Gunning Down Romance
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon or Savage Garden
Love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain
And feelings of aggression are the absence of the love drug in
In your veins
Tai must've felt something for Sora before they even became digidestined. He remembered the first time he met her. When he saw her in class at school and when she joined the team. Something just stirred up inside him when he first saw her. That red fiery hair, those eyes and that smile--he never looked at other girls the way he looked at Sora. The way she passed the ball to him was just perfect. He thought for sure they were meant to be together and nothing or nobody could ever become between them. She was always on his mind.
Sora and Tai became friends almost immediately and that day they fell in the digiworld, he made a pact with himself that he'd never let anything hurt her.
But of course, he failed a few times. When Sora needed him the most, he couldn't
help her because he was too afraid. Tai
never showed any fear; why did he start now, of all the times to be a wimp, why
now? Tai never felt so afraid and upset
before in his life. He can't remember
when he cried so hart either. How could
he mess up? It was his responsibility
to keep the team together. What kind of
leader backs out on a teammate when he or she needs him the most?
Tai never wanted to make that mistake again and he focused on his courage and he finally made it to Sora. Perhaps she had forgiven him. She never told him she hated him for not coming to her the moment Datamon kidnapped her. After that, he made sure that his fear wouldn't get in the way again. Sora just meant too much to him. And he even told her one time in the digiworld, "I won't let anything happen to you."
"You mean it?" she had asked.
"Of course I mean it."
He wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean every word. They had a few good conversations and Tai wouldn't trade anything in the world for them, not even a game of soccer or coming home. When they all got their crests, he was so dang happy and he was even happier when it glowed. But Sora's crest just wouldn't' glow. It couldn't be a dud and he knew the crest was just perfect for her, even if she didn't agree. He knew her better than anyone in the group. His heart just broke in half when she started to cry and he was clueless what to do. He never saw her cry before. He hoped never to see her in tears again. He hated feeling helpless.
Then after the digidestined had returned home and in those 4 years of being away from the digiworld, their relationship changed. They weren't so close anymore. Sora left the soccer team and became a tennis player. She became interested in Matt. Why the hell for? Matt didn't love Sora the way Tai loved her. Matt had a ton of girls chasing after him. Did Sora have to be one of them too? Why did Tai have to be such a coward? Why didn't he just tell her how he felt about her before it got too late?
Right after Christmas when Malomyotismon was destroyed, Tai was outside for a walk pondering this. He had to clear his head. Where did it all go wrong? Why did he wait too long to ask her to Matt's concert, or to ask her out at all? And didn't she even have a clue that Tai cared about her?
Love come quickly
Because I feel my self-esteem is caving in
It's on the brink
Love come quickly
Because I don't think this monster in my skin
It's in my skin.
Tai stopped and leaned against a lamppost. It was getting cold. He blew onto his hands and rubbed them together. He thought he was going to lose his mind--he was so confused. Sora and Matt were getting pretty tight and there wasn't anything Tai could do about it. He saw the way Matt looked at her. He heard about him saving her from the debris.
Dammit--why wasn't Tai there? He would've come to her rescue. No doubt.
'How could I let my chance slip out from under me,' Tai wondered.
Now it was just a matter of time until Matt took Sora out on a date somewhere. If they weren't best friends, Tai would just punch him in the mouth for it. But what would be the point anyway? Wouldn't change anything. It'll only pull Sora farther away from him.
Tai heard laughing across the street. "Huh?" he turned and peeked around the lamppost.
Sora and Matt were together, walking hand in hand. It almost made Tai sick. They were obviously out on a date. For a split second, Tai saw himself in Matt's place. He saw a little glimpse of what might have been if Sora was his girl. All he had to do was remind her how close they were and tell her he thought the world about her. Was it that hard?
Tai let out a sigh and started moving before they noticed him. He was making a big deal about this. What was the point? So what if they were going out. It wasn't like Tai to think more about girls than soccer. He didn't need this. What did it matter? Tai totally didn't need romance in his life. He thought all that stuff was nuts back when he was a kid and he still thought now. He fell for Sora and look where it got him--in the pits.
Love and other socially acceptable emotions are morphine
Cleverly concealing primal urges often felt but rarely seen
Love I beg you
Lift me up o that privileged point of view
The world of two
Love don't leave me
Because I console myself that Hallmark cards are true
I really do
The thing about love was like a drug. Once people had it, they couldn't get enough. It made people sick. Made them do crazy things. Tai didn't want to go down that road, he just wanted Sora to feel the same way about him the way he felt about her.
"Don't do this to yourself, Kamiya," Tai muttered to himself. "Get a grip!"
