(A/N) Well, due to the popular demand that I not leave our boys hanging (and the fact that the requester gave me permission to complete it), we will now get to see the Durin boys act on their feelings for one another. Hopefully this satisfies all of you as much as it did me.
Warnings: (though I hope you don't need those by now if you've gotten this far) Incest, hard core incest.
Look, But Don't Touch
Even though Laketown was a welcome relief after escaping from Mirkwood, the town of men was far from restful for the company. They were all malnourished after their imprisonment and the men both hated and sucked up to them by turns. Thorin was constantly at odds with Bard, even though the master of the town was perfectly willing to send them off to face the dragon. Worst of all, in Fili's view, was that Kili had been injured back in Mirkwood and was barely back on his feet. Fili was willing to help him get around when he needed to, but Kili insisted he didn't want to hold him back and more often used a crutch to keep the weight off his still healing leg. It was like this that Fili found his brother, struggling with the crutch in the marketplace late one afternoon. A few of the boys were having a go at him.
"Bard says you dwarves are going to be the death of us all," one of them jeered.
"Maybe we ought to just pick you off one by one," another suggested, shoving his brother. Normally, no human child would be able to push Kili, but barely balanced on a crutch was another matter, and he did stumble a little. Fili could see that Kili was angry, but his brother made no move to defend himself, which he easily could have, even on the crutch. It was this more than anything else that pierced Fili's heart. He didn't care what Thorin said. If Kili was not going to defend himself, he certainly was. Human brats be damned!
"So you start by going after the injured?" another boy suddenly broke in. Bain…Bard's little boy. "Real brave move, boys. Laketown's finest, you are."
"You stay out of it! Shouldn't you be doing what your father wants anyway?"
"I do. Maybe he doesn't want 'em to go to the mountain, but he's not gonna hurt 'em either. Besides, I think you're more likely to get hurt if you go after this one."
"Why's that? You gonna do something about it?"
"I don't have to. I'm pretty sure if you try anything, that dwarf right there is gonna kill you," Bain said, nodding in Fili's direction. When the little boys saw the golden dwarf with the look of murder in his eyes, they quickly panicked and scattered. Fili immediately went to his brother, gripping his shoulders as he pressed his forehead against his.
"Are you all right?"
"I'm fine, Sannadad. They weren't so tough," he returned, his warm breath ghosting across Fili's lips and causing him to shudder with barely concealed want. Instead, he directed his lust toward anger.
"You shouldn't be out here. You should be resting."
"How am I supposed to get better if I don't work this blasted leg? I was just getting a little exercise."
"If those boys come near you again, I'll kill them. Thorin and the whole race of men be damned."
"While I appreciate the sentiment, I'd rather you not be thrown in a man's prison. I'm certain our little friend here will spread the word. Thank you, young master," Kili said, finally turning his attention back to Bain.
"No trouble. I know your uncle and my father don't get along, but he still wouldn't want you treated like that."
"You have some nobility in you then," Fili said stiffly. He knew the boy was on their side, but he couldn't quite help the anger that lingered in his veins.
"You probably have his mother to thank for that more than anything from his father," Bard said as he appeared from the crowd, patting his son proudly on the head. "Nobility is not born in the blood, after all."
"We are in your debt, sir," Kili said, nodding to the bowman. Fili nodded, as well, but said nothing to the man.
"Kili, I'll see you back to our room," he said, anxious to be away from the crowded market.
"You can go ahead," Kili said. "I want to breathe the fresh air a little longer. I'm sure I'll be safe with my little knight," he said, offering Bain a smile. The young boy returned the smile shyly and bowed.
"Have no fear, Durin's son, we will see him safely back," Bard reassured him.
Fili looked ready to argue, but ultimately turned back to his brother, briefly nuzzling his ear.
"Stay safe. Please come back to me," he whispered, lips brushing faintly against his ear before he swept away down the street.
"He loves you very much…doesn't he," Bard observed as he watched Fili disappear into the crowd. Kili nodded slowly.
"And you love him."
Kili immediately blushed at this, gaze dropping to the ground in shame. "Of…of course…as a brother should…no…no more than a brother should," he tried to insist. When Bard saw the young dwarf's reaction, a note of sadness colored the bowman's smile. So Malena had been right…when she'd claimed to see something more between the two brothers.
