I honestly have no idea where to even begin with this one. I haven't put half the amount of planning into this that I usually do but I've had such a writers block lately that it's not funny and I figured the only thing worse than writing something not all that great was not writing anything at all so I grinded this out. Since watching season 8, I have been shipping Dean/Benny so hard it hurts which means this is the only pairing my imagination will allow me to write. Anyway, hope you all enjoy this and if not I apologize for whatever my sleep deprived mind has written.
Just as a side note, am I the only one who thought Sam was being a major fucking hypocrite about the whole Benny thing?
The whole ride back to the motel Dean was wondering why it couldn't be this easy with Sam. The silence in the car was comfortable; relaxed in a way Dean hadn't had with Sam in a very long time. Benny was driving and Dean was content to let him. He didn't fight Benny for the wheel like he would with Sam, partly because he was too tired to care but mostly because he trusted Benny not to wrap them around a tree driving like a maniac.
Sam had always been a bit of a lead foot, driving at a speed that had made Dean feel more than a little unsafe. Benny drove the same way he did everything else, carefully and with the air of a man who had all the time in the world. Which when Dean thought about it, he did in a way.
"Benny I am so sorry about everything." He muttered finally, needing to say the words bouncing around in his head loudly.
"You're Sam's brother, not his keeper. His choices are not your responsibility." Benny answered without missing a beat and never taking his eyes off the road.
The firm words made something tight in Dean's chest unfurl and his guilt bleed away. His next words made Dean feel more open and vulnerable than he'd admit. "You know, you're the first person who's ever said that to me."
His whole life Sam had been his responsibility. Whether it had been Bobby, John or Cas, whenever Sam had done something he wasn't supposed to, messed up in some way or gotten in trouble it had always been Dean's fault. He should have done something, should have seen it coming, and should have done more to stop Sam. Not once had anyone ever said that maybe Dean had done his best but in the end the choice had been down to Sam.
Until Benny, that is. Although that shouldn't surprise him, Benny had been the first for a lot of things. The first vampire Dean had not only not wanted to kill, but also trusted completely. The first man that Dean had found himself thinking of in a way that was not completely platonic and the first person who made him believe that he didn't need to save everyone.
Benny didn't answer, something Dean was grateful for. After the night he'd had, Dean really couldn't handle sympathy right now. When they pulled up in front of the motel Dean made to get out but stopped when Benny didn't move.
"You coming in?"
"Not really in the mood to deal with your brother." Benny shrugged.
Dean was confused for a moment before remembering that Benny didn't know about Dean's underhanded trick. "Sam's on the other side of country. Won't be back for hours, if he comes back at all. He's sulking. Recons I crossed a line, however he sees no problem with having you stalked for weeks by a man nuttier than a fruit cake."
It hadn't occurred to him that he might be alone until Sam made the drive back and the thought terrified him. Sitting in the dark with nothing but his thoughts was something he really couldn't handle right then and he'd been trying hard to stay away from anything stronger than beer since returning from Purgatory.
"Besides, incase you haven't noticed, you're covered in blood. It will be daylight in a few hours, you can't drive around like that." Dean added when it looked like Benny might still refuse.
Benny frowned as he looked down at his once white shirt as though only just realizing he was covered in Martin's blood, so much blood his clothes were black with it. He'd have to throw them away.
"Come inside. Have a shower."
"I don't need you to take care of me." Benny reminded him with more bite than he'd intended.
"I know. I think that's why I like you so much." Dean heard his voice crack at the words and when he saw Benny's face he knew he'd given his secret away.
Benny hesitated and lifted a hand to Dean's cheek, hovering it inches away from his face. When Dean made no move to pull away or chastise the breach of his personal bubble like he so often did with Castiel, Benny cupped his cheek softly, still giving him the chance to pull back.
