Author's notes: Due to overwhelming response, I have added this chapter to the story. I had originally planned this to be a one-shot, but the fan response was just too great to ignore. I had thought to make this a three chapter story, but after writing this chapter out and editing like a madman, this seemed the perfect ending to a story that started from a single song I had playing in my head demanding to be written.
I've used several lines from the series, as well as trivia from the various fansites to give full names to the main characters.
In the words of AirNationOracle: I don't own Glee. If I did, Chris Colfer/Kurt would get much more screen time, the show would be better written and Chord would never leave my bedroom. In my own, neither would Mark Salling, but I'm slutty like that.
This is an AU story, taking place from Season 3 and going forward. Rachel and Schue bashing ahead. Don't like it? Hit that back button and save us all the flames. Reviews are lovely, constructive criticism helpful, but flames and insults are blatantly ignored, found amusing and thrown in the compost where they belong.
The next day, Kurt arrived early to McKinley. After the events of the previous day, Kurt knew he would need to revise his schedule while avoiding certain people (ehem, Rachel). Thankfully, after his Aunt Mildred had interviewed Finn, with the tall teen finally admitting that Schue had blackmailed him in to joining the New Directions, she had proceeded to have William Schuester arrested. Then, with a single phone call to the state licensing department, the man's teaching credentials were revoked and his employment at McKinley was terminated immediately.
The slender teen had barely made his way to his locker before being accosted by a certain blonde coach.
"Porcelain", she grunted by way of greeting, "a word in my office." With this brief, and somewhat disturbing command, Sue Sylvester stormed off, clearly expecting the bemused teen to follow.
Once in the Cheerios' coach's office, the blonde, track-suited menace to society and ineptitude everywhere wasted no time in addressing Kurt in her normally brusque and aggressive manner.
"I witnessed your little scene yesterday, Porcelain." she stated with no attempts at small talk. "I find myself not only impressed by the decisive and amusing methods you took in removing that overly-gelled and under-qualified alleged teacher, but the moves you employed in taking out that jockstrap wearing, rutting, grunting waste of a lettermen jacket. You reminded me of a younger, slightly less attractive Sue Sylvester. Beyond that, I find that I am now in your debt three times over. If there is one thing Sue Sylvester cannot abide, it is being in anyone's debt for any reason whatsoever! For this reason, I've decided to repay those debts before any further interest can accrue."
"Not being one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Ms. Sylvester," Kurt began, "I don't understand. What possible debts could you have to me?"
"Straight, if you'll excuse the expression, to the point, while being respectful to those only slightly your elder. I approve of your manners, Kid. All right, let's not beat around the bush. You've done me three favours over the years, and it's time to pay you back for services rendered.
"Firstly, thanks to you and your videography, choreography and cinematography skills, I was able to meet my life-long idol, Ms. Ciccione. Milady Madonna says 'hello', by the way. Without that Vogue video, I would never have made such a favourable impression on the Material Girl, and for that, I took the liberty of updating and upgrading your curriculum vitae after hacking into your home computer and finding it was severely lacking. Honestly, how could you have left out your winning Nationals performance on my squad? Afterwards, I also contacted milady and a few of your own idols." Handing over a rather thick legal envelope, Sue continued. "Your corrected CV as well as several letters of recommendation for that over-priced Kumbaya college you want to attend. But it's not my dream, so who the Hell cares?"
"Second, last year when my beloved sister Jeanne passed, you not only ensured that she would have a proper and fitting goodbye, you helped me see that she deserved the special and unique send off you arranged. No one, and I mean no one, could have given her such a perfect gift. For that reason, last night, I made some calls to the school board and the National Show Choir Committee. Without Schuester, you will need a new choir director, and should you wish to continue what I have always considered a waste of perfectly good time and energy that could be better put to use with cheer-leading and/or plotting and achieving world domination, you only have to keep two-thirds of the current qualifying members on a new team. I suggest you change the name to something less prurient than Nude Erections. It sounds like Butty McChin wasn't merely a drug muling idiot, but also a paedophile with his worship of teen sexuality and innuendo."