When Kili looked up and saw the changed expression on Bard's face, his dark eyes briefly filled with horror. Somehow, after knowing them only a few days, this man had figured out what not even his own family had ever realized…his forbidden feelings for his own brother.
He could have tried to deny it…as he had denied it to himself for so long, but he could see the truth in Bard's eyes…the knowledge…and in that knowing, he felt a little more of his heart break, for he had liked the bowman quite well, and now he must surely think him disgusting.
"Please," he begged, his voice little more than a whisper. "Don't tell. Don't tell Fili. I don't care if you hate me; just please don't tell my brother."
Bard raised his eyebrows at this. "You mean…he doesn't know? You two…you aren't-"
"No," Kili hissed, turning away from the man. "Fili, he…he is perfect. How could he ever be like this…like me?"
"Then you do not see it…the longing in his eyes. You look away far too soon to hide the longing of your own."
"What…what do you mean?" Kili asked, feeling his throat tighten and his eyes itch as the familiar pain clawed at his heart.
"My wife was the one to notice first…how the two of you steal glances at each other when you think the other has looked away. The love you seek is there, Kili."
"Then…you don't…hate me?" Kili whispered, hardly daring to hope.
Bard winced slightly at the word. "I confess I find the idea strange, but your choice is none of my affair. I could never hate someone for their choice of lover if they are happy. Living so near the Desolation, I have lived too long with hate in my heart. Malena helped me to overcome that. I found redemption in her. I love her…and I see that same love in you. Even if I can't conceive of such a notion myself, I don't see how something that redeems the soul like that could be a bad thing."
Kili seemed to consider his words for several minutes before finally looking up at him again.
"Please…don't tell my brother we've spoken about this."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
"I…I need to think. Tell Fili not to worry if I don't return for supper."
"I don't think it's possible to stop that one worrying about you, but I'll tell him just the same. Do you need help getting anywhere?" he asked as Kili turned and began to hobble away.
"No, I'll be fine. I just…need…a little time," he said, the last part more to himself than to Bard and his son.
Was it possible…just maybe…that what Bard had said was true?
Fili was, of course, impossibly worried when Kili didn't turn up for supper. His little brother never missed a meal if he could help it. So where was he? Fili was just about to tear down the walls to get a search party going when he suddenly heard a knock at their door…and was surprised and relieved to find Kili standing there, eyes wide and breath shuddering…not as if he were out of breath, but as if he were nervous.
"Kili! What in Durin's name were you-"
"I can't do this anymore," Kili said, both his voice and his shoulders shaking as he hobbled into the room. "I can't live like this."
"What…what are you talking about?" Fili asked, suddenly feeling a different kind of fear beginning to boil in his stomach.
"Fili…Nadadel…we may die any day now."
"That has…been true for the last several months now," Fili tried to point out, not sure he was liking the direction this was going in.
"I know…but I spoke with Bard and…what he said made me think…about what really matters to me…about the things I want you to know…in case either one of us doesn't make it to tomorrow."
"Kili, please," Fili begged him, his own shoulders beginning to shake as he pushed Kili up against the wall. "Don't say what you are about to say. It will destroy us."
"We are destroyed already," Kili whispered as tears began to burn at his eyes, for in this moment, he knew that Bard had been right. His love was returned. It had always been returned. "We were destroyed from the moment I was born as your brother, for you know what we are, Fili."
"Don't say it!" he begged, burying his face in his brother's chest.
"I can bear it no longer, my love," Kili said softly as the tears began to fall. "If I keep silent one more moment, it will kill me. I know you feel it, too…and I can no longer live my life trying to deny it. We are bound together…even tighter in soul than we are in blood. As I am yours…so, too, you are mine. You are my One, Fili."
"It cannot be!" Fili sobbed, soaking Kili's shirt with his tears as they clung to each other. "What did we do…to deserve such a fate? How can the Maker play a trick so cruel as this?"
"I don't know…and I no longer care," Kili said as he tangled his fingers in his brother's golden hair. "These words have poisoned me for far too long. Fili…brother dearer than breath…I love you."
