Disclaimer - Don't own.
Warning: Swearing, mature content.
This may or may not be continued. For now I'll leave it as a oneshot.
I've decided to continue it.
"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
I found myself wondering why the world seemed so dull in my eyes. It's was annoying. It's like some higher entity was forcing me to live an event-less, routine life. I suppose I had everything - wealthy upbringing, inheritance, no major family screw-ups, wasn't a dumbass. Either I was blessed, or my previous life was so fucked up that God, Buddha or whatever felt the need to make it up to me in this life.
I once had the idea of living as a thug. It was a sudden, random idea that seemed pretty worthwhile for the longest time. Back in high school the adrenaline of fighting always felt fucking good, and even now I wondered what had stopped me, like fate was whining in my ear "no, you can't because your life has to be perfect."
Goddamn that. Maybe I was just too much of a pussy.
Instead I ended up taking the easy route. I experienced college, fucked around a bit, and finishing my doctorate for forensic psychology. I worked for a few years and thought I'd found an exciting job examining the most screwed up criminals in the country. It was mildly amusing at first, but things got boring pretty fast. I came back to my alma mater and became a professor, teaching college kids by day and messing around after hours.
I had no idea what the fuck was wrong with me. My life wasn't bad, there was nothing to complain about. But even so, I always felt I was missing something important, and well, that something was a bit of an asshole. It's hard to explain.
The bed sheets beside me rustled. I was wasting my time on the bed of a woman I'd spent the night with, and I had no recollection of entering her apartment - which by the way was fucking filthy. She had what seemed to be unwashed lingerie hanging on her curtain rails.
I got out of her bed and to my horror noticed a stain of faded brown. Jesus Christ, how disgusting could this get, and to think I just fucked her last night. Well not that I remembered much, I was too hammered. Still, I was starting to feel violated.
I saw her phone casually lying on the bedside table and swiftly grabbed it. I erased any traces of my number, or any traces of me, changed into my clothes and left the filth asap. This is why I hated drinking with Hanji and Erwin. She'd spike my drinks, and he'd do jack shit about it. It was apparently funny to watch me pass out, and even funnier to watch me follow the first decent looking woman that walked into the bar home. If I was sober enough, I would have said 'nup' the minute I stepped into her landfill.
I was waiting at the train station. My motorbike decided to take a large dump on my mood when I got home. Public transport was noisy, frustrating and suffocating. Not to mention revolting. It always gave me this urge to kick someone.
The station began to fill up. I cross my arms to avoid any uncomfortable touching. That was the last thing I needed for a shitty start to a shitty day. My phone shuddered in my pocket. It was a text from Hanji.
LOL LOOK WHAT I FOUND.
Attached was a photo.
Me. Two women. Jack Daniels. Dark corner.
If this photo got out I would personally fuck up every ambitious experiment she was working on in her laboratory, and I made sure she got the message.
Delete it or I'll break your face.
I shoved my phone back inside my pocket and sighed. My hangover was getting worse.
About two heads ahead of me, I noticed a girl with sandy blonde hair checking her watch. I couldn't quite see her face, but she was dressed like an overachieving nun, long skirt and all. She was petite and carried a brown satchel in one hand. I guess this is what you called a church girl, the type you couldn't fuck around with. I never paid attention to this type, so it was a wonder as to why I would now.
Hold on. There was something on the nape of her neck. I craned my neck just enough to catch a glimpse. Holy shit, she had a tattoo. I guess she wasn't a church girl, well at least not fully.
The man in front of me conveniently shuffled to his left, as if he was letting me move closer. I glanced at him, but he didn't seem to notice me, too preoccupied with his phone. Guess it was just a coincidence. I moved into the gap, now only one head away from her. And then I saw it, a tattoo of two overlapping wings within a crest. I felt a tug in my chest. A magnetic pull. A sense of déjàvu. Wings, comrades, freedom. What was it?
I muttered aloud on impulse, "Wings of freedom."
Huh? Why did I say that?
She seemed to hear me and her head jerked up.
The moment was cut short. A burly arm reached across me, knocking against my shoulder hard. Who the fuck? And then I saw where it was heading for - the back of the girl's skirt. The sneaky bastard couldn't keep his dick in his pants so he was going for a church girl. The church girl that I was...that I...that...what was I doing before this?