"Finally, as you have succeeded so dramatically and spectacularly in removing that horny teenager in a middle-aged man's body from this school and my life, I spoke to the Cheerios as well as the other coaches and club directors. I've encouraged everyone to try out for your new club. Also, I am withdrawing my objections and efforts to stop you and the rest of the misfit toys from competing. Or you can just leave well enough alone and tell them all to find useful employment as fry cooks or bus drivers. Whatever. But, if you decide to let my goodwill and patience go to waste, you're not as driven and ambitious as I thought. Either way, it's no skin off my nose. Now, get the Hell out of my office before I have you cleaning my Cheerios' equipment and uniforms! Your prepubescent clear skin and bright eyes are annoying the scat out of me!"
With a quick, yet sincere thanks, Kurt made his way out of the usually irritable woman's office thinking she needed to either find a man or get a colonic. How any supposedly human adult could be that clenched was beyond the male diva. Perhaps rumour was true, and her legendary protein shakes DID have cement as a main ingredient.
Roar Roar Roar Roar Roar
Once Kurt was safely ensconced in the library, his preferred sanctuary after the auditorium, he looked through the documents Coach Sylvester had given him. With a growing sense of utter incredulity, Kurt saw that not only had Sue Sylvester indeed updated his curriculum vitae to include his time on the Cheerios, but also his many self-produced videos and even several of his own compositions and performances were on a CD that the woman had burned and apparently sent a copy of which on to NYADA with the new and improved CV. Looking over the selections, Kurt found himself impressed in spite of his many reservations.
After reviewing his application, Kurt turned his attention to the letters written and printed from emails sent to Ms. Sylvester. Amazed beyond belief, Kurt was in shock at the recommendations from such luminaries as Madonna, Lady Gaga and even Adam Lambert! How that strange woman with such deplorable fashion sense could accomplish so much in a single evening was out of Kurt's grasp of reasoning, but he could only find himself grateful and impressed by this sign of confidence and support.
Perusing further, Kurt found that a few of the letters also included promises of financial patronage along with a request from both Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga to record an album together. Shaking his head in amazement, Kurt realized that even if he did not get in to NYADA, his future was all but assured as a performer. His father would be proud that Kurt Elizabeth Hummel had come so far.
Thinking to himself how grateful he was that his step-brother Finn would not be in school today, Kurt continued reviewing the envelope's contents, and saw that the coach had also included a copy of a sign up sheet for the replacement Glee club along with a pass to excuse him along with any and all auditioners for several days' worth of try outs from classes. Examining the sign up sheet, Kurt quickly realised that if he could only keep eight or nine of the ND members, the new club could still end up having more than thirty members. This coup was so far outside the realm of prior expectations and hopes that Kurt found himself making his way to the auditorium after all, once he ensured he had secured the many documents Sue Sylvester had given him back in his messenger bag.
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Once in the auditorium, Kurt saw nearly forty students on the stage, all clearly warming up vocally as well as stretching for dance. Seated were two teachers Kurt recognised as Señor Martinez (a man for whom Kurt had several embarrassing dreams already, but a truly talented performer in his own right), next to the former substitute Spanish teacher, Miss Holly Holiday, whose ditzy, yet fun approach to life reminded him of a more mature and somewhat less innocent Brittany S. Pierce.
Thoughts of his favourite blonde girl drew his attention back to the stage where Kurt saw the lovely Miss Pierce helping Mike Chang teach some choreography to the other auditioners. So complex and ambitious were the moves, that Kurt was certain Finn Hudson would never have succeeded in doing so much as a single step before breaking someone's legs and severely injuring himself. Impressed with what he saw, Kurt took a seat next to the two teachers, enjoying the show.
"They're quite good, aren't they Sweet-cheeks?" asked Ms. Holiday. "David and I have already weeded out the ones who couldn't carry a tune, this run through is for dance. Once we've pulled the ones who can't keep up with this, we'll schedule individual auditions, if that's okay with you." the woman stated calmly.