"So long…" Fili began, his voice broken by sobs. "For so many years…I have tried to fight this…tried to protect you from it…prayed for the strength to resist it…but it seems Mahal has not heard those prayers."
"How can he hear such a prayer…when the stars were already aligned before we were even born? Fili…please…tell me you love me," he whispered as he cradled his brother close against his chest. "I need to hear it."
Slowly, Fili looked up at his brother, then gently took his face in his hands. "Kili…brother nearer than soul…I love you. For so many years, I have loved you in silence…and I thought to go on doing so until they laid me in stone."
"Show me," Kili pleaded, his breath hot and moist against Fili's face as he trembled with desire. "Show me how you love me."
Then, finally, after so many years of longing and heartache, their lips met in a slow, passionate kiss.
Both princes gasped against each other at the heated press. Something was waking up inside of them. As the kiss deepened and their tongues ventured forth to taste one another, Fili could feel Kili's body reacting to him, just as his body was reacting to Kili's. They could no longer hide from what they both wanted. Gently, Fili pushed a knee between Kili's legs, reveling in the feeling of his brother's hardness pressed so intimately against his own body. Shivering with barely contained lust, he pressed his lips against Kili's ear.
"Kili…my love…is this what you want? Are you certain this is what you want? I no longer have the strength to fight this. If we do this, there's no turning back…and if you have any doubts at all, you'd better run now."
Smiling, Kili gently lifted his brother's face up so he could look him in the eyes. "This is all I want. I've wanted you since before I really understood what it was to want. The whole of Middle-earth can burn in dragon's fire for all I care…so long as I can have you…and have you love me. I give myself to you, Fili…freely and happily. I have no doubts…so take me, Sannadad. Make love to me," he said, grinding harshly against Fili's leg.
Fili groaned in both joy and agony, knowing he was lost as he reached over Kili's shoulder to lock the door. He pressed his lips against Kili's in a brief but fiery kiss before lifting him into his arms, the crutch clattering to the floor, forgotten. Fili made sure to be careful of Kili's leg as he carried him to the bed, gently laying him down on the soft sheets. After so many years, what he really wanted to do was absolutely ruin his baby brother, fuck him until he didn't know up from down, until he was absolutely drained of his essence and his body was dripping with his seed…until he was a helpless, writhing mess screaming his name in ecstasy. Despite what he wanted, though, he would take this slow, giving all of his attention to Kili's pleasure. He was still hurt, after all, and he didn't want Kili to regret one single moment of this.
His beautiful little brother lay panting on the bed as Fili removed every last weapon from his body. He had quite a few, after all, and he had been armed with every last one of them in preparation to go out looking for Kili. Having done this, the last thing he removed from his coat was the bottle of oil he used to keep his blades clean. Then he knelt beside his brother on the bed, slipping out of his coat as he did so. Slinging one leg over his body so that Kili lay pinned between his legs, he fell upon him once more, like a starving man upon a banquet, kissing his lips and neck as if the taste of him alone sustained him. Kili groaned as he pushed his jacket from his shoulders. Arms briefly free, he let his hands wander up the blond's shirt, stroking every firm muscle and every soft stretch of skin he could reach. Fili gasped in pleasure as Kili began to play with his nipples.
"Mm…let me see you, B-Brother. I want to- oh -see you," Kili moaned as Fili sucked on a particularly sensitive part of his neck. Once he'd had enough of tasting him, Fili obliged, sitting up briefly to slip his shirt over his head, revealing his chest, sculpted from years of training, and his nipples, hard and sensitive from where Kili had touched them. Smiling, Kili sat up, moving in to take a single pert nipple in his mouth. Fili cried out at this, feeling hot threads of pleasure move through his body from the point of contact. Kili had him writhing within moments, his tongue swirling around the sensitive little nub.
"Now the other one," he said lightly, moving his mouth to the unattended nipple. As he sucked, Fili began to rut gently against him, whimpering with need as he wrapped his arms around him. At this rate, he was starting to fear Kili would make him come undone just like this…and just when he was starting to think he might not be able to hold on anymore, Kili let him go, leaving him panting and desperate for more. Seizing the cloth of his shirt in both hands, he quickly pulled the blue fabric up and over his head, taking in the sight of his little brother's bare chest.
