One minute, Hulk had been happily minding his own business, thrashing the hell out of a US army tank. The next, energy and light was swirling all around him, and the smell of smoke and brimstone was making his eyes and nostrils water. There was a hiss, and a squeal, then an amusing pop! And Hulk was gone, leaving a platoon of US marines very, very confused.
Hulk was furious, lashing out wildly in all directions. What were those puny humans playing at now? He punched and trashed, and kicked and bit his teeth. Kicking, head-butting and flailing his colossal arms all around. Then, colourful lights were dancing all around him. He didn't like it one bit, they were starting to make him feel nauseous!
Hulk had had enough. As his feet finally touched solid ground, he slammed his eyes shut, and screamed at the top of his voice. "Come out and fight you pansy hummies! I've got plenty for the lot of yer!" And as Hulk exploded onto the world of Armageddon, all of the humans and all of the orks gazed at the seething green mass in horror, terror, and awe!
Opening his eyes, Hulk saw the runty humans. They were crouching, cowering behind rubble and sandbags. As if they thought that would protect them! Hulk had gone berserk, his passage through the warp had pushed him to the very peak of his anger. Right now, there was no weapon that could harm him, and there was nothing on earth or on Armageddon that could stop him! Buck ass nude and really, really angry!
He saw the torn off turret of a burned and broken tank lying right by him, quite innocently. He grabbed it, and using only a single hand, went on to flatten the cadian guardsmen who had foolishly stood their ground. They fired with their lasguns, weapons of equal power to the 50cal machine gun US marines like to call "Ma Deus". The lasers tickled Hulk's skin, serving only to make him even more pissed, if that was even possible!
He began to pulverise them, every human he found. Screaming and cursing, bellowing with every punch and every crush. Hulk was giving the nicknames of flashlights and t-shirts, the old guardsmen's joke, a whole new dark and painful meaning.
The guardsmen were being annihilated, but luckily their sergeant was ready. Armed with a plasma gun, he called in air support over his vox-castor. Then he stepped out of cover.
"I'll smoke him lads!" the bad-ass officer bellowed. He was sure that his weapon, that wielded the energy of the sun, would stop this oversized ork in its tracks. He fired off two salvos, four shots in total, to no effect - well, unless you can call giving someone sunburn effective battle damage!
"Hulk smash, puny hummies!" He bellowed loudly. The sergeant was blindsided, the salvo should have melted the ork twice over! Yet the terrible monster hadn't even noticed him! Then the air support came.
Hulk looked up, snarling as he saw the two incoming vulture gunships. They opened up, pulverising the ground where he stood. Using bolter, multi-las and missile silo, a devastating barrage by any account.
"Waaaagh! Wuuuuuh! I crush weak tin cans!" Hulk screamed, and he leapt at the aircraft, taking everything they threw at him. He grabbed hold of the first gunship, the pilots jumping back into their seats as they suddenly got a good look at his bulging green muscle and hairy space beans!
Hulk crushed the armoured Plexiglas and crumped the first mans head, killing him instantly as it imploded with a sickening squelch. Hulk threw the headless corpse out of the cockpit, and then proceed to flatten the vehicles' engines. A horrified, blood splattered weapons operator took out his laspistol, and screaming, fired at the Hulk. It was futile
The pilotless gunship fell to the ground, and ignoring its screaming occupant, Hulk leaped at the second vulture. The ship below him exploded as its fuel tanks ruptured and unstable promethium started to burn.
As he flew towards the Vulture, Hulk spied a squadron of sentinels out of the very corner of his eye, as well as another squad of guardsmen. A few men even tried taking pot shots at him, hitting him made possible due to the fact that their guns fired lasers, not bullets. He smacked into the gunship, right in the side, sending it hurtling into the sky.
He ripped off one of its multi-missile systems, and lobbed it at the incoming sentinels. He hit the lead vehicle head on, knocking it onto its side, and detonating its fuel cells, adding to the fireball of the exploding missiles he had thrown. The explosions peppered men and machine with shrapnel, covering them with white-hot fuel. White hot fuel: bad news for the sentinels, catastrophic for the men. As this was going on, hulk violently ripped the Vulture in half, sending debris and crew falling to the ground. Hulk landed with a thud, landing right by an imperial gun emplacement.