"Unless you want to handle them differently." Señor Martinez said in his delicious accent. "By the way, Sue mentioned that you would be working on a new name for the team."
Kurt watched as the forty plus students were run through the steps and worked to perform the dance Brittany and Mike had mapped. Seeing Sam, Puck, Santana, Tina, Joe, Rory and Sugar spaced out among the dancers, he started looking for the rest of the original New Directions team. The only ones missing were Quinn, Artie, Rachel, Mercedes and Finn, of course. As his step-brother was home awaiting questioning by the school district's attorney, Kurt didn't miss seeing the overly tall teen.
Musing to himself, Kurt considered several ideas before announcing his idea. "Trebled Youth seems not only appropriate to who we are as a school, but also our community, but I think it's something the entire team should decide."
"Coach Sue said she had some ideas about Schue's replacement, but I had no idea she had already selected the two of you." the pale teen added.
"We're here to help you pick your team, Sweet-cheeks. If you want one of us to direct the club, it's your decision." the blonde teacher stated. "But either David or I would be thrilled to help out if you want."
Giving the matter deeper consideration, Kurt asked if both teachers would be willing to work together and help maintain the winning momentum. Receiving enthusiastic agreement from both adults, Kurt turned his full attention back to the stage.
Raising his voice to project to the stage, Kurt called out to his best swans, he asked Tina, Brittany and Santana to join him in the seats. Once the girls joined the divo, he asked after the team mates he was missing, namely Artie and Quinn. Assured that the pair were available and interested in remaining a part of the team, but not on stage due to their (in Quinn's case, hopefully temporary) inability to do this degree of movement, the trio continued watching, with Brittany occasionally calling out a few minor adjustments. Naturally, the ditzy blonde's focus on all things dance related gave her an insight that allowed her to give thoughtful and concise observation that improved the performances of those on stage.
After a few minutes of choreography, it was clear to all those watching that nearly all the auditioners were well equipped to handle the complex moves, especially the other Gleeks and Cheerios, and the four who weren't quite as skilful (jocks) nevertheless were managing to keep up with it well enough to get by. After thanking the assembled teens, Kurt suggested that anyone who still wished to audition should sign up once more and a time would be scheduled for each to have an individual audition.
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After the weekend, Kurt's hopes of continuing to avoid one Rachel Berry were dashed as he was on his way to his AP English class. Less than five steps from the door, he was assaulted by the all too familiarly strident tones demanding to know why she was being deliberately excluded from her rightful role as leader and star of any show choir group that would allow her to continue her rise to fame and glory once she naturally won her strictly perfunctory audition to attend NYADA, as well as keeping her from her place in Finn's life as his girlfriend.
Pinching the bridge of his nose in a vain attempt to ward off the cluster migraine Rachel and her incessant demands could cause without fail, Kurt favoured the Jewish girl with a disdainful glare and proceeded to inform the irritating and poorly dressed chit of his opinion on the matter.
"Rachel, please, for once in your life, shut the Hell up and listen to someone other than yourself!" Kurt uttered while rounding on the short girl. "First, I did not invite or exclude anyone. Coach Sylvester did that. If you wish to argue with her, please feel free. Let me know when you are going, I would like to watch her peel your skin and disgraceful lack of style like bad coat of paint while verbally eviscerating you for having the audacity to question her. Second, in case you've forgotten, I can assure that I have not, nor has Coach, that you sent a Freshman to a crack house." Rummaging in his messenger bag, Kurt extracted a well-worn copy of the Show Choir Rule Book and opened it to a marked page. "Page twenty-three, paragraph four: 'No competitor shall commit an act or action which endangers other competitors and maintain eligibility. Should it be discovered that a competing team had knowledge of such actions and did not remove from its membership said offending member, then the entire team will forfeit its status and receive a lifetime ban from competition for its host school.' Per the rules, allowing you to join those of us who are willing to share the stage would disqualify the entire school. Not interested, not going to happen, end of story. Good day, Miss Berry."
