family, cast mates, friends and loved ones of Cory Monteith who portrayed Finn Hudson. While I may not have liked Finn for the most part, his character did eventually grow up to become a worthy person, as most teens generally will. Any antipathy toward Finn (or any other character) is not intended as a condemnation toward the actors who portray them. While I did not care for Finn Hudson in the early seasons, Cory always struck me as a talented, hard working and kind person who hid his illness well enough that he was able to do his job and do it very well indeed. I refuse to rail against a man for succumbing to a disease, and make no mistake, addiction IS a disease, not a moral defect. I acknowledge his death as a result of drugs not as moral judgment, but as recognition that a brave and good man left this world far too soon, leaving behind many who came to love either the man or the characters he portrayed. My sincere compassion goes out to all who will grieve his loss. Please remember that as long as we hold those who have passed in our hearts, there can be no true loss. They are still with us and will always be a part of us.