Smiling again, Kili flopped back onto the bed, arms above his head.
"You can't know how long I've wanted you to look at me like that."
Groaning softly at the wanton sight his brother made, Fili reached down to undo Kili's belt…and realized they couldn't progress any farther while he was still sitting on top of him.
"I know I have to move…so we can finish undressing…but I don't want to be apart. I don't want to look away," he said quietly, reaching a hand forward to stroke the side of Kili's face. "Even now…I believe there's no way this can be real…and when I look away, I'll wake up to find this was all a dream. I couldn't bear it. I would go mad," he said, feeling tears prick at his eyes once more.
Kili's eyes also shone with tears as he reached a hand up to lay over the one on his face. Then he turned his head to the side and lovingly kissed Fili's palm.
"It isn't a dream, Fili. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, Sannadad. I love you."
Slowly, Fili nodded, squeezing his eyes shut, though he couldn't stop the few tears that fell. Then he drew Kili's hand up to his own face and tenderly kissed his palm. "I love you, too…my Sannadad," he whispered against the calloused flesh…and for what felt like a long while, they just sat there, caressing each other's faces, until Fili felt ready to move forward again, rolling off of his brother and moving down to start pulling his boots off.
Once Fili had made quick work of both sets of boots, he noticed that Kili had already managed to wriggle about halfway out of his trousers, which he helped him finish with, taking a long moment to appreciate the sight of his brother's naked body…laid out beneath him and ready for him…exactly as he'd always dreamed…but after a time, Kili started to blush, squirming beneath his gaze.
"What…what are you looking at?" he pressed.
"You," Fili answered simply. "I'm looking at you…and still trying to comprehend that you can really be mine."
"Well…get down here and I'll be all yours," he said, parting his legs invitingly. Fili swallowed heavily, feeling a fresh surge of blood travel southward. Keeping his gaze fixed on Kili, he struggled awkwardly out of his own trousers. When he heard Kili gasp at the sight of him, he felt himself start to blush, as well, and he shook his head.
"Why are we acting like a pair of virgins? It's not as if…we've never seen each other naked before."
Kili offered him a slightly more serious smile at this. "This is different and you know it. This is…what we've both dreamed about…for so many years. Yes…I have seen your prick before…but this is the first time I'm seeing it…knowing that it's hard because of me…because you want me…just as badly as I want you. So please, Brother…touch me. Put that huge, dripping cock in me and make me yours," he encouraged, causing Fili to shudder at the mental image. He hadn't realized his baby brother could be quite so…creative…with his words. Smiling shyly, he reached his hand slowly forward to finally wrap his fingers around his brother's thick cock…and found he couldn't do it.
Look, but don't touch. Look, but don't touch.
"Fili?" Kili asked, looking up at him with a small look of hurt in his eyes…and Fili could have killed himself for that little bit of Kili's self confidence that he'd just murdered.
Look, but don't touch! Look, but don't touch!
"What's wrong? What is it, Fili?" he asked as he sat back up, trying to reach out for Fili's hands, but Fili pulled back as if in fear, clutching his head as the voice of his conscience hammered at the inside of his skull. He couldn't do this. How could he do this?! How could he defile his precious baby brother like this?!
Look, but don't touch! Look, but don't touch!
The command repeated itself in his head over and over again. He had promised! He had promised he would never do this to Kili…and now here they were…about to commit a horrible act…all because of something a man had said? No!
"Fili, please. Please look at me. What's the matter? Did…did I do something? Please…just tell me what's wrong," he begged. He would have pursued Fili across the bed, but then he would have had to deal with shifting his injured leg, so for the moment, he just sat, begging Fili to come back to him.
LOOK, BUT DON'T TOUCH! LOOK, BUT DON'T TOUCH!
"Look, but don't touch. Look, but don't touch. Look, but don't touch," he began to mumble over and over again.
When Kili could get no response from him, he finally decided to risk it and shifted his leg in order to crawl to him. Then he shook him hard, finally getting him to look at him.