Leaving the stunned diva, Kurt barely managed to take his seat before the tardy bell rang. Her wheelchair next to his seat, Quinn reached out to congratulate her friend for his take down of their mutual nemesis. Offering a genuine smile, Quinn asked after the divo's plans for the team once his focus was no longer divided by his pending audition.
Giving the blonde a sincere smile, Kurt outlined his ideas while keeping a weather eye out for Mrs. Latham, who frequently came to classes late smelling of alcohol and self-loathing.
"Of course, once you are back on your feet, we'll get you up to speed with the choreography, but in the event you aren't ready, we have contingency plans to showcase your lovely voice paired with Artie's." Kurt assured his friend.
"You're giving me a spotlight? I thought you'd want the lead!" Quinn said, stunned by the news.
"We're a team, Quinn. Something Rachel and Schue never grasped. Everyone gets an equal chance to shine and show off his or her best skills. Naturally, I have several song ideas for you to review at your leisure, but ultimately, everyone in the club will have the opportunity to shine. We won't win Nationals this year if we continue to make the same mistakes some people insisted on making. No diva-off required."
Pleased beyond all expectations, Quinn hid the sudden welling in her eyes by shyly looking to the door in time to see their teacher finally stumbling in. Knowing that the conversation would have to come to a close for now at least, the wheelchair-bound Cheerio turned her attention to the front of the class. Still, anyone who knew Lucy Quinn Fabray would realise that the girl was hardly deterred in wanting to see Kurt shine brightest after all these years of both being under the unfair yoke of Rachel and Schuester.
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By Thursday when he would be performing his audition to NYADA, Kurt had managed to not only hand select his team for Nationals under the name Trebled Youths (which had received unanimous approval), started preparations on an agreed upon set list, and got Finn to accept a position as a drummer and back up singer for the team (over Rachel's frequent and ridiculous demands for inclusion and leadership), the counter-tenor had also made his final selection for his audition piece. During the past several days, Blaine had made another attempt to force Kurt's apology and acquiescence to resume their unfairly (in Blaine's words) aborted relationship. For once, both Finn and Burt were resolutely on Kurt's side in removing the helmet coifed teen from their abode, and judging by the terrified manner in which Blaine had peeled out in his ridiculously pink Barbie car, the boy would not be back any time soon. No doubt, he finally realised that Burt truly meant what he said when the dapper boy found himself facing the business end of Burt's shotgun. And if the weapon just happened to discharge a load of buckshot to improve the overall appearance of said Volkswagen, surely no one would mind overly much.
The last hurdle in performing his audition piece proved no less annoying in its brevity when Rachel caused a stir after demanding to audition first. The sight of a famous and infamously renowned teacher as Madame Thibodeaux impatiently berating Rachel Berry over her demands to have yet one more do over after choking on her song choice lifted Kurt's spirits even higher once he saw the girl running away in (for once genuine) tears. La Thibodeaux had firmly endeared herself in Kurt's eyes with the words: "An audition is eight bars, you had thirty-two. If you forget your lines on Broadway, they send for your Understudy. Now get off my stage!"
Taking a deep breath to fully centre himself, Kurt sat himself at the piano with Brittany waiting for her queue to join him.
"Many years ago, centuries ago,
Long before the Beatles ever had a single fan,
There was once a guy named Mozart,
and he was a keyboard man.
Wrote a lot of songs, wrote of lot of tunes,
He became a legendary figure overnight.
He wrote symphonies, concertos...
He quartets were out of sight!
But though almost every single song
Charted high and charted very long
There was one thing to be achieved,
one more accolade to be received.
So, he tried again, with his music pen,
Searching for a tune to put him the hall of fame.
And he worked by day and night
until at last the moment came.
He had found just the ditty
for a Kurt Hummel recital
Yes it seemed just the right one,
Not to slow and not too bright!