Dean's skin was chilled from the cold night air but to the vampire he was still deliciously warm, he radiated heat and Benny could feel the rush of blood under his skin as Dean fought and lost against a blush. The tension in the car was thick and Dean could feel the shift between them. It was subtle and impossible to define but he knew something big had happened and he knew they had to be careful. One wrong move, the wrong word and it would be lost. Not only would they loose this wonderful new thing between them that made Dean's heart race and his stomach flutter in a way it hadn't done since he'd been a teenager, but he'd also loose the friendship he'd come to rely on so heavily over the past year.
"This isn't a conversation we should have out here." Benny spoke eventually, pulling his hand away but not without drifting his fingers across the heated skin. So alive, so human.
"Do we need to have a conversation at all?" Dean chuckled. He wasn't like Sam, talking about his feelings didn't come easily and whenever he tried the words always got jumbled up.
"You know we do and I need for that conversation to happen when I'm not covered in the blood of a man I killed not two hours ago."
Dean nodded, more to himself then Benny. "Right, well let's get you washed up." He was surprised how easy it was to slip back into cocky Dean, like the last ten minutes hadn't happened and he wasn't nervous as all Hell.
By the time Benny was washed and in some clean clothes Dean had found in the boot of Benny's car, Dean had moved on from nervous to officially freaking out. What made it worse was the fact he couldn't even hide it, there was no way Benny couldn't hear his heart racing or his shaky breathing as his lungs struggled to work properly.
He didn't want to talk about this but he knew they had to. Dean knew that if there was any chance of this working out, they had to be honest with each other. No assumptions, no guessing.
"I really like you." Dean blurted out suddenly. "Maybe it's because of what we went through together in Purgatory but I don't think it is. I like the way I feel about myself when I'm with you. My whole life I've never felt good enough. Never be the son my father wanted or the brother Sam deserves. I could never have been the father Ben needed or the man Lisa thought I was. You don't make me feel like that. And I know this is way, way heavier than you're ready to deal with but you need to know. You need to know how fucked up I am. And I know it's only a matter of time before I fuck this up like I do every other relationship I've ever had but I don't care. I wanna try. I'm tired of not getting what I want and I want you."
Before Dean could catch his breath, a pair of cold but surprisingly soft lips descended on his own. His breathing hitched and in response a strong arm circled his waist, pulling him closer. When his brain caught up to what was happening, Dean moaned and moved his hand up to run his fingers through Benny's still shower damp hair. Dean had kissed many women over the years but never a man and never anyone with a beard.
He really, really liked it.
He didn't fight when Benny's strong arms enveloped him, just sunk into it. Their bodies pressed together and although Dean found it a bit strange to be pressed against hard muscle instead of breasts and soft skin, he couldn't deny how right it felt. How perfectly they fit together.
Strong hands ran over his back, gripping and pulling, like Benny needed him closer even though they were already pressed flush against each another. Benny had taken control of the kiss and Dean hadn't fought him for it, didn't want to, simply letting the vampire take what he wanted.
Vampire. I'm kissing a vampire. And oh how he never wanted to stop.
Eventually Benny pulled away and dragged his mouth across Dean's cheek to rest his mouth underneath Dean's ear.
"I've never wanted anyone quite like I want you." Benny's voice was husky from the kiss and coupled with his thick accent, made Dean whimper and shiver in desire. Southern accents. A kink even I didn't know I had.
Benny pushed Dean towards the bed and Dean froze.
"Wait, stop." He breathed out, still disoriented from the kiss.
Benny let him go so quickly it took Dean a second to realise what had happened.
"Sorry. I shouldn't have pushed."
Dean couldn't stop a smile at the words. Southern gentleman through and through.
"You didn't push. Its just…Sam may be miles away, but the way he drives, he'll be here in an hour, two at the most. I'd rather the first time we have sex isn't interrupted by my screeching brother."
Dean watched as Benny shifted at the mention of sex and he had a feeling if Benny had a beating heart, he would be blushing. He didn't want to send Benny away, he really didn't but he had to sort things out with Sam and Benny being there would only make things worse. Dean knew what would happen, he was very well versed in how the next day would go. After all, he and Sam had essentially been having the same argument for eight years. They would both yell and swear and say things they'd both regret in the morning and when Sam had cooled down, Dean would make up an excuse for needing a few days to himself at which point he'd meet up with Benny.