"What in Mahal's name are you doing?" he hissed. "Have you lost your mind?"
With the sudden break in his mental cage, Fili was able to regain some control over himself…then he looked at Kili with sorrow in his eyes.
"I watch you…when you touch yourself," he admitted.
"So? I…I've watched you, too…whenever I could. What is this all of a sudden?"
"I always told myself I could look…but never touch. I guess that's just…ingrained now. It…it's difficult to overcome."
Slowly, being careful of his brother, Kili reached forward and took his hands in his.
"It's all right, Fili. It's all right," he soothed him. "I understand. I know you were only…trying to protect me…but I don't want to be protected anymore. I don't need to be. I want this," he reassured him yet again as he drew Fili's hands closer to his own body, first bringing them to rest against his belly. "Now it's my turn to help you. We're going to work through this nice and slow…until you feel comfortable again," he said, slowly guiding his hands down into the thatch of his pubic hair. "Is this all right?"
Slowly, Fili nodded, but when Kili tried to guide him lower, he hesitated, fighting the gentle pull of his hands.
"Wait," he whispered. "I just need…I…I need a moment."
"All right. Just take all the time you need. We're in no hurry. We've got all night. You're doing very well, Sannadad."
For several more minutes, they remained like that, Fili's hands trembling in Kili's, until he finally nodded, and Kili guided his hands down to his cock, showing him how to wrap his fingers around it.
"See? It's all right," Kili said, shivering in pleasure at the touch. "Nothing bad's going to happen while you and I are together," he soothed, as if he were the elder and Fili the younger. He continued to keep his gentle hold on Fili's hands while the older dwarf stroked him.
"Can…can I try something?" Fili asked nervously, looking up to meet Kili's blissed out gaze. His brother nodded, eyes glassy and lids only at half-mast.
"How do you want me?" Kili asked him.
"Lie down," Fili encouraged, helping him to move back to his former position. Then he settled low on his brother's body, pressing his lips to his belly in a series of tender kisses. After several minutes of this, Fili began to kiss lower, down onto his pubic bone, nuzzling the thatch of curly dark hair just above his still throbbing sex. After the anticipation of him reaching it, Kili hissed rather loudly in pleasure when he finally began to lick the hot skin.
"Oh…oh, Mahal…oh, Durin…oh," he groaned as Fili began to suck on him, hot mouth running up and down his cock. It was a struggle for him to just lie still and let himself feel it…to make no sudden moves or grip his brother too tightly, for fear he might drive him away.
"Fili…Fili, please…oh…ah…hah…I'm going to…oh, sweet Maker," he cried out, throwing an arm over his eyes as Fili took him down his throat, tight muscles squeezing at his already tortured prick. Unfortunately, Fili could only hold the position for a moment before he gagged and had to release him. Fili coughed briefly, but managed to give him a small smile as he peeked out from beneath his arm.
"Sannadad…Atamanel…please…please take me. I want to be yours. I'm ready," he panted quietly, parting his legs once more…inviting Fili to join with him.
It was this sight, Kili spread out beneath him, panting and sweating, legs open and entrance puckering, dark hair fanned out on the pillow…this beautiful vision from his wildest dreams…that finally washed away the last of Fili's restraint. Who was he to refuse what Kili so freely offered? Lowering his head between his brother's legs once more, he pressed a brief kiss to his entrance, and Kili fought not to squirm at the delicious feeling of his hot breath just barely ghosting at the threshold of his body.
"I love you," Fili said softly before reaching for the vial of oil he'd retrieved, beginning to carefully coat his fingers with the stuff. Then he began to massage the slick liquid in and around the tight hole, making certain his lover was nice and loose before even daring to press a finger inside him.
Kili groaned at the first penetration, hands twitching spasmodically against the sheets.
"That feels good," he whispered, encouraging his brother along. "I…I'm ready. I want more."
Fili was just as slow and deliberate in adding the second finger, very intently stretching the entrance to his brother's gently writhing body.
"Does it feel good?" he asked, sounding a little nervous.
"Feels…wonderful," he panted. "I can take more."
Hesitating only a moment, Fili slowly added a third finger and Kili groaned even louder.