Mozart found something special
for us teens to swing along to
and we won't rest a moment
'til we get the darn thing right!
Starting from the lowest of his range, Kurt began noodling riffs and matching in tone and tempo note for note. As he played and continued singing in a higher and higher register, Brittany danced onto the stage with a silver platter bearing a single crystal wine glass. As the girl did her impromptu ballet in time with Kurt's scat singing and playing, she placed the platter on top of the piano just as Kurt was reaching his highest notes.
"And they called the number 'Turkish Delight!'" Kurt sang out in a full-throated fermata, belting out his perfect and crystal clear G6. After fifteen seconds of this impressive display of perfect pitch and breath control and volume, the wine glass spectacularly shattered just before Kurt ended his note, causing the usually calm woman to jump from her seat in a wild round of applause.
"Mister Hummel" the dark skinned woman began, "in my many years as a vocal coach and trainer to stars such as Hugh Jackman and Peter Allen, I have encountered a great many counter-tenors. I can honestly say that I've never until today had the pleasure of hearing one with the range and power you so effortlessly displayed. And to perform a Stephen Sondheim number of such complexity and precision shows that you not only have the voice and diction to handle demanding roles, but also the audacity to make an audience and any director sit up and notice you."
"In the thirty plus years I have been Dean of Admissions, I have never until today made use of my executive power to bypass our Selection Committee and offer a potential student admission to NYADA based solely on a single audition. I am invoking that authority here and now, and am also extending an offer for a full scholarship to our school. You have much to offer, I sincerely hope that NYADA will have as much to offer you." As soon as Madame Thibodeaux finished speaking, she found herself wrapped in a rare embrace from the grateful and excited teen.
"I promise you won't regret your decision, Madame Thibodeaux" Kurt enthused. "I can't wait to tell my father!" Giving the boy a truly heartfelt smile of acceptance and understanding, the teacher sent Kurt off with a hug that betrayed her rarely displayed maternal side. Kurt was finally on his way to his dreams, and it was about time!
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Four years later – excerpted from his interview with Advocate Magazine after winning his first Tony for his role in the Broadway version of 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'.
Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, originally from Lima, Ohio, took the stage and world by storm as Shakespeare's beloved merry mischief maker Robin Goodfellow. With his commanding stage presence, his amazing vocal talents and incredibly fey appearance, Mister Hummel makes good his early promise to his late mother in his award winning role as Puck. It was apparent to all who witnessed his virtuosity that this is a powerfully talented and driven young man indeed.
It was a bitter-sweet day when Kurt, age twenty-four, arrived for our interview. Not only had he just received his first of what will no doubt be many awards, he also had just returned from his home town of Lima, Ohio where he had visited his late mother's gravesite. Also with the talented young man are his nearest and dearest, Noah Puckerman, his bodyguard and self-proclaimed number one fan; Burt Eugene Hummel, his father; Samuel Evans, his fiance; and his personal dance coach, a lovely young woman named Brittany S. Pierce.
They say that from humble beginnings, comes a true star, and this could not be more true in the case of Kurt Hummel. In our interview, Kurt and his father both touched on just how much had changed for the young star. Describing a past of utter humiliation by his peers (to which Mister Puckerman added that he had been at fault as well, before realising the amazing strength and sheer hotness of his friend), Kurt spared no one's feelings, not even his own when he said that he had had enough of being the victim and in learning to stand up for himself became the rising star we see today.
Only the reminder that his late mother never had the chance to see her only son on stage could take away from the sheer joy and celebration of the day. Kurt waxed poetic on his thoughts of Heaven, saying that if such a place did exist, then surely Elizabeth Constance Hummel was watching him, a point to which Kurt expressed only that he wished he did believe, but could not.
Kurt goes on to say that living in a small Mid-Western town with little to no gay community, much less culture often frustrated him to no end. Pointing out examples of cruelty and small-mindedness as the reason behind his choices both professionally and personally, Kurt asserts that he has no regrets and no grudges against those back in Lima who tried to keep him down.