Tai had enough on his hands as it is. It was too late to go after Sora now. She'd turn him down flat. The guy didn't need that sort of rejection. He was going through too much. He knew where the two of them stood--very far apart. Tai was getting cold. He went in a small café to warm up and he couldn't believe who was sitting alone.
She had to be going through the same thing he was. They were stuck in the same crappy hole and lacked the tools to dig themselves out. She was sitting there, stirring her hot chocolate and resting her chin on her palm. She looked so sad. Tai stood there for a while. He wasn't sure what to do. She he go and sit by her or leave? He took a few steps inside then stopped.
'Nah,' Tai thought, 'I really shouldn't. I bet she just wants to be alone.'
As he turned, she spoke up. "Hey, aren't you Tai Kamiya?"
"Huh?" He turned back.
"You are Tai," she said. "My brother really idolizes you and he's got a thing for your little sister."
"Oh, yeah," Tai said. "I'm Tai Kamiya, Kari's sister. Everyone knows Davis likes Kari."
"You, uh, wanna sit down?" she asked, standing up from the booth.
Great, she was coming onto him. Jun Motimiya liked to flirt.
"It's freezing out there." She said.
'Oh go on, you idiot!' Tai's conscience screamed in the back of his head. 'Maybe she is Davis' older sister and she annoyed Matt, but could it hurt to get to know her?'
Tai shrugged, "Sure, why not?" He pulled off his coat and sat in the seat across from her. He was wearing a dark blue sweater and jeans and she wore a violet longed sleeved shirt and jeans.
"You should order a hot chocolate," Jun suggested, blowing into her mug. "They're delicious."
"I'm broke," Tai said. "I really didn't plan on ordering anything…I just wanted to sit down."
"Oh, that's okay," Jun said, "everyone does that." She reached into her jean pocket.
"What're doing?" Tai asked.
"I'm getting you a hot chocolate," she replied.
"You don't have to do that," Tai said. "Really."
"I know, but I want to," Jun said,
"besides--your fingers are purple."
"They are?" Tai looked at his fingers. She was right. "I knew I should've brought my gloves."
Jun went to the front, got a hot chocolate and brought it to Tai. "Here you go."
"Thanks." He put his hands around the warm mug. Jun Motimiya just got him a hot of chocolate. He thought she was annoying, just like Davis, but she was pretty nice.
"You're friends with Matt Ishida, aren't you?" she asked after taking a sip of her hot chocolate.
"Yes. We're best friends."
They sat there in silence, tapping their mugs. It was kind of awkward sitting in the same place, drinking hot cocoa together.
'What am I doing here?' Tai wondered.
'Why did I ask him to sit with me?' Jun asked herself mentally.
I'm gunning down romance
It never did a thing for me
But heartache and misery
Ain't nothing but a tragedy
'She probably expects me to ask her out now,' he thought, 'but I can't. I'm not over Sora yet.'
'I bet he's thinking whether or not he should ask me out,' Jun pondered, 'but I'm not over Matt yet and I'm not sure what I thought in that Jim guy.'
"It's weird, isn't it?" Jun asked.
"The two of us, sitting here," she asked. "I mean…we hardly know each other. You're probably wondering if I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions about Matt, huh?"
"No," he said.
"He's involved with that Sora girl now," Jun said.
"I know," Tai sighed. "I uh…used to like her."
"I'm sorry," Jun sympathized, "he took her away from you, didn't he?"
"Yes…well, er, kinda," Tai replied.
Jun let out a short little laugh. "Ironic. I liked Matt, you liked Sora and now the two of them are together. And here we are…sitting here having hot chocolate."
Tai smiled and they both took a swig of their hot chocolates.
"I should be happy for them," Jun said, "all that romance and love stuff can really mess a person up."
"True. It's like a drug. Drugs are for losers."
"I shouldn't feel so sorry for myself."
"Me neither. Romance never did a thing for me. What should I be worried about?"
"Exactly," Jun said, "we should enjoy our selves. Nothing wrong about being single and alone."
"Of course not."
Jun picked up her mug and took a sip. She sat it back down and sighed, "Still…it would be nice to have someone to talk to. Someone to take me out once in a while."
"Like a friend."
Tai put his hand over hers. She gasped and her cheeks turned red.
Love don't leave me
Take these broken wings
I'm going to take these broken wings
And learn to fly
And learn to fly away
And learn to fly away.
Across the table, they smiled at each other and said in unison: "I'll be your friend."
They laughed. Maybe romance was dead. It didn't do anything for them in the past. It only made them feel bad. What they needed was a friend. Someone to talk to. To hell with romance. It messed things up. When they wanted it, it will come.
They stayed in that booth, talking and telling jokes over hot chocolate. Together, they got over Matt and Sora and it wasn't because of romance. It was friendship.
I'm gunning down romance.