"Oh…Sannadad…feels good…so good. Please…please put it in me. I want your cock in me," he pleaded, feeling the sweat run down his body in rivulets, sticking to the sheets. He was ready. He was so ready to be taken…to be known and loved and cherished…to have the love and desire he'd always felt for the dwarf above him finally returned and completed.
"I want you to fuck me…my love," he hissed, raising his hips infinitesimally off the bed. Fili drew in a sharp breath at the sight and the sound. Then he used nearly all of the oil to thoroughly slick his cock from balls to head…every inch…and with each stroke, he imagined himself finally sliding into his brother's tight, willing body. Being careful of his injured leg, he helped Kili hike his good leg up over his shoulder, opening him even farther.
When Fili finally had himself positioned at his brother's entrance, they both held still for a moment, gazing into each other's eyes. After this moment, they both knew, there was no going back…but they also knew they couldn't stop now. They had wanted this…too long and too desperately. Body trembling and breath shaking, Fili leaned down to kiss his brother as he pushed inside of him.
Kili drew in a sharp breath as Fili entered him. As their bodies joined and he felt the fullness of his brother inside him at last, he forgot everyone else who had ever shared his body and knew that no other would ever be able to satisfy him now that he had known his brother's touch. He kissed Fili back with hunger and passion.
Once they were fully joined, they just lay like that for several minutes, hardly daring to believe it was true…that they were finally of one body. In this moment, they couldn't care what the rest of the world would think. They had all they needed in each other.
Fili moved slowly in and out of his brother's body, relishing every inch of gentle pressure and the sweet give of his entrance. Both moaned in pleasure as they moved together on the bed.
The two brothers lost track of the minutes as they made love, worshipping each other with their tiny cries of bliss and passion. Like the inevitable ebb and flow of the tide, Fili moved in his brother, feeling himself come closer and closer every time he watched himself disappear inside Kili's body.
For a long while, the going was slow and easy…until Fili's movements finally touched that one spot in Kili's body, causing him to jerk and cry out.
"Ah! Oh…Fili…right there. Right there!" he pleaded, hips moving involuntarily up against his brother, seeking more friction. Fili groaned as he felt Kili's fingertips dig into his shoulders and he thrust just that little bit harder, striking his brother's sweet spot with every movement.
"Ha…nngh…Kili…Kili," he whimpered, feeling his little brother's body beginning to tighten against him, contracting as he neared his climax.
"Fili…oh…yes…Fili…Mahal…Fili!" he cried out, panting harder and harder until he finally came with a tiny scream, painting the space between them with his seed. Fili was only moments behind, biting down on Kili's shoulder to muffle his scream as he released, spilling deep inside his lover's body.
When they finally collapsed back on the bed, they were hopelessly tangled up in each other, both sticky with sweat and semen. For a long while they remained joined, just holding each other and breathing together as they fell from the heights, slowly falling back to their individual selves…though they both knew that with this they had been tied irrevocably together and nothing could separate them ever again. It was more than what the humans thought of as marriage. It was the bond of their souls. They had simply completed the knot the Maker had prepared for them before they were born. They couldn't possibly know it now, but when they went to Thorin in the morning, hands joined and resolve in their eyes, they would find that he had known the truth. They had all known it. They had simply prayed that both Fili and Kili would remain ignorant to it, for once the knot had been tied, nothing could untie it. No matter what anyone thought, said, or did, not even death could break their bond.
"Praise be to Mahal," Kili whispered in thanksgiving as he caressed his brother's face. "For here I have found my soul…the One who was made for me…as I was made for him."
"Mahal praise," Fili returned, whispering the prayer just as his brother had before pressing a tender kiss to his lips, holding him close.
"No matter what happens…from this moment on…I have been with you," Kili whispered against him. "I have known your love. My life is complete."
Fili was no longer certain what to believe. For so long, he had been led to believe that what he felt for his brother was wrong, but tonight, here in Kili's arms, he had found a redemption the likes of which he never could have understood alone. It was only through Kili's love for him that all of his faults and flaws could be redeemed. Even if the world said it was wrong, there was only one truth that guided his heart now, and he whispered that truth to Kili as they drifted off into the most blissful sleep either had ever known.
"I love you."