Burt Hummel, a retired master mechanic and third term Congressman, adds that his campaign to keep the arts alive in Ohio's public schools was largely due to the fact that, in his words, "Music saved my son's life and sanity." Where many fathers would have seen a gay son and either despaired at never having their own ambitions and dreams come true, a varsity football star, a pretty wife and hopefully, grandchildren, Burt Hummel looked at his son who he stated he knew was gay at the tender age of three when the boy asked for a pair of sensible heels for his birthday, and the perfect blending of both parents. His late Elizabeth's style and musical voice, and his own pride and determination. "Not only can Kurt sing like an angel, he can rebuild an engine block in less than an hour!" the older man exclaimed with notable fondness and a shine in his eyes. "Plus, Kurt and Sam are working on making me a proud Grandpa."
After this hint of things to come, Kurt and his fiance showed this reporter the folder from a well-known and impeccable adoption agency. The photos of the children they were applying to adopt brought this reporter to tears. Such lovely, and according to their files, talented children! Two boys, one blond and one with light reddish-blond hair, and both at the age of four already singing and dancing at the orphanage in Upstate New York.
"Their names are Ian and Conner" Kurt mused fondly. "Once the final background checks are completed next month, they will be our sons."
Sam then added that the only reason the pair had put off their own wedding was to wait until gay marriage was legal in all fifty states, but now that they were going to become parents, their nuptials would occur this upcoming weekend.
When asked if such short notice would be a problem in making a magical and fitting wedding happen, Burt assured this reporter that his son already pulled off a wonderful wedding in even less time when the then teenager had arranged a spectacular wedding to Burt's second wife.
"Kurt even has his old Glee team flying in from all over the country to help out!" Burt enthused. "My biggest dream came true when Kurt asked me to walk him down the aisle. I'm a happy man and there never was a prouder father!"
Please see the full photo spread for all the details of the wedding of Kurt Elizabeth Hummel and Samuel Jessica Evans.
End notes: It should go without saying that this story is how I would have liked the series to go, not what the writers/directors/producers gave us. That being said, a few comments on the story.
This was originally to be a one shot story based on Katy Perry's song "Roar". Chapter one was strictly a song fic, and as such was meant to stand alone. Reviews and PM's led me to write more in this world, and I dearly hope that it is as well received as Chapter 1 was.
Sam was always meant to be Kurt's boyfriend, sadly Jane Lynch leaked the news that Kurt would have a boyfriend in Season 2, so to keep the tabloids and gossip sites guessing, the big three decided that Chord's character would only be gay-friendly and of undetermined sexuality. Then Quam hit and that was it. It went downhill from there... Samtana, Samcedes (BAD!) and Bram. I choose to ignore the Florence Nightingale story line of Season 5, because that's just wrong! Sam's middle name came from trivia that Chord himself wrote that his character would have a feminine middle name to go with Kurt's (see, more hints that Hevans was meant to be, DAMN YOU RIB!). I take great pride that no matter what Ryan, Ian and Brad pulled, in my mind canon and every fan site I've found, Hevans was already endgame.
In plotting and outlining this chapter, I had intended to give Finn the freakout of his life, by having Puck and Sam continue their fangirling over Kurt's Bad Arseness and giving the divo (male diva) a scene of bromance. I opted out in favour of making Hevans endgame a reality. Kurt might have enjoyed a bit of play (or at least a fake out make out to freak out Finn) the two hot studs, but then he'd be too embarrassed to get involved with Sam. What a waste!
In the episode Choke, Kurt nailed his audition, and yet for no explicable reason was denied admission to NYADA, while Rachel who not only choked hers and stalked La Thibodeaux got in. How exactly does that work, and more to the point, how is it that Kurt had to show humility to get a late admission? In what world does this actually happen, and who bribed Thibodeaux to do it? (Glaring daggers at Ryan Murphy)
End of ranting. I hope you enjoyed this story, and if so will feel inclined to leave a review.