I grabbed his arm and reeled him out of the crowd. The people around us fell back. I was glaring at a large, tanned oaf, wearing a douchebag muscle-shirt.
He grinned when he saw me. That pissed me off.
"Hey shorty, got a death wish?" he growled.
I was going to fucking break his balls and stomp on his manhood.
He tried to pull his arm away. He had a strong right arm I'll give him that, probably from jerking off. Obviously he wasn't expecting me to have this much control over him. I smirked, I couldn't help it. When dumbasses like that appeared it gave me something to vent my worldly frustrations on.
I moved in for a good, solid knee in the nuts, but then I spotted three or four cops coming our way. Fucking idiot seemed to notice them as well and started panicking. I tightened my hold on him, but then I notice a glint in his other hand. Shit, he had a knife. He swung at me and I let go. People started screaming. Then it all happened at once. Before I could do anything he pushed his way through the crowd and ran off. The cops chased after him and the next thing I knew the train had arrived.
I turn around only to find the sandy-haired girl was being swept into the train by the peak hour traffic. I barely caught a glimpse of her face before she was gone. Gold-brown eyes. I knew those eyes. Something hit me like a stone. I felt a sudden surge of agitation and began to panic. Panic? I never panic. I pushed through the crowd and made it to the front within seconds. Where was she?
An image of her flashed before me. Hair tucked behind her ear, a pot of coffee in one hand. But I couldn't see her face. I had to see it. I couldn't lose her again. I had to find Petra.
It was like a wall slammed in between us.
Wait what was I saying?
My mind went blank.
What was I doing?
Aa. I had to board the train for work.
"Doors closing, please stand clear."
The doors closed on me, and the train began moving faster than I could chase it. It was like a big fuck you to my face.
Strange, I felt like I'd forgotten something important.
Space. Endless gliding. A thousand stars. I was being carried away, drifting in limbo.
The last thing I remembered was the cold eyes of the female titan. My body screaming with pain for a fleeting moment. Life flash before my eyes. Darkness.
The Captain's face. I never got to tell him. Captain. Captain. I'm sorry. I've left you alone. I wanted my wings of freedom when you had them. I wanted to stand beside you, not ahead. Maybe in the next life we can fix things. Maybe-
I spotted a tail of colorful lights in the distance. Like a river it flowed. The closer I was the more at peace I felt. I could hear the voices of a billion souls. Was this the portal to the afterlife?
I turned around. Mist wrapped around me. I felt cold and lightheaded. I felt safe.
Whose voice was it?
"Petra Ral, you can change things."
"Fate has been cruel to your world. Fate has been cruel to you. It offers a second chance."
A second chance?
"The lives of your world can be reincarnated to another. The ones you loved, the ones you lost, they can all be given a second chance at living."
Then give us a life without suffering.
" The cycle of life can only be repeated, never altered. A world of suffering can only be a world of suffering. A life of suffering can only be a life of suffering."
That's unfair. We never asked to be born into that world! All we've ever wanted was the right to live! Eren, Erd, Auruo, Gunter, Captain...everyone...they all believed...
"Petra Ral you have the power to change that."
How can I? If there's a way I'll do it!
"There is a price. Space and time cannot be changed without balance. The price must be paid by you with the purest heart."
" I cannot say."
Then it's a price that only effects me?
"Nothing is promised. Nothing is certain. If you accept, everything will be rewritten by fate. Fate chooses your price as it sees fit."
Fine. If it gives us even the slightest chance of being happy. I have my pride as a soldier of the scouting legion even if I'm dead, I was always prepared to give up my happiness.
A wisp of air caressed my hand. I looked down and saw a blue mote hovering above the palm of my hand.
"This is the price."
The mist that surrounded me was now wrapping itself around the mote, and the next thing I knew it had turned into a red thread that was tied around my little finger. It stretched too far for me to see the other end, I wondered what this was.
"Will you give this to fate in exchange for the second chance of your world."
I looked at the thread. Not knowing what it was, I could be giving up something I didn't want to. I tugged it, it felt fragile.
What would Captain do?
I wanted him to be happy.
The voice heard my decision in this.
"Is that your answer?"
"It has been done."
The string broke, and I felt my vision grow dark.
Captain Levi, will I see you again?