The crew attempted to turn the lascannon on Hulk, but he had the faster initiative, ripping the weapon off its hinges. The power management system within the weapon malfunctioned, and overloaded, causing the weapon to self destruct. All of the energy inside of the fuel cell detonated, and in an instant, turned the atmosphere around it into a bulging, white hot fire ball. The Soldiers were annihilated, but as the explosion cleared, it revealed a healthy, and very, very pissed Hulk.
The Orks were in awe of this green beast of war. It was like no ork they had ever witnessed, just an engine of pure violence, rage and destruction. So killy (cool and wonderfully murderous) very killy indeed. The most killy thing any of them had ever witnessed!
"Wha' is e?" One of the Orks asked.
"E's an eevenger!" His mate replied, "An eevenger, of deff and distrukt'n!"
Then their leader, an overly zealous Weird Nob stepped up. "Nah! Id'tz none o' dem things squig fer brainz! It's the mightei Gork imself! 'Ord uv all Orks! Arch Killah an' envuuy of dah WAAAAAGH!"
Orks always get a little tetchy about religion. Another quite hacked off ork inevitably came over and hit him.
"How d'ya know it 'aint da Mightei Mork yer creep?" He barked, even though the reason was actually very simple!
"Coz 'e aint hittin' da hummies when dah aint lookin' ya stupid runt! Gork hitz ya when yer are lookin' an' Mork hitz ya when yer aint...ya got it ya zog!" The intimidated ork nodded manically in response.
"Ahrigh' soz boss!" The over zealous Nob just crumped the boy again in reply, and left the stupid blighter to it. That orks' smaller mate then began to prod him clumsily in the shoulder, sticking a sausage-like finger with a long, grubby nail at the end, doing it with every word.
"Hur, hur, da boss zogged 'oou gud, made righ' fool 'Utah 'oou!"
"Who th' fuk u proddin'!" The other one screamed as he finally lost it, and gave him a heavy knuckle sandwich, taking out a tooth.
"Sod off!" He finished off by saying, but his mate didn't cow into line!
"Nah! U sod off!" And the two orks charged at each other, the smaller one took his mate down, taking out a wall as they both flew off to the left. Then all the rest of the mob, fed up of being stuck in this building with nothing to crump at, suddenly had a good excuse for some fightin'!
Now, normally the Weird Nob would have let 'em get on with it, let 'em knock it out of their system, and get back to stomping hummies later. But here, with lord Gork just feet away? He was beside himself, he couldn't believe it! His mob behaving this way? It was unthinkable!
"Stop it ya runts! Stop it! STOP IT!" He fired off two shots from his slugga, putting two massive 142cal rounds through one of the orks skulls, blowing the boys heads off! Showered in maggots, blood - both green and black, they stopped what they were doing. That had gotten their attention!
"Hurr, hurr, hurr! That was zoggin' good big bos-" BANG! The Nob shut him up, putting a round through his knee cap. The boy just looked down in surprise, pushing his fingers through the massive hole in his leg in curiosity.
The Nob had had enough, enough of this sneakin' about! "Now listun' ere yer crumpers! Da god oh all orks'us is standin' righ' over there, crumpin' dah runty hummies an' der panzy tankz! We aughta be resshpectful, an' whatta 'oou louts dooin? Muckin' about? I aughta' crump da whol' lotta yer righ' ere, righ' now! But der izz fightin' an' crumpin' ta do! I say we fuk da orders uv da big boss of hangin' back, wher' da hummies can zog us off atta distunce...coz ee aint da big boss anymore, lor' Gork iz! An' ee woul' say, hit 'em when dey are lookin'. LETS HIT 'EM WHEN DER LOOKIN'!"
"WAAAAAGGH!" Roared all the boys in the building, and they grabbed their choppas, their shootas and their sluggas, and were ready to bring it to the hummies!