Dean didn't want to think about how damaged his and Sam's relationship really was.
It was past dawn when the door to their motel room swung open with such force it smashed against the wall, making more noise than appropriate so early in the morning. Dean didn't flinch at his brother's sudden and rather alarming presence, having prepared himself for the inevitable confrontation all night.
He figured one of two things would happen; either Sam wouldn't return, too angry to face Dean or he'd come crashing through the door radiating righteous anger at having been tricked. Honestly, Dean wasn't sure which he'd prefer.
"Where's your vampire?" Sam spat, looking around the room for Benny.
"Several hours away by now." Dean answered simply; not feeling guilty about the lie.
"Well I hope you're happy."
Sam sneered and Dean felt himself freeze. Sam didn't seem to have noticed he'd just crossed a line, having thought be was the only one to have any reason to be angry and blinked when Dean's voice took on a tone he'd only heard a handful of times in his life.
"Excuse me?" he hissed, raising a hand before Sam could repeat himself. "You hope I'm happy? This entire clusterfuck of a hunt is on you, Sam. Not me, not Benny and not even Martin. You. Because of you, Martin is dead, Benny has lost the closest thing he had to a home and a woman's life has been torn to shreds and all because you couldn't pull your head out of your own ass!"
"None of this would have happened if you had just taken care of Benny yourself!" Sam yelled in return, causing Dean's eyes to narrow.
"Benny didn't do anything wrong."
"Neither did Martin!"
Dean blinked at Sam stupidly, not quite believing what he'd just said. "Didn't do anything wrong? He knocked me unconscious and handcuffed me to a fucking radiator! He kidnapped Benny's great-granddaughter, his human great-granddaughter, tied her to a chair and tortured her in front of Benny."
Sam seemed to stumble a little at that piece of information and Dean was glad he hadn't told Sam that part over the phone, it was much more satisfying seeing the shock and guilt on his face in person.
"Didn't what Sam? Didn't think anyone would get hurt when you ditched a violent, mentally unstable man to go running across the country after your girlfriend?"
"That was your fault! You sent that text!" Sam seemed to regain a little more steam at the change of conversation.
"To prove a point! You dragged Martin into this mess; a man who shouldn't have been trusted to handle a pair of safety scissors and then left him to face down a vampire you'd thought had already killed three people. And why? All because Amelia sent you a text, not even a phone call, a fucking text message!" Dean roared, anger making his body hot and his hands shake.
He was so tired of Sam making himself out to be the victim, tired of always having to be the one to apologies simply to keep the peace. Not this time. Sam broke eye contact and turned his gaze to his feet but Dean could still see the tension in Sam's shoulders and his clenched jaw. Sam may not be saying it but his body language was telling Dean loud and clear that the younger man still thought he was in the right.
"Are you really so full of your own shit that you can't see how royally you fucked up?" When Sam didn't answer Dean sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes.
He couldn't do this anymore. "No. You never could, could you? Not until it was too late. Whatever Sam. I'm done."
Dean nodded and pulled his jacket on. "I'm tired of fighting you Sam. We need to take a break from each other for a while."
"For how long?"
Sam wasn't sure how to process what was happening. This was not how their fights usually went. Generally there was a big blow out, they'd both sulk for a few days and then everything would be back to normal. Only twice had an argument ever been so bad that they'd gone their separate ways and both times he had been the one to walk away, not Dean.
Dean was shook his head softly and Sam felt his heart sink. There was no heat in Dean's eyes, no anger or bitterness, no sign that all he needed was a few days to cool off and Sam feared that maybe this was it. Maybe Dean would just walk out the door and not come back.
"I don't Sammy. I don't know."
Dean hadn't called him Sammy in nearly six years and it felt like goodbye. It wasn't until later Sam realised Dean hadn't taken the Impala.
Well there it is. I kinda like it but I'm not if that's because its better in my head than what I managed to put down on the page. Oh well, thanx for reading.