Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Training new NCIS janitors

Ok, there is a short list of things you have to remember. Are you listening?

First off, Abby's lab. You don't clean unless she's there. And if she is there, you have the option of talking to her, but never ask her to stop looking at you so unblinkingly. Don't worry if she swabs you for DNA, takes your fingerprints, a voice analysis and checks all forms of ID you can scrounge up. It's her way of making sure you aren't a homicidal maniac like her last assistant was.

Next up, the teams. You don't touch their desks. If they're at their desks, you don't go near them. If you have an idea about their cases, you don't tell them. They should never know you actually clean their areas. And if you're caught reading a case file or anything related to a case, or touching a piece of paper related to a case, you might be lucky enough to stay. But it may be what gets you fired. You don't touch their stuff, or talk to them.

Third. MTAC. They will call you if they spill something. You do the work carefully- never spill liquid, never let liquid near the computers, never speak to anyone, and don't listen to what is being said. You will likely never have the clearance to enter the room without someone else, but expect to be in there at least once a week. Those guys live on coffee.

Ah. Coffee. That brings us to point Four. The coffee machines in the building are all labeled by who can have some. Each pot has a bag of coffee attached. Each pot should also have directions for strength. Each pot must remain hot and have liquid in it. If it's empty, refill it. If it's off, turn it back on. Most of the pots are team specific. The only ones that aren't are the pots for the other departments and the one for Gibbs. His pot should always be at least half full. The five gallon bucket holds the beans for him. The extra carafes are for him also. Don't try coffee from another pot. If the cleaning staff's pot is empty, you do not take coffee from another pot. The reverse is not true though, and the teams can take coffee from us. You do not want to be the one that made them lose a case because they fell asleep. The agents seem to live on coffee most days. In the event of a power out, don't even think of powering your cleaning tools on the generators. Those are for the agents' computers and coffee. Those are the most important here. Never say coffee isn't important, if you want to live.

Lastly, don't be surprised if half the agents know your name before you talk to them for the first time. They are more paranoid than anyone else. Half the building has done background checks on you already. Your family members may be monitored or called, but they won't hurt you. Not unless you're an idiot and came here as a spy like that last guy.

So, I've covered the most important parts. I'll release you to start work. I hope you stick around, but it was nice meeting you in case you don't.

A/N I hope you liked this. I was giggling the entire time I was writing that.