It was a good ork speech, and the boys were ready. They didn't fear the big boss anymore, Gork would have him if he had anything bad to say about it! What else could Gork possibly have to say about someone who wanted his boyz to be all sneaky like mangy grots? It was a no brainer, Gork wanted the boys to hit 'em when they were looking, he'd crump anyone else who said differently.
The only one he couldn't crump was Mork. Mork was too hard and cunning and all sneaky like!
"WAAAAAGGH!" Went the Orks again, and the mob stormed towards the terrified positions of guardsmen. "WAAAAAGH!" Went some other mobs, who had heard the speech and were inspired enough to join in. "WAAAAAGH!" Went everyone else who hadn't heard assumed the order to attack had been given, and were more than eager to oblige! Soon the whole hive was howling with wild ork voices.
The Waaaagh! was moving again, now the humans were in deep sh...
Hulk turned round, seeing the seething mass of green skinned beings flooding towards him, and shock his head. "Seeing things again!" He roared in frustration. Stuff like this always happened when he was really mad!
Something pinged of his chest all of a sudden, knocking him back slightly. He saw the Leman Russ Vanquisher heading straight for him. There was another squadron of those puny walking tanks again, and many men behind those.
Hulk started to run at them.
"No effect Sir!" The gunner and spotter roared simultaneously.
"Emperor damn it! The ork must have a protective power field of some sort. Fire another shot, that will take the xeno's shield out in-" "Sir he's coming straight for us!"
Hulked rammed the front of the tank, nearly causing it to implode. He then hopped up onto the top of its hull, and tore its turret off. Hulk roared long and loud into the open tanks hull, causing its ammo store to detonate. Hulk threw back his head and howled as flames spurted out all around him.
Still holding the turret, he lobbed it at the Sentinels, which had open fire on the orks behind with multi-las and autocannon. The rolling hunk of metal bowelled the two lead tanks over, and flattened at least two dozen gawping guardsmen, unlucky enough to be standing behind them.
However, all was not well. The orks had just stopped charging, something had started to blow their men apart, something huge and colossal. It was very killy and shooty, with two big gunz and missiles shooting out of its arms.
The Reaver class battle titan opened fire again with its volcano cannon, and fired off another salvo from its apocalypse multi-missile launcher. "Quickly, gunner three, benson! Prime the Vulcan, zero in on that really big ork standing on top of that burning Russ, tear it to ribbons!" Benson moved his palms about, expertly giving input to the machine spirit of the holy walker.
"Vulcan active, barrels spinning, FIRE!"
Hulk was knocked of the tank by the power of the hits. Stumbling back, he managed to stay on his feet as he fell off. He held his arms out to shield his face, just as a human might shield his eyes from wind driven pellets of rain. He roared in defiance, he wasn't seeing things, the giant metal man was real.
"Waaaaagggh!" Hulk screamed, and pushing off the ground hard, he threw himself at the Reaver Class battle titan. The Princept cockpit shook with force. Metal heaved, a couple of rivets sprang out at a control terminal, causing the operator to jump back as sparks burned his face.
"What in the name of the Emperor was that?" Bellowed the commander, the fear in his voice seeping through.
"It was the ork sir, he leapt, leapt at us, hit the Reaver! He's taken four void shields offline!" The commander was under pressure, they only had three shields left.
"Well, get them back! Establish weapons lock, tear that monster apar-" "Sir its coming again!"
"Void shields are holding, I'm routing all power to the shields. The worst is over I think!" The commander wiped the sweat off his brow. That ork seemed to be a one trick pony, now he'd run out of steam!
"Uuungth!" Hulk groaned as he hit the ground with the power of meteor, digging a massive whole into the sewers below. Sweat escaped from his pores, his limp and sewage drenched hair went limp, falling over his face. The thing was tough, but he was Hulk, and...
"Hulk is the strongest their is! Hulk smash...HULK ALWAYS DOES!" and redoubling his efforts, using all the rage and power he could muster, tore at the titan with everything he had!
"Hull breach, all shields disabled, including the three we got back!" The commander was out of ideas, there was nothing they could do to stop the beast. The commander stroked his cybernetic implants, climbed off his seat, and knelt down. He started tom pray, to his lord, his god, his Omnissiah! For he knew death was coming for him.
"Abandon ship men, it's done!" Just as Hulk was coming again.
The orks couldn't believe what they were seeing. The imperial war machine of death had just been rendered limb from limb by their lord Gork. Was there nothing he couldn't do? They doubled, no, quadroupled their efforts! Crumping, slicing and dicing, shootin' and sluggin' anything that moved. Some of their targets were even human!
Amidst an orgy of violence, a couple of rockets corkscrewed through the air, straight towards an imperial howitzer battery. The first six missiles missed, but one wiped out a squad of guardsmen. The next ten rockets all hit home, wiping out all the tanks. However, another missile was spinning out of control, doing mad loop the loops, painting smoke all over the battlefield.
A surviving crewmember pulled himself out of the wreckage, just in time to see the missile come straight for him, flying level now that its guidance system had burned out just at the right moment.
A couple of ork bystanders would live to tell the story of the daft human who, "Tried tah swollow a whole damn missul!'
The humans began to fall back. The titan was gone, their frontline units were gone, and now they're reinforcements were being wiped out! They had to retreat! They retreated.
"Stand 'un fight yah runts! I got plenty for der lot'z of yer! Harr, harr, harr!" The Nob screamed, just as he mindlessly started hacking a burned out tank that was sitting right next to him. It took him a whole twenty seconds to realise that it was dead, but another three to realise that a few hummiez were cowering just out of sight.
"Yu're no fighters! Yer can sod off an' be slav'z fer all I care!" He bellowed, throwing a nearby brick at the nearest one.
Hulk stood, panting and exhausted at the front of the Waaaggh! He had spent all of his energy, and now that his great rage was ebbing away. His tired muscles really were starting to feel the burn. He knew he'd be hurting for an hours after all this!
With a clear head, and an industrial centre free of humans, he turned round, and was a little confused. All the orks were standing there in complete silence. Not one ork moved, not one made a sound, no ork even started picking his teeth as they stood there, motionless and silent.
It was Hulk who spoke first.
"Huh! You boys have gotten boring now. What are you all looking at?" But everyone just stood there, gawping, silent, Hulk didn't like it one bit! "Would you, STOP THAT! Yer creeping me out!" Half the Orks jumped when he shouted at them, the other half just looked at each other. Hulk was trying to work out what had happened. Where was he? What were these green things?
"Err..." One of the orks said, stepping forwards.
"Well?" Hulk demanded, "Spit it out!" The ork shuffled about nervously, it didn't want to be crumped.
"...Are you da boss now?"
Hulk thought for a moment. Him? The boss? They wanted him to be his leader? He was a little taken aback, they were like little versions of himself! Funny little things, he liked them!
Suddenly Hulk felt something that he had never felt before...belonging! He could smash things, and they loved it? They wouldn't hunt him down, just join in? A crooked, toothy smile spread across his face, big yellow teeth showing through. "What should I call you? My little killers!" Hulk demanded from them.
"Oh! Datz easy boss! Who ar' we'se? WE'SE DA ORKS! An' we'se ar good at fightin' an' winnin'!"
"WAAAAGGH!" The entire valley went in reply!
Hulk couldn't help but join in. He poked the one standing next to him, who flew headlong into a wall at the power of the hit, causing nearby orks to roar with laughter!
"An' da mighty Gork has a sense of funny!" Someone yelled in response! Everyone roared all the louder, and started sluggin' an' crumpin' everything they could get their hands on. The party was just beginning, but their was one ork, one very big ork, who was having none of it.
"ALRIGH' YER' GROTZ N' SQUIGS! WHICH ONE OV' YER'S DISSUBAYED MY ORDERS!" The whole valley went silent, but shook with the volume of the war-bosses voice.
Mad Uruk Thrakka had spoken, and he was very, very pissed with